Chapter 29
Kelsey straightened, lifting herself off the counter. What the hell had just happened? Her cheeks flamed. Well, she knew what happened, but why? And why did she feel better? Oh God, what did I do? Or more precisely why did I let him do it? Her body quivered as she replayed the moment.
She’d never… okay, she had but never from a man doing it. Heat rushed over her, she tensed afraid the pain would return. When it didn’t, she exhaled slowly and stood, questions running through her mind.
Was that going to happen to her again? And she wanted to know how the hell Gage had known exactly what to do? It was like he’d… she frowned at the floor. Like he’d had to do it before…
That thought felt like a smack in the face and she wasn’t sure why. Of course, he wasn’t a virgin. Twinges of jealousy accompanied memories of the never-ending string of girls that hung around when Gage and the rest of the guys were in their early twenties. Still, she couldn’t run to him if that horrible feeling hit her again. There had to be something that she could do about it.
Spinning toward the hallway, she almost ran into the bathroom. She stopped in front of the door, hand on the handle. She could hear the water running, but she could also hear more. Her cheeks flushed when she realized she could hear Gage in the shower, and what he was doing. Letting go of the doorknob as if it burned her, she stood there trying to decide what to do.
Before she could come to any sort of decision, the shower turned off. Counting to five, she hoped he had a towel close at hand. Bursting into the room, he was just wrapping a towel around his waist. The water dripped off his body, forming a small puddle on the tile by his feet.
Gage eyed her with a wary look on his face, but didn’t say a word as he grabbed another towel to begin drying his upper body.
Kelsey tried to ignore the way his muscles flexed as he moved. Before she changed her mind, she forced her eyes to meet his. “What is wrong with me?” She ran her eyes over his exposed flesh briefly. “And don’t give me some kind of juvenile answer please. I understand horny and that…” she pointed out the open door in the general direction of the kitchen, “That was not just horniness.” She glared. “It hurt so much, Gage.” She stopped there because she didn’t know if she should be mad at him or cry with relief that he’d made it go away.
Tossing the towel at the clothes hamper, he pushed his hair out of his face with both hands. She looked down at the floor to avoid acknowledging how sexy he was.
Sighing loudly, he went to place a finger under her chin, raising her eyes to meet his. Connecting with her expression, he dropped his hand away. “That was you coming into the change, or your first cycle. One or the other happens first.” He leaned against the wall; crossing his arms over his chest he studied her. “And it’s worse than being horny; it’s like you’re on fire inside and out.” He shrugged. “Or so I’ve been told.”
She bit her lip, determined she wouldn’t ask who had told him. His eyes looked at the lip her teeth held captive. She glared back. “So, it’s gone now?”
He stilled before responding. “It will be back.”
Her jaw dropped. “Why? We just…” she frowned, unable to say it out loud. “So how long will I have to go through this?”
Several emotions crossed his expression, but she couldn’t tell what he was feeling.
“It varies, honey, there’s many variables that could…”
“Variables? What am I a math equation?” She snapped. Considering all she’d been through, he’d just had to get over it. “How do I fix it?”
Gage looked at the floor, jaw clenched. It seemed like he was working through what to say. “There’s only one thing that will …” he looked at her, “fix it.”
“What?” Did she hope there was actually a solution?
“If you weren’t already mated, then lots of…” his lips twitched, “sex would do the trick.”
She knew her cheeks heated, she loathed her readiness to blush at her age. “But?”
He moved closer to her, inhaling subtly as he did. “But you are mated, or are near your mate, so having just any man won’t help you.”
Scowling, she stopped him from moving closer with a look.
“You’re going to have to accept what’s happening, honey. Accept me and we can lessen this, make it a more comfortable, controllable experience.” He shrugged. “Except for a few heightened times a year, that varies with each female…”
Shaking her head, she hugged herself. All she kept hearing was the no choice in everything she’d been told, and that went against everything she believed. “It’s not fair…”
“Fair?” He stiffened; his tone made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Gage rarely shared any emotions, always calm and steady. “This is not a children’s game, Kelsey, fair doesn’t play in to it.” Clamping his mouth shut, he took a deep breath and then raised his palms, indicating he wasn’t going to bark again. “Look, I’m a patient man. I think I’ve more than proved that.”
She couldn’t argue with that, so she gave him a little nod.
“When I went through the final change, it was liberating,” He lifted his hands in exasperation. “I don’t know what changed in you, one day you were cute little Kelsey.” He offered her a weak smile, “I adored you, even then, the strength you had…” He shook his head. “Then the next day you were my mate, something our kind reveres, something many of us never find...” He swallowed like he was having trouble saying the words. “Some can go their whole life feeling like a part of them is missing.” He inhaled sharply and continued. “But I had you, only I couldn’t have you.” He lifted his hands and let them drop on his hips. “It’s been a long six years, Kels, and I am trying to give you all the time you need.”
She was torn. The vulnerability made her want to hold and reassure him, but she still heard no choice in the back of her mind, like a chorus. “You’ve been with other women…”
He snorted. “What the hell do emotionless and disconnected fuck sessions where I was trying to get you out of my head have to do with this?” He swore under his breath as she saw her face blanch with his harsh words.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she tried to process what he’d said.
“There hasn’t been anyone in over three years…”
She held up her hand to stop him.
He ignored her and moved, leaning down close enough their breath shared space. “Kels, it wasn’t as bad as it sounded. Most of the time nothing happened, I couldn’t…”
She stepped back, not able to focus with him this close. “What do you mean?”
Running a hand through his hair, he swore. “I felt like a bastard, okay? I couldn’t because my body wanted you…” He shook his head. “Don’t make me say it to you, Kelsey, please.” He looked at her and then sighed, “Look, how do you feel around other men?”
She gave him a confused look. “Fine…”
He gave her a look that told her that wasn’t the answer he wanted. “Do they turn you on?”
She shrugged. “Some, I guess.”
Smirking, he tilted his head and studied her. “Then why are you untouched?”
Kelsey remembered her answers when they were in the kitchen. Her cheeks grew hot. “I am not untouched, not completely.” She shrugged, avoiding his eyes. “I just have the worst luck and go out with guys, who, once I get to know them…” she wasn’t sure how to say it, “don’t do a thing for me.”
He stepped into her space again. “And now?”
She backed up and found herself against the wall. “Now what?”
“Is there anyone that does it for you?” He loomed closer.
Not wanting him too near, because his smell was making her shaky, she pushed him back, only to drop her hands when the feel of his bare chest sent a jolt of lust through her. “That’s hardly a fair question; the only men I’ve been near are the ones I grew up with.”
He placed his hands on either side of her head, letting his chest and hips brush against her with each breath. “And now?” He whispered.
She hated him right now. Hated the way her body reacted. She tried to find the words to deny it.
“You don’t have to answer; I can feel your need.” He gave her a look that was almost sad. “You won’t admit it either, but that need is only for me.”
She put her hands up and managed to push him back so she wasn’t as caged in. “I am not, doing this. It’s insane.” She growled.
He didn’t back away. “You don’t have a choice.” He gave her a hard look. “I don’t have a choice.”
“I refuse.”
“Refuse all you want, honey.” His voice had softened again. “The only choice in all of this is that ultimately, you choose when.”
She shoved him, not wanting to hear what she’d been denying.
He held her head, she had no choice but to look at him. “I won’t force this, so help me, if it kills me, I won’t force your decision.” His eyes roamed over face, tenderness was mixed with pain. “When you can’t stand it…” he inhaled and closed his eyes. “When you can’t stand it…” He opened them only to reveal a lust-filled stare. “When you want to peel the skin from your bones, come and find me.” He brushed a feather-light kiss on her forehead, “accept me as yours and let me help you.”
Gage stepped away so suddenly, she almost fell on her face. Glaring, she couldn’t believe what he’d just said. She scowled harder, pushing away from the wall. There was nothing she could say, and he knew it. As she stepped out of the bathroom, he put his arm out to stop her.
“And Kels, in case your brain tries to cook up some loophole, don’t. Please don’t even try asking one of the guys to help you.”
She really hoped her eyes were relaying the anger she felt, because at that moment she couldn’t form words.
“If you do, you’re signing their death certificates,” he said quietly. Moving his hand, he looked down at her from his full height. “We have our own laws.”
He shut the door so abruptly it lightly hit her in the back before she had moved away. She glared at the closed door. Inhaling deeply, she wanted to scream at him, something that would shock him until his spicy scent filled her system.
Shaking her head to clear it, she rushed toward the stairs. Running up as quickly as she could manage, she ran into her room slamming the door behind her before flinging herself on the bed in tears of frustration.
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