BAILEY 

I haven’t seen Lexie since that fateful day at the park, I knew it made her uncomfortable but I’d ignored her whiny calls to me, when Sandra started divulging information about Hunter, I was selfish, I didn’t think of how it would make her feel, I’d wanted to stay and hear the rest of the story—god! How had Lexie managed to get tangled up in some soap opera, that’s what her life reminded me of now—a soap opera. 

I should have followed her, she looked so broken, but I wanted to hear the rest of the story, shit, she should have stayed to hear the rest of the story, not only was the elusive Professor married—I know scandalous, but he had a secret child nobody knew about, poor Lexie I think, I waited until Sandra had finished her very dramatic telling of what she’d found out, honestly I didn’t expect it to be as juicy as what it had been, then I’d gone back to the apartment, and when I got close by, I’d seen her, I’d seen her there with Blaine—I’d always had a secret crush on Blaine, but as I’d told her he only had eyes for her, so I’d never told him, shit, I’d never told anyone, when I see her wrap her arms around him, a sinking feeling falls in the pit of my stomach, I couldn’t watch this, as I turn and walk away.

I never go back to the apartment that night, I crashed with Sandra and the other girls, they had a movie marathon with hot chocolates with whipped cream and marshmallows, gossiping halfway through the movie, I bet you can guess the hot topic—Professor Brooks, I don’t join in, because as much as I’m upset at seeing Lexie with Blaine, it’s not Lexie’s fault, after all she doesn’t even know what my true feelings towards Blaine are, in fact nobody does because I’ve never uttered a word, Lexie told me her secret in confidence and I wasn’t about to break it over a stint of jealousy, I’d already failed her as a friend once today, I wasn’t going to make that same mistake twice, I should have gone back, but I just couldn’t, how could I look her in the eyes and pretend that when I saw her with him, that it didn’t hurt, he was a better fit than the professor, he wasn’t forbidden and she was his lifetime crush, I was happy for them and yet, I still felt the sadness wash across me because deep down I didn’t want them to end up together, deep down I wanted him, but I’d never have him, it was just a cruel twist of fate that I’d stood before them right at that moment that they were locked in an embrace, I’d get used to it—but not today, today I wanted to be amongst people and just forget about Lexie and Blaine, just for tonight, I’d see her tomorrow—maybe.

But I didn’t see her, the apartment was silent by the time I’d gotten back, peeking my head into her room, I look around and I’m absolutely in shock, a once filled colorful room, is now bare, it used to be warm and inviting, the walls were bare, no there was no sign that Lexie was ever here, all her stuff had gone, I searched for a note, for something, for anything to explain where she’d gone, but that was it—there was nothing, she was just gone.

Why would she leave?

Why didn’t I come back?

Of course, I knew the answer to both questions, I could only assume she’d left because Professor Brooks had broke her gentle, kind heart and I didn’t come back because of my jealousy, I hadn’t been a very good friend to Lexie, no wonder she hadn’t confided in me earlier, I was too wrapped up in my social status that I’d forgotten to be there for my friend, I hadn’t been there for her when Tom had cheated on her, I hadn’t been there for her when I noticed her strange behaviourand low moods, no I’d been a terrible friend and now—she was gone.

I heard a pounding at the door, racing towards the door, I instantly throw it open, “Lexie—.” I call, but as I look at him I soon realise it isn’t Lexie, it’s—oh no, what was he doing here?

“Professor brooks?”

“Is Lexie here?”

“What happened?” I accuse.

“Oh nothing—I—.”

“I know all about your sordid affair with Lexie, the whole campus knows your married, so don’t lie to my face, I’m not Lexie.” His face falls to the ground, taking a look at him, he looks dishevelled and just—sad, “you better come in.”

“Now, what happened?” I ask again as he somberly walks into the apartment.

“A misunderstanding.”

“What? Another one, tell me, how many misunderstandings do you have?” 

“That was the last one.”

“So, what was this misunderstanding? What could be worse than a wife?”

“You don’t know? Lexie didn’t tell you?” I just shake my head. “Can I just speak to her, that’s all I want and if she doesn’t want to see me, I will leave her alone, I just need to explain.”

Leave her alone? Then I realised that’s exactly what she wanted, she hadn’t left a note because she didn’t want to be found, we’d all disappointed her, failed her, let her down, and that’s all she wanted—to be left alone.

“Please.” He begs, I don’t have the heart to tell him that she’s gone, that it’s too late to make amends, it’s too late for all of us, so all I can do is show him what we’ve all done, each of our actions have caused her to leave all of us.

“Come on, then.” I walk towards her room, opening the door I step aside leaving Hunter to walk into Lexie’s room alone, I can’t go in that empty room again, it’s just a reminder that we all failed her, but I knew, deep down I knew, she’d left because of him.

He walks out, with a perfect poker face, “I don’t understand, where is she.”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” His voice has an aggressive tone.

“She’s gone Hunter, Lexie has gone.”

“Where.” I shrug my shoulders, “Please, your her best friend, where would she have gone, I can’t—.”

“What?”

“Lose her.”

“Oh-my-god.” He looks at me, “You’ve fallen in love with her.” His head slumps, “yes, so please—.”

“I’m sorry, I-I don’t know, she wasn’t here when—.”

“If you can think of anywhere she’d go?”

Where would Lexie go, that was the big question, I didn’t really want to help him because he was the reason my friend was now gone, but I knew he was the only person that could bring her back, it was his fault she left, but we’d all played a part in her final decision to leave.

“Train station.”

“What?” His eyes search mine full of hope.

“If she’s still here, she’ll be at the train station.”

I’m not prepared as he rushes forward crushing his body against mine, “thank you, thank you,” he repeats over and over again into my ear, before he finally lets go and waltzes out the apartment faster than he came in.

Slipping down onto the chair, my body feels exhausted, I secretly pray that he arrives in time, I secretly hope that she walks through that door so that I can hug her and tell her how sorry I am for not been there for her when it really mattered, the silence fills the air and it’s deafening, she’s usually curled up with a book, the scent of chocolate filling the air, but now she’s gone there are no sweet smells, no feeling of comfort, just cold, sad, loneliness, I don’t know how long she’s been gone but already it’s like she was never here, there are no parts of Lexie left here, only the memories we had here. 

I’m not sure what it will be like without Lexie here, she always thought she was invisible, but she wasn’t, she was like the sun, when she was around she brought warmth to anyone she came in contact with and now she was gone, it was like winter, cold and uncertain, I missed the sun that she’d brought to my life just by being her, if I’d have gone after her she’d have made excuses and we’d have had a tearful goodbye, maybe that’s the sadness that lingered in the air, she hadn’t said goodbye, she’d just disappeared from life as if she never was, the only thing that remained of Lexie Mcvay were the memory of her.

“Good luck.” I silently whisper into the air, and I really mean it, I want him to bring our girl back, I need the sun back in my life, I need Lexie, she hasn’t been gone long and already there is a hole in my heart that once was filled and now all I could do was—hope.