Chapter 3

 

Pulling out onto the highway, Kelsey gripped the steering wheel tight. She’d procrastinated three days longer than planned, avoiding heading home and going to face Gage.

In the three years since she’d gone away to school, she’d only seen him twice and both meetings had been brief, polite, and cordial.

Now she was going back for good. School was finished and instead of going in the other direction to begin her life she was driving to the place that called to her. No matter the arguments she had with herself, she just had to go back there. She really didn’t know why. It wasn’t as if the location was appealing, unless you liked rocks, lakes, and trees which she did, up to a point, but it wasn’t the draw. At least she didn’t think it was. Another thing that drove her crazy was with everything else she was determined, had tunnel vision and didn’t give in, everything except home, where she felt conflicted and confused all the time.

Turning the radio on, she tried to end the silence that made her twitchy. Surely things had changed between her and Gage. They weren’t awkward kids anymore. They were both adults and the cause of the discontent would be long gone by now.

Things hadn’t always been odd with them. She remembered visiting his family a few times as a young girl with her parents. He’d just been a boy that she mostly ignored at that point.

When her parents were killed, she’d only been fifteen and went to live with Ed and Beth Lockman, Gage’s parents. They’d been warm and loving. Without them she never would have made it through that horrific time.

Gage was six years older and had been like a big brother. She knew he resented the gangly girl trailing around after him, but never once did he make her feel uncomfortable. He’d take her to the shop and show her things, even let her help. Without him she may have gotten lost in her own grief.

Something changed after she turned sixteen and in hindsight, she only had herself to blame. Instead of a brother she began to see him differently, began to feel things toward him that weren’t sisterly in any way. It was her own fault he’d made himself scarce, and she couldn’t blame him for avoiding a giggly teenage girl that threw herself into his path at every opportunity.

It broke her heart each time she saw him with other girls, ones that were his own age. The string was endless, as if he set out to date as many as he possibly could. Unable to watch him a moment longer, she packed up the day after she graduated high school and went to a college that was the furthest away she could find, without leaving the province.

With each kilometer she drove, her stomach knotted tighter and tighter. She’d be lucky if she wasn’t crippled when she finally got there. Stopping and seeing Ed and Beth on her way back was something she had to do. She had kept in constant touch with them, but they never let the weekly phone calls reveal a word about Gage or what was going on in his life. For all she knew he was lost in love with someone and living his happily-ever-after.

Sighing, she flicked off the radio that was nothing more than an annoying buzz in the background. So, what if he’s with someone else. These feelings you’re having are leftovers from silly teenage fantasies, you probably won’t feel a damn thing when you see him. Nodding her head, she grimaced. I’m not a child anymore, someday I’ll find a man that makes Gage Lockman fade into the background. She sighed, close to a groan. Keep telling yourself that Kel, maybe eventually you’ll believe it.

In the three years she’d been away, she’d dated. Nothing serious, but she was focusing on her classes, concentrating on being the best. Her roommate once told her she had the absolute worst taste in men and seemed to find all the guys that were damaged beyond salvation. After the fourth wreck of attempting yet another relationship, Kelsey swore off males and went back to being the above average student in all her classes…classes that wouldn’t do her one bit of good where she was going now.

The plan when she’d fled her home had been to have a career in business consulting, something that would thrive in a major metropolis. Something that would keep her in the city and forever distracted from the beautiful, desolate area she’d grown up. For the first two years, she was sure the plan was working, the constant buzz of the city and school distracted her better then she could have imagined. It wasn’t until the last year that the hustle and non-existent silence began to get to her.

Quite often she’d hole up in her room and block the noise outside her window with headphones streaming nature sounds. Her roommate thought she was completely crazy by shutting herself up for such long periods of time. She’d even tried going on short trips to remote areas to find her balance, but something was always lacking.

The longer she stayed away the worse it got. She was restless, sometimes not sleeping for days. Her grades dropped more times then she could count, and that would snap her out of it long enough to pull them back up, but it never seemed to stay that way. She debated going to talk to a counselor or some other professional but didn’t know how to define what her problem was. She couldn’t very well go in and tell them she felt like something was missing, and about the long periods of time feeling bereft. That would have just earned her a psych leave from school. The only thing that seemed to make her feel better during those times was being outside, so she’d worn out a lot of shoes jogging through the large parks and conservation areas.

She thought she’d managed to hide her problems and feelings from Beth, but even over the phone the woman she adored had sensed Kelsey’s anxiety, and it wasn’t until she convinced her she needed to go home and sort through it that the feelings began to ease up. The closer graduation got, the more her apprehension about being near Gage grew. Kelsey hadn’t even stayed for the ceremony. She’d packed and told them to mail her diploma.

The last few days had been relaxing, she’d missed being around Beth while she was away. She still didn’t understand why they weren’t at home, something about new contract dealings, but the love she received from her guardians filled her heart with warmth. Ed had seemed more distant than he used to be, which Kelsey wrote off to him focusing on the new contracts and deals.

Beth had taken her to a day spa where they’d spent the entire day being pampered and it had been so wonderful, Kelsey decided it was something she’d have to be sure to do from time to time. She had a new haircut, which was so much lighter than her long heavy hair, and it gave her a new confidence. Hopefully it gave her enough to handle being back home.

What was she going to feel when she saw Gage? She could only hope it was nothing alarming. The amount of time that had passed should have been enough to erase those notions she used to have. The ones that made her body hum whenever he was near. Maybe, she’d told herself over the last few years, it was just his looks that appealed to her so much. She didn’t have any comparisons to go by though, because she’d never met another male that seemed to have the particular gorgeous gene that Gage did.

She wasn’t short at five foot seven, but he still dwarfed her by almost a foot. Of course, he had the build to go with his height; broad shoulders that tapered to a slim waist and powerful legs. The first time she’d seen him without a shirt on, she’d almost swallowed her tongue. He had an eight pack, not six, not just toned but an eight pack of abdominal muscles. If she was lucky he will have gotten pudgy with age. How old was he now? Close to thirty, so it was possible.

Gage’s eyes were the feature she liked the most, even more than his build. His eyes were such a deep blue, she had thought he had to wear contacts to have eyes that blue. He had a way of looking at you that saw into your soul and held you captive at the same time.

She almost hoped his hair would have some grey by now. She’d always envied him his hair color. It wasn’t red or a strawberry blond, but somewhere between brown and rust and all the shades in between. He had so many natural highlights and waves, if he was a woman it would be heavenly. Compared to her strawberry blonde straight as a needle hair, anyone’s was nicer.

Glancing at the clock, she realized she was only a half hour away as her stomach tightened again. Would he be at the house or the shop? Maybe he wouldn’t be at either, that would give her time to settle in before she had to face him.