LEXIE 

It broke my heart saying goodbye to Hunter, it was probably the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, a broken down marriage I could forgive, but a child? I couldn’t get in the way of a family, no matter how broken down it may have become, I was the other woman and I couldn’t be the other woman, looking into that little innocent boys bright blue eyes, I instantly knew what I had to do, he was just innocent and I wasn’t going to be the one to break his family up, no matter how dysfunctional it had become, if they were going to destroy that little boys family, they’d do it alone—I wanted no part of it.

Walking back to the apartment I find it empty when I enter, I’d hoped Bailey would be here so I could break down and cry about my stupidity, but she wasn’t here, I’d sat down for hours thinking about where I could go from here, to think at the start of term, I was so excited to have landed the P.A job and now it was just a curse, I knew I couldn’t continue working with him, nor could I continue attending his classes, I had to purge Hunter out of my life, as much as it pained me, my journey here had come to a swift end and now I was at a loss of where I’d go.

I couldn’t go back home, I despised my mother, she’s the reason why I left in the first place.

I couldn’t stay here.

Picking up the phone I call the one person I never thought I’d have to call, I’d not spoken to Selena for years, I half expect her to tell me where to shove it, she’d been hounding me for years to visit and I never had.

“Well, if it isn’t the ghost of Christmas past.” Oh god! I think, I’d forgotten how dramatic she was.

“Hey, Selena.”

“You sound sad, are you sad?”

“I’m—fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

“I wanted to ask you for a favour.” I hear a chuckle at the other end of the line.

“You haven’t spoken to me for years, you ignore every plane ticket I send you and now you want a favour?” God! I didn’t realise she’d be so sore about it, but I guess I couldn’t blame her.

“That’s kind of why I’m calling.”

“Oh-my-god, are you coming!” She screeches.

“Well—if it’s okay—.”

“It’s more than okay, I will book your flight now, oh my god, I’m so excited.”

“Yeah, me too.” I try to pretend to exhibit excitement, but I know I’m not fooling anyone.

The conversation pretty much ends when she finds out that I’m finally going to go visit her, what she doesn’t know yet is, it’s going to be for longer than she’s probably expecting, but knowing Selena that will just make her more excited, of course, it’s not simply getting a taxi to the airport and starting a new life, I have to catch a train to get out of this quaint little town that I once called home before I can set off into the air to New York.

Selena is my baby sister, you could say that we were estranged, not by her choosing, I’d just had little to no contact with any of my family, she’d landed on her feet, married a rich man and settled in New York City, she lived a good life, but she said it was boring and found it hard to make friends there as the women were snobby, which is why she sent me plane tickets every year, which had been left in a draw and never looked at again, I’d always say “one day baby sister, one day.” That day came sooner than I’d expected.

It took longer than I’d expected to pack, I hadn’t realised how much stuff I’d acquired in the short space I’d spent here, once finished I look around my room and it’s just like the first day I got here, I remember it vividly as if it was happening right now, Bailey and I were very excited, finally a place to ourselves, I’d chosen this room because it overlooked the park and it somehow felt like I had nature in my room, I’d slumped down on the bed and smiled, “finally, I’m home.” I’d whispered into my empty room, it hadn’t taken long to fill my room and make it feel like home and now as I looked around, it no longer felt like home, it was the place that broke my heart, it was now filled with sadness and there’s nothing homely about that, I know I should explain everything to Bailey but as I sat to try write her a note, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye to my oldest friend, maybe I’d explain one day, but right now I just had to leave, I take one more look back at the apartment I’d shared with my best friend, and as I silently close the door a silent tear runs down my face.



The hard cobbled stone floor of the train station sat cold and rough. Frost had crept into its crevices, to hide from the heat of the some people standing idly on the edge of the platform. 

A man with a thick, bushy moustache leaned against a hardwood beam, an old pipe drooping from his mouth, the glow of the pipe lights up his face, to reveal his glazed eyes and battered top hat, the tail of his suite hung down to the cobble stone and sat in despair within the frost. 

A Rottweiler stood proud and alert by his master’s side as it waited for the train to come around the dark, creeping trees in the distance, a streak of magenta and violet ink spiralled in the clouds in the atmosphere. Looking to the side I see standing by the rattling gates of the station stood a plump man with a dark grey beard, tiny spectacles and a brief case swinging from his left arm, like a corpse hanging on the gallows.

The train station was a piece of architectural brilliance; it stood tall among the other buildings of the town, and showed off its wonderful gothic structure. It had a slate roof and rusty guttering, crafted onto its wooden beams, water lay in the gutters, which had trickled down slowly by the drizzling rain. It’s surface broken, by the tiny particles of water shattering as it crashed into it, a drip was hesitant to fall from the gutter onto the hard ground; a puddle lay on the ground where drips had already fallen, a chimney was belching out smoke into the haze of mist and rain from above the roof, darkening the beautiful sky.

Walking towards the platform, the silent butterflies flit in the pit of my belly, I hear the loud horn of the oncoming train as it settles before my feet, so this is it I think, no turning back now, I watch as people start to descend onto the train, waiting my turn, I patiently walk in line to gain entry onto the train, climbing the small steps I stow away my luggage and sink into the comforting confines of the seats, many other passengers start to board the train, looking out of the window I suddenly feel lost, I’m questioning my sanity, is this the right thing? Maybe I should get off? This is impulsive, even by my standards, but all that’s left waiting for me is heartache and sadness, I know this is the right thing, so why does it feel so—wrong.

Maybe I could go back, forgive the wife and child, but the what? Spend the rest of the time sneaking about, I’d seen the way she’d looked at me, she’d looked at me like I was the threat, like it was my fault for their problems, sure I hadn’t helped their problems, but it wasn’t entirely my fault, she’d be bitter about me, I knew she would, I knew the type, I’d be the person that would get the blame for destroying their dysfunctional family unit, if things were different I’d have stayed, if there was never no wife and child maybe I’d have stayed, but the same problem would be evident, I’d be a secret and he would still be my professor, it was doomed from the moment we met, maybe if things were different I’d have stayed, but things weren’t different and now I was sat on a train feeling more lost and broken than I’d ever felt in my entire life, it actually felt like my heart was breaking, staring into the distance in daze of my own misery, a small tear slides down my cheek as I stare out the window at the fog and nothingness that can be seen out of the misty window of the train.

The last passenger finally boards the train and the mist starts to disperse as I hear the final whistle, feeling the vibrations of the train starting up and there in the distance I see him, he’s stood there looking back at me, I’m not sure if he’s a figment of my imagination because I secretly hoped he’d come or if he’s real, either way the niggling feeling inside of me wants to get up, jump off this train and run into his arms like they would on a movie and they’d live happily ever after, but with a wife and a child in tow, I know we’d never have a happily ever after, so all I do is stare back at him as the train starts moving forward, never taking my eyes off of him, not once, he finally smiles and just before the train moves out of sight, I smile back.

“Not now, one day,” I whisper.