Come to me

Elle woke up feeling disgusting. Her body did not feel like her own, she felt overwrought and uncomfortable. She didn’t even want to touch her own skin right now, it felt so hyper sensitive. As she rose from the bed, she felt a sudden pang at not waking up to Milo, even though she had actively made the decision to sleep in here away from him. If she was being honest she would admit to herself that what she really wanted at this moment, was to go to him, to lay in his arms, and…cry her heart out, and have him comfort her. To talk to him about what had happened…but…she couldn’t. She couldn’t go to him, and weep all over him…and…what? Tell him that sex with him had been so overwhelming, that she had spent half the night crying over it? 

That she might be going crazy? That she had hallucinated that she was being touched by all his previous incarnations…at once? Yeah, okay I’ll just see myself out to the lunatic asylum! Placing her face into her trembling hands, tears streaming down her face, she bawled like a baby, again. I just…want him so badly…

****

They presented her to him, cleaned, primed, and groomed exactly the way he preferred. They’d removed all of her body hair, styled her long red hair into a soft braid down her back, like that of a young girl. Made her look young and soft, and not at all like the traitorous, wanton whore she actually is. He thinks harshly gazing at her, as she sits upon his bed in the sheer fabric they draped over her willowy frame. Even after birthing a child she has remained slender and slight of figure, though she is quite tall for a woman. He looks upon her with disgust all the same, his used cuckolding bride!

No matter how they dress her up and clean her she will always, always be inherently damaged, inherently dirty. He grits his teeth as he looms toward her, and the bitch has the audacity to cringe from him! He grasps her face in his hand, and jerks her to look at him, staring into her startled stormy eyes. Her reaction is equal parts arousing and infuriating, she has no right to cringe from him… he likes her fear…is she repulsed by him…it doesn’t matter if she is or not, she’s his to do with as he pleases…he hopes she is repulsed by him, is afraid of him, doesn’t want him…the idea of forcing her, of holding her down, of watching her cry…

“Are you afraid of me?” He demands, and she swallows audibly. He smirks cruelly, “You should be.” He shoves her back onto the bed, climbing up above her, staring down into her fearful visage. “You are even lovelier when you're scared.” He leans toward her, wrapping his hands around her throat, he begins to choke her, watching her face for the exact moment she begins to panic. He lets up just enough to let her gasp in a breath, he presses his lips against her face, licking away her tears. “This is going to be so much fun…for me. But my dearest, it’s going to hurt you, so very, very much.” And that is a promise he keeps…

In the years since their first night together, he’s watched her erode, and wilt until she is the half mute docile broken woman before him. Little more than a play thing to amuse him when he’s bored, but even that has lost its charm. How can he enjoy his little games when she no longer reacts, when she goes so quiet and placid, it’s as if she has fled him leaving behind only her gaunt body. No matter what he does to her, what he has done to her, what he allows others to do to her, she has no reaction anymore, no tears, no screaming, nothing at all! It’s as if all the light inside of her has died, her once vibrant stormy eyes look dead and flat now. It is maddening that she can escape him like this, slide right out of his clutches into wherever she goes. Though he has thus far gone out of his way not to leave permanent marks upon her, he considers if this is what he must do to get what he wants out of her…She didn’t need both eyes, or all her fingers after all…

The knocking on the study door draws him from his dark thoughts, and he sighs as he beckons the handmaid to enter. The tiny woman stands before him, ringing her even smaller hands, staring at him with wide terrified eyes. 

“What?” He demands.

“The…Emperor is here.” She breathes, and Hadeon freezes staring at her, jaw agape.

“Why?!” He roars, and she looks up at him alarmed, unsure how to answer him. Granted he’s asked her an objectively stupid question, how is she supposed to know what the hell his demented brother wants? Honestly he’d be surprised if his brother had any point at all to be here other than to torment him. “Oh by the gods, just send him in.” 

“Uh…his majesty is requesting…he wants…uh…” She sputters, glancing this way and that, looking as if she wishes to run from him.

“Spit it out!” He roars, already growing tired of this encounter.

“He wishes for you to visit him…in his tent…” She gasps out, cringing as she awaits his reaction. He stares at her, processing her words for long moments.

“Are you…telling me…my brother is camped outside my house?! Is that what your fucking telling me?!” He bellows, and she flinches, before weakly nodding her head. “He brought an army?”

“Two legions…as far as the guards can tell.” She finishes. He presses a shaking fist to his mouth as he glowers down at her. 

“You mean to tell me that my guard is so fucking incompetent they didn’t realize two fucking legions with the emblem of the gods damned emperor was heading to MY fucking house?!” He shrieks, sweeping his desk irately. 

“His…his majesty is requesting you attend him…at once.” She adds, looking like she might cry. By all the gods…of course this whoreson wants to see him right away, why else show up at his godsdamned door with a godsdamned army! Shoving an infuriated hand through his hair, he rises from his chair and follows the trembling handmaid. Growing more and more agitated as he gets to the front entrance of his palatial home. His asshole of a brother really had parked two fucking legions on his front door, LITERALLY on his front door! He stares in disbelief at the disaster his brother has wrought.

Not even ten feet away from the main doors sits his brother’s magnificent silken tent. So angry he can barely see straight as he takes in the destruction to his beautiful landscaping. The fountain of stunning marble his brother had demolished, more than likely for his own personal amusement, the tossed statues, pulled up flowers, and the firepit they’d dug right where his stone walking path had once been. Clenching both fists, and forcing angry breaths as he walks toward the tent. He’s stopped by his own guards, and he stares in stunned horror as they cross their spears to block his path, spears with his own emblem on them!

“What the fuck is this?!” He demands, beyond enraged now. The tent flaps sweep open, and his brother steps out, in full battle regalia, shit-eating grin fully in place on his arrogant face. 

“Hello, brother dearest,” He greets. “How lovely to see you, I had thought you must be in needs of a fucking army to come get you, seeing as how you’ve refused every one of my very, very cordial invites. Imagine my relief to find your home in such…” He sweeps his hand around at the mess he’s created, “Splendor!”

“Hadrian…” he hisses, and the smile dies on his brother’s face, a warning scowl in its place, his eyes flashing dangerously. “Emperor,” Hadeon swiftly corrects, “How…thoughtful of you, to come see to me.”  

“Come, we have much to discuss, General.” Hadrian invites, with a wave of his hand, Hadeon’s personal guard move apart to allow him entry. The power play here is so clear, it’s almost insulting in its heavy handedness… I am emperor, you are nothing but a pawn, I’ll take whatever I want, whenever I want, and you’ll kneel before me in gratitude for what I allow you to keep…Unfortunately the prick is right, and Hadeon has no choice but to comply. The tent is so opulent it’s repulsive, and when his brother takes a seat in his golden throne, Hadeon has no choice again but to bend the knee and kiss his ring, hating him with burning passion now. 

“Why have you come, your majesty.” he manages in an even tone, despite wanting to launch himself at him, and murder him with his bare hands.

“I have a present for you,” Hadrian informs him, that condescending, shit eating grin back on his smug face. “Consider it a…reward, for your timely responses to my commands.” He adds, Hadeon frowns at him bewildered, as Hadrian claps his hands loudly. The tent flap opens again and a boy is brought in, dark haired and beautiful in his features, no more than 5 or 6 years old. The boy reminds him of someone…but he can not place it, until he fixes his golden eyes upon Hadeon. Rage such as he has never felt almost overwhelms him, and he lunges forward for just a second before he catches himself. He looks up at the emperor to see if he caught his reaction, though he knows he did, the cruel amusement on his face cements the knowledge. “Ronan, say hello to your Step-father.” He commands with silky menace. 

“You…brought this…this…fucking abomination to MY home?!” He roars, beyond concern for his insolence. The emperor does not look angry, quite the contrary his reaction seems to be quite pleasing to him. 

“A child should be with its mother,” The emperor rejoins dangerously sweetly, “I’m merely returning the boy to his home, to his beloved…family.” He snaps his fingers and the small maid who escorted Hadeon comes in, shaking violently. “Take this boy to his mother, prepare a room for him, a nice one, close to my brother. They should…bond.” The maid weakly nods and takes the boy's hand in hers, leading him away. Hadrian waits until she leaves before giving his brother a killing look. “Harm one hair on that boy's head, and I’ll put you to death myself. You do not want to know what his grandfather is paying for his safe keeping.”

“Why did you bring him here?” Hadeon growls through clenched teeth, his brother gives him a droll look.

“For the same reason I do anything to you,” Hadrian informs him, standing up to his full height now, “BECAUSE I’M THE FUCKING EMPEROR, AND YOU WILL DO AS I GODSDAMNED SAY!” He grabs Hadeon by the collar and pulls him to his enraged face. “You forced me keep the engagement despite her cuckolding you, did you think I would let you have her with NO fucking consequences?! You will keep the product of her sin, and your fucking folly, that spawn of sin is your godsdamned responsibility, and you will take care of it, until his grandfather dies, or he stops paying, whichever comes first!” He tosses him back and away from him, glowering at him. “And the next fucking time I demand your presence you drop every thing and you come running, or I’ll burn your house to the ground with you in it, and make that boy your fucking heir, are we clear?”

“Crystal…” He hisses. 

His rage does not abade for days afterward, not even as the emperor finally, fucking finally decides to leave does he feel any better about his situation. Throwing things, smashing, kicking, destroying items in his own study now, he does not even bother to try to contain his fury. Forced to care for the child his wife produced by cuckolding him?! A child that couldn’t look less like him if he were actively trying?! Everyone would know, one look at the spawn of sin and it would be obvious! And he can not lay a hand on the child, lest his brother put him to death, he is not foolish enough to test the theory. If his brother said it, he fucking meant it. It is clear he has eyes and ears in Hadeon’s own home, how else could he have managed to keep him in the dark to two fucking legions advancing on him! He bellows his fury, grabbing a bust from his desk and throwing it at the wall, it shatters into pieces the way he wishes he could the boy. 

The sounds of his anger are so great he does not immediately hear the knocking on his door, but when he does, it only serves to infuriate him further. Yanking it open he’s stunned to see his wife standing before him, trembling and stark, her eyes lively for the first time in years. She immediately drops to her knees before him, clasping her hands before her, looking up at him in terror as he hasn’t seen from her in so long.

“Please…please…” She pleads, her voice shaking, tears streaming down her face, “Don’t send my son away again! I’ll do anything you ask of me, anything at all! Please don’t take him from me again…don’t…don’t hurt him, please…let me keep my son…” Her fear and panic is a palpable thing, never has he ever seen her so desperate.  A slow cruel smile fills his face…what is this now?! How…interesting. Had Hadrian really actually albeit inadvertently handed him a gift?!

“You want your son?” He repeats, staring at her face, watching for her reaction.

“I do…I want my son…please…” She whimpers. He grabs a handful of her hair and yanks her up to her feet, pulling it back cruelly, she gasps in breaths but otherwise doesn’t react. He shoves his face to her and whispers right by her ear…

“Show me…show me just how badly you want him!” And she did…

He woke up with a smile on his face, relishing for just a moment the power and control he’d felt being able to dangle her son over her head like that. Being able to have her behave the way he wanted her to, to give him exactly what he wanted for a time. In the end though she’d proven to be much too fragile in that lifetime, and he’d been a bit reckless with her. She’d slipped from his grasp then, and despite what she’d done to him, despite her faithlessness, he had mourned her. Burying her before her son had even come of age, it was in her honor that he’d send her son back to her father, an act of mercy she surely did not deserve. The same son who had later come back to avenge his worthless parents, and had taken his head from him. The same son who had shown him absolutely no gratitude for his life…

More fool me for not paying attention, more fool me for allowing my focus to slip…Sure she was suffering now, sure he had done something wrong, for once… but he had to find a way to capitalize on this. He had to find a way back to her, a way to steal her away from him somehow…But how? How do I take advantage of this…that remained to be seen. For now he rolled over on her bed, breathing in her fetid, disgusting scent, and waited for an opportunity to present itself. Patience was key, she would eventually have to go back to her real life, and this broken link between them had real potential to accelerate things. Yes…it’s only a matter of time before this thing between you drives you apart, and then you’ll have no choice but to come back to your real life! I’ll be waiting, my sweet little plaything…

****

Eventually Elle decided she had to get something to eat, she had dry heaved earlier and her chest and stomach hurt. She pulled on one of her own hoodies, and sweatpants, angrily brushed the hair from her face and headed down stairs. She walked into the kitchen, and froze her heart in her throat. Everyone was home. She felt her chest constrict, and for a second she felt like she couldn’t breath.

“Elle,” Milo’s concerned voice said, she glanced up to see him looking at her with such raw worry on his exhausted face. She felt sick, like the ground had suddenly lurched, like she might dry heave again. She could not catch her breath, she turned and ran out of the kitchen; had to get as far away as possible.

Milo made to follow her, but Max caught his arm, stopping him.

“What the fuck happened?” Max demanded, glaring at him.

“Let go,” Milo hissed.

“She does no’ look like she wants you to follow her,” Daire commented, looking at Milo oddly, tilting his head. “That lass looks…spooked.” Milo hissed in a breath at that, placing his shaking fist to his mouth, looking like he was going to be sick.

“...did things no’ go well last night?” Maeve asked, watching Milo carefully.  He turned to look at Maeve, all the color leaving his face.

“I don’t know what happened, I don’t know what I did wrong…” he told her, eyes wild.

“Milo…I need you to take a breath here broertje,” Max said gently, sharing an alarmed look with his wife, he had never seen Milo look this panicked, as if he were on the verge of hyperventilating. 

“Did she…no’ want to be your girlfriend?” Maeve whispered, horrorstruck.

“Maybe not anymore…” He managed, steepling his hands in front of his face. “Ik kan dit niet,” I can’t do this, he breathed, sounding like he was choking. He pulled away from his twin, and walked out. Max and Maeve followed him. 

“Don’t go after her,” Max warned, “Talk to us, what happened?” 

“I don’t fucking know what happened!” He yelled at his twin, placing both hands over his head, chest heaving as he tried to gasp in breaths. “I fucked this up…” 

“Okay…how can I help you if you won’t tell us what’s happening?” Max asked, his tone soft. Milo just stared at him unseeing, holding his hands up, he turned and stormed upstairs, knowing he was about to have a full on panic attack. 

“What the fuck…” Max asked, turning to Maeve, who shrugged her shoulders equally horrified. 

****

Elle did not reappear for dinner, and when Milo went looking for her around the property he found her sitting on her bench…crying. His heart felt like it was breaking at the sight of her. He walked toward her, her tear stained face jerked up at the sound of his approach, and she shot up from the bench, backing away from him.

“Elle,” he began. She held her hands up.

“Stop…I can’t…do this right now,” She managed, “Please…just leave me alone.”

“Will you please…just…what’s wrong?” he stammered out, taking a step toward her, she backed up again.

“Milo if you…I’ll leave,” She told him, her face stark, “If you won’t leave me be…I’ll leave right now.” All the color drained from his face, he looked like she had slapped him.

“Why?” He breathed. “Just…tell me why?”

“I can’t…look at you right now, I’m…sorry, please…” She whispered tears streaming down her face, “Please go away.” 

“O…okay,” He whispered, looking like she had ripped his heart out. “I’ll go, just…don’t leave…I won’t talk to you until you're ready to talk to me…just don’t leave.”

“If you…leave me alone, I won’t leave.” She told him looking at the ground, wiping tears from her face. Hating herself, she couldn’t bear to see that look on his face, but truthfully she simply couldn’t bear to look at him at all right now. 

Milo took in her agonized face, his fists clenched by his side to stop from grabbing her. What did I fucking do, why won’t you look at me…Feeling like he was choking again, he turned and left her, against his better judgement. 

Elle collapsed back onto the bench, drawing her legs up and curling into a ball, weeping. 

****

“I’ll take such good care of you love,” he whispers tenderly, as he lays her down like she is the most precious thing in the world. She gazes up at him with wonder and desire, and believes him. 

Rome sits on the edge of the bed watching her for a moment, and Ellie’s heart races in her throat. With careful and deft hands, he slides her chemise and under garments from her, laying her bare before him. Ellie’s body trembles, for a moment she is afraid, but she forces herself to be brave to look at Rome’s face.

“Oh Ellie,” He whispers reverently, looking at her nakedness with such tenderness, she can not help but soften for him. His big hands have a fine shake as he slides the back of his knuckles gently against her cheek. With slow careful movements he moves his hand down her throat, and between her breasts, down her torso and over the small stretch marks she bears on her once taut belly, she is embarrassed momentarily of this, but then she watches his face contract in lust over her body…his fingertips over her damaged skin, he looks up at her then, his face soft with wonder, “You carried our baby here,” He tells her, “In your little body, you made our daughter.” He bends down and sweeps his lips over those same marks. She can not help but feel beautiful. He runs both hands against the skin of her upper thighs, and she jumps from the pleasurable sensation. Her eyes flutter, and he makes a sound deep in his chest. 

“Ellie, my love,” He intones his voice deep and resonant, his hazel eyes blazing with hot desire. “Spread your legs for me, baby,” She looks at him nervously, but his face is warm and kind. Slowly she moves her legs apart for him, watching his face. His eyes go heavy lidded, and his lips part as he looks at her, he scrubs a hand to his mouth as he gazes at her most intimate place. Her face flushes, and her legs tremble, but she keeps them parted and wide for him.

“Oh christ,” He whispers, biting his lip. “You are so beautiful here,” 

“Truly…?” She asks, he locks eyes with her, his desire for her plain on his handsome face. 

“So lovely,” He groans. She looks at him chewing her lip.

“No…one’s looked at me like this…except the midwife.” She tells him shyly, looking away from his face. 

“Have…you ever been kissed here,” He asks her, she shakes her head no. Now she stares at Roman, at his face, at his mouth. She wants him to kiss her here, she realizes with a start. Her face flushes as the idea of his perfect lips against her makes her feel hot, she feels her core clench, and become wet. Her chest heaves. “And you want me to, don’t you baby,” it’s not a question. But she nods her head yes eagerly all the same. He smirks at that, “Ellie I’m going to have to hear you ask me for that, if you want me to.” 

“Rome,” She pleads, looking away shyly.

“My precious bride, I’m not asking to embarrass you, I need to hear you say you want me to love your body, do you understand? I need that from you, so I know you’re okay, so I know you are enjoying what we are doing together, so I know you want me.”  He tells her, tenderly, framing her face in his hands, he kisses her forehead, her nose, her cheeks. 

“You don’t know that I want you?” She whispers surprised, he captures her eyes with his heartbreakingly vulnerable ones, and shakes his head no. “Oh…Rome, Rome…I want you so much.”

“I need…I need the words Ellie,” He tells her, “I know it’s hard for you, but I need this from you baby, please.”  Ellie frowns, Rome has never asked her for anything, never, and she wants to give him everything, anything, whatever he wants.

“Okay…Rome…I..want you to kiss me, down…there.” She stammers, face flaming, but she doesn’t look away from him. He smiles at her with his whole face. He moves onto the bed, kneeling between her legs, never taking his eyes from her, he gently nudges her legs apart further, then bents to her sex. She trembles as she feels his warm breath against her, and gasps with surprise when he spreads her so carefully with his fingers. 

“Look at me,” He demands, “Watch me kiss your beautiful cunny,”  Her body clenches at his base words, and though she knows she should think it’s vulgar, she does not. Coming from Roman it sounds like praise. She raises herself on her elbow, biting her lip as she watches him. His breath hitches as their eyes meet, “that’s my woman,” he sounds so prideful of her that she giggles, and then immediately stops.

“Oh I shouldn’t laugh while we’re…” She says abashed.

“Of course you should! You should laugh when you feel like laughing, this isn’t church baby, we are making love, love is laughter.” He tells her, gently nipping her thigh, she squeals and then peels with laughter as he tickles her. “There isn’t a sound in this world more beautiful than your laugh, Eleanore, and I have not heard nearly enough of it in recent years.”

“Rome…” She says softly, he looks at her leaning his face at her thigh.

“Yes?” He intones.

“Are you…going to kiss me or just talk to me all damn day,” She says saucily, and he laughs at that. A deep rumbly sound that triggers happy memories for her. 

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” He teases, bending back to her. He spreads her again, and runs the tip of his tongue to her entrance, tasting her, she jerks in pleasure at the contact. “Oh Ellie, you taste so good,” He says against her, his voice vibrating against her most intimate parts, “Like honey, and sweetness, and all woman.” He laps at her, and then runs his strong clever tongue up, she arches in pleasure as he rasps against her little nub, and when he sucks it into his mouth, she screams. Hastily she shoves a hand to her mouth to muffle her wanton sounds, but he stops and glares at her, “Don’t you dare,” He warns, “Don’t you stop screaming for me Eleanore, those are my screams and I want them,” His eyes blaze at her, “Move your hand.” She drops it immediately, shocked at his fierce tone. 

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you?” He asks her, his tone softer now. “Don’t deny me your pleasure, baby, it’s mine to have.” She nods her head, “I want to hear it all, I want to make you as crazy for me as I am for you, let go for me Ellie, let me tend your fire.” With that he sets upon her like he is ravening for her, tasting her with ferocity. Her body reacts immediately, growing wetter for him in a rush, he growls against her as he tastes her arousal. Ellie feels her body winding, winding, climbing higher and higher, and still there’s more. She becomes desperate then, the pressure growing, as she undulates her hips to him, unable to stop herself, her head thrashing, she moans her pleasure, her voice breaking with her helpless cries. Nothing, absolutely nothing has ever felt as good or as vital as Rome’s kiss. Soon she is mindless, pleading, begging, for what she doesn’t know. 

Rome stops abruptly, and she feels as if she has fallen from a great height, she looks down at him, body shaking, her eyes pleading with him. 

“Rome…why…?” She manages, unable to articulate further.  He is breathing hard, he runs his fingers over his lips, and while looking at her, he sucks them clean of her taste. Nothing, absolutely nothing has ever been more erotic to Ellie than that. She sucks in a breath, her eyes gone wide as she trembles with want. 

“I’m going to touch you now, inside.” He tells her, his eyes heavy lidded and his pupils dilated. He looks half wild and Ellie is too far gone to be afraid anymore. She eagerly nods her head, “Tell me Ellie, tell me you want me to touch you inside!” He demands.

“Touch me, touch me inside!” She all but screams, eager for it, eager for him. She spreads her legs wide, in invite. He exhales hard, pressing a fist to his mouth he bites his knuckles. 

“Once…once I do this, there’s no going back Ellie, I’m going to be inside you next,” He tells her, “Do you want me, do you want my cock inside you?” 

“Yes…yes I do,” She whimpers, “But…” She says, her face flushing.

****

Elle woke violently shaking, her whole body feeling...charged, and…empty…and cold. She lay back down, placing her face into her hands. Seriously!?!? This is my fucking life now? Angrily she jumped from the bed, shoved on another hoodie, and stormed downstairs to the kitchen, pushing the door open. She swore under her breath to find Daire sipping tea at the counter.

“Fuck no,” She growled turning to leave.

“Wha…the hell did I do?” He demanded, getting up to follow her. 

“Nothing, I just…” She began turning to face him, hands held up. “Don’t want to talk,”

“Alright, well we can just sit in silence, I came down here to have a cuppa,” he told her. “Or…”

“Or?” She intoned glaring at him.

“You can tell me what he did so I can kick six shades of shite out of him for you,” He offered, taking her expression in.

“No,” She said simply. “He...he didn’t do anything,” She sighed, squeezing her temples with her left hand. 

“Then why pray tell, are you avoiding him?” He asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Not talking about this,” She hissed at him.

“Got a small knob does he?” He offered, wagging his eyebrows. She shot him a droll look.

“No,” She said simply, face flaming. 

“Ahh shite,” He muttered, “So…was it…no’ good or?”

“No, I am not doing this, I’m not talking to you about having sex with Milo, it’s too fucking weird.” She told him, turning to leave.

“Alright, alright let’s no’ talk about it then,” He said hastily, “Come on lass, let me get you something to eat, you look half starved.”

“I’m not hungry,” She told him, sitting down. “What kind of tea you got there?”

“No’ piss tea that’s for sure,” He told her drolly, she laughed despite herself. And then felt a pang of sadness, I miss him… “It’s Earl Gray, I think, want a cup?”

“Yes, I would.” She sighed, letting him prepare her a mug. “Tell me about your day trip?”

“Listen lass, I’ll tell you all about the trip, if…you tell me the truth about something,” He told her, handing her the cup.

“What?” She hissed.

“Like…how big is it?” He asked nudging her with his elbow. Elle burst out laughing, dropping her face into her hands.

****

Milo walked toward the kitchen, unable to sleep. His chest seized as he heard her laughter. He stood outside the door, wanting so badly to go in to look at her, to see her shining smiling happy face, but he knew that the minute he went in that smile would die on her face, and he just…could not bear to see that. Sighing he turned around and went back up to his room. Hating it, and himself. 

He’d noticed she had taken her shampoo, conditioner and body wash out of their…his ensuite, and now he couldn’t stand to look at the little shelf he’d cleared out for her. He sat heavily on the couch, dropping his head into his hands, not sure what to do with himself. How had it gone so badly so quickly? I still have her scratch marks on my fucking back…what did I do? 

He kept replaying the night before, everything had been going so well, right up until he woke up to find his bed empty… He couldn’t figure it out, and he had thought of little else today. Being intimate with her had been one of the most powerful, incredible things he had ever experienced, he had felt so connected to her, so…close, closer than he’d ever felt to anyone else. At the time he had thought it was an experience they were sharing, but now he wondered if that had been one sided. Had he experienced this beautiful moment with her…alone? Had it not been…good for her? Did I...miss something? Some cue? He had been near out of his mind toward the end, overwhelmed with pleasure and…love for her. A chilling thought occurred to him then, had he…said it? Had he told her he loved her? He was sure he had said it in Dutch, but maybe he was wrong? Maybe he had declared his love to her in English. Oh no…fuck me I’m such a selfish prick! I’ll be sooo patient Elle, but here let me scream out while I’m inside you no less that I fucking love you…That on the heels of him talking about having children with her only moments before…he groaned, I scared the shit out of her, this poor woman probably thinks I’m trying to pregnancy trap her! 

Memories started coming back to him, joking about oopsy twins, and demanding to know if she wanted him to make her pregnant…He felt himself growing panicked about it. Fuck me I told her I was going to love her more than anyone else ever had…and then I told her I loved her, the first time we ever…jesus christ, I’d run away from me too! He had made her such promises, and then achieved exactly none of them! He’d clearly done something to hurt her, when he’d promised up and down he wouldn’t. 

As he berated himself, Felix jumped into his lap, purring and rubbing against his chest. Absently he ran his hand against the cat’s head. Before looking down at the animal and feeling like an absolute dick. Her cat was over here comforting him, when it should be with her. He picked him up and walked toward the door, before stopping. What the fuck is your plan here? Just go into the kitchen and thrust this cat into her arms? He stopped, petting the cat’s face, trying to consider what to do, as Felix started sucking on his fingers. A dark part of him wanted to just keep the cat, make her have to come talk to him to get the animal back…but he immediately dismissed that, what a shitty thing to do…

He could put the cat in the guest…her room, godverdomme THIS is her room…She was downstairs, he could slip the cat and his various supplies in her room? Which would be all fine and dandy until she walked in to him doing so and decided he was not respecting her very clear and concise boundaries and left him forever. He exhaled a shaking breath at that. He could give the cat to someone else to give to her…so that she wouldn’t have to talk to him…even though he desperately wanted to talk to her…yes that seemed like the best course of action. Of course he would have to do that tomorrow, it would probably make him look insane if he woke someone up to do this now. Maeve seemed like the best option…

Yes, that’s what he would do, he would give Maeve the cat to give to Elle…and then…just sit in his misery all by himself. He groaned, as he sat back down on the couch cuddling with her cat, pressing his face to Felix’s head, he swore he could smell her rose and vanilla scent. What did I fucking do!?

****

“Once…once I do this, there’s no going back Ellie, I’m going to be inside you next,” He tells her, “Do you want me, do you want my cock inside you?” 

“Yes…yes I do,” She whimpers, “But…” She says, her face flushing.

“What do you want Ellie, tell me, I’ll do anything you want me to, anything!” He rasps, his teeth clenched. 

“Will you…will you let me look at you first…like…like I did for you?” She manages. His eyes widen, and for a moment she thinks he has stopped breathing. 

“You…want to see me naked?” He asks her, she eagerly nods her head and then remembers.

“I want to see you naked Rome,” She smiles at him shyly, “very much,” He closes his eyes, his face looks tortured for a second before he opens his eyes and spears her with a look of such deep adoration she feels herself getting giddy. 

Silently he stands beside the bed, he shrugs out of his opened shirt and lets it drop to the floor. His suspenders are already hanging by his hips, he reaches down to the fly of his pants, and unbuttons himself, hooking his thumbs into the top of his trousers he pulls them down his lean hips, and steps out of them. Ellie’s breathing is hitching by now, she has never beheld a naked man before, and Rome is…all man. His broad shouldered body, with the dusting of his black chest hair, that trails down into a sexy line past his navel. She sees his manhood straining against his cotton boxers, he hooks his thumbs into his boxers and locks his eyes onto hers, as he tugs them down. His cock springs free and Ellie gasps. 

“I…the war left me with scars,” He tells her, his tone embarrassed. She looks up at his face, brows furrowed.

“I don’t know what you mean, Rome,” She tells him, confused, “Your…umm it looks…big.”  He narrows his eyes at her, turning slightly he runs his hand down the large scar over his hip, that carries down the side of his leg to just above his knee. “Oh,” She says. He looks at her incredulously, before he laughs.

“Oh my sweet girl, you didn’t even notice?” He asks her, flashing his perfect white teeth at her. “You…make me feel like I’m ten feet tall baby,” 

“I think…I think you look…perfect,” She tells him shyly, “Your…umm, it’s…” She lets her sentence trail, not sure what she’s trying to say exactly, but what she wants to convey is that she wants his body, that she wants all of him, now preferably.

“It’s the only one you’ve ever seen Ellie,” He teases, before his face gets stern “The only one you will ever see again.” 

“Is…my…the only one you’ll ever see again?” She asks him, face flaming but tone saucy.

“Absolutely,” He tells her, no hesitation. “That’s mine now,” He tells her, “And this, he wraps a fist around his shaft, “is yours.” 

“So much…talking Rome,” She sighs, “Come…here.” He smiles at her demanding tone.

“That’s it, boss me around love, tell me what to give you and how,” He encourages.

“I thought a wife…submits to her husband,” She tells him seriously.

“We get to decide what our marriage is, we get to decide what happens in our bedroom. So you can submit to me one day, and I to you the next, whatever makes you hot and ready for me.” He explains. “That’s the only thing that matters, is that when we join together, you are ready for me.”

“Rome,” She intones.

“Yes, love?” He replies.

“Touch me…inside, please.” She says, looking into his eyes. He smiles as he joins her on the bed again. This time he lays beside her, and gently guides her to lay on her side for him so that they are facing each other. 

“Do you want to touch me, while I touch you?” He asks her, Ellie nods enthusiastically at that. “Words,” He growls. She smirks at him, a predatory sexy smile that steals his breath.

“I want to touch you…your cock, while you touch me…inside.” She tells him, face still flaming but with more confidence. He beams at her with pride. 

“My brave, beautiful woman,” He breathes, kissing her forehead. He tips her face up to him and takes her lips next, he gently probes the seam of her lips with his tongue, and she readily opens her mouth for him. He groans as he tastes her sweet mouth, grasping her by the nape of her neck to hold her firm, she twines her tongue with his, and his cock jerks. He wraps his other arm around her waist and pulls her firmly to him. So that they are skin to skin, his warm hair roughened body, feels so good to her, that without thought she throws one of her legs over his hips, pressing her cleft against his manhood, he breaks the kiss, hissing in his breath at the sensation.

“I…I’m sorry,” She whispers, fearing she’s hurt him. She goes to pull back from him, but his arm around her waist tightens to hold her still.

“Don’t be sorry, that was…that was so good.” he tells her, “It feels so good, I wasn’t…expecting to feel your cunny against me like that.” He tells her, chest heaving. “I…just need a minute to compose myself, love, I want to…make this last for you, I want it to be so good for you.” He explains as he cups her cheek in his hand. “You are so beautiful Ellie, so perfect, I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want you,” 

“Do you…mean that?” She whispers, looking into his hazel eyes, and seeing sincerity. He moves his hips so that she can feel his length slide between her cleft, rubbing against her swollen nub.

“Only you Ellie, it’s only you.” He tells her, “Baby, you…you can’t touch me this time,” 

“What? Why?” She asks surprised.

“Because I won’t last if you do, if you touch me…I will spill my seed in your palm,”  He explains.

“Oh,” She whispers. 

“Next time, I will let you touch me to your heart's content baby, but this time…this time is for you. I want to last for you for as long as you need me to, I want to push you over the edge, make your little cunny spasm with want for me.” He rasps. 

“Okay,” She readily agrees, “Are you…going to put your cock inside me now?” She asks, feeling herself growing nervous at the idea. She has only ever known pain, and while Roman has shown her something else entirely, his body…is very large, and she is disquieted.

“No, not yet,” He tells her, lightly brushing his lips against hers, “First I have to get you ready for me, I don’t want to hurt you, never want to hurt you. Ellie…I’m a big man, and you are such a tiny woman, I know you can take me, but if we go too fast, it won’t be good for you, and I don’t want that for you, I always want it to be good for you. I need you to tell me, if what we are doing isn’t good for you, if it hurts, or if…if you want me to stop.” She looks at him with big owl eyes then, nipping her lip.

“If it hurts…and I ask you to stop…you…will?” She asks, looking away from his face. He makes a sound in his chest that she hasn’t heard before, then he frames her face with both of his hands, so he can look at her.

“Eleanore…my love…I will never take from you what you are not willing to give,” He rasps his face a mask of pain, “I am…not…him.” He manages through clenched teeth, fury crossing his face before he schools it.

“But…men can’t…control…” She begins.

“Fuck,” He hisses, and she stares at him shocked at his rage, “Eleanore, if he wasn’t dead, I swear to god I would kill him myself.”

“Wha…what?” She stammers.

“Listen to me, I need you to understand this before we go any further, there is no point in which I would want my pleasure at the expense of your pain, none! You can tell me no, you can tell me to stop, and I will, everytime! If I have to run from you to spare you a second of pain then I will, do you understand? Your body is not mine to toy with, it's yours to share with me as and when you please.” His voice shook, fury and hurt ringing his tone. “I…I love you Eleanore, I want to show you how much with my body, because words aren’t enough. But…love isn’t supposed to hurt.”

“You…love me?” She whispers, tears sliding down her face, she smiles a watery joyful smile at him.

“Oh god yes! So much, and for so long. Ellie, I’ve loved you for so long.” He manages, his voice breaking. “I love you,” He tells her, kissing her.

“Not…not like a sister?” She demands, glaring at him. He looks down at their twined naked bodies, and arches an eyebrow at her. “Okay, that was a stupid question,” She agrees. “Just…that, when you asked me to marry you, you said you loved me like a sister…”

“When in the hell did I say that?” He demands, looking at her like she’s demented, “Eleanore Katherine! I would never say such a thing to you, heaven forbid! Not when I’d spent years having unholy, ungodly, unbrotherly thoughts about you! If anyone had ‘sisterly’ thoughts it was you toward me!” She giggles then bursts into hysterical laughter. 

“Oh..Oh Roman…Roman I’ve never had a sisterly thought about you!” She tells him, “It was always you, it was you even before I understood what in the hell I wanted from you! I had so many impure thoughts about you…I used to spy on you when you went swimming!!” She laughs, her whole body shaking. 

“Did…did you really?” He asks,an arrogant smile on his handsome face. 

“All the time,” She tells him.  

“Did you…think about me at night?” He asks her, his voice husky, “Did you think about my body, about me…pleasuring you?” 

“Yes,” She admits, “I…didn’t know…how you would have. But I would think about you coming out of the lake, water dripping from you, and…and maybe you would kiss me, or…hold me really tight.” 

“Umhmm, like this?” He intones, pulling her body against his again, his arm around her pressing her to him. 

“Yes, just like this,” She whispers. 

“Did you think about me touching your little cunny? About making it weep for me?” He asks, sliding his hand down her body, stopping at the curve of her derriere, here he hitches her leg up a little higher, and dips his hand underneath, placing his palm against her womanhood. She gasps at the touch.

“No…no but…but only because I didn’t…I didn’t know.” She tells him looking at him with soft eyes, “I didn’t know my body…could do that.” At her words he grinds the heel of his palm into her nub, and she arches her back helplessly driving her mons into his hand.

“I did, I thought about it all the time.” he breathes, his voice hitching, “Oh I would see you in your sunday dress, and think about how much I wanted you. About how much I wanted to have you naked underneath me, how badly I wanted to touch you, right here.” He slides his hand forward, until his fingertips lay against her. Gently he spreads her with his thumb and ring finger. “About how much I wanted to touch you inside, your hot, wet channel.” He growls as he penetrates her with his forefinger. She moans as she feels him inside her. She looks up at him helplessly, parting her lips on a gasp.

“Oh, oh that feels…so good.” She tells him. His teeth clench in pleasure, as he thrusts his finger gently inside her.

“Do you know the impure thoughts I’ve had about you Ellie? About this beautiful cunny?” He rasps, “How much I wanted to taste you? How long I’ve wanted to do this?” He thrusts his finger faster, taking it deeper inside her, stirring her, she moans, throwing her head back. Carefully he moves his finger along the top of her entrance, searching for the spot, he finds the ridge all the way at the back of her delicate little sheath, with feathery touches he pets it for her. Ellie screams, arching violently, he groans at her reaction, adjusting his hand slightly he begins circling her straining nub with his thumb, as he pets her from the inside. She comes undone, screaming, rocking her hips to his hand, harder and harder, until he has to grasp her hip with his other hand to slow her down, concerned that she would hurt herself. He feels her becoming wetter for him, and eases a second finger inside her, watching her face as he spreads his fingers inside her, and she gasps at the sensation. “Does that hurt?” He asks stilling his hand.

“No, no, don’t stop!” She cries, rocking her hips to his hand. “Please!”  He exhales in relief, and smiles as he resumes his movement. She grinds herself against his hand, looking at him with desperation in her eyes.

“What do you want Ellie, tell me baby,” He asks..

“You, I want you…inside me! Please, now…” She manages, her breath hitching. 

“You want my cock?” He demands.

“Yes! Oh please Rome I want your cock, please don’t…don’t make me beg.” She tells him with an agonized expression. 

“Beg? Oh baby, I’m about to beg you to let me give it to you!” He hisses, gently he withdraws his hand from her, she groans in frustration. Rome takes his fingers to his mouth and sucks her taste from them, locking eyes with her. “You taste so fucking good Ellie, I’ll never have enough of this!” He groans. 

“Will…you let me taste you one day?” She asks shyly, an interesting assortment of emotions cross Roman’s face.

“Let you?” He chokes, “I…can not think about this right now, love. I already want you more than I can bear, the idea of your…” His whole body shuttered, “Yes, yes I will let you do whatever you want to my body. But for now…I need you to lay back for me.” He says, gently nudging her to her back. She complies readily. Roman rises over her body, placing a big hand beside her head, to support his weight, he brings his face to hers and kisses her softly, against her lips he whispers, “Spread your legs for me, love.” She instantly complies, he gently lowers himself to her body, so that his hips rest between hers, his shaft against her belly. He kisses her leisurely and slowly, cupping her breast gently in his hand. 

“Roman…that…hurts.” She tells him, “the baby…” She explains but he instantly stops, cupping her face with his hand instead. 

“Tell me where you want me to touch you, Ellie.” He whispers.

“Can…you kiss me, harder?” She says, he readily complies, twining his tongue with hers, drawing it into his mouth. He kisses her fiercely, until they are sharing breaths, until she is shaking with desire. She breaks the kiss, looking at him with wild desperation again.  “I want you inside me,” She tells him. 

He looks at her face, his brows furrow, as he shifts his weight to kneel between her legs. Carefully he slides her legs up, he fists his length, running his hand up and down his shaft as he looks at her. Her face flames but her mouth opens on a gasp of desire. Gently he guides himself to her entrance. He places the crown of his cock against her, sliding up and down her cleft, wetting it in her arousal. She squirms and shakes from the sensation, his own hands are shaking. He clamps one of his big hands, on to her hip to hold her still, and looking into her bright beautiful moss green eyes, he rolls his hips with a shallow thrust and….

****

Elle woke up reaching for Milo…and then realized she was alone, and…so turned on she couldn’t think straight. Placing her shaking hands to her face, she swore foully. Hating her body, her subconscious, this stupid bed, her past self…Fuck you Eleanore! Running an aggravated hand through her hair, she tried to get her breathing under control. She swore she could still feel…nope, you can not feel shit, you fucking psycho. She told herself firmly. For one hot second she seriously considered going to Milo’s room, and just launching herself at him, rip whatever clothes he had on off his body, with her fucking teeth if she had to, and just…but…then she felt the shiver of apprehension. The remembrance of how it had felt toward the end…how out of control, and out of her body she had felt, and quickly quashed that idea. 

All horny fun and games until all of his past lives come to fucking play, at the same god damned time!  She groaned, so sexually frustrated and…still feeling deeply uncomfortable. All she wanted was him, sex with just him was fantastic, amazing even. There had been a moment before it had all gone to shit where she had felt so connected to him, looking into his eyes…and then his eyes hadn’t been his eyes anymore. 

Feeling herself on the verge of tears again, she rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Not fucking thinking about this!! She could almost feel her shit pile of non thoughts dangerously tottering with this latest doozy, but it held and soon her exhaustion took her under.

****

 He clamps one of his big hands onto her hip to hold her still, and looking into her bright beautiful moss green eyes, he rolls his hips with a shallow thrust and enters her, feeding her his thick length, inch by inch. She gasps as she feels his body invading hers. But there is no pain, only the feeling of being stretched. As he fills her, she looks into his eyes, moaning with the sensation of it, and once he is seated deeply within her, as far as he can. He stills, looking at her with adoration and love. He leaveres himself over her body then, placing his forearms on either side of her head, as he comes down to her body he kisses her. But he does not thrust, even as his body trembles with need. He stays perfectly still, allowing her to adjust to his size.

“Roman…” She gasps, looking at him, he smiles at her cupping her cheek.

“My beautiful bride,” He whispers, “Oh, you feel so good baby, how are we doing?”

“Good, oh so, so good,” She told him, breath hitching in pleasure. 

“Do you want me to move inside of you?” He asks her, “Or, do you need another moment to adjust?”

“Move for me,” She whispers, he grins at her as he slowly pulls out of her and then drives his hips home, she gasps, her hands flying to his face, to hold him above her. “Again!” She pleads, and he does, this time a bit harder, she arches her body underneath him. Grasping his shoulders, her nails dig in. “Ahh faster,” She manages.

“Look at me, Ellie,” he demands as he drives his hips faster, plunging himself in and out of her tight sheath. She does, her face tortured as he moves. “That’s it baby, let it go for me, I’ve got you, how does this feel?” He asks as he stirs himself inside her, she cries out in pleasure.

“More!” She demands, and he laughs as he gives her more. He finds a pace to her liking, and she enthusiastically encourages him, spurring him on. Grinding herself against him, desperate for more of his delicious body, she brings her legs up, and wraps them around his waist, and he grasps the back of her thigh with one of his hands, and drives her body up toward him, holding her where he wants her. 

“Eleanore,” he rasps, looking at her with a tortured smile, “I love you,” She arches her back, to take more of him, and closes her eyes as she feels him everywhere, inside of her, around her surrounding her…but it’s more than that, its an everlasting thread, that shoots through her life, all of her moments, tied together, and connected, connected to this beautiful, glorious man. 

He cradles her head, as he moves against her, raining kisses against her skin. He caresses her face, bringing his lips to her in a hot wild claiming kiss, that makes her go wild underneath him. She feels him become even harder within her, and she gasps at the sensation. He slides his hand down from her face, over the pulse point in her neck, down between her tender breasts, over her flat stomach. He spreads her folds gently, using his thumb and ring finger, the one with his wedding ring on it, and runs his middle finger against her nub. She screams at the sensation. He takes the sound into his mouth, moving in time with his hand on her and his tongue in her mouth. Her hands fly to his hair, grasping him to her, kissing him with her unpracticed but enthusiastic mouth, he groans, driving his hips harder. 

He breaks the kiss, his eyes flash open as he watches her face, and she his. His expression is so raw, tortured, and adoring, he looks at her as if he can not bare to ever look away. As if she is the most beautiful, precious thing in his entire world. And she realizes with a start that she is…her brain locks on what he had said to her, and her breaths come out rasping and hard…he loved her! He really really loves her! She feels wetness on her face, and realizes she is weeping from pleasure, and…

“Roman!” She screams as she feels her sheath spasm, as she feels herself coming to the edge, “Roman, I love you, oh I’ve always…always loved you!” She screams as she falls over the edge, cuming for him, screaming his name at the last, she feels him bellow at the same time, the sound so loud that it vibrates his chest against her, her sheath milks him, as he arches above her, the pleasure so intense that for a moment her vision goes black. The unbearable tension breaking, as wave upon wave of searing aching pleasure hit her…for a moment she feels she may die.

And when she comes around, he is gently cradling her against him, raining kisses against her heated face, telling her how he adores her, how he loves her, how he will never want another for his entire life, and she smiles weakly at him, too exhausted for words, too happy and content to think, tears have sprung from her during the throes and he tenderly wipes them from her face. She hastily tries to tell him that they are not sadness, but he kisses her to stop her and simply whispers he knows. Her body fully sated, she curls into him, grasping him to her.

“When…when can we do this again?” She manages, he laughs as he kisses the top of her head.

“As often, and whenever you want, baby.” He promises. “But I think you might need a break now, yes?” 

“20 minutes, at most.” She whispers, feeling herself falling asleep.

****

Whatever bee had flown up Elle’s ass and rattled the shit out of her must be getting some sort of family discount for its services, seeing as how it had also been up Milo’s as well. Max thought raggedly watching her aggressively slam butter onto her toast. Not twenty minutes before this, Milo had come down stairs, poured a cup of coffee, gulped it down and angrily tossed the mug so hard into the sink it had broken. 

His twin had glared at him, as if daring him to say something before he had stormed off, muttering angrily under his breath about…cats? Now Elle was angrily muttering under her breath…about Romans? What the fuck was happening in this house?

“Are you…okay?” He ventured, sure he was going to regret asking. She turned and speared him with a furious expression.

“Fucking butter is cold!” She growled, throwing her toast down onto the counter. 

“There’s…chocolate spread?” He offered.

“Do I look like I want god damned fucking chocolate spread, Max?!?!? DO I!?” She demanded enraged, throwing her toast into the sink, slamming her hand down hard on the counter, and then swearing like a sailor as she cut her hand on a piece of broken pottery from Milo’s mug. “Fuck right off! Who the fuck leaves broken shards of a mug in the kankerhoer sink!!” She raged.

“Uh…” Max began looking at her wide eyed.

“No you know what! Fuck you!” She glowered, turning to him, blood pouring from her cut. “Fuck you! Fuck your mom! Fuck your stupid klootviool Medical degree, fuck all your idiot brothers, and fuck this stupid motherless son of a whore mug!” She screamed, grabbing his coffee mug off the counter and hurling it into the sink. Before inexplicably bursting into tears. She rubbed her bloodied hand across her face streaking tears and blood all over herself. “And…fuck me for…believing…fuck.” She mumbled, storming out of the kitchen.’

Max stared after her, absolutely and utterly horrified and confused.

“What…the fuck…” He whispered.

****

By evening, the house felt so tense, as Max watched Elle all but run away from Milo any time his shadow so much as darkened a room. And each time Milo looked like he had been kicked hard in the balls. Earlier his twin had thrust Elle’s cat into Maeve’s hands and asked her to make sure Elle got it, before wandering off to do god knows what.

It would have been ridiculous, even maybe funny if both of them didn’t look devastated. If his twin didn’t look like he was on the verge of hyperventilating, if Elle didn’t hurriedly wipe away tears as she escaped him, always shooting one last longing look at him before she left. What the fuck had happened between them? 

He had guesses, but honestly he couldn’t put it together, and from Milo’s confused hurt face, neither could he. Maeve and he had found Milo’s clothes strewn around the pool and seating area, and when they’d returned them, his twin had thrown them into the garbage before slamming the door shut in their faces. Looking like he wanted to scream. Max knew that suit was one of his favorites, a custom piece he’d had tailored in Paris, one he had once threatened to cut Max’s hands off for borrowing…

And when Maeve had gone to return the cat to Elle, Elle had thrust Milo’s hoodie into her hands, thanked her and closed the door, looking on the verge of tears. Maeve had confided that when she had handed back the sweater to Milo, he had unconsciously caressed it, and when he had thought Maeve had walked away he’d put it to his face and inhaled Elle’s scent from it.

Whatever was happening between the two of them…neither of them wanted it. 

Max sat in the living room watching the staircase, waiting for one or both or frankly either of them to come downstairs. He genuinely did not care which one, he had had enough of this, one, or either, or both of them were going to tell him what the fuck had happened, and he was going to force them to sort their shit out.

Milo walked down absentmindedly, heading toward the front door, Max launched himself from his seat, and grabbed his twin by the shoulders.

“You!” Max growled, dragging a surprised Milo back into the living room, shoving him onto the couch, “Talk, now!” 

“What the fuck!” Milo hissed at him, getting up, Max shoved him back with all his strength.

“NO! You fucking talk, now!” He glowered at his twin, vibrating, “Or we go outside and I’ll kick the shit out of you, and then we can talk!”

“Get up then!” Milo roared, jumping up, “Come kick my ass, please kick my fucking ass, make me feel something other than this!”

“Talk to me! What the fuck happened!?” Max roared back at him. “What did you do to her?”

“I don’t….I don’t know,” Milo stammered, all the fight gone from him, as he fell back on the couch, head in hands. “I don’t know what I did, but now…she won’t even look at me!”

“What happened that night?” Max asked, his tone softer. “Come on, let me help you. Talk to me!” Milo looked at him considering, at this point he felt he really had nothing to lose and the situation seemed to just be getting worse between Elle and himself.

“I…asked her to be my girlfriend,” he began, looking away from his twin, placing his head into his hand, pressing his temples with his thumb and ring finger.

“Okay,” Max intoned, sitting down beside him, “And she said no?”

“She said yes…she said fuck yes actually,” He replied, a ghost of a smile on his face at the memory. “It was all going so…well.”

“And then what happened?” Max encouraged, watching his brother carefully.

“I…took her to bed…” He muttered, “We…uh…” 

“Had sex? So…?” Max supplied, rolling his hand in a carry-on gesture.

“...for the first time,” Milo mumbled under his breath.

“Oh…” Max said, recovering surprised. “And what you guys didn’t…”

“No…uh it was good, fucking great,” Milo said his face flaming, “But what the fuck do I know…I’ve never…”

“Wait…wait,” Max said, eyes widening, staring at his brother, “Was that…your first time ever?”

“Yes,” Milo breathed, humiliated.

“...with Elle?” Max asked just to be sure.

“With…anyone,” Milo intoned through clenched teeth.

“Oh shit,” Max groaned under his breath, “You…lost your virginity…at 27…to Elle…2 days ago?!” 

“Yeah, you know what, this isn’t helping me,” Milo growled, getting up, Max jumped up grabbing his shoulder to stop him from leaving.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m…just…surprised is all.” He said to his twin hastily. “It’s not as if you…haven’t had offers.”

“I didn’t want anyone else,” He hissed, turning to look at his twin with an agonized expression on his face, “Would you want another woman after Maeve?” He demanded.

“No,” Max said, “But..that’s a little different no? We are married…”

“I’ve been married to her, literally dozens of times,” He explained, “How could I want another woman? It always felt like…cheating.” Max couldn’t deny that logic.

“Okay,” he said finally, “So…did she know that was your first time?”

“We didn’t have a whole conversation about it, but…I had told her I hadn’t been with anyone else.” He told Max. “Do you…think it was off putting?”

“No,” Max said frowning, “It’s actually…kind of sweet.”

“So then…what did I do wrong?” he asked his twin, spearing him with a helpless look. “I keep replaying the whole thing, and…she was…it was…good. I felt like I was so connected to her…”

“Well, I mean you were a virgin,” Max muttered.

“What…does that mean?” Milo asked sharply.

“Don’t get offended,” Max started, “But…sex is complicated for women, and maybe…it wasn’t as good for her as it was for you?”

“She…umm…” He mumbled.

“Came?” Max offered, “Are you…sure? Look there’s no shame in sucking at it, all of us are terrible our first time out the gate you know? Julian made a girl literally cry, and I lasted like 5 seconds,” 

“It was good,” Milo insisted.

“Listen, we are…big men, and that is a very tiny woman, is there…any chance you hurt her?” Max offered. Milo’s face blanched as he remembered…

“Oh…fuck…” He hissed, “Maybe initially…”

“Okay so…” Max let his sentence trail. 

“I don’t think that’s…what this is,” Milo told him honestly, though now the thought was in his head…is she running away from me because the sex was that bad?

“I mean it's a real bitchy thing to do,” Max mumbled.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her…” Milo began feeling like shit.

“No, not you,” Max interrupted, “Her, she should have told you things were going wonky instead of avoiding you like you have the plague. Immature as fuck to leave you hanging, thinking you suck in bed, and giving you no room to improve.” Milo glared at his twin.

“I don’t think that’s what…” he began.

“Was it her first time too?” Max demanded.

“No?” Milo replied confused, “Why does that matter?”

“It’s fucking bullshit! So she knows you’ve never been with anyone but her, and she can’t just use her big girl words and tell you what she wants? Or whatever? No, that's absolute garbage!”  Max growled, working himself up. “You were a virgin, how are you supposed to know what to do?”

“I was a virgin, not simple…” Milo said, seriously getting annoyed.

“You fucking saved yourself for her, and this is how she treats you? Fuck that!” Max roared.

“Can you maybe stop screaming that?! Jesus!” Milo glowered, face flaming. “Our mother probably doesn’t need to know her son was deflowered two days ago!”

“Exactly! She deflowered you, and now she won’t come near you! Just used you and threw you out like trash! Fucking bullshit!” Max yelled.

“Holy shit, please shut up!” Milo hissed, grabbing his twin by the shoulders and shaking him.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of here…” Max began reassuringly.

“Shut up!” Milo hissed urgently, “Please shut up! I’ll fucking give you all of my clothes if you will just shut the fuck up!!”

“That bitch!” Max continued furiously.

“Don’t fucking call her a bitch!” Milo roared, “She’s not a bitch!”

“Fucking bitchy thing to do!” Max roared back.

“Shut the fuck up about her!” Milo yelled, getting in his twin's face. 

“Jesus Christ, I’m on your side!” Max glowered, throwing his hands up.

“There’s no sides! Don’t talk about her like that! She…I fucked up, this is on me, not her…don’t…call her a bitch.” Milo managed through clenched teeth.

“Oh…fuck me…you are in love with her aren’t you?” Max sighed.

“Yes,” Milo muttered under his breath.

“Oh Milo…I’m sorry.” Max said, patting his twin on the shoulder awkwardly. Milo shrugged, looking away.

“Maybe…I just don’t deserve this woman…” Milo muttered, frowning, rubbing his hand absently over his chest like it hurt. “I should have taken better care of her…”

“Kankerlijer…” Max muttered under his breath.

****

“Lass, I feel like you are avoiding me…” He intones from behind her. She feels a shiver down her spine as she looks over her shoulder at him.

“I…” She begins, face flaming behind her veil.

“Probably because you are.” he offers, glaring at her. “And I want to ken why?”

“I’m not…” She tries, her voice unnaturally high.

“Really? So it was no’ you I saw running away from me like the devil himself was at your heels?” He asks, his tone caught between irritation and amusement. “Lass, I do no’ like this, you need to tell me what I have done…”

“You haven’t done anything.” She whispers, her voice shaking. 

“Then why are you no’ looking at me?” He demands.

“I can’t look at you…” She whimpers, her body shaking.

“Why no’?” He asks, his voice silky smooth as he moves toward her, “You had no’ problem looking at me in the library…”

“That’s…that’s why,” She manages, her breaths labored.

“Because we’ve been together?” He offers, arching an eyebrow at her. “Did you…no’ like what we did together?”

“It’s not…” she clears her throat, looking away, “Not the point,” 

“Then…what is the point?” He asks, now directly behind her, his hands land gently on her shoulders and she shivers. “Lass, I need to understand what has happened between us, it’s no’ right to let me fester…”

“I’m not…I’m…” She turns to look at him now, “I can’t…”

“You are acting as if I am demanding something of you,” He whispers,  he reaches gently to her face removing her veil to look at her, his brows furrow. “What is the matter lass?”

“You have demanded!” she hisses at him with wide lost eyes. She takes a step back from him, not wanting him to realize how much she longed for his touch.

“You asked me to remove my clothes Lass, you asked me…” He reminds her, taking a step toward her.

“You…You seduced me!” She cries out, looking at him with panic.

“Aye, I did,” He agrees readily, “But you let me, what’s more you wanted me to,” 

“I…did,” She agrees, “I can’t…be trusted around you,” She breathes and he stifles a laugh.

“Lass I can no’ hand myself over to you on a more silvered platter than I have already, what do you want?”  He asks, his deep voice resonant with his desire, as he continues coming toward her even as she backs away.

“I would have…laid with you,” She whispers in horror, “Given up my only protection…”

“I am your protection,” He growls at her, “You are my woman, lass we established this, in grave detail, do no’ pretend it did no’ happen, when it did,” 

“This is dangerous, you are…dangerous,” She whispers, her breathing hard, as he backs her into the wall, the same one…she gasps. 

“Aye, I am dangerous,” he agrees, “So dangerous…to those who endanger what is mine,”

“Aiden…” She tries chest heaving. “We can’t…”

“We, have” He insists, his eyes close as he inhales her sweet scent. 

“It did not happen like that…” She tries desperately now.

“Your maiden’s blood was on my fingers, lass,” he reminds her, brushing his lips against her throat, her body shivers, “You and I both saw it, you know what it means.”

“That I am…ruined,” She stammers, tears forming in her eyes.

“It means, you are mine,” He glowered, flashing his silvery blue eyes open to stare into hers, his face softens and his brows furrow as he takes in her terror struck face. “Lass, why do you run from me?”

“We didn’t…sleep together,” She reminds him, her breaths hitching, 

“No, we did no’ but…we did everything but Lass, I took your maidenhead, does it matter if it was with my fingers or my cock?” He asks her, gently, looking at her with tenderness, “You are mine lass, I will no’ have anyone but you,”

“He will kill us both…” She whispers agonized.

“Marry me!” He demands his jaw clenching, “Let me worry about the rest of it,”  She shakes her head no, tears spilling forth.  “Why!? In God’s name why?” He grates infuriated. “Tell me that at least!” 

“I wanted you, and I…but I can not marry you.” She whispers, her voice coming in choking breaths.

“Wanted…as in past tense?” He hisses, a note of panic in his voice.

“It’s passed…” She lies, looking away. But he is having none of it, he cradles her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him.

“Say it, look me in my eyes and tell me you feel nothing for me lass, tell me that and I will never darken your door again,” He growls furiously. She can not say it, even though she is desperate to protect him, she can not tell him this specific lie. 

“I…can not…” she manages, looking away.

“Then…what is this?” He demands, “Why will you no’...” 

“Please Aiden, please…you have to let me go,” She whimpers, “You have to!”

“Never!” He intones, her whole body trembles at his words.

“Please…” She begs, her voice breaking.

“Tell me why lass, tell me why you wish me to leave you,” He asks her gently. 

“Because…” Because she loves him, she realizes with a start, she loves him so much she would rather never have him again than be the reason for his downfall…her eyes flash up at him, unable to breath as she realizes she has never loved another the way she loves him, that she will never be the same for having known him, that she is altered permanently…that she will be his destruction…

****

Elle rose feeling nauseated, and…guilty. She felt as if she was Milo’s destruction, as if she had made his life unduly harder. Part of her wanted desperately to go to him, to confide in him, to have his comfort. But she could not do it, she could not open herself up and tell him. To burden him further…given time he would get over this, get over her. There was nothing that special about her after all, surely she was not worth the trouble.

He might even be relieved to not have to deal with this, surely this was more than could be expected of him to handle? He could have a normal relationship with another woman, why would he want this specific bullshit…with her? There was nothing about Elle that would make having to deal with these…hallucinations worthwhile, of that she was sure.

The thing was that Milo was an exceedingly kind man, the sort of person that would want to help her if he knew. He would become entrapped because of his own selfless nature, and Elle could not, would not stand for that. Sighing deeply she got up from her bed, resigning herself to another shitty day.

She pulled a hoodie over her head, and another pair of sweatpants on, ran a disgruntled hand through her hair, and headed downstairs to grab something to eat, before anyone else woke up. She had decided that she was going to leave the cabin today, after breakfast. There really was no reason for her to continue staying here, surely at this point she had well and truly met the living hell out of Milo…fucking intimately. Surely that would rid her past life stalker from her life, hadn’t that been what Ute had said? 

He definitely had me before you did you fucking piece of shit rapist monster…she thought angrily, before shuttering at the memory of that night. Nope…still not ready for that.

****

Elle walked into the kitchen and almost jumped out of her skin when she saw Max eating a piece of toast. Even more shocking was the angry hostile expression on his face when he glared up at her.

“What?” Elle hissed at him angrily, her back up.

“It’s 5 in the morning, can’t sleep or are you just trying to find new ways to hurt my brother?” Max growled at her. Elle flinched at that.

“I’m not trying to hurt him,” She whispered, “I’m just…getting breakfast,”

“Fuck that,” He spat, “You know exactly what you’re doing!” 

“...getting toast?” She said, glaring at him.

“Avoiding him, for 3 days, after you took his virginity!?” Max hissed at her, Elle’s jaw dropped as she tried to process that information.

“What…?”She breathed, her voice shaking. “...No…”

“Oh yes!” Max raged, getting out of his seat, “He waited 27 fucking years, for you! Goes out of his way to plan this whole extravagant night, for you! And you can’t even tell him what he did wrong?!” 

“I…no…what?” She sputtered, horrorstruck. “He was not…”

“He fucking was!” Max roared, “And you know that because he fucking told you!” 

“He never told me that!” Elle roared back, “What…no, it’s not…fucking possible!” Her tone bordering on hysteria.

“Yeah it is possible! You think he would just lie about that!?” He demanded, “You are a bitch!” He growled inches from Elle’s face. 

“What the fuck are you doing!?” Milo yelled, getting in between them and pushing his twin back so hard he would have fallen had he not grabbed the counter. 

“What you should be doing! Which is confronting this…” Max roared, glaring at Elle. Milo’s fist cocked back and connected so hard into his brother’s stomach, he crumpled.

“Don’t you ever! Ever fucking scream at her again!” Milo roared, fury on every line of his face, “Get the fuck away from her!” He turned to look at Elle, breathing hard concern replacing his rage. “Are you…okay?” 

“Am I okay?! Am I fucking Okay?! Are you fucking serious right now!?” She exploded, “I took your virginity?!” She demanded, he frowned confused.

“Yes, we…talked about this, I told you I hadn’t been with anyone…” He sputtered, taking in her expression, Max was still groaning trying to take in a pained breath.

“Don’t…don’t mind me…just…dying,” Max choked out.

“You’re lucky you still have teeth, kankerhoer!” Milo glowered at him. 

“Krijg... kankertyfus, bitch!” Get cancertyphus, bitch! Max hissed at him. 

“You’re fine, stop acting like a baby, I barely hit you,” Milo retorted.

“We did not talk about that!” Elle howled redirecting him, head in hands. “I would have remembered that conversation!”

“I told you…” Milo began looking at her supremely confused. “When we…during…” 

“You said you’d never been with anyone…my size…” She sputtered, she felt like she was being choked as the whole conversation came back to her…”You said…”

“I said I had never been with anyone,” He finished “You…didn’t…realize…” he let his sentence trail, before turning on his twin triumphantly. “I told you it wasn’t bad!!”

“You told Max about sleeping with me!?” Elle demanded, her face flaming, so angry she felt like she might throw something at Milo.

“Said…said he loved your bitch ass!” Max stammered out, between labored breaths. Elle’s entire face changed, she looked as if she’d been struck, she exhaled so sharply, she looked like she was going to fall.

“You…you love me…” She gasped out, she placed both hands over her mouth, looking at him like it hurt her to.

“Elle…” Milo began, panicked. “It's…not that big of a deal…”

“You loving me isn’t that big of a deal?” She repeated incredulously, “Oh...fuck me I can’t do this, I can not do this right now, or godverdomme ever…” With that she ran, as if her life depended on it, out of the kitchen straight out the front door, to her car. She was leaving, she simply had to leave…he loves me…he fucking loves me!?!?

As she pulled open her driver's door, Milo’s hand slammed into it shutting the door hard, caging her with his body.

“Like fuck are you leaving me right now!” He growled at her. Elle cast a look at his face and swallowed, he looked positively demented, breathing like he had ran a marathon, looking like he wanted to both throttle her and hold her. “And just where do you think you’re going?”

“Home…” She muttered, nervously chewing on her lip.

“No the fuck you’re not!” He raged, “You are not fucking leaving, until we have this out! I’ve had enough of this Elle.”

“Then you should definitely let me leave,” She told him, breathing hard. His jaw clenched so hard, she thought he might crack a tooth, he looked away from her trying to compose himself.

“You are not leaving me, not until you tell me what the hell is going on.” He told her finally, his voice shaking but softer.

“So what,you’re going to force me to stay?” She demanded, infuriated. 

“Why are you like this?!” He roared, grabbing his head with both hands, looking like he wanted to rip his hair out, “I don’t want to force you to do anything! I just…fuck I love you! Alright, I love you! And I don’t know what I did wrong!” Elle gaped at him, gasping in breaths not sure what to say or do in the moment, he framed her face in both of his shaking hands, a tortured tormented look on his handsome face. 

“I just…I miss you! I love you! I don’t want to lose you!” He told her voice shaking, “Why…why do you want to leave me? What did I do wrong?” As he spoke, Elle took in his face, he looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes, he clearly hadn’t shaved since their date…even his hair looked less tousled and more of a mess. Elle felt desperate in that moment, terror, panic…and an ache in her chest that felt like he had taken her heart…

“I…I don’t…want to leave you…” She managed, looking at him starkly, “I just…I don’t know how…to do this.”

“Do what?” He demanded, “I’m not asking you to love me back Elle, just…talk to me! Tell me what’s happened?”

“I don’t know how to do that!” She insisted, “I don’t know how to…communicate, I don’t know how to ask for help…” She whispered.

“Help…?” He repeated, his voice gentle now. “Schatje…what’s happening? Tell me, let me…in.” She started gasping out breaths now, her heart pounding, tears started to pour down her face, he tenderly wiped them away. “What’s the matter, why are you so afraid…I didn’t mean to yell at you like this…”  

Elle wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself to his body, planting her face into his chest, she started to bawl, uncontrollably. It took him no time to respond, bringing his arms around her, cradling her head, wrapping her so tight that for a second she really felt like everything was going to be okay. The relief of being in his arms, feeling safe for the first time in days, made her knees suddenly weak, and as they went out from under her, he caught her weight, bracing her against him. Whispering, soothing, calm, things to her in English and Dutch, comforting her, even though…I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve this man…

****

No…no, NOOO! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?! His head felt like a cleaver had been taken to it, splitting and furiously raw. It was as if the horrific feeling from the night their souls had touched came back to him, tenfold, so strong it made him want to vomit. Memories assailed him so many, one after the other, this lifetime, others, blending, layering until it was a fully incoherent mess, filled with his seething hatred. Betrayed…she betrays me again!

Her son is such a useful tool to control her, he thinks. She’d do anything for him, and that is the tether that keeps her from running away from him in her mind, while he does what he wants to her. He so enjoys his little games with her again, torturing her, humiliating her, making her cry again, fucking delicious. All he has to do is hang her son’s life over her head, and she dances for him like a little scared monkey. Doing whatever depraved, cruel, disgusting thing that comes to his mind as soon as the words are uttered. The knowledge that her sacrifices mean nothing in terms of preserving the boy only serves to amuse him more. Not one thing she does keeps him alive, or unharmed, that price has already been paid, literally in gold. 

He is the master of his domain yet again, controlling what he will as he wills. He strides to his inner courtyard, to the newly rebuilt fountain he chose to move inward, lest his monstrous brother destroy it again. His mother had commissioned this fountain for her empress palace, and when Hadrian came to power, Hadeon had had it taken apart and rebuilt in his home. A small victory over his brother, that he’d clearly never really forgotten about. Agrippa had so favored her younger son, and it had infuriated Hadrian. Can’t have everything brother…

“...tell me again!” The boy’s shrieking voice interrupts his dark musings, and he pulls to a stop.

“Alright, my love, but only if you will sit still and listen properly,” She scolds, gently, indulgently. He hides himself to listen, surprised to hear his wife sound so…happy?

“Was he tall? What did he look like?! What was he like?” The boy demands rapid fire, and she laughs. Hadeon grows cold…surely she does not dare to speak of HIM…

“He was very tall, and he looked just like you. Dark hair, golden eyes, and dimples.” She tells the boy sweetly, the nostalgia in her tone makes him furious. “He was very funny, and when he laughed…it was like honey poured over thunder. He was so smart, and resourceful, and strong…so strong.” 

“How did you meet?” The boy asks and she sighs wistfully. WISTFULLY!!

“We were children together, my sweet. The best of friends.” She tells him, sounding sad and far away. “I…loved him so much, for so long. When they took him away from me as a boy…I thought my heart would never be whole again.”  She stops here for a moment, clearly remembering, fucking fondly the man she gave her virtue to. Stupid whore! “When I saw him again as a man…I’ve never been happier, until the day you were born, my love.” 

“So…you loved my father?” The boy asks, and she snorts.

“I love your father still.” She corrects, “I’ll always, always love him, even when my bones are dust, even when there is nothing left of me, my love for him will remain.”

“What was his name?” He asks, and she sucks in a breath.

“My boy, I haven’t said his real name out loud in so long…” She whispers, “...we used to call him…Rex…” 

“Like King?” The boy asks delightedly, and she chuckles.

“He was so regal, like a king, but he wasn’t one.” She explains, “He was so noble, he…died to protect us.” Regal?! LIKE A KING??! That whoreson centurion died at his feet like the common beggar that he was! His face beaten to a bloody pulp, in filthy rags, bereft of any godsdamned dignity and she, this mutinous vile whore dares to liken him to a fucking king?!

“Did he…would he have…liked me?” The boy asks hesitantly.

“He would have loved you, and been so proud of you. Did you know your father taught himself to read, just like you?” She asks, “He was so smart, that’s where you get all your brains, dearling, it’s certainly not from your witless mother.” 

“Mama…” The boy whispers, voice trembling, “You…say…I look just like him…was he…am I…ugly?” 

“Ugly?!” She demands furiously, “Oh my sweet! Why would you think that? No, Ronan, you look just like your father, and he was the most beautiful man to ever live! In all ways, inside and out, there has never been a finer, more wonderful man, than my Rex!” His rage crests here, even now, years after his death she STILL loves him?! The betrayal he feels in his chest at her words, that she would still have such strong feelings for a common soldier, who fucking defiled her?! He swiftly turns from them and strides away, she’ll pay for this, for speaking of HIM in his godsdamned fucking house! He’ll make her suffer for still loving him, for her deceit and betrayal, he’ll make her fucking bleed! She deserves nothing but pain for this!

How can she feel this way about someone who isn’t even alive? How can she feel this way about someone who isn’t me…?!

****

Later, as she lay wrapped in his arms, surrounded by blankets in the seating area of their room, with Felix in her lap, she tried to explain what had happened to him again. With his infinite patience he had said nothing, even when she had become agitated and stopped talking several times. 

“I…” She tried again, his big hand caressed her cheek as he looked down at her, waiting for her to find the words. “The dreams…it was like the dreams but…I was…awake.”  He nodded his head. “Only…it wasn’t like the dreams at all…because…it was real…but over your face…” 

“What was over my face?” He asked, confused.

“Their faces…were over your face.” She muttered.

“You weren’t seeing my face when we were intimate?” He supplied. She nodded her head. “Whose…face were you seeing?”

“All…of them…” She said looking away from him, he made a sound in his chest.

“All of them? At once?” He asked, sounding choked.

“At the end…yes.” She told him. His arm around her tightened.

“That sounds terrifying.” He whispered, brushing his lips to her forehead. “I’m so sorry, if I had known…”

“I felt…things too.” She whispered looking far off now, “Like…their hands on me, their…various appendages…in me…”  She let her sentence trail. He tilted her face to look at her expression, his was stark.

“We don’t ever have to do that again.” He told her fiercely. “I am so sorry, I can not imagine how violating that must have felt for you.” 

“Wait…what?” She demanded sitting up now, turning to face him. “Are you…serious?”

“Of course!” He told her, brows furrowed.

“You’ll just be fine never having sex with me again?” She clarified.

“Yes,” He said simply, looking at her like she was demented, “How could I want to have sex with you if it causes you distress?” 

“Because you're a man?” She shrugged.

“Right, I am a grown man, not an uncontrollable beast, I waited 27 years for you, and since it’s not good for you, we don’t have to do it again…why are you looking at me like this?” He asked, genuinely confused. 

“Was it…bad?” She asked, honestly unable to wrap her head around what he was saying to her.

“No, it was amazing,” He retorted, “I felt like…I was connected to you, like we were…one.” 

“Oh,” She whispered, blushing. “And still…you’d be good with not doing that again?”

“I don’t know how many ways I can tell you that you mean more to me than sex…” He told her, sounding irritated. “I love you, as long as I get to have you in my life, sex is…” He shrugged, as if to say it meant nothing. Her eyes rounded, in shock.

“This is…wild.” She muttered.

“Jesus Elle, who the fuck have you been dating?” He demanded, “If it hurts…why keep doing it?”

“It…didn’t hurt…” She corrected, “It…was…overwhelming, but it didn’t hurt…” 

“Oh?” He asked, brows furrowed. 

“I mean…I could feel how much you…umm all of the yous loved me, and all of the yous were touching me with…” She rolled her hand in a you-know-what-I-mean gesture. “And before that…before that was incredible.”

“Incredible?” He asked, tilting his head to look at her. “Like…how incredible?”

“Best sex I’ve ever had incredible,” She mumbled, “Like coming home to someone who adores me, like connection, like…holy fuck this dude’s demon dick is going to ruin my life incredible.” 

“Demon dick?” He asked, trying not to laugh and failing at it.

“Yeah, like…life destroying-ly good dick,” She informed him. “You are…very, very good at the sex.”

“Anytime you want to go downstairs and casually announce that to my kankerhoer twin by all means, you have my blessing.” He told her laughing, “Fucker gave me such a complex about it,”

“It was, astoundingly good,” She assured him. “Right until it wasn’t…” 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, the humor gone from his voice.

“It’s bullshit,” She hissed, getting angry, “I swear I feel like I just can’t ever catch a break! I just…want to have sex with you! Not like all of the yous that have ever you’d! Just this you, just my you.” 

“I’m yours?” He asked, a slow smile on his face. 

“If you still want to be…” She muttered, “With my broken brain.”

“You aren’t broken,” He insisted, “You are…in an impossible situation.”

“Tell me about it! It’s not that I don’t want to know or understand our past lives, I just…also want to live this one, with you…”  She told him fiercely. “I know you kept your memories and obviously they are really important to you, but to me…I hate this. You are the most incredible, wonderful, fantastic man I have ever met and I can’t even enjoy it! I just want you! I just want to live in the here and now!”

“Schatje, that’s what I want as well,” He told her gently, framing her face in his hands, “I don’t know why I chose to come back with this head full of bullshit, but…I don’t want it either. I just wanted you, if I could lose all these memories but keep you…find you, have you, be with you, and understand what you are to me without this? I would give it all up in a heartbeat.” 

“I guess I should be grateful you have these memories,” She mumbled, “You would never have given me a shot otherwise…”

“Fuck that!” He growled, “I would have wanted you anyways, I would have seen you and my heart would have launched into my throat, and I would have gone to any lengths to have you.”

“Sure,” She said, rolling her eyes.

“Do you know what I said to Max the night we met? Before he told me who you were?” He asked her, tilting his head.

“No, don’t speak Dutch, remember?” She teased.

“I asked him why he had brought someone so beautiful to my house in the middle of the night, actually I believe my exact wording was ‘Where did you find this angry goddess from, and why are you still here?’” He told her seriously.

“You did not,” She said laughingly.

“I did so, do you want to go ask Max?” He demanded.

“Can he talk since you broke his ribs?” She teased.

“He deserved that,” Milo told her, his face going hard, “Fucking yell at my woman in my house? He’s lucky I didn’t break his jaw, klootviool!” 

“Kankertyfus,” She agreed, he turned to her, arching an eyebrow. “What? Max said it!”

“It means Cancer-typhus,” He told her, “And it sounds stupid in both dutch and english,” 

“Agree to disagree, I like it! It’s going on my Dutch swear board,” She proudly informed him, he scrunched his nose at her, an odd expression on his face. “What?”

“I…love you so fucking much,” he muttered under his breath, looking at the cat when he said it. 

“Really? Was it cancer-typhus that did it? Or…when I meow- argued with the cat?” She asked teasingly, genuinely touched, but…humor; best defense mechanism ever…

“There was a point on our date, when we were dancing…your face got so bright, so happy, and I thought, I always wanted to see you smile like that, forever, and I just…” He let his sentence trail, a soft smile on his face.

“This is such bullshit!” She hissed, he blinked in surprise looking at her confused, “No not that, that’s beautiful and genuinely the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me,” She amended quickly, “Why can’t I just have this? Like laying in the arms of the man who loves me, and not have to tell him that sex with him is fucking tainted?!” She demanded furiously. He gently ran the back of his knuckles against her cheek soothingly.

“I don’t know,” He told her sadly, “I wish I had an answer or a solution to this, but we can figure this out, together.” 

“Can we?” She asked, locking eyes with him, “Because I don’t think the solution is us just never having sex again,”

“We will figure this out,” He told her firmly.  

“We are too attracted to each other,” She pointed out, “Like I’m going to see you shirtless or something and pounce on you…”

“Pounce away,” He retorted, “We can do…how did you put it? Other stuff.” She laughed at that.

“Is this a bad time to tell you I get these memories whenever we fool around,” She asked, arching both brows. 

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” He demanded, “Elle…”

“So you see our predicament,” She offered. “They aren’t as overwhelming, but to be honest…maybe it’s because we didn’t go all the way before.”

“Or…because we did something different this time?” He wondered out loud, his clever mind working on the problem. “Explain to me what you see when we are fooling around? Does my face change?”

“Sometimes,” She conceded, he frowned, “But it’s usually for less time and not as…physically stimulating.” 

“When you are not remembering, what are we doing then?” He asked. She gave him a droll look. “No I mean, are we…speaking to each other? Am I touching you in a specific way? Is there something keeping you here with me?”

“I mean when you talk to me…I feel like…” She frowned as she tried to remember.

“Talk to you…my voice, maybe it’s a tether for you.” He said thoughtfully. “Toward the end of our….interlude I don’t believe I spoke to you at all,” 

“No, you said something in Dutch, and then it was…memories.” She whispered. “What did you say?” His face went red.

“I…may have…told you I loved you…” He mumbled. 

“When we were having sex?” She asked, tilting her head to look at him.

“Yes,” He intoned, looking away.

“You walking cliche!” She groaned laughing, “Just inside me, ‘Elle I loooove you,’' She said, imitating his voice and accent. 

“I believe I said I love you so fucking much,” He corrected, smirking despite himself. “I was a virgin, you took my innocence, what can I say?” She burst out laughing at that.

“I mean I know my downstairs business is the top of the line, but I’ve never had someone just blurt out they love me in the throes, fucking Angel vagina!” She teased.

“Angel Pussy, and demon dick? Really Elle?” He groaned, now laughing himself. 

“It’s adorable, just a sweet flower of joy,” She told him earnestly. “It’s so good that once you’ve had it, it’s all just good life restoring decisions, ‘hmm I should invest in this company’ bam multimillionaire, ‘Oh I should definitely chase this woman outside and stop her from leaving!’ bam bomb ass girlfriend, like that.” 

“You are a bomb ass girlfriend,” He agreed. She rolled her eyes at that.

“A bomb ass girlfriend with communication issues, and a broken brain,” She sighed.

“Stop that,” He said sternly, “You are perfect the way you are, we will figure this thing out. As far as the communication thing…it’s a learned skill Elle, and clearly you’ve been surrounded by assholes who don’t listen to you anyways, so what would have been the point of trying to communicate with them? We will work this out together.” 

“Yeah but you’ve also been surrounded by assholes, and you are an excellent communicator,” She sighed. “I don’t know, maybe something is wrong with me.”

“I was a lawyer, and now a COO, communication is the most important part of both of those things,” He said simply, “It’s easy to be a good communicator when you are used to people doing what you want, which is why you are going to get so good at it, you’ve never met a man more motivated to give you what you want, what you deserve, than me.” 

“I deserve a slap is what I deserve,” She sighed, he frowned as he turned her face to his.

“I want to kiss you, Elle,” He told her, running his thumb against her lips. “May I?”

“Yes!” She blurted with urgency. 

He smiled at that, as he carefully slanted his mouth to hers, and brushed his lips against hers, softly, slowly, oh so gently. Elle grasped the nape of his neck and pulled him into her, deepening the kiss. His hand on her face caressed her jaw, gently sweeping his thumb against the corner of her lips. His tongue probed the seam of her lip, and she opened her mouth for him, he groaned against her lips at the contact, as he dwelled in, toying with her tongue. The arm around her waist tightened, as he pulled her closer to him, for long moments they shared breaths, as they adored each other’s mouths. Finally, he broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against hers, inhaling her scent.

“I missed you,” He whispered, “I missed you so fucking much, Elle.” His eyes flashed open to stare into hers at point blank range,  “I can’t do this again, I can’t be cut off from you when things get hard, or messy, it…hurts so much, you have to talk to me, no matter what it is, I will listen, but you have to talk to me.” 

“I missed you too,” She whispered, brows furrowed, “I wanted to…I wanted to come to you that morning, and just…lay in your arms and cry, but…”

“You should have,” He told her firmly, “You should have come to me, I would have held you and comforted you, schatje, I would do anything for you.” 

“I didn’t want to…burden you.” She mumbled.

“How could you ever burden me? You are everything I’ve ever wanted, I want to comfort you, I want to make things better for you, I want to be the place you go to when the world is not working out for you,” He told her gently, tilting his head to take in her expression.

“See when you say things like that…” She began nipping her lip.

“You think ‘my demon dick boyfriend is so incredible, and I want to communicate with him sooo badly,’” He said, imitating her voice and accent…badly.

“Ophh, why do I sound like a holiday witch?” She asked, scrunching her face in disgust. He rolled his eyes at her. “No but your Canadian accent is awful, it sounds like if Letterkenny had brain damage,” 

“Letterkenny?” He asked, confused. She widened both her eyes, jumping up off the couch, grabbing his hand.

“We are going downstairs right now and watching Letterkenny! Are you kidding me?! It’s like the most Canadian thing that has ever come out of Canada…after Degrassi.” She told him.

“Degrassi?” He asked, arching an eyebrow.

“O.M.G! Canada trash t.v  time!” She hissed, pulling him up. “You don’t want to see Mr. Aubrey Drake, international Canadian superstar and cripple who gets shot in the back?!”

“Wait…like Drake the rapper?” He asked, making a face.

“Canadian Rapper, thank you,” She told him drolly, “You are going to look me in my whole face and tell me you don’t want to see Drake get shot in the back?!” 

“Not…particularly.” He replied, smiling indulgently, “But, if that’s what you want, schatje, then let’s go watch Canadian superstar Rapper Drake get shot in the back…”

****

As they binge watched Degrassi, Milo realized two things, the first that Canadian teenagers seemed to be dangerously melodramatic, and two it was in fact possible to fall more in love with this woman. When she turned to him seriously and whispered, “You're not my dad, Snake!” He thought that he might have seriously undersold how much he not only loved her, but actually liked her too.

“Your dad has brain damage, Emma!” He hissed back at her, and both of them fell into peels of uncontrollable laughter. Both Max and Maeve turned to look at them as if they had lost their minds. Max seemed to have gotten over their fight, probably just pleased that things were no longer a tense mess. Milo reminded himself that he had to thank his twin later, meddling bitch that he was, he had at least been the catalyst for this reunion, and for that alone Milo was in a forgiving mood. 

“You two are the weirdest couple,” Maeve told them seriously, Elle glanced up and smiled at her.

“We really are,” She agreed.

“So weird,” Milo seconded.

“The absolute weirdest,” Elle added.

“Like, just like so weird, eh,” Milo commented, in his most Canadian accent impression, and Elle fell back onto the couch into fits of hard laughter, snorting. 

“It’s both cute and a little disgusting,” Max said to his wife, she smiled indulgently.

“Aye it is that, but…have you ever seen him look so happy?” She asked him.

“No, didn’t know he could smile like that,” Max told her, wrapping his arms around his wife pulling her close. “Maybe he’ll get more wrinkles than me, and I’ll get to be the hot twin again.” 

“You are the hot twin,” Maeve told him seriously, no hesitation.

“You are too!” He told her, and she burst out laughing at that. 

****

“...you need to call me immediately…” He hung up the phone in the middle of his mother’s inane voicemail, deleting it. Her fake concern for him was cloying and irritating, and not at all what he needed right now. His entire world has been turned upside down…yet again! The last thing he needed is his mother trying to have him committed again. Though to be honest…what would it even matter! Maybe I am crazy, to have expected any of this to turn out differently than it has before…

What in god’s name was so special about him?! He’d never understood that, it haunted him, it made him crazy! In every lifetime, she’d always picked him, and he could not fathom why! Was it that he kept coming back so goddamn pretty? Or that he always came back with means? That he was always so fucking strong, so willing to die for her? A god damned physical shield between her and those that would harm her? A lethal one at that, the fucker had killed him so many, many times over her! He was beginning to understand that it didn’t matter when he met her, before, after, during, even once the asshole had died, he would always, always have her! He could never seem to keep them apart, could never seem to win. He would never possess her, never own her, never actually keep her. And he would never let him destroy her, not now! Once they came together, he became an unstoppable force of fucking nature. There were no limits to what he’d do to protect her now, and based on what he’d found out about their family, this time around he had literally endless resources. 

Worse still he was no longer sure which brother he was. He’d thought for certain that it was Max, sure that he’d been attacked in that alley by Milo. However he’d found some interesting information while he’d been researching…they were IDENTICAL twins. He’d been sure they were fraternal, they didn’t even have the same birthday for god sakes. Now he faced the very real possibility that he was trying to steal her away from a man with more financial means, personally, than his 3 older brothers combined…Am I still trying to steal her away?What even is the point anymore…He was so lost in his frustrated thoughts he didn’t even think before answering his phone.

“Alexei! You're finally answering?” His mother proclaimed, he groaned infuriated. 

“What do you want?” he demanded, she made a sound of such displeasure at his tone.

“You haven’t been going to see your therapist,” She said, her tone scolding. “We had an agreement, I pay your bills, and you go to see your therapist every week.”

“So stop paying my bills.” He rejoined harshly, “By all means let your only son become homeless, I’m sure that will look great for step-daddy’s friends.”

“Lex…” She began.

“Do not fucking call me that!” He raged. “Don’t act like we are so close that you have nicknames for me!”

“Right, that was fun-dad’s thing wasn’t it?” She hissed, “Funny how it’s me paying the bills, bailing you out, taking care of you though isn’t it?”

“He’s dead, Hannah, you can let it go now, no one would accuse you of giving a shit about him now.” He offered, annoyed, every conversation between them somehow ended up right back at his father. A weak man who’d let his wife carry on extensive and humiliating affairs until she’d finally left him and taken his kids. Pathetic…the fact that his mother thought he had some sort of affinity for the broken sad little man that he saw on weekends as a child, spoke to how little she knew of him. 

“He had schizophrenia you know,” She told him after a long pregnant pause. “It’s hereditary…”

“Well you should definitely have Anya see a doctor then,” He retorted coldly, she sighed defeated. “Oh do we still want to pretend you know for a fact that Oleg was my father?”

“Just…go see your therapist, Alexei. I don’t want to have to commit you again.” She muttered. “Are you at least taking your medication?”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you? To have me essentially comatose? Tell you what, mom, why don’t you stop calling me, cut me off financially, and as a fun coup d'etat you can have me committed? How does that sound?” He asked her saccharinely. 

“Why are you like this with me?” She asked, sounding positively exhausted. “What have I done that’s so bad to you?” He rolled his eyes at the pathetic attempts at emotional manipulation, Hannah really was a one trick pony. 

“Stop fucking calling me. Either cut me off, or fuck off, I don’t particularly care which.” He informed her as he hung up. This was his family, a drunken whore, a dead cuckolded father, and step-father who didn’t care if he lived or fucking died. How would he ever compete with either of the twins?! They had everything he didn’t, including a mother that actually gave a damn about them…how is it fair that you get EVERYTHING handed to you including her?!

****

That night as they curled into bed together, Milo watched her face relax into sleep thinking about the 180 this day had taken on him. No one could ever accuse being with this woman of being boring, and after his display today no one could ever accuse him of being cold again. Because when he watched her run from him, saw her hands reach for that car door…he had never moved so fast in his life. Losing her would be…catastrophic for him. 

She was like the sun to him, warming him, bringing light to him, making him feel young and wild and free. Everything about her was joy, was energy, was wildness. And he couldn’t get enough of that, but at the same time, she was also, safe, warm, kind, the place he wanted to go to when he was having a shit day. So of course he loved her, of course he wanted to be with her, of course she was the one for him. But as he watched her eyes flick behind her lids and her face grimace in her sleep, he wondered if he was good for her. What did he bring to her, besides nightmares and messed up sex, really?

He loved her, but really anyone could love her, how could they not? He was exceedingly wealthy and could take care of her financially, give her whatever she wanted but…somehow he didn’t feel like that interested her much. Everything he’d given her he had to foist on her, and she always looked so uncomfortable about it. He wanted to do so much for her, he wanted to give her everything, but as he looked at her now he realized the thing he wanted to give her most might be the one thing he truly could not give her…peace. 

He had thought about their predicament all day, seriously considered what she had said, asked her follow up questions, worked on it with his formidable problem solving skills, and thought he might have a workable solution. But…was it worth risking her feeling like she had? Worth making her feel violated and uncomfortable? No…it was not. Nothing was worth that. He brushed his fingers against her hauntingly beautiful face, brows furrowed and thought to himself that having her would always be preferable to not having her, regardless of the consequences. Destitute and living in a box, but with her beside him? Paradise…

****

“You promised me a falcon!” She teases, waddling toward him, her lower back’s aching forgotten at the sight of him. Her eyes travel up and down his beautiful body as she approaches him. Today he has mercilessly chosen to be shirtless, as he works, his kilt hanging a touch too low around his exposed hip bones. The muscles of his stomach flex as he moves. 

“Mo’ Chridhe!” He intones running to her, “Lass you should no’ be about! The babe…”

“The babe is fine, the babe is kicking the ever loving piss out of my bladder,” She tells him huffing.  Aiden laughs, his voice warm and rumbly, he drops to his knees before her, placing his face to her distended belly, framing it with his big hands.

“Are you already troubling your mam?” He demands, “Do no’ make me come in there and whip your arse son!”

“Son?” She asks, arching a brow. Barely listening to him as she oogles her handsome husband. His broad back exposed to her gaze seems to move before her simply to tantalize her to run her nails down it, over the scratch marks she has already left there from the night before. 

“Son,” He tells her with supreme confidence, “Lady Aoibheal says so, and she is always, always right.” He smiles up at her, the sun highlighting his high cheek boned stubbled face perfectly, bringing out the golden highlights interspersed among his rich red hair, and this thick lashes. As if he had been crowned by heaven itself, she thinks, not for the first time. 

“Oh is she?” She grouses, “Could have told me you would get me pregnant this quickly, so that I could have stayed away from you, I feel like a walrus!” Meaning not a word of it, this man lights a fire so deep within her, that even thought of him warmed her. 

“Would you have stayed away from me if she had told you?” He teases, “The scratch marks on my back disagree with that sentiment,”

“Pregnancy, dear husband, even the old smitty is starting to do it for me.” She warned, he lightly swatted her ass. She sucked in a breath at the contact, feeling herself growing even more aroused. 

“Do no’ say that too loudly, lass, you’ll scandalize the poor man, wife number 6 might have something to say about it too.” He tells her sternly, barely stifling a laugh. The muscles of his lower abdomen clench, tempting her fingers. 

“The thing she’ll be saying is ‘bless you Lady MacReith, for taking this sodding stinking mangy man from me!’” She tells him laughingly albeit a bit breathlessly. 

“And following up by thanking Laird MacReith for beheading him for be-fouling my wife!” He hisses. 

“It would most definitely be foul,” She agrees, and they both laugh. He frames her face with his hands and kisses her softly. Her body reacts to his kiss as it always does, and she goes soft against him, amorous for more. 

“Ah Lass, what was this about a falcon then?” He asks, brushing his lips against her forehead.

“You told me you would get me a falcon,” She reminds him, “And I’ve come to collect,” 

“Lass, I would give you anything you want, but I do no’ recall ever promising you a falcon,” He says confused. 

“You told me on our wedding day to meet you in the falconry, said you had a surprise for me.” She retorts sternly. An interesting assortment of expressions cross his face, before he bursts out laughing.

“Oh Lass…I was just trying to lure you to the only secluded place I could find on our wedding day, to have my way with you.” He informs her snorting with laughter. “The surprise was my cock,”

“Aiden MacReith!” She hisses at him, swatting his arm, “You shameless man!” She says trying not to laugh, herself, but failing miserably, he grasps her in his arms pulling her close, planting a kiss on the tip of her nose. She thinks he never had to lure her anywhere to have his way with her, she would always, always come more than willingly. Never had there been a man more fine, more beautiful, more incredibly attractive as her Aiden. 

“Aye, I am verra shameless,” he agrees, “If you want a falcon though lass…” He lets his sentence trail.

“Right I’ll follow you into the falconry, and you’ll show me something I’m sure!” She grouses, rolling her eyes. 

“Oh I could show you that as well,” He tells her, “Come now lass, where are those pregnancy desires when a man needs them?” She wraps her arms around his neck, drawing her face close to his, her lips inches from his but does not close the gap. His breath hitches, and she smiles. 

“Tell me, do you really want me still? Even huge with child?” She asks earnestly. In response he lowers his big hands to her lower back, drawing her hips gently forward to press against his, so she can feel just how much he wants her. Her breath catches in her throat at the sensation, her desire stoked.

“What do you think, lass?” He asks her, arching an eyebrow, his silvery eyes dancing. “I’ll always want you mo’ cridhe, even when we are old and I’ll need an attendant to carry me to our bed,”  

“I think you do not need an attendant now,” She tells him, “And the falconry is so much closer than our bedchamber, of course you’ll be on the bottom because you are such a gentleman,” She tells him sweetly.

“What?” He says blinking, “Why do I have to be on the bottom?”

“I’m not getting rushes all up my arse,” She tells him sternly.

“And I am?!” He demands. She shrugs. “Honestly lass, no’ the first time,” She giggles.

“Perhaps the lake instead?” She offers, a sweet seductive smile on her face, “I’m sure there’s a rock or tree we haven’t yet defiled,” He looks at her consideringly.

“Doubtful, we have given that lake a thorough seeing to,” He tells her seriously. “And,” He bends to pick her up, bringing her across his chest, “we shall again,” She giggles as he drops his lips to hers, capturing them in a searing hard kiss. She treads the fingers of her hand into his hair, and holds him to her as she deepens the kiss, probing his lips with her tongue. He opens his mouth for her, groaning. She toys with his tongue, as his arms around her tighten, pulling her more fully across his chest, dragging her peaked nipples against his hard chest, they both moan at the contact. He draws back from her, chest heaving, eyes desire hooded. “Oh lass, we will no’ make it to the lake at this rate.”

“Get ready to have some rushes all up your arse, then Jaanu,” She tells him, mostly joking.

****

Elle woke up bemused, the dream memory was both so sweet and…had left her charged. She looked over her shoulder at Milo’s sleeping face, and sighed. Honest to goodness sighed over him. He looked relaxed and beautiful in sleep, but she could still see the dark circles under his eyes and she felt such remorse for causing them. She wanted to turn to him, and run her fingers and lips over his face, but he had her so tightly in his arms that she couldn’t, as if reading her mind he drew her even closer to his body, in his sleep, inadvertently pressing her ass directly onto his fierce erection. Opphh I almost forgot how big that was…maybe even missed it a little…a lot. She knew it was not her finest or brightest moment, but…Elle moved her hips back, brushing herself against him. He mumbled something in his sleep, as his arms around her moved, his big hand cupping her breast. She stifled a surprised moan at the firm contact, as he kneaded her there his other hand dwelled down to between her legs in her thin cotton panties, and cupped her. She moaned this time, arching into his hand. 

“Lekker ding,” He rasped in his sleep roughened voice, “You are playing with fire this morning,”

“I thought we agreed we could do…other things,” She gasped, as the hand between her legs moved to slide into her panties, his fingers stopping short of her sex. 

“Did we?” He intoned, the fingers of his other hand began flicking open buttons of his borrowed pajama top, sliding open the shirt to expose her peaked uncovered breasts. He pressed his face into her neck, nipping the sensitive spot between her neck and shoulder. “Did you have a dream/memory?” He asked her, as his fingers slowly slid lower into her panties.

“I..did,” She told him, moving her legs apart to give him more access.

“Is that why you ground your lovely ass into me?” He whispered against her neck, as he ran the tip of his tongue up her skin, before taking her earlobe into his mouth and sucking on it lightly. Her whole body spasmed at the touch, she gasped.

“To be fair, you actually ground my ass into you,” She breathed, “But I have zero complaints,”

“Uhmmm, I’ll bet.” He intoned, gently spreading her with his thumb and ring finger, carefully he ran his forefinger against her clit, her sex clenched at the touch, “So swollen, just begging for me to touch,” 

“Touch it, touch me,” She mumbled, leaning into him as his hands began working their magic on her body. His clever fingers toying with her nipples, as his other hand teased her clit gently, never enough pressure to do more than send shivers down her body.

“I want to, all the time,” he told her, his voice so deep it felt like another caress. “It’s all I can think about, you’ve ruined me.”

“You’ve ruined me for other men,” She whispered, her breath hitching. His hands stilled.

“Just men?” He demanded.

“Everyone, you’ve ruined me for anyone that isn’t you.” She amended, and his hands went back to their delicious teasing.

“I don’t share,” He growled, against her neck, “And never you, you are mine, and mine alone,”He said as he lowered his fingers down to her entrance, carefully dipping just the first knuckle of his forefinger into her, she moaned at the contact. “This…is mine,” He told her fiercely, “Tell me, it’s mine.”

“My…my pussy is yours,” She managed, legs shaking with desire now. She could feel herself get wetter at his erotic voice. At her words he penetrated her fully with his finger, she cried out. Giving her no quarter he pushed his middle finger into her as well. 

“Ahh fuck you are so tight,” he groaned, “And now I know what this beautiful angel pussy of yours feels like around my cock,” He thrust his fingers in her, “How wet, and hot you get, how it feels to have you cum on me,” he said as he spreads his fingers inside of her. Her breath hitched as he kissed her neck gently, moaning against her. “Do you want me to pet you…inside?” He demanded. She nodded her head, “Say it, tell me what you want me to do,”

“Pet…pet me inside,” She rasped, her voice shaking. His clever fingers found her spot and he began to pet her, the feeling so strong she dropped her head back to his shoulder, crying out with pleasure.

“Are you going to scream for me when you cum, schatje?” He asked her, brushing his lips against her, kneading her breasts still, toying with her aching nipples.

“Yeah…yes…” She whimpered.

“My precious woman,” He intoned, “Are you still with me?” He asked her, she nodded her head. “I need you to say it,” 

“I’m…with you,” She told him.

“Say my name,” he demanded

“Mi..Milo.” She stammered

“Fuck I love my name on your lips,” He growled against her skin, “Especially when my fingers are buried inside you,” He trailed his lips against her throat, behind her neck to her nape, nipping her there. “I want my cock inside you,” He thrust his fingers harder, petting her spot more aggressively. “Just like this, the head of my dick would be,” He pressed his fingers up into her spot, she arched screaming at the contact. “Right here,” She was shaking, soaking his hand, arching into him, wild, desperate for release. 

“Please…please.” She muttered, driving her hips into his hand. Aching for release.

“Say my name,” He demanded again, stilling his hand, she groaned in frustration.

“Milo! Milo! Please…fuck,” She cried out, so close to the edge.

“Look at me,” He growled, she turned her face to look over her shoulder at him, “Good, now watch me as you cum for me,” He commanded, as his fingers sped up, his thumb rubbing against her clit, his other hand pinching her nipple. Her whole body spasmed and her face contorted with unbearable pleasure, her eyes closed and his hands stopped. “Open your eyes, look at me!” He hissed. She flashed her eyes open desperately. “That’s it, look at me,” He breathed, “Look at your man as you cum for me,” He began moving again, faster, harder. His jaw clenched, as he watched her face go raw with desire and pleasure. “Do you know how beautiful you are?” 

Desperate and mindless with want, she began undulating her hips harder, and faster to his hand, matching his pace, watching him as he brought her to the edge. She felt her sex spasm, saw his eyes widen with lust and his teeth grit, as he felt her clench around his fingers, his growl of satisfaction as he felt her cum for him. She cried out, and then tossed her head back and screamed, feeling wave after wave of white hot searing pleasure hit her so deeply it felt like pain for a moment. Her whole body arched as she vibrated from it. As she came down from it, her body began to shake with reaction, and he drew her close to him, wrapping her in his arms, kissing her face gently, soothingly, telling her how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, how precious she was, how amazing she was. She shut her eyes,going limp in his arms.

“Are you still with me?” He asked her gently, she nodded her head. “Say it,” 

“I’m still with you,” She told him.

“Did you stay with me the whole time?” He whispered, kissing her jaw, neck and collarbone.

“Oh yes,” She whispered. He smiled against her skin.

“Was it good?” He asked, she turned to look at him as if he was demented.

“Terrible,” She told him drolly, “So bad, you're just going to have to do that again, and probably at least one more time after that,” He laughed at that, he cupped the side of her jaw, tilting her face to kiss her deeply.

“How unfortunate for us both,” He agreed.

“So unfortunate,” She added, “Like just like so unfortunate, eh?”  He burst out laughing at that.

“Good morning, schatje.”

“…so good.” She agreed.

****

“Do you…think that would work if we went all the way?” She asked him, later as they lay cuddled in bed together. His brows furrowed as he considered.

“I don’t know,” He told her truthfully, “I wasn’t sure it would work this time, but….you caught me at a uhh weak moment, I couldn’t help myself.” She laughed at that.

“That was…so fucking hot,” She told him truthfully, face flaming. “I didn’t know…I liked that.” 

“Dirty talking?” He asked, arching a brow, a predatory smile on his face. 

“Yeah, it was…unexpected.” She muttered. 

“Not really,” He said, “I believe you really enjoy being communicated with properly, so it stands to reason that it would translate well in the bedroom.” He shrugged. 

“So you're just…brilliant in all things?” She teased, framing his face in her hands.

“Not brilliant, just observant,” He retorted modestly. 

“What about you, do you like dirty talking?” She asked him.

“I like to do the talking,” He told her frowning, “But you have such an unbelievably attractive voice, and it sounds so good saying such dirty things to me,” 

“I’ll be sure to remember that,” She breathed, “You didn’t…say anything in dutch.” 

“I wanted to make sure you understood everything I was saying,” He intoned, “A little tricky for me, but I’ll get better at it.”

“Do you…think in Dutch?” She asked. He frowned as he considered that.

“Not all my thoughts,” He said finally, “But when I feel strongly about something it tends to come out in Dutch,” 

“So you must feel strongly about my downstairs business,” She teased, “Always growling such sexy sounding things to me in Dutch, it gets me all riled up now hearing you say anything in Dutch, problematic as fuck when your talking to that klootviool Max, worse when your talking to your mom.”  He laughed hard at that.

“I feel strongly about you Elle,” He told her once he had composed himself. “I will teach you some Dutch, so you can understand me when I am growling it at you, but for now let’s stick with English.” She smiled at him with her whole face, before a thought occurred to her.

“I…am so selfish,” She muttered, tilting her head as she looked at him, frowning. 

“What? Why?” He asked, surprised and concerned.

“We haven’t taken care of you,” She said, “Jesus worst partner ever!” He caught her chin in his hand and kissed her.

“You are not!” He told her, “I want to sort this out for you first, I don’t want to take the risk of trying to do ‘other stuff’ for me, and you get dragged away from me. It’s not worth it for me if you aren’t with me the whole way through. Anyways it’s wildly erotic to make you cum,” She looked at him then with such softness and adoration, it made his breath catch.

“You are the most amazing man I’ve ever met, I don’t know what I did to deserve you, and if anything I’ve gone out of my way not to deserve you, but I am a selfish greedy bitch and I’m keeping you.” She told him fiercely. 

“Good, keep me,” He said simply, “Because I am never, ever, letting you go.” 

****

The day progressed much nicer than the previous ones had. Milo had work to do today, but had asked her to come sit with him while he worked as if he couldn’t bear to have her out of his sight for too long. Happily she obliged. As he worked Elle covertly watched him, fascinated by his furrowed concentrating look, his reading glasses perched on the tip of his nose as he read through whatever document, highlighter pressed to his lips. She had seen this laser-like focus before, she realized when he’d been looking at her, wanting to make sure he had pleased her…she had to stifle a groan as her mind took her back.

She tried to focus on the book she had in hand, but it simply wasn’t working. Sighing she placed it down and just gave in to her desire and openly stared at him.  The way the light shone on his handsome face, the way his lips moved as he read, stopping periodically to mumble something under his breath as he highlighted with his right hand, using his left hand to scribble notes in the margin with the mechanical pencil she had borrowed. His elegant fingers moved with such deftness, as they did with…everything else. She felt herself growing hot over him, genuinely finding everything he did wildly erotic. She scrubbed a hand over her mouth as she considered him. As if feeling her hot thoughts he looked up at her, over the rim of his glasses.

“Wha…why are you looking at me like that?” He asked genuinely confused, he could not be less sexy right now, if he was trying to be. Wearing a baggy hoodie, and sweatpants albeit they were gray, the international color of slutty men’s wear, he hadn’t shaved again this morning, and was now sporting a beard, his normally immaculate hair was tousled from his frustrated fingers…he cocked his head as he took in her heated little face.

“Well I’m just considering how important that document really is, and how upset you’d be if I just swept your desk and threw myself on it…” She told him huskily, letting her sentence trail.

“I…this is doing it for you?” He asked, bewildered looking down at himself and then back at her, eyebrow arched.

“Absolutely it is,” She growled, “Sexy male librarian,” 

“Librarian?” He asked, pulling a face. “You couldn’t even make me the head librarian? What am I recommending children’s books to haggard mothers?” 

“I should have said hot Lawyer,” She agreed, “But…it is more of a hot librarian get up so that’s on you,”

“But I actually am a Lawyer,” He pointed out, “So isn’t anything I wear technically hot Lawyer get up?”

“Listen you are overthinking this, I didn’t create a whole backstory for Milo the hot librarian,” She informed him.

“I get to keep my name? That’s something at least, not Gertrude the elderly mean librarian, who won’t let kids read Roald Dahl because things shouldn’t be giant, everything in the real world is regularsize, fuck you Gertrude!” He huffed.

“That's…oddly specific.” She mumbled, staring at him now.

“She only let me read Matilda,” He told her seriously, “My mother had to go down there and tell her she couldn’t ban us from reading children's books even if they were not proportionate to the real world,” 

“Seriously?” She asked, arching both eyebrows, he smirked at her.

“No, I am fucking with you,” He told her laughingly, “Her name was Margaret.” He said looking back at his work. Elle burst out laughing at that, and he smiled, stifling his own laughter, “Schatje, I love hearing you laugh, it's quickly becoming my favorite sound in the world, second only to…” He let his sentence trail as he looked at her suggestively. She blushed looking away. 

“So glad so many of the rooms are soundproof,” She muttered.

“The contractor insisted, said it would be worth the money;genuinely should send him a gift basket for Christmas.” He said nonchalantly. 

“Two,” She agreed, and he smiled warmly at her. 

“Come here, lekker ding,” He intoned, holding his hand out to her. She came readily, taking his hand. He pulled her into his lap, surrounding her with his arms. “I’m almost done,” He told her, inhaling her scent. “Did you want to go for a swim after?” 

“I can’t swim,” She told him seriously.

“I thought we established the whole ‘I’ll never let you drown’ thing.” He said, pressing his lips into her temple.

“No, it’s not that, I just…don’t actually have a swim suit.” She said, “And while I don’t mind skinny dipping with you, your entire family…” She let her sentence trail.

“Oh yes this is a problem,” He agreed. “Here,” He handed her his laptop, “Pick some things out, have it shipped.”

“My credit card is upstairs,” She pointed out, he gave her a bless-your-heart look.

“Fantastic,” He offered, “The cat is up there too, what does that have to do with anything?”

“You can’t just buy me things.” She insisted.

“Watch me,” He told her seriously. “This is not an argument you are going to win, schatje. Let’s not fight over this.”

“Fine, but can we have some sort of spending limit?” She asked, face growing hot.

“No,” He said shrugging, “We can not, but I am interested as to your reasoning.”

“I...just…feel like I don’t want you to think I’m using you for your money or…” She mumbled, he tilted her face to his.

“That has never even crossed my mind,” He told her sternly, “Everything I have is yours Elle, you can’t use me for what I am happily giving you. What I…did for you, to be able to take care of you.” 

“What do you mean?” She asked, confused.

“I chose…my career path, arguably my entire life, to be able to provide for you.” He said, “I never wanted you to worry about money, we’ve had enough of that in our past lives, so this time around I wanted you to have everything and anything you wanted.” 

“You…can’t be serious,” She mumbled, staring at him.

“I am being serious,” He retorted, “I want to give you the best of everything, take you on trips, feed you the best food, enjoy the best luxuries. I want you to be able to look at something, want it and have it, without worrying about the price, always. I worked very hard and obviously a little bit of nepotism worked out for me, for this purpose.” 

“Nepotism?” She asked.

“I was 24 when I became the COO…of my father’s company. That’s the very definition of nepotism, I am exceedingly good at my job, but if I was just some hot shot 24 year old I would still have been paying my dues, I make no apologies for my good fortune but I’m not so arrogant to think I did this all by myself,” He told her evenly. 

“But…you did this for me?” She asked, her face softening, her brows furrowing.

“Yes,” He said simply, “It’s always been for you, everything I have. So if you can please,” He nudged the laptop in front of her, “Help me spoil you by picking out things you like, so I don’t have to guess, or get Maeve to pick out a probably see through bikini that will get us both in serious trouble, I would appreciate that.” 

She framed his face in her hands, tilting her head she opened her mouth to say something and then closed it. Leaning forward instead to kiss him. His hand caught the back of head to draw her closer, as she kissed him with all the tenderness and affection she felt for him, with all the things she wished she could say, with all the happiness he made her feel. He let her lead, let her take control of the pace and tempo, tasting her slowly. And when they broke apart she kept her eyes closed for one more moment to savor the sweetness of it.

“Bold of you to assume I won’t pick out a see-through bikini,” she told him, leaning her forehead against his, breathless.

“Calculated risk,” He corrected, “Frankly I win either way,” He traced his hand delicately against her neck and collarbone, “You have to go away now, otherwise I’ll never get this done,” he teased.

“Okay, I’ll go back to silently eye-banging you,” She whispered, pressing her lips to his once more, before getting off his lap with his laptop to take a seat on the bench again. He pushed his glasses back up his nose, and looked at her for one more long moment, before turning back to his work. 

****

In the end Elle picked a red one piece swimsuit, that was backless, and had large cutouts in the waist, sure that it would be flattering, and also…I’ll make sure red stays your favorite color. She thought saucily looking at him over the edge of his laptop. Normally Elle wasn’t a nosy person but she had noticed a tab open on his computer, and before she could stop herself, she opened it. Her heart caught in her chest when she saw that he had been researching South Indian wedding customs. Normally Elle’s commitment phobe brain would have panicked, but coming from Milo it was…sweet. She scrolled the page and then became fascinated as she learned some new things about her own culture.

“Well…that’s embarrassing,” he muttered from behind her, she turned sharply to find him behind her peering at the laptop sheepishly. “I promise my intention isn’t to plan a wedding for you in the immediate future, I found myself going down a rabbit hole while trying to understand your culture better.” Her face softened, and she smiled at him.

“It’s sweet,” She assured him, “Actually you might know more about my culture than I do, I am…what they call a coconut, brown on the outside white on the inside,” She told him making a face, “I spent entirely too long being ashamed of where I came from, and now…it’s hard to reintegrate.”

“Is that something you want? To reintegrate?” He asked her gently, brows furrowed consideringly.

“Of course,” She whispered, looking sad. He cupped her cheek.

“We can do that, I can take you to India,” He told her softly.

“You want to take a 36 hour flight?” She teased. He shrugged.

“I’ll go anywhere you want to,” he said simply, “Where would you want to go if we went?” 

“My…grandma’s house.” She said dreamily, “I haven’t been since I was a kid, it’s an expensive ticket,”

“Where is grandma’s house?” He asked, eyes narrowing.

“Mangalore, it’s in…” She began.

“Karnataka, South India, I know. I’ve been to Goa,” He told her, “It’s beautiful there.”

“My grandma has this big house there; that my grandfather built for her.  It’s surrounded by trees, mango, coconut, some sort of bat attractant fruit tree…we used to throw rocks at it when we were kids, because obviously we were stupid,” She sighed, he came around the bench and sat beside her, taking the laptop from her hands and setting it down.

“Go on,” He encouraged.

“There was this swing that my grandpa made for his grandkids. My cousin and I would swing on it together, it always seemed so big when I was kid, but the last time I went there I was like 11, maybe 12, and it was just a regular size swing, you know? But when you sit in it, you are surrounded by trees, and it feels…like you can fly for a second,” She told him, her expression soft and far off. 

“Are…your grandparents still alive?” He asked, reaching for her, pulling her into his arms between his legs, she molded to his body, placing her head against his chest, as he wrapped his arms around her tight.

“My grandmothers both are, but both my grandfathers died when I was young. My Nana never really recovered, she loved him so much, she was only in her 50s when he passed, she never remarried, never dated. She even kept all of his clothes, I remember when I was a kid I would see her sometimes, brushing her fingers against his suits in the closet, getting this sad look and I didn’t understand…” She let her voice trail, before looking up at him, capturing his eyes with hers. “I get it now,” She whispered.

He felt his breath catch at her words, wondering if she knew what she was admitting to him with her eyes. As if catching herself, she looked away, face flaming.

“Also the food,” She added, “Worth getting violently ill for,” 

“Umm,” He intoned, brushing his lips against her temple. “Tell me more about India,”

“Oh I’m sure you know more than I do,” She laughed dismissively.

“I don’t know about how you felt there,” He informed her, “I don’t know about what you liked, what you didn’t like, what you wanted to see, and about your family, come on indulge me, I want to see it through your eyes.”

“It was alway…so colorful, and warm.” She sighed, “It didn’t feel like home necessarily, but it felt safe and familiar. Nothing has ever really felt like home, the life of a perpetual immigrant,”

“India doesn’t feel like home?” He asked, surprised by that.

“I wasn’t born there, and I wasn’t born here, and where I was born…” She shrugged, “I wasn’t of that ethnicity and everyone made sure you knew it, and then when I moved to Canada, it was better, but you know, too brown to be Canadian, too white to Indian,” 

“That sounds…terrible.” He whispered, wishing he could do something about her hurt, hating that his woman felt like she didn’t belong. You belong with me…She shrugged again, though she couldn’t hide the hurt on her face.

“I don’t know, you kind of get used to it. It’s not so bad, I mean if I’m being honest being an Indian woman is easier than being an Indian man, I genuinely feel for both my brothers, how tough it must have been for them to integrate here. The stereotype of brown men being creepy, or abusive,” She sighed. “All I got was this fetishization, where every white guy I dated was just fascinated by the concept of adding the Indian girl notch to their belt of conquests, at least no one thought I’d hit them I guess.” 

“I hate that,” He hissed, “So…reductive. You are so many things, so much more than the color of your skin,”

“But I am also the color of my skin,” She said, “It’s like this part of me that I didn’t get to choose, but I don’t want it to be discounted, or treated like it's not there. It’s complicated and really difficult to explain, but I want to be respected for my culture but not…”

“Treated differently for it,” He offered. She nodded, smiling softly at that. “Only uneducated people are racist,” He said, “It’s never about you or your culture, it's always about them and their ignorance, having a small worldview is not because the world is small, it’s the people who are small for refusing to see it.” 

“But it’s us POC’s that have to bear the brunt of that ignorance, it doesn’t hurt the ignorant,” She told him sadly. He turned her face and kissed her gently, tenderly.

“I can not imagine what that feels like, it’s outside of my experience. But I will always fight for you.” He told her sincerely. She laughed at that.

“I’ll just bet you will,” She agreed, “Max still looks like it hurts to take a deep breath,” 

“Good, next time he’ll need to see a surgeon for his destroyed nose,” He promised her. 

“You are already the hot twin, you don’t need to wreck his face.” She told him pointedly. 

“You think I’m the hot twin?” He asked flattered, wagging his eyebrows at her.

“Significantly hotter,” She told him, “Even with this,” She commented, running her hand against his beard.

“Don’t like it?” He asked, wrinkling his nose, “I was thinking I’d try a new look.”

“I do actually like it,” She admitted, “It’s kind of…dirty sexy,” 

“Not thrilled you think I look dirty…” He told her. She cut his words off with her lips.He caught her face with both hands, pulling her to him. She turned and straddled him, causing him to gasp in surprise, she took the opportunity and slid her tongue into his mouth, wrapping both of her arms around his neck. As she leisurely and aggressively tasted him, he slid his hands down her body, grasping her waist, and ass pulling her hard into him, so that she pressed firm to his erection, they both moaned at the contact, breaking the kiss. 

“I swear…” She gasped, breathing hard, leaning her forehead against his, sliding her hips against him. “I have never been like this with anyone else, you make me…crazed.” She drove herself against him, and he tossed his head back, moaning. 

“Fuck, I have no idea how I keep finding myself in these positions with you,” He growled, standing up with her in his arms and then turning to place her underneath him on the bench in one lithe movement, catching his weight on his forearm, driving his own hips hard into her. 

“...Could be all the manhandling…” She gasped out. “You're so…strong.” He laughed at that.

“You are so petite and delicate, I’m always a little afraid I’m going to hurt you,” He told her.

“Too small?” She asked, pulling her face back from his.

“Come back here,” He growled, catching the back of head in his other hand and pulling her face back to his, kissing her with wild recklessness, “Never too small, fucking perfect,” He intoned inbetween kisses, his beard lightly abrading her. He kissed her for long moments, sharing breaths, as she trembled with need underneath him. He pulled back and brushed his lips to her face, her cheeks, her nose, over her forehead, her chin,down toward her jaw. He pressed his hot face into her neck, breathing her in deeply. “You are so perfect,” He rasped.

She gasped out her breaths as her chest heaved, her arm wrapped around his back pulled him closer, he gave her more of his weight, carefully. Caressing her face with his hand, he tilted his head to look at her. Languidly he brought his lips back to hers, kissing her gently, softly, tenderly, taking his time. Kissing her with affection and care, love. He shifted his weight to the side, adjusting her with him so they were both lying side by side facing each other, wrapping one arm around her waist he pulled her against him,as he cupped her cheek with the other. She threw one of her legs over his hip as he moved his leg between hers, to pull her even closer to him, his hand traveled down her face, resting over her chest, at the collar of her tee-shirt. 

“Is this my tee shirt?” he asked, pulling back to look at her, she nodded her head. “Oh good,” He rasped, as he caught the collar in both hands and ripped it down, tearing the shirt in half. She gasped.

“What are you doing?” She demanded, laughing.

“Wrecking my clothes,” he told her, bringing his face to her exposed neck, kissing her throat. 

“I could have just taken it off,” She sighed, as he trailed his open mouth down her collarbone, toward the space between her breasts.

“No time,” he told her, his big hands flying to her bra.

“Don’t you dare rip my bra!” She hissed, “This is my favorite one!”

“I’ll buy you a new one,” he promised, tugging at the strap.

“You can’t! They discontinued these ones, they make my tits look so good!” She growled, smacking his hand away. He laughed. 

“Fine, fine, in the interest of your perfect tits continuing to look perfect, I won’t rip the bra off,” He agreed, dipping his head to press kisses over the exposed part of her mounds. “Take it off for me, then.” She readily complied, reaching behind her to unhook the bra, and pulling it forward and off her body, tossing it behind her. She stilled for a moment as a thought occurred to her.

“Uh Milo, how am I going to leave here...shirtless?” She demanded.

“You can wear my sweatshirt,” He assured her, “And you’ll keep this one,” He said sharply, “Don’t you have Maeve return it to me in the middle of the night or any of that bullshit,” He hissed, swatting her ass lightly.

“Don’t have her return our cat to me like we are divorced parents splitting custody then,” She hissed right back at him. He laughed at that. Placing one of his big hands on her exposed breast, gently cupping her, she arched to his touch.

“I’d get full custody anyways,” He assured her, as he dropped his head to her other breast.

“Fuck…keep that trash goblin,” She gasped out between her teeth as his lips locked onto her nipple, sucking on her lightly. 

“What the fuck!?” A Dutch accented female voice said from somewhere behind them. Milo froze, shooting his head up. Quickly he pulled Elle’s exposed chest hard against his body, to cover her up.

“Naem…” He muttered, face flaming. 

“Milo…what…uh…” His sister replied sounding shellshocked, Elle felt like she wanted to die at this moment, burying her face into his neck, not sure whether to laugh or cry. 

“What does it look like Naem!? Get out!” He yelled at his sister. He didn’t have to tell her twice, Elle could hear her feet hitting the ground as she ran out of the library shutting the door behind her. “Oh fuck,” He groaned, “I am so, sorry,” Elle burst out laughing uncontrollably.

“Was…was that the favorite sister you told me about?” She asked in between fits of snorting laughter.

“Yeah, my entire family is just filled with cock-blockers,” He groaned, before he started laughing too. “I’m so sorry about that, here, we better go back to the house, and throttle which ever one of my garbage relatives told her we were out here,” 

He sat up, pulling her with him, brushing a kiss against her forehead, he quickly stood up from the bench, and pulled his hoodie over his head and handed it to her. Elle grabbed her bra and quickly dressed herself, Milo watched her the entire time. 

“Should have locked that fucking door,” He hissed, as he met her deeply amused eyes. 

“I’m just saying, if she had come in a whole 2 minutes later she would have been utterly traumatized hearing her big brother’s astounding dirty talk,” Elle commented eyebrow arched, he groaned dropping his face into his hands. 

“I can not imagine a worse scenario,” He muttered through his hands, “I would honestly rather my mother walk in on us that Naem,” 

“Eww,” Elle commented, making a face. “Hard pass, sibling always beats parent for being caught in compromising scenarios.”

“You’re the youngest, you don’t know!” He mumbled, “I changed that kid’s diapers!” They both laughed, him in embarrassment and Elle in amusement.

“Has she ever…seen you with a woman before?” Elle asked laughingly.

“No, I haven’t exactly had a prolific dating history.” He told her, “I don’t think she’s so much as seen me hold a woman’s hand,” Elle snorted at that, dropping her face into her own hands.

“Ophh well, on the bright side, you had all your clothes on,” She pointed out brightly. 

“I’m wearing gray sweatpants Elle, the equivalent of a push bra for men,” He pointed out, “She thinks her big brother is a slut,”

“Well, if the slut sweatpants fit, and they do, oh so well…” She let her sentence trail and he groaned again. “Come on, let’s go face the music,” She teased, grabbing his hand and tugging him to the door. 

“Let me die of humiliation in peace, woman,” he groused, letting her direct him to the door. She giggled at that, covering her mouth.

****

“So, Naomi is here,” Max informed them as soon as they walked in the front door, “But you two know that already,” He commented, barely restraining a laugh. Milo’s face flamed.

“Yeah,” He muttered under his breath.

“I see you two are back…on the right path,” Max said smirking, “Of all of her brothers to walk in on, I genuinely would never have guessed it would have been you, Julian maybe, me almost positively, James…before the accident sure, but you?!” he burst out laughing, slapping his knee as he bent over. “I’ve texted Julian, and he thinks I’m making this shit up,” Milo just shrugged, looking sheepish.

“Julian and Fiore want to see a picture of Elle,” Maeve called from the living room also looking like she was barely stifling a laugh, “Wanting to understand how bonnie Elle must be when you turned down,” She glanced down at the phone frowning, “a lawyer with a pornstar body?” She said confused, glancing at Milo. 

If at all possible Milo looked even more humiliated, placing his face in his hand, tightening his grip on Elle’s hand with the other. 

“Absolutely not,” Milo mumbled through his hand, “You are absolutely not to send them a picture of my girlfriend! Or tell them her full name!” 

“Bit…late on part two of that,” Max told him grimacing. Milo’s head shot up, glaring at his twin.

“You…did not!” He hissed, “Why would you do that!?”  Max shrugged, and Milo groaned.

“What’s…happening?” Elle asked, confused.

“Oh do no’ worry lass, Julian is probably just going to run a background check on you, like he did with me and Adele,” Maeve told her, laughing, Elle’s eyes widened as she turned to stare at Milo.

“That’s…that’s a joke?” She asked incredulously.

“No, I wish it was, but it is not.” Milo sighed.

“It’s fine your background check can no’ be worse than Adele’s, you would think the idiot would have learned his lesson after what happened when James found out,” Maeve sighed.

“He’ll learn after I murder him,” Milo growled under his breath. Elle just stared shell shocked at him.

“Why…?” She asked lost.

“We are very wealthy, we wouldn’t want some…woman playing up to one of my brothers, now would we?” A tall blond woman said from the stairs. Elle turned to face her, and almost dropped her jaw. Naomi was in a word…stunning. Tall and elegant, with lovely blond hair the same shade as the twins down to her shoulders, she had an elfin delicate face, soft full lips, and big blue doe eyes. 

“Elle, this is my sister, Naomi,” Milo introduced, face flaming, “Naem, this is my girlfriend Elle.” 

“Hi, Milo’s told me alot about you, it’s nice to meet you.” Elle said brightly, waving, Naomi took her in, with a disdainful look on her lovely face, turning away dismissively as she locked eyes with her brother.

“Funny, he’s never mentioned you.” She said hautilly, tilting her head glaring at her brother. Milo’s eyes narrowed at her tone, his grip on Elle’s hand getting just a little tighter.

“We’ve only recently become involved,” Milo told her, his tone a bit sharp. He said something to her in Dutch, and she rolled her eyes, shrugging. Elle saw Max and Maeve shoot a look between the two of them.

“I noticed there are things in my room,” Naomi said, annoyed.

“They are Elle’s things, we’ll move them into our room,” Milo replied, giving his sister a bracing look. She made a face, as she nodded her head.

“And the mirror is broken,” She commented, shooting Elle a hard look.

“Yes,” Milo said simply, his tone getting colder and colder by the second. Offering no explanation. She asked him something in Dutch, his jaw clenched, and he arched an eyebrow at her saying nothing else. She shrugged as she turned to walk up the stairs, stopping, she looked over her shoulder.

“Will she be staying for dinner?” She asked, as if she were talking about someone's unwanted aunt. 

“She will be staying for as long as she likes Naomi,” Milo replied harshly, before saying something very angrily in Dutch. Naomi looked like she had flinched at his words before nodding and heading upstairs. 

“Ophh,” Max gasped out, making a face. “That…went well.”

“What the fuck was that?” Milo growled, turning to look at his twin. The two of them started rapid fire conversing in Dutch, and Milo seemed to be getting angrier and angrier as their conversation went on. 

“Umm, listen I feel like a piece of furniture, so I am going to go upstairs and get my things out of Naomi’s room.” Elle said tugging on Milo’s hand for him to let go.

“No, I’ll go get your things.” Milo told her, looking at her with furrowed brows, wincing as if in pain. He framed her face in his hands and kissed her forehead, “Why don’t you put that comic book show we were watching on, and I’ll join you shortly?” He brushed his thumbs along her jaw, his face softening as he looked at her.

“Okay,” She whispered, “I don’t think Naomi likes me very much,” She commented.

“She doesn’t know you yet,” He countered, but his face looked troubled. “It will be fine, just give me a few minutes and I'll be back.” He pressed another kiss to her cheek, before releasing her, and heading up the stairs. Elle watched him leave bemused. She turned to look at Maeve and Max but they had made themselves scarce and had vacated the living room. Frowning Elle sat down on the couch, pulled a blanket around her and turned on the t.v, waiting for Milo.

****

Dinner was an awkward ordeal, Elle and Milo had made it together, and Naomi had once again walked in on them kissing, this time with Elle seated on the counter and Milo standing between her legs. Naomi had mumbled something angrily in Dutch and stormed out. And had been cold to Elle from the moment they had sat down to eat. She had refused to converse in anything besides Dutch, making a point to ignore anything Elle said until Elle decided it was best to just stay silent. Meanwhile Milo had been seething beside her getting angrier and angrier until at one point he had slammed his hand down hard on the table, and barked something furiously at his sister, who promptly burst into tears and ran out of the dining room.

After that everyone had sat silently for a while before making their various excuses and leaving. Now as Elle cleared up dishes with Milo, she turned to face him bemused.

“So…are we going to talk about this?” She asked gently. He turned to her, his face furious, but softening the minute he looked at her, looking tired and sad. 

“I am so sorry,” he sighed, taking her face in his hands and kissing her forehead, “I don’t know why she is acting this way,” 

“It’s fine,” Elle said nonchalantly, even though it did hurt a little to be rejected by Milo’s favorite sibling. “She’s 17, and I’m just some woman making out with her brother constantly,” She shrugged.

“It’s not fine,” He said furiously, “I’m about to send her home,”

“No, don’t do that,” Elle said hastily, “She just got here, maybe she’s just…jetlagged.” 

“Maybe she needs to stop being a little asshole,” He hissed, “And stop treating the woman I love like an unwanted guest, in her own fucking house!” 

“See when you say things like that,” She murmured, tilting her face up to him and placing both her fists under her chin, smiling sweetly at him. He smiled and brushed a quick kiss to her lips. 

“We just sorted our situation out, mostly,” He told her frowning, “I don’t like this new complication so close on the heels of that,” 

“Comparatively, your little sister not liking me seems pretty insignificant, don’t worry yourself so much about it,” She replied, “I don’t really care if she likes me, as long as you like me.”

“And I do like you, very, very much,” He told her, dipping his face close to hers.

“AGAIN?! Seriously?” Naomi howled, from the kitchen door, Milo rolled his eyes so hard Elle thought he could see back in time.

“I will kiss my girlfriend, wherever, whenever and however many times I want, Naomi,” He hissed at her over his shoulder, “Do go away if you're going to behave like a brat.”

“Whatever,” She spat, “If I wanted to watch porn I wouldn’t want it starring my brother and some…” She let her sentence trail.

“Finish that thought,” He said turning on her, his eyes flashing, “Go on, say it, see what happens. Don’t push me Naomi.” Her face crumbled at his tone, and she ran from the room again, sobbing. Milo cast his eyes up to the ceiling groaning in frustration. “What the fuck is wrong with her?”

“Jetlag?” Elle offered, “Maybe we should stop kissing so…publicly though.”  He turned to give her a droll look.

“Stop being so kissable then,” He told her sternly, she giggled at that. “You’re probably right, I could have eased her more into this,” 

“Friendly handshakes and highfives only,” Elle conceded, to which he high fived her. “Working already,” She said, sticking her hand out for a handshake.

“Girlfriend,” he said, shaking her delicate hand.

“Boyfriend,” She retorted, before they both broke into peels of laughter. “Come on let’s finish cleaning up for your cock-blocking family, and finish that show, it’s getting so good!” 

****

That night when Elle opened their closet she found that he’d carefully hung up all of her clothes, and placed her shoes on the shelves, and it warmed her immensely. She walked into the closet, and looked around at his neatly organized space that he had shared so elegantly with her, and ran her fingers against the sleeve of one of his suits, a soft smile lighting her face. Something about the way that he had fit her so neatly into his life made her feel, when she allowed herself to, like she belonged. She inhaled his scent that lingered over his clothes and felt a thrill as she smelled her own scent mingling with his. 

Feeling a little snoopy, she looked through his clothes. Everything he owned was immaculate, and classy. Organized by color, and style, typical, she thought running her finger tips over his dress shirts, he preferred a stiffer material, but every now and then she would brush her fingers over silk, or thin linen, His tee shirts were all designer, as well as his jeans, and were neatly folded into slots. But her favorite thing was his colorful tie drawer, a veritable cacophony of colors, shapes and patterns, showing his flare for the dramatic in his dressing. Elle had mostly seen him in casual wear, and even then it was pristine and well fitting, but the twice she’d seen him in a suit, ophhh be still my beating heart, and quiet down my angel pussy! 

As her fingers brushed against a velvety fabric, she stopped and pulled the item out, she gasped, Milo…her Milo, owned a rich red velvet blazer? Seriously?! She held it up, cocking her head as she took it in, imagining the jacket on his broad shoulders and shuttered with desire, devastating.

“Do you like that one?” He asked from behind her, she jumped dropping the blazer, turning around sharply to look at him, she pressed a hand to her chest in alarm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you!” He said quickly.

“Jesus, if being a COO doesn’t pan out for you, you should consider cat burglary.” She hissed. He smiled at her.

“I feel like I would be a very noticeable cat burglar,” He told her, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah you're probably right, and it would be a crime to cover up such an incredible face,” She said, shrugging. He smirked at that covering his mouth with his hand clearly flattered.

“So good for my ego,” He said, picking up the dropped blazer, lightly dusting it with his hand.

“It’s such a beautiful piece,” She sighed admiring it, “I imagine it would look incredible on you,” He turned to look at her.

“I wore it to an event, I’ve genuinely been looking for another excuse to wear it,” He told her, “One of my favorite purchases.”

“Well if you ever find that excuse, please send pictures,” She teased, he turned to look at her then frowning.

“If I found an excuse to wear this, you would be coming with me.” He said simply. “I would want to show you off to the whole world,” 

“You’d be wearing tailored clothes, and I’ve got thriftstore treads, how could I not embarrass you?” She said laughingly, though it didn’t reach her eyes. There was a certain sharpness to what she said that stung him. He realized that this was a deep seated worry she had, that she would somehow embarrass him.

“I don’t care what you wear, I want you to be comfortable, if you like your clothes wear them anywhere with me, if you feel underdressed I’ll take you to the best clothiers and have tailored things made for you, if you want something tell me and it’s yours. All of this is…nothing for me. You…you are everything.” He told her agonized that she felt like this about something so superficial. I’ll have designers flown in to dress you, I’ll get you your own amex…just tell me what you want!

“I’ll still be me underneath all those fancy clothes,” She told him, “Some poor sad Canadian loser…”  He pressed his fingers to her lips, looking like she had struck him.

“Underneath all those fancy clothes, you would still be the most incredible, beautiful, wonderful, fierce woman I have ever met, underneath all those fancy clothes, you would still be my woman,” he told her gently. “My most precious treasure, and if anyone ever made you feel like less than that in my presence…” He let his sentence trail, and she blushed at the sentiment.

“You are so…ugh,” She sighed, standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss to lips. “Stop it, you’re giving me cute aggression.”

“Cute aggression?” He asked, confused.

“Like when you pet a cat too much and it bites you, or like when you see a super cute baby and you're like ‘Man I could just hurl this thing into the sea.’” She explained, he made a horrified face.

“Never the sea, schatje, too many witnesses, dumpsters! Always Dumpsters!” He told her seriously. She burst out laughing.

“Ugh, you're my favorite,” She told him, scrunching her nose at him, he bent down and kissed the tip of her nose.

“Speaking of clothes,” He began, pulling back, “Are these all of yours?” He asked, nodding to her neatly organized section that took up less than a fourth of the closet, a note in his voice that she didn’t understand. She nodded. “There aren't any more at your apartment?” He added, to clarify. She shook her head no.

“He…uh…destroyed a lot of my things,” She muttered, “There might be more clothes, but,” She shrugged. He grimaced. “It’s fine, I mean it’s not as if I had an extensive wardrobe to begin with anyways,” 

“I don’t suppose you’ll order more clothes if I were to ask you too,” He said. “To make me feel better about this,” She laughed.

“I bought a whole swimsuit with your money,” She told him, “Isn’t that enough?”

“You bought ONE swimsuit?” He demanded, “Elle…”

“How many swimsuits do I need?” She asked him seriously.

“More than one,” He grumbled. “You are making it very difficult to spoil you,”

“Not one for spoiling,” She retorted.

“Will you please just spend our money?” He hissed at her, “It’s just waiting for you,”

“I have spent your money, I have an arsenal of art supplies, a ridiculously expensive laptop, a swimsuit, a red dress, sexy lingerie.” She listed.

“I spent our money on you,” He corrected, “Fine, be that way but don’t be surprised when you just start getting gifts,” 

“No, stop it,” She growled, “I really don’t need anything, honestly.”

“Yes well that’s why it’s called a gift, I’m not buying you socks and sugar Elle.” He sighed. “Frivolous nonsense only or you can tell me what you actually want, better yet, order whatever the hell you want, and I’ll just hand over the card,” She rolled her eyes at him.

“What I want can’t be purchased with a card,” She told him sweetly.

“Oh?” He asked intrigued, “And what’s that?”

“You,” She whispered, “I just want you,”

“Ugh, now you’re giving me cute aggression.” He growled, grasping her waist in his hands and picking her up to bring her face to his. “I adore you,” He breathed.

“I am very adorable,” She agreed. “But I am also very tired, so…” 

“Bed,” He agreed, carrying her out of the closet and then lightly tossing her onto the bed, she giggled as she landed. And laughed even harder when he jumped onto the bed beside her.

“I’m just going to hurl you right into a dumpster,” She announced.

“Right into the sea with you, fuck the witnesses,” He agreed. 

****

She watches her covertly, the tall elegant viking woman who stares off like she’s thinking a thousand things at once. Lucia sighs,watching as she tucks a strand of her golden braid back, her witchy eyes dazzling in the low light of early morning. Lucia pulls her cloak around her closer, the chill from the wind blowing in from the ocean brings bad omens to her.

She sniffs it lightly, and scowls. The salty air smells of foul things, dead things! Her eyes widen as she understands. Wordlessly she rushes forward toward the blonde woman who has steadily become the object of her obsession, and using all her strength pushes her down, landing atop her. An arrow rushes over top of them, where her beautiful head would have been a moment before. The men with her pursue the source of the arrow, knowing their mistress will be able to handle the tiny woman upon her. 

Up close the shield maiden’s eyes are so blue they look violet, and her golden hair is streaked with strands so light they look white. No wonder they whisper that she is a witch. But Lucia knows better, Lucia knows…

“You saved me,” The blonde woman intones, her voice deep for a woman, her spanish broken at best. 

“You are in grave danger,” Lucia tells her in norse, the woman’s eyes widen, the movement draws Lucia’s focus to her dark lashes that fan at the edges. Beautiful, striking woman, Lucia thinks…before she shakes her head to focus on the task before her. “You must…”

“You speak Norse? But you are clearly a spaniard?” She cuts her off, her eyes narrow. 

“I am Lucia…the witch,” She whispers, “I’ve been sent to bring you to my master.”

“Oh I know your master, and you can tell him to fuck off, little witchling,” She hisses, pushing Lucia off her with phenomenal and surprising strength. Lucia lands hard on her back a foot away from the warrioress, who vaults upright with stunning speed and grace, sword in hand, the tip pressing against Lucia’s jugular.  Lucia jerks her face up, her cloak falling from her head, the woman gasps at the sight of her. 

Lucia is not surprised by the reaction, her striking dark hair is marred by a huge section of pure white hair that follows in a line down her face, leaving half of an eyebrow stark white, as well as her thick lashes on one eye. But perhaps the most startling thing about her are her eyes themselves, one golden and one storm gray

“...why do I see your eyes in my dreams?” She hisses at Lucia, “Have you…ensorced me witch?”

“I am a medicine witch, not the kind that can perform magics of the mind,” She whispers, “If you have seen me in your dreams, then…perhaps it is because we are fated to meet?”

“Your eyes belonged to a man in my dreams,” She thundered furiously, “a man who was betwixt my thighs! You have bespelled me and visited my dreams! What are you a Mare?!” 

“No! I am no demoness!” Lucia gasps horrified, “I have no powers…”

“Then why do I dream of laying with you, but your face…is that of a man?” She demands. Lucia blinks trying to think.

“In your dreams, are you…you?” She asks desperately. The blond blinks as if she were struck.

“Red…hair.” She whispers. 

“Then…do you go by a name that is not yours?” Lucia asks.

“...Laila…” She says at length. 

“But this is not your name now?” Lucia clarifies.

“Astrid,” She growls, “I am Astrid the shield breaker, how is it you seek me for your master but do not know my name?” 

“Your…eyes,” Lucia tells her, “They say you saw valhalla and came back with the eyes of the gods,” 

“They say nonsense,” She mutters, loosening her grip on her sword. “I can not say what it is, but I know you Lucia the witch,” She tells her, “Tell me true, have you bespelled me, are you truly not a Mare?”

“I am not a Mare, but…I think I am something else entirely to you,” Lucia whispers, holding her hands up. Astrid’s eyes flash in rage as she takes in the state of them, that she is missing half her smallest finger and the top knuckle of her ring finger on her right hand.

“Who did this to you?” Astrid asks, nodding her head toward her damaged hand. Lucia quickly hides her hand in her cloak, shamed. The damage is the marks of a thief, one who was caught 3 times. 

“I…it was punishment, from when I was a girl, I have…changed.” Lucia tells her embarrassed, Astrid reaches forward and grabs her hand free pulling it toward her and into the light. 

“You will tell me who harmed you,” She growls, “And I will remove their fingers, for touching my hands!” 

“Your…hands?” Lucia whispers confused and alarmed.

“You…are mine.” She roars enraged, “No one damages what belongs to me!” Before she blinks, equally confused, she takes  the smaller woman’s face in her hand, examining her, Astrid’s brows furrow in bewilderment. Depositing the sword into the sheath at her back, she frames Lucia's face in both hands. “You are mine, I know this, and I do not like it, come witchling, we have much to discuss,”

“My…master…” Lucia begins horrified by this unforeseen turn of events.

“I am your master now,” She informs the woman, “And any fucker that wishes to come to die, can try and claim you from me!” She snarls, she gently grasps the back of Lucia’s head palming it, she tilts the woman’s face up to hers, her eyes blazing, she growls something under her breath in a language that neither of them should know, but Lucia understands her perfectly.

We will never be parted again! Not even death will keep me from you!

“What do you see little witchling? What do the bones tell you?” Astrid asks her, gently brushing her hair back from her face, one of her arms wrapped around Lucia’s waist as the smaller woman sits between her legs before the fire. 

“It tells me, dearest one, that I can not concentrate with you so near,” she teases, turning to cup Astrid’s face in her hands.  Astrid tilts her head, brushing a kiss against her temple. 

“Come now, you must concentrate,” She says sternly, “Little witchling, many lives depend on what you see.” 

“I see…” She says staring into the bones burning in the fire, watching them crackle and pop. “Blood, and gristle, loss on both sides, but…victory for you and yours.” She whispers, turning now to see Astrid’s approving face.

“Hmm, and what of you?” She asks her, arching her eyebrow, “Where can I place you to keep you safe?”

“I will live,” She mutters, chewing on her lip.

“That is not what I asked you, witchling,” Astrid growled, knowing her beloved had a tendency to keep details of this nature to herself. “Do you become injured?”

“Nothing I will not recover from, Astrid,” She tells her sternly, “You can not change your entire battle strategy for me.”

“Watch me,” Astrid retorts sharply. “You will not win this argument Lucia, so do not try, come let’s not waste our night quarreling, I have so many better uses for that little mouth of yours,” She frames Lucia’s face in her calloused hands, brushing her lips against hers, she slides her hands down her woman’s face, down to her waist, and in one lithe move, picks her up as she stands, tossing her bodily to their sleeping pallet. Lucia lands softly, laughing, she holds her arms out for Astrid, as she begins stripping herself of her battle vestments. 

There is blood everywhere, gore, screaming, the sounds of death…Astrid cares not, as she moves through the rushing men. She rams into their formation, shield first, blade flashing so fast and fierce she hacks through their ranks as if they are nothing, because…they are nothing to her. 

Lucia watches her come for her, equal parts thrilled and terrified. Blood gushes from the cuts upon Lucia’s face, and her master cruelly back hands her to the ground. Her arms tied behind her to the post do not move as her body falls forward and she hears a pop as she feels her shoulder dislocate. She screams, and Astrid’s face flashes up to see her, with an answering bellow of rage. 

“Good, she sees you,” He hisses, running his tongue against her cheek. Lucia jerks her head back and then hard forward driving her forehead into his nose. She hears the satisfying crunch as his blood sprays her in the face. “Bitch!” He screams as he cocks his fist back, smashing her in the mouth. Lucia spits blood and then for some inexplicable reason starts laughing. 

“She will kill you,” She hisses at him, her voice ringing with hysteria. “When the shield breaker finds you, she will kill you!” 

“But she won’t find you,” He tells her, grabbing her hair and yanking her face back to see his blazing in rage, “She will never find you, not all of the part anyways.” He laughs.

“You stupid man,” Lucia growls, “Not even death will keep us apart, go ahead, do what you must, but my Astrid will have her vengeance, and we will be reunited in the next life.” He screams enraged, slapping her, over and over again, fury blinding him, and Lucia simply laughs, and laughs through the pain, through the tears.

Astrid’s rage filled bellows fill the air, as she slices her way through her foes, like a hot knife through butter. So terrifying in her rage, that many simply run from her, others not so lucky beg for their lives, but Astrid hears nothing but Lucia’s suffering. The blood lust blinding her to aught else, when her shield is kicked from her hands, she simply picks up a second sword from her latest victim, wielding both with expert precision, using anything and everything in her disposal to get to Lucia.

“LUCIIAAA!!” She screams, as she kicks a man so hard in the face his skull caves, and Lucia looks to her from her swollen eyes, and smiles, for the woman she loves, covered in blood, resplendent in her righteous indignation is mere feet from her.  When she feels the blade against her throat, she doesn’t even flinch, for she knows…

“Astrid, my love, I will always love you!!” She screams, her last words…

“Nooo!!!NOOOOOO!!” Astrid screams, horror marring her face, but Lucia smiles knowing they will meet again, in this life…or the next.

Astrid’s warm fingers rub against the scar on her throat gently. Lucia flinches in surprise but then relaxes into the arms of the person she loves the most in this world. She wants to tell Astrid how much she means to her, how much she loves her, but when she opens her mouth no sound comes out, frustrated she peers into Astrid’s eyes willing her to understand. Astrid smiles down at her, kissing her gently. 

“I love you too,” She whispers against her lips.

****

Elle woke up feeling melancholy and restless, rising carefully so as not to disturb Milo, she headed to the closet, tossed on a hoodie and leggings, and headed out of the bedroom. At the door she took one long last look at Milo’s sleeping form, Felix laying on his legs and smiled. Beautiful, wonderful man…Quietly so as not to wake him, she closed the door behind her, and headed down to the kitchen. 

She made herself a matcha, and sat at the counter sipping it considering her situation and feelings. No one had ever made her feel the way Milo did, he was thoughtful, kind, affectionate, so considerate, not to mention the fierce physical attraction they shared. But everything about their relationship was highly irregular, the situation they were in was so charged, everything was kind of chaotic. And Elle didn’t like chaotic, Elle liked stable, Elle liked regular, Elle liked calm…Elle likes Milo. She sighed, she did like him, objectively he was an incredibly likable person, and if she had met him under less bizarre circumstances, she would have still liked him. 

If she was being honest with herself, she would admit what she felt for him was not like…No, Elle was steadily and quickly going head first into falling in love with him. Because how could she not? The way he looked at her, the way he treated her, the way he just was in general…the way his face lights up when he laughs, the way he looks when he’s concentrating, his voice first thing in the morning…and he just seemed to effortlessly get her. Get her sense of humor, her interests, the train of her thoughts. It was all so effortless with him, like being around her best friend. 

If she were to have written down her checklist for a perfect man, he would have hit every point on the list, and then some. How could she have predicted the way it would feel to have his hands on her? Or how much she would enjoy the sound of him speaking in Dutch? Or the way his scent would both make her heart race and make her feel calm and safe? How could she have ever known that she would want a man to share a glass of scotch with her in silence from the same spot as her lipstick stain? How could she know she wanted to discuss the intricacies of Warhammer? He was breaking the mold for her, reformulating it, quite literally ruining her for others, and it scared her. 

He was a deeply loveable man, how could anyone spend any length of time with him and not fall head over heels in love with him? So why her? Why on earth would he have picked her? Elle was not so foolish as to think there was anything inherently special about her, she couldn’t think of a single thing she could offer him that someone else couldn’t do better, or certainly with less baggage. Surely another woman could love him, without reservation, and make love to him normally…so why Elle? 

These dreams she had gave her such interesting glimpses into their lives before, but they kept showing her a common theme. He loved her…no matter what the circumstance was, no matter the difficulties, no matter the consequences, he always, always seemed to love her. As Aiden he had been prepared to marry an indentured slave, as Roman he had married the woman carrying his brother’s child, as Caleb he had married a black woman in a time where that was a crime, as Astrid he had fought an entire army to get to Lucia…

And as Simrin she had refused him many times, until he had somehow convinced her, as Eleanore she had withheld her love for him out of fear of being abused again, as Leah she had begged him to leave her and take their child, and as Lucia…well that one remained to be seen but she was sure she had made a burden of herself in some way or another, denied her love, or ran from her, or…fucking died in her arms probably. 

I never just…love him. She thought frowning. I never just give him what he gives me…I always make it so hard. She chewed her lip as she really considered it. Maybe…maybe I should just let him in, just let him love me, and let myself…love him too, the way he really deserves? As soon as that thought occurred another darker one came to her, every time I love him…something horrible happens to one or both of us.  Leah lost their baby during the police raid, and who knows if their marriage ever recovered…Lucia lost her ability to speak, Aiden died, and then Simrin killed herself, who knows what became of Rome and Ellie, watch me dream their ugly divorce, or the return of Lucas the abuser from the grave…She sighed, placing her head in her hands. And all of that was without considering her own inhibitions and issues. 

There was also a bit of a countdown, and Elle had yet to bring this up with him…

“You look like you are having big thoughts,” Milo murmured from behind her, she turned to look at him over her shoulder, and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him. He was still in pajama bottoms and a t- shirt, holding Felix like a baby.

“Hey handsome,” She whispered warmly, he smiled back at her. “I hope I didn’t worry you,” He shrugged, as he took a seat beside her, shifting the cat to sit in his lap. Felix meowed indignantly readjusting himself, until he found a comfortable spot in Milo’s lap.

“I won’t pretend I liked waking up to an empty bed,” He teased, placing one of his big hands over her knee, leaning in to give her a peck on the lips. She turned in her seat to face him, petting the cat’s head.

“Sorry,” She whispered, “I just woke up feeling a little…” She shrugged, handing him her tea cup, he took it and sipped from it, closing his eyes savoring. 

“You do something to your matcha, you must,” He sighed in pleasure, handing the mug back to her. She smiled at that, taking a sip from the same spot he had. His eyes locked on the movement, covering his mouth to hide his pleased grin.

They sat for a moment in blissful silence passing the mug back and forth, until they drained it. During the course of which Milo slowly moved her seat closer and closer to him, until now they sat with one of his legs between hers, legs interlocked. Felix purred as he moved to sit in the center, half on each of their legs. Placing the mug on the counter, Milo rested his elbow down beside it, and his face on his closed fist considering her. She reached out and snagged his other hand in hers, intertwining their fingers together, resting her face on her hand to look at him. A slow warm smile crossed his face as he brought their linked hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. He grinned contentedly at her. So fucking effortless…

“I need to talk to you,” She said finally, exhaling a hard breath. His brows creased as he took her in.

“Alright,” He said simply, waiting for her to continue.

“I…am trying this communicating thing,” She told him, with an awkward smile, “So here goes, I have a predicament that I would like your thoughts on,”  Both his eyebrows arched, and a pleased smile grew on his face.

“Go on,” He encouraged.

“My vacation time is coming to an end,” She began, chewing on her lip, “And I have to go back to work, and it’s an hour away from here, my apartment is still trashed, my life is a disordered mess at the moment, and I need this job, so I’m trying to figure out how to proceed.” He frowned considering.

“Naturally, my first thoughts are you don’t need this job,” He started thoughtfully, she made a face at that, “However I understand that you worked hard, and you like what you do, so I am in fact not suggesting you quit and use our money to support yourself,” He added, she nodded appreciating his understanding. “How much vacation time do you have left?”

“About a week or so.” She answered.

“I think you will have to give up your apartment,” He told her, grimacing at her stark expression, “I know it’s not fair, but I think it’s the safest course of action,”

“I think you are right, besides…I don’t think I could sleep there knowing…” She shuttered, and he cupped her cheek caressingly.

“I’m so sorry,” He breathed. She shrugged looking sad. 

“It is what it is,” She said, “So then I have to find a new place to live,” 

“Why not just permanently move in here?” He asked her. She gave him a droll look. “No I’m being serious, I built this place for you, if it would make you feel more comfortable I can have paperwork drawn up to deed it to you, so that it’s officially yours.” 

“While that is a ridiculously generous offer, obscenely so…this place is too far from the city, it’s too far from my life.” She told him truthfully. “I also genuinely can not accept this house as a gift, for a myriad of reasons,”

“I would very much like to hear these reasons, but that’s a topic for another conversation,” He retorted softly, “We can find  a new place in the city, I can contact the realtor I used to purchase this property, find something more central.”

“To rent,” She clarified. 

“Let me just buy a place, it’s more practical in the long term,” He told her matter-of-factly.

“Sure, if I could afford that, which I can not,” She told him sternly.

“You absolutely can afford it,” He corrected her, “We are quite well off,”

“You are well off, I have like $200 dollars in my bank account, and maybe a crumpled twenty in a jacket somewhere,” She informed him.

“Elle,” He growled at her.

“Milo,” She retorted in the same tone, “I need my independence, surely you can understand that? We aren’t married, we just became involved, I don’t want to be completely reliant on you for everything, I…need this. Can you meet me here?” 

“Yes I can,” He sighed.”But, when we get married we are not having separate bank accounts and lives, what’s mine is yours.” 

“When?” She asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Always that note of surprise, not sure I can make my intentions any clearer Elle.” He told her laughingly. 

“Having your help finding a new apartment would be exceedingly helpful,” She said, choosing to ignore his last statement. “Thank you,” 

“This is one of those bare minimum moments,” He told her, looking a little sad. “Are you sure you won’t just let me buy you a place, as a gift?”

“No,” She told him firmly, “But it’s sweet that you keep offering.” 

“Alright, I’ll make the calls and set up a time for us to meet with her,” He conceded. 

“Something in my price range,” She reminded him, “You can’t pay my rent,” He huffed out a breath.

“We will circle back to this,” He said, “More importantly we need to talk about your safety, I would like to hire a team to protect you.”

“Oh?” She asked, taken aback. “Your mother was convinced that once we met he would lose interest in me, and we have…uh moved quite a few steps ahead of that no?”

“She said the same to me,” He agreed, frowning, “I have…an uneasy feeling about this,” He told her truthfully.

“Is your mother ever wrong about these sorts of things?” She asked.

“No, never.” He told her, still looking unconvinced. “Maybe it’s overly cautious, but…Elle, if anything happened to you, I would…” He let the sentence trail, clasping her hand tighter. “I couldn’t bear it.” He finished. 

“I have to go back to my normal life, baby, I can’t have a team of people following me around,” She told him, his face brightened at her casual endearment.

“Can we meet in the middle with this?” He asked her.

“How so?” She asked.

“One bodyguard?” He offered, “He can drive you around, and stay at the apartment when I am away.” 

“When you’re away?” She asked, barely stifling a grin, “Is this your super casual way of asking to move in together?” 

“Not casual at all,” He told her, “I want to live with you, I never want to live apart from you again.” 

“What about your work?” She asked surprised.

“I can do most of it remotely, and when I can’t I’ll commute,” He said shrugging.

“So…you would be willing to relocate here…for me?” She murmured, genuinely touched.

“Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be,” He told her seriously, “Of course I will want to take you to the Netherlands, when you are ready for that, but we can live wherever you like.”

“See, when you say things like that…” She mumbled, grinning like an idiot.

“You think, ‘I would love to meet my terrified boyfriend in the middle and let him hire me, a bodyguard’,” He offered.

“Fine,” She conceded. “But don’t hire someone too obvious please,”

“I’ll find you someone inconspicuous,” He agreed, “My brother has some friends that are in the personal protection field, ex Marines.”

“Right, that won’t be suspicious at all,” She sighed. 

“Indulge me,” He encouraged, leaning forward to brush a kiss against her lips. “Don’t worry me into getting premature wrinkles and white hair, let me stay the hot twin!”  She laughed at that.

“Okay,” She agreed. “But…there is one thing, and I don’t think your going to be happy about it,”

“What?” He asked bracing himself.

“I need to go back to my apartment and clean it up, salvage what I can,” She told him.

“No you don’t,” He intoned, “Absolutely not, I’ll have the place professionally cleaned, and whatever is salvageable, salvaged, but you don’t need to ever go there again, this is a bad idea Schatje.”

“I told you, you wouldn’t be happy about it,” She sighed, “I need the closure, I need to see my place and let it go, I lived there for years, I saved and scrimped to fill the space with things that were me, it’s really, really important to me.” 

“Elle…” He groaned.

“Milo, that apartment…it wasn’t just an apartment for me, it was where I figured out being an adult.” She told him. She could see he really didn’t like the idea, but he also wanted to give her what she needed, the indecision on his face made her heart pang for him.

“I’m going with you,” He said finally.

“Okay,” She said readily, glad for his company to be honest. “I would really like that actually,” He smiled warmly at her, though he still seemed troubled.

“You are sure I can’t…dissuade you?” He asked softly, brows furrowed.

“No,” She told him. He framed her face in his hands, brushing his fingers against her jaw, looking at her with such adoration and care.

“I don’t want anything to cause you pain,” He whispered, “But I respect your decision,” 

“Thank you,” She whispered, leaning forward to kiss him, with all the affection, care and consideration she felt for him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, as he caught the back of her head, gently he tugged her forward, into his lap so that she was now straddling him. He wrapped his other arm around her waist pulling her close, allowing her to drive the pace of their kiss. Elle adored his mouth, with tenderness, tasting him leisurely. She drew her body closer to him, pressing her chest to his, the hand at the back of her head, slid down her neck to wrap around her upper back, his hand flat between her shoulders.

“Hou je me voor de gek?!” Are you kidding me?! Naomi hissed from behind them. They broke apart, and Milo clenched his jaw in irritation, looking to the ceiling as if seeking strength from the heavens.

“Good morning Naomi,” He hissed through his teeth, “How sweet of you to join us,” The sarcasm rolling of his voice.

“Zit ze te ontbijten, beetje vroeg voor je tong in haar mond nee?” Is she having breakfast, bit early for your tongue in her mouth no? Naomi asked, sacrine sweetly.

“Bit early for your attitude,” Milo told her, “Respecteer mijn vriendin niet, Naomi.Dit is mijn enige echte waarschuwing aan jou.” Don’t disrespect my girlfriend, Naomi, this is my one and only warning to you, He intoned sternly, his eyes blazing even as his tone was even. Naomi seemed surprised by his words, rolling her eyes she muttered something under her breath, as she turned to leave.

 “Je zult in de toekomst in het Engels spreken, je zult haar geen ongemakkelijk gevoel geven, ik zal het niet tolereren.” You will speak in English going forward, you will not make her feel uncomfortable, I will not tolerate it. He called to her retreating back, firmly, her body jerked at his words, before she stiffly continued out of the room. 

“So…that’s continuing to go well,” Elle sighed, he pressed his forehead to hers.

“I am so sorry, I don’t understand what is happening with her behavior. But I won’t tolerate it,” He told her sternly. 

“To be fair I probably wouldn’t be thrilled if I walked in on my brother and his girlfriend making out in a chair in the kitchen,” She sighed.

“I don’t care how thrilled or not she is,” He muttered, “It’s no excuse to be rude to you, if she has an issue with us, she should talk to me about it.”  Elle shrugged, sweeping a kiss against his forehead, he blinked surprised but warmed by the action.

“Don’t get too upset about it, here let me make you some breakfast,” She said, sliding off his lap, “I learned this delicious Egg recipe from the world’s worst egg maker…” She began sweetly, heading toward the fridge.

****

Around midday while Milo was on a conference call, Elle looked over her work emails in the living room, which she had absolutely been ignoring. Wincing at the store numbers, she quickly created a to do list for when she got back to work, inventory looked good she decided, but sales needed work, and it looked like some of their strongest sellers were not doing well, probably needed the displays moved. The store ranking was still in the top 5 of the company so David was doing remarkably well, she wrote a storewide email saying so, along with a return to work date for herself. 

She became engrossed in her work, approving pending requests, correcting payroll, and the various other tasks that had built up over her time at the cabin, so focused that she didn’t hear the doorbell ring, or hear Naomi answer it. What she did notice was Naomi angrily dumping packages into her lap. Elle glared up at the younger woman furiously.

“I’m not the hired help,” Naomi hissed at her, “Answer the door for your own packages!”

“I didn’t realize how strenuous walking three feet and opening a door was, next time I’ll be sure to take the burden from you,” Elle retorted sharply.

“Oh and I’m sure there will be a next time, you seem to enjoy spending my brother’s money,” Naomi told her harshly. “Seems like you have quite the taste for Apple products,” She hissed. Elle arched an eyebrow, looking at her laptop, and then down at the boxes in her lap, two of the boxes were clearly apple packaging, blanching she looked up to explain herself, but Naomi had already walked away muttering angrily under her breath in Dutch.

Feeling gross about the interaction, Elle closed the laptop and moved the boxes onto the coffee table she was working off. She recognized one of them as the packaging for the place she had purchased the swimsuit from, but she had not placed these other orders. Sighing she opened the first box and dropped her face into her hands, groaning. Milo had bought her the next generation Ipad pro, and if she had to guess, the second little box was probably the Pro pencil to go with it. She quietly moved those two boxes away and opened the third one, it was a mechanical pencil set, identical to his set that she had borrowed except smaller and more dainty. She covered her mouth with her hand just staring at the assortment of items.

“That was a boring meeting,” Milo sighed walking in the front door, Elle turned in her seat to spear him with a stern look. “What?” He asked, surprised, taking in her expression.

“Why do I have an Ipad pro and accessories?” She asked him, arching an eyebrow.

“Because it’s the best tablet for digital art,” He replied simply, “Did you want a different one instead? I looked at the Samsung and LG models, the reviews were a bit spotty for a true to paper feel…”

“The brand isn’t the issue,” She hissed, cutting him off. “Why would you purchase me a tablet and accessories?”

“You can’t use the Ipad pro without the pencil,” He told her.

“Are you deliberately choosing not to understand my point, or are you really just not understanding what I’m asking you?” She demanded. He shrugged, smirking at her.

“I feel like this is a you problem, I’ve been quite clear about my desire to spoil you,” He told her.

“Oh no this isn’t a me problem anymore, it’s now a Naomi- thinks- I’m- spending- your- money- on- frivolous- nonsense- for- myself problem,” She told him sweetly. 

“That’s not a problem,” He replied calmly, “Because it’s absolutely none of her business what we spend our money on, and if she would like to make it a problem, I have a really simple solution.” 

“Milo,” Elle groaned, placing her face in her hands, “I don’t want your family to think I’m some sort of gold digger,”

“How are you gold digging if I’m the one forcing gifts on you?” He demanded.

“That is absolutely not how anyone else is going to see it!” She mumbled through her hands. 

“And by anyone else you mean Naomi,” He corrected, “What did she say?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Elle replied quickly. His jaw clenched, as his eyes narrowed.

“Tell me what she said, or I’ll go ask her what she said,” He said in a dangerous undertone, the warning clear.

“She said…it looked like… I enjoyed spending your money, and had a taste for Apple products…” Elle mumbled, through her hands. Milo leaned forward and moved her hands from her face.

“She said what?” He hissed, eyes blazing. Elle looked up at the ceiling.

“Don’t…” She whispered. 

“I’ll take care of this,” He told her, releasing her hands, and marching angrily toward the kitchen, Elle jumped up and over the couch and onto his back. He didn’t even falter, just kept moving forward.

“Jesus! How strong are you?!” She growled.

“You weigh;what 60kg? That’s not even my warm up squat weight,” He told her drolly. 

“We are going to have to circle back to that,” She mumbled under her breath, actually impressed. “What are you going to do?” She demanded.

“Talk to my sister,” He said calmly, loping his arms behind his back to pull her into a proper piggyback, Elle squealed in surprise, “If you wanted to come you could have just asked,” 

“Stop!” She hissed at him, “You can’t just go yell at your sister for being…”

“A bitch? Watch me!” He retorted, walking into the kitchen, fortunately for Naomi she wasn’t there. He turned around to head back into the living room, moving toward the stairs.

“MILO!” She yelled at him, “You stop this instant!” He complied, making an angry noise in his chest. 

“Why?” He asked her seriously, “Why shouldn’t I go upstairs right now, and ream my sister out?” 

“She’s…a kid, and she doesn’t know me…” Elle began.

“Don’t defend her, she’s not a child, and she’s behaving like a brat,” He retorted.

“I don’t want you to go and start something with your favorite sister over me,” She informed him softly,  “It will make me feel like shit,” That seemed to give him pause. He exhaled angrily.

“Fine,” He muttered finally, clearly still furious, “But if she says anything else to you, in front of me or not, I’m going to send her back to the Netherlands, are we clear on that?” 

“Okay,” She agreed, sighing.  

“Good, well come on,” He said, hitching her higher on his back as he started climbing the steps.

“Hey! Where are we going?” She demanded, startled.

“Swimming,” He told her. 

“Wait! My swimsuit…” She began, and he stopped halfway up the stairs, then turning around to head back to the coffee table, he grabbed her swimsuit package, and handed it to her, heading for the stairs again.

****

The moment Elle walked out of the closet she knew she had made the right choice in swimsuit. She had felt a bit self conscious in the suit, worried that it didn’t fit right, or that the red was too ostentatious, but Milo’s reaction was all she needed to convince her she was wrong. He had been saying something when she stepped out of the closet when he had abruptly stopped mid sentence, mouth hanging agape. His heavy lidded eyes roved her body like a caress as he pressed his shaking fist to his teeth, biting the knuckle as if to stop himself from blurting out whatever loaded thought he had. His other hand clenched by his side, as he stared at her for several moments, before stumbling backward to sit on the couch, never having taken his eyes off her. 

“Red,” He growled under his breath, finally. Looking like he genuinely couldn’t decide what he wanted to do.

“So this is a no then?” She teased, turning around to give him a full view of the backless detail, and her pert ass as she sauntered away, hips swishing. He moved so fast Elle gasped startled, when she felt his hands on the exposed skin of the cut outs at her waist, pulling her to a stop, his warm body surrounding her. 

“Hate it,” He agreed, brushing his lips against her neck, “Let me just…” He murmured, sliding his hands up her body, over her peaking breasts, up to her shoulders, she shuttered in pleasure as his fingers slid against her shoulder and collarbone, sliding under the straps of the swimsuit. “Take this off.” He finished gently pushing the straps down her shoulders, over her arms stopping short of exposing her breasts. 

He followed his fingers with his lips, lightly trailing kissed down her neck, over her exposed shoulder, against her collarbone, and then back up again, stopping to nip her sensitive nape, before trailing down her otherside. 

“You taste like roses,” He whispered against her skin, sending shivers of delight down her spine, “I want to run my tongue down every part of you,” Punctuating his words by running his big hands across her aching nipples, and down her flat trembling stomach, down, down to between her legs, cupping her there and pulling her back into his erection at her ass. She moaned at the contact. “I want to taste you, right here, to have you cum right on my tongue,” He growled against her ear, dragging his teeth against her earlobe, she jerked into him, her chest heaving.

“Do…do it then,” She whispered,tilting her head back to lean against his shoulder, her legs shaking now, as he pressed the heel of his palm into her aching bud.

“Do you want me to, lekker ding? Do you want me to strip this suit from you, and lay you down on the bed, or have you sit on the couch, while I kneel between your beautiful legs, and feast on that lovely little pussy of yours?” He rasped. She gasped out a breath, becoming even more aroused simply by his words. 

“Yes…yes please,” She managed, “Now…thank you,” His deep rumbling laugh sent even more spikes of pleasure down her body, pooling in between her legs. He turned her to face him, locking eyes with her, he gently framed her face tilting it up for him, as he brushed his lips against hers, leisurely and gently. Lulling her into relaxing against him, as he bent to her, sweeping her legs out from under her, picking her up and against his chest. Never breaking the kiss. She cried out in surprise, and he swallowed the sound, taking her to the couch. 

Gently he placed her down to sit, before kneeling in front of her. Spearing her with his intense gaze, he placed his big hands on her knees.

“Spread your legs for me, lekker ding.” he intoned, pressing them apart with feather light pressure, she immediately complied. He moved forward between her spread legs, with deft fingers he slid her bathing suit down her body, exposing her inch by inch, stopping at her hips. Placing one big hand on her sternum he pushed her back into the couch cushions. His hand became caressing as he trailed it down to her flat stomach, he rose over her tilting her face up to him as he leaned down to kiss her deeply, breathlessly, toying with her. He trailed from her lips down her neck, over her collarbone, stopping just above her breasts.

“Your body was made for me,” He growled, sliding his hand up her body to cup her breast, “You fit so perfectly into my hands,” He kneaded her firmly in his hand, harder than he ever had before, she arched at the contact. He swept his thumb and forefinger together pinching her nipple, she jerked crying out at the touch, he watched her reaction, his eyes blazing with lust. “So sensitive, so fucking responsive to my touch, it makes me crazy watching you, I fantasize about you all the time.” 

“Do…do you really?” She asked, flashing her eyes open.

“All the fucking time, until it’s all I can do not to just throw you down on the nearest available surface and have you again, and again, and again, make you scream my name while you cum for me,” He rasped in a heavily accented undertone, his breathing harsh. “I see you in that sexy little lingerie with the fucking bow over your perfect tight ass, and I just…” He growled, as he dropped his head to her other breast taking her nipple into his mouth, lightly dragging his teeth against her sensitive skin. She cried out, arching to him, his arm shot behind her back, holding her to him. Her hands threaded into his hair, and he laughed against her skin. “I love when you do that,” he told her, pulling back from her aching nipple, he blew against her wetted skin, and she gasped in pleasure. 

She tugged him toward her other breast, and he came without protest. His warm mouth against her, exactly as she liked. She moaned in pleasure, mumbling under her breath, abruptly he stopped, and looked up into her eyes.

“Say that again,” he demanded, she flushed not realizing he had heard her. 

“Um…” She mumbled red faced.

“Say it,” he hissed.

“I…want you to fuck me….hard.” She managed, face flaming. He made a sound in his chest, and shot his eyes to the ceiling looking like he was praying for mercy.

“You have no idea how much I want to,” he murmured, his voice husky with desire. “How much I want to pick you up, slam you against that wall, and fuck you with all my strength,” He groaned, “If I thought I could do that without hurting or losing you…” He let the sentence trail.

“Losing me?” She repeated, confused.

“If you aren’t with me the whole way through…it would be like losing you.” He explained, tilting his head to look at her, the adoration on his face stole her breath. “I’d give it to you anyway you want it, but…I don’t want it if you aren’t there, if you slide away from me,”

“But…you can’t tell…” She whispered.

“But you can, and that’s enough for me. It makes me sick thinking that one of the most profound experiences of my life wasn’t actually shared.” He told her truthfully, looking sad. “That’s not how I wanted to be with you, I agonized over how to make it good for you, to show you how I felt about you with my body, and…it didn’t matter in the end, and I hate that.” 

“It did matter,” She whispered, framing his face with her hands, furrowing her brows. “I’ve never…felt so cared about, so looked after,”

“When and if…” he started.

“When,” She corrected immediately, “When, there is no if. I want you, I want to be intimate with you again,” 

“Are you…sure? Even with…” He looked so lost, her heart ached.

“Yes,” She said firmly, “I…also fantasize about you all the time.” 

“Really?” He asked, arching an eyebrow with a slow smile forming on his lips. “What do you…”

“So many things,” She growled, “I think about waking you up, with you in my mouth,” His body shuttered at that, his jaw clenched. Elle tilted her head as something occurred to her, “That day in the library when I…was that the first time you’ve ever had a blow job?” 

“Yes,” he admitted face flaming. She smiled.

“Is there any particular reason you haven’t umm indulged what I can only assume is genuinely thousands of willing women?” She asked.

“Yes,” he said again, looking away hiding an embarrassed smile.

“Which is?” She asked, eyebrows arched.

“Well it wasn’t thousands of women,” He amended, “A handful at best…”

“Quit stalling.” She shot at him, “Why?”

“They weren’t…you,” He said simply.

“But you didn’t know me,” She sighed.

“I knew your soul,” He told her seriously, “I knew what your presence felt like, I knew what it was like to love you, to make love to you, anything else…felt cheap and wrong.” 

“I...actually understand exactly what you mean,” She muttered under her breath, “After you…everyone else would feel cheap and wrong.” He blinked in surprise, catching her face in his hands and tilted her to look at him.

“What…does that mean?” He demanded, needing to hear her say what he thought he was hearing.

“Now that I know what you feel like…and I don’t mean your dick, your presence, your soul, the parts of you that are you…everyone else would feel like garbage.” She admitted, frowning. “Also that dick…” He laughed at that. “I’m not…ready to say I love you, but…” She mumbled.

“I didn’t ask you to,” He assured her, “We are reading the same book, I’m just a few chapters ahead of you.”

“I…don’t think you are as far ahead as you think you are…” She mumbled under her breath absently, as if she didn’t realize she was speaking aloud. He captured her lips with his, kissing her as if she had said the words. Her hands caught the back of his head, and she followed his pace and tempo, sighing as he kissed her with wild adoration. As he pulled back, he looked into her eyes for long moments, running his thumb against her jaw.

“You are so…” He tried to find the words, but all the ones he knew seemed so small and stupid in the moment. 

“Yeah, you too.” She finished for him, understanding. “To be fair though, you probably only feel this way about me because I’m out here taking all your first times…” He burst out laughing.

“Not all my first times,” he told her, glaring at her. “I’m not a monk.”

“That’s not what Daire said.” She retorted.

“Let’s never speak about Daire while one or both of us are undressed please,” he said making a face, “It’s…off putting.”

“Is it off putting? Try seeing his face hovering over you when you're in the throes with your boyfriend, it’s…delightful.” She told him sarcastically.

“You poor thing,” He sighed, “Daire does look disturbingly like Aiden,”

“And sounds like him…err…I guess you?” She mumbled, “So weird.”

“Very,” He agreed. “I thought…you might like him more than me, if you ever remembered…”

“Gross,” She said, pulling a face, “He’s fine as a person I guess, but he’s not…you, besides…he never felt right.” 

“Go on,” He encouraged, trying not to look too pleased.

“So I would wake up after having an Aiden dream and…I would always think ‘Looks like Daire but…feels like Milo.’” She whispered. “It’s such a bizarre thing, I’ve been dreaming about Aiden since I was a kid, I even developed a bit of a thing for redheads to be honest…but here I was looking at this guy with the face of my literal dream man and…’looks like Daire feels like…you.’” She shrugged. His whole face softened as he looked at her. 

“And…what do I feel like?” He asked.

“Safe, warm, kindness….love.” She whispered, your presence literally feels like love…She glanced up at him in stunned realization. He caught her startled expression quickly turning to fear.

“No, no don’t look at me like that,” he whispered gently, “Don’t look at me like your waiting for me to hurt you,”

“I…am not trying to,” She told him, fighting back her own disquiet. “It’s just second nature to be wary for me, it’s never really worked out for me to let myself fall in love with someone.”

“I understand that,” he told her reassuringly, “Give me time schatje, let me work on building your trust, let me work on tearing down these walls you’ve built, let me show you that you have nothing to ever fear from me.”

“This is such a confusing space for me,” She mumbled looking at him, really taking him in. “I’ve never been more attracted to anyone in my life than you, but I’ve also never felt this…safe, this cared for, this heard, this…” She gestured. He nodded.

“Does that make this…” He cupped her breast gently, “Better?”

“Yes,” She admitted, gasping at his touch. “So much better, the best.”

“Good, because you are…very obviously, the best I’ve ever had,” He laughed.

“But just in this lifetime,” She teased. He locked eyes with her.

“In every single lifetime, you are the best I’ve ever had,” He growled at her, “This body, this incarnation is the sexiest, most incredible, beautiful, perfect, made for me version, and,” He said holding his hand up to stop her retort, “You will never convince me otherwise,” 

“I’m just saying Simrin was…” She began, he cut her words off by taking her nipple into his mouth, she arched to him gasping. 

“Shut up, Elle.” He growled against her skin. 

“Shutting up…” She agreed. 

“Tell me more about these fantasies you have of me,” he demanded, sliding his mouth down her body, planting kisses along her trembling stomach, “Tell me what we do together, what gets you riled up for me.”

“Umm…oh jesus,” She whimpered as he slid her swimsuit all the way off, down her legs and tossed it behind him. His big hands grasped her under her thighs, pulling her forward on the couch, as he knelt between her legs. He placed her legs over his shoulders, and carefully pushed her thighs apart with his hands, his hot gaze locked on her exposed trembling sex.

“That’s my woman,” he hissed, his face contorting in lust as he looked at her. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are here?” He demanded, trailing his hand up her thigh, stopping short of her pussy. She ached for him to touch her. “I think about this so much I’m surprised I’m able to do anything else.” She heaved in breaths, becoming more and more aroused from his ardent and fixed attention on her most intimate place. “Tell me what you think about,” He demanded, leaning his head against her thigh, looking up at her, his gaze hot. “What do you want to do with me?”

“Grab your head,” She growled frustrated, he laughed not moving. “Oh shit…” She hissed understanding what he was about to do. “You're only…if I tell you…?” He nodded his head languidly watching her, a predatory smile on his handsome face.

“Start talking, lekker ding,” He whispered inching his lips closer to her, lightly he blew against her wet flesh and she shivered, jerking violently. His hands clamped her thighs down, holding her in place. 

“Umm…okay,” She began breathing hard, “I think…about you naked out of the shower,”  He made a sound deep in his chest as he carefully spread her with his thumb and ring finger, waiting for her to continue. “Umm…and…umm just…fuck.” 

“Inventive,” He intoned his voice so close to her body she could feel the reverberation. But he wouldn’t move any nearer to where her body ached for his lips and tongue. 

“Christ, okay…” She groaned, placing her face in her shaking hands. “I think about you in the shower alot,” She admitted, “About your big beautiful body under the water, as it slides down all your hard muscles, against your perfect…fucking massive cock,” He moved forward at her words, running his tongue up from her entrance all the way to her bud, with featherlight pressure, she thought she would lose her mind, “Harder…” She mumbled. 

“Keep talking,” He replied pleasantly. 

“Ummm…” She breathed, “I think about you, touching yourself,” He glanced up then in surprise. “No, no, don't stop!” She whimpered, his tongue had been mere inches from her clit.

“Sorry,” he intoned, dropping back down to his task. “Go on,” he said, flicking his tongue against her. She groaned in pleasure.

“Touching…touching yourself, to thoughts about me, about you running your big hand up and down your hard shaft, getting more and more riled up and ready for me,” She whispered, breath hitching as he leisurely tasted her clit, with slow flicking movements of his tongue. He moaned against her, the reverberation of his deep voice sent a spike of pure pleasure pooling to her core, making her clench. “Ahhh…I want…your fingers…”

“Do you?” He whispered, sliding his hand up her thigh, his fingertips grazing the outside of her labia, moving toward her entrance. “Tell me more about this shower fantasy,” he demanded, staying his hand.

“Fuck,” She growled, frustrated and desperate for him, “I…I think about you, working yourself into a frenzy for me, coming all the way to the edge, and then…” He moved his fingers down to her entrance, as he redoubled his flicking teasing movements against her clit, speeding up, as he pressed a finger inside of her. She arched to his hand, crying out as he filled her. “Oh, ohhhh yes, fuck yes.” She moaned, surging her hips forward, his big hand on her thigh pressed down stopping her, holding her firm. She groaned in frustration, fought against his grip, but he was simply too strong.

“Uh uh,” He intoned, shaking his head no, “My pace, I’m in control of this, you just let go,” She fell back into the cushions trembling. “Continue, tell me all about how close to the edge you want me to be for you,” he encouraged, maddeningly slowly drawing his finger from her shaking sheath and thrusting back into her, inch by aching inch. “Fuck how your beautiful little pussy clings to me…” he growled as he moved his hand.

“Uhh, fuck.” She moaned, her legs shaking against his strong shoulders. “Oh do that again,” She whimpered. His hand stopped. “This is…so mean!” She howled, he laughed against her clit and she jerked from the sensation. 

“You know what I want,” he reminded her sweetly, “Give in my precious woman, give me what I want, and…” He thrust his finger in and out of her hard, she cried out, her sheath clenching, “I’ll give you what you want,”

“Fuck,” She groaned her voice shaking, “Where was I…” She demanded furiously, 

“Shower, I believe I was working myself up to a frenzy for you, sort of like…” He began pumping his hand as he sucked her little aching clit into his mouth, she arched up hard from the couch bowing, his hand on her thigh caught her waist and gently eased her back down. As he again stilled his hand, and mouth, “that,” He finished.

“Umm, right, right,” She gasped out, trying to force her brain to work, “You…would be working yourself up for me, taking it right to the edge, and then…umm then you would find me…watching you…” She gasped again as he stilled his ministrations and she screamed in frustration. “Why!? What?!” 

“You…want to watch me?” He demanded, looking at her from between her legs an odd assortment of expressions crossing his face.

“The fuck!?” She growled furiously, “Of course I do! After I’m done strangling you! Come on!” She demanded, undulating her hips for him. 

“I don’t think I’m one of those men that likes strangulation,” He told her, setting back, “But…watching me, that can be arranged.” He finished taking her clit back into his mouth, as his clever finger turned inside of her, grazing her spot.

“Ahhh, yes!!” She moaned, not wanting him to stop she began talking quickly. “I’d be watching you, and you would turn to me, with that lust maddened look you get that turns me on so hard,”  He groaned against her, hand and tongue working in time as he gently moved his finger against her spot. “And I would climb into the shower with you, and drop to my knees in front of you,” he stilled again, but she spurred him on with a heel to his upper back, he made a sound she didn’t recognize as he went back to his task. “I’d take your cock into my mouth, all the way back, as far as I could,” He groaned, and a slow smile came over her face. “Do you…like that?” She demanded.

“So much,” He replied, never stopping his finger. “Your mouth on me…mmmhh” He moaned against her, she shivered.

“I’d take you as deep as I could, and my hand would take the rest, and I would suck you, until you were almost mindless with need for me,” She told him moving her hips in time with his movements, getting more aggressive now, and he let her, loosening his grip on her thigh, “You would be so close to losing it, and I would stop, and stand up, you would grab the back of my head, and pull me up to you for one of those hard, teeth clattering kisses you give me when you want me so desperately, when you forget to be soft and gentle, when I get to feel how fucking strong you are….ohhh fuck, I love how strong you are, how big your body is, how it feels when you lose it just a little bit, and…and how it feels when you are so soft and careful with me, like I’m the most delicate precious thing your hands have ever handled,” She whispered, leaning her head back to the couch, looking at the ceiling now, her chest tight with feeling, “You touch me like you haven’t touched diamonds, and gold, like I am…priceless.” Tears formed in the corner of her eyes as she realized how much this man must care about her, flashes of the way he looked at her when he gave her pleasure shot to mind, of the tenderness he always showed her. He was phenomenally strong, significantly bigger than her, hell he was bigger than anyone she had ever dated, and yet…no one had ever handled her as gently, as carefully as he did. Her heart felt like it might burst.

“Schatje, are you still with me?” he whispered looking up at her, alarm in his voice, she glanced down at him, a single tear trailed down her face, and he stopped immediately pulling away from her, climbing her body, pulling her into his arms holding her against him, cupping the back of her head. “Stay with me,” he whispered, his own voice shaking, “Don’t…don’t leave me.”

“I’m here, I’m still here,” She whispered tears falling from her eyes, “I’m…not crying because I don’t like this,” She explained, wrapping her arms around him holding him close, “I just…got overwhelmed.”

“It’s alright,” he whispered, kissing her all over her face gently, moving the hair back from her delicate cheekbones, looking at her with such adoration her chest caught. “I’ve got you,”

“I know,” She whispered, pulling his face back to hers, kissing him with her own tenderness, and affection, “You always have me.” 

“Always,” he agreed, “What do you need right now?”

“You,” She whispered looking at him with big round shining eyes, “I need you…inside me.” His hands clenched at her back, “I know…its a bad idea,” 

“Do you…maybe just want to be close?” he offered gently. She considered what he was saying.

“I’ve never really…thought of sex as a way of being close, it never felt that way, before you.” She admitted. 

“That…hurts me for you.” He told her truthfully. “It makes me think that it’s never really been all that great for you.”

“It’s never really been intimate before you,” She explained. “It feels like…coming home to someone with you.”

“That’s how it felt for me too,” He admitted, “I want that again with you, but…” 

“But?” She asked, frowning.

“I don’t want to…lose you while I’m out of my head with lust for you, it…hurts me thinking about it,” He continued, Elle felt a pang in her chest for him, her face softening. “I don’t want it if you're not with me the whole way, so if…you would have to really communicate with me, you would have to tell me if you're fading away from me.” 

“I could…try,” She murmured.

“No, that’s not good enough,” He said firmly, “We would have to agree to stop, if you are not in it with me, we have to stop. I don’t want it like that, not with you, never with you.” 

“Really?” She asked cupping his cheek with her hand.

“Elle, I love you, I want to be intimate with you, all of you, present and accounted for. I don’t want you to slip away from me in the throes, I need to know that when you're looking at me, you are seeing me.” He told her seriously, his expression pained. “And I’m not sure we are there yet,”

“I don’t…know either,” She admitted, sighing. “Why am I so…”

“No, don’t do that,” He whispered, pulling her closer. “Don’t beat yourself up over this, we will figure it out, we will!” 

“You sound so sure,” She whispered. “Maybe we can…just sort of keep adding things to our uhh repertoire, like maybe…I can umm give you another blow job?”

“We could try that,” He agreed slowly, “Just  build up to it again,” She nodded her head enthusiastically, he smiled. “You really want to…watch me?” he asked her.

“Yes,” She told him, “I want to watch you cum for me,”

“I would…like that,” he rasped, “Alot,” She grinned.

“I feel like you didn’t know you liked that until I said it,” She teased.

“I am finding out all sorts of interesting things about what I am into.” he agreed.

“Such as?” She asked, truly curious.

“I like dominating,” He told her, “Watching you…and knowing I’m driving the pace.” He made a sound deep in his chest.

“Yeah I caught that, and…turns out I like being dominated,” She informed him.

“That’s good, because I’m going to be doing more of that,” He told her. “I like talking dirty to you, watching your pretty face blush, and contort with just my words…opfff.” He growled.

“Just the sound of your voice…” She amended, “I…love your voice.”  He seemed surprised by that, but he smiled deeply pleased. 

“I love your voice too, especially when it’s breaking over those little sobs of pleasure you make when you’re close.” He told her, “Thinking about it…” He pressed his fist to his mouth, “I think about it when I’m touching myself.”

“Do you really think about me when your…” She asked, fascinating.

“Yes,” He said flatteringly fast. “I get myself off to thoughts about your perfect little body underneath me, of your voice breaking while I pleasure you so much you scream, of watching your face relax as you cum for me…It's you, it's always going to be you.” 

“I..don’t really know what to say to that,” She rejoined, chewing her lip.

“Do you…think about me when your…” He asked her, “I know you said you have fantasies…”

“Yes!” She said quickly, “Of course I do, you are…perfection. I think about you all the time, and not just…not just for that. I think about you when I’m tired and I want to go to sleep, I think about you when I see something funny, I think about you when I’m reading and I find something interesting…I think about you all the time, even when we are together I just…think about how much I enjoy being around you.”  He looked at her speechless, a slow crooked smile on his face.

“I don’t really know what to say to that either,” He told her, kissing her forehead. “That makes me really happy, you make me so happy.”

“You make me happy too,” She agreed. 

“Do you…still want to go swimming?” He asked her, she nodded her head, and he set her on her feet. “We can…try this, or umm whatever else you would like later,”

“Yes, I would like that,” She told him, smiling, covering her mouth with her hand. “Maybe…in the shower,” She offered, arching an eyebrow, he closed his eyes on a wave of lust that made her laugh.

“Yes…yes that would be…uh fantastic,” he said finally, “Go put your swimsuit back on, let me…uh compose myself.” 

“Okay,” She said softly, padding over to where he had tossed it. Grasping it in her hands she shot him a look over her shoulder and smiled at his hot look as he watched her, his teeth and hands clenched from the view she had given him when she had bent over. 

“Torture, sweet torture,” he groaned under his breath. 

“You would know all about that wouldn’t you,” She sighed teasingly, walking back to the closet to change.

****

Elle sat contented at the edge of the pool, her feet in the water as she sunned herself, watching him dive under the water, the muscles in his torso flexing and moving…she groaned under her breath, digging her nails into her palm, wishing it was his back.

He floated back to her on his back, before standing up in front of her legs, pushing his wet hair from his freshly shaved face. Placing his big hands at her knees, he gently parted her legs, and moved forward to stand between them, caging her in with his arms on either side of her. 

“You are so beautiful,” He whispered looking up at her, the sun gleaming off his handsome face. She smiled helplessly at him, locking her ankles behind his lower back. She leaned forward, framing his face in her hands, as he wrapped his hands around her waist, touching her exposed skin there. She sucked in a breath at the contact.

“I’ve found a new thing that apparently does it for me,” She whispered against his lips.

“Oh?” He whispered back.

“Umhmm,” She intoned, pressing her lips to his, he caught her against him, pulling her into the water with him, holding her up as she took his mouth sweetly. He smiled against her lips as they broke apart.

“I am never going to get used to this,” He sighed, “You make me so happy,”

“Do…do I really?” She asked, blushing. He tilted his head looking at her like it was the single most obvious thing.

“Yes, so much,” He told her, frowning, he cupped her cheek in his hand gently caressing her face.

“You make me really happy too,” She told him grinning, “I…am really excited to introduce you to my…people.” 

“Oh?” He asked, spinning her around in the water, she laughed, tossing her head back. “And what are you going to say I am?” He demanded.

“My boyfriend, my man,” She began listing, “Fucking off limits, claimed, mine…” He laughed at that.

“Good, I like that,” He told her seriously. “Because you are all mine,” She giggled happily at that. “So who would you want me to meet first?”

“David,” She said with zero hesitation. “He’s been my best friend since I was 17, I adore him, he’s smart, and funny and I have such a great time with him. I would really…like for you two to be friends.” She admitted shyly.

“I will…do my best,” he told her, “But anyone that you care about this much must be amazing, so I doubt it will be hard.”

“Oh, he’s not going to make it easy on you,” She told him truthfully, “I’ve made some…shall we say questionable dating decisions, and he’s always the one who ends up having to help me pick up the pieces.” She sighed.

“He won’t have to help you pick up any pieces this time,” he assured her, “This actually makes me like him more, anyone that cares about you like that must be amazing,”

“Well prepare yourself,” She sighed, “He’s going to rip you a new one,”

“Seems only fair,” He told her, “Being that you’ve had to spend this much time with my frankly repulsive family.”

“They are lovely,” She retorted.

“Oh so lovely,” He agreed, “Screaming in your face, accusing you of spending my money, trying to date you…badly, honestly Maeve’s the only good one,” 

“Yeah Maeve told me you were cold.” She added unhelpfully, he groaned at that.

“Great, all trash then.” He muttered, “And yet you have handled it with such spectacular grace,”

“I’m a fucking saint,” She agreed, “St. Elle, patron saint for those afflicted by an overbearing family.”

“Reminds me every day why I moved out at 17.” He sighed.

“Maeve said you were 16,” She said quietly.

“That didn’t count, I moved in with James for a year,” He told her.

“And how old was James?” She asked pointedly.

“20..?” He replied frowning, “Maybe 21.”

“So he was absolutely supervising and parenting you,” She retorted sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

“I never really needed all that much supervision or parenting,” He said shrugging. “But to be honest, living with James was…peaceful.” 

“Was…living at home…not peaceful?” She asked softly, taking in his face. He gently placed her back onto the edge of the pool, moving to stand between her legs again, placing his arms on either side of her as he considered how to answer her.

“My mother…didn’t handle my father dying well, not because of any particular love she felt for him, but she was…very young when she had us. She was a widow before she was 30, with 4 sons approaching their teens. It was…not a good time for her. James and Julian started rebelling, there was always a fight, Max was too young to really understand death,” He shrugged looking away, Elle found it interesting that he had said that ‘Max’ was too young when they would have been the same age. Oh you never thought of yourself as a child, even when you were one…

”So when the girl’s father came around, it probably seemed like the answer to all her prayers, someone to help her with her kids, someone who loved her. But it was all just bullshit, and he was not…great to us, or her. I honestly feel he got her pregnant on purpose, and then figured out that the money wasn’t actually hers, around the time she was pregnant with Naomi. He was never that bright. He just kept coming and going out of all our lives, and it got to the point for me that the chaos was too much. When she took him back after he tried to fight my brothers…I was done, I was so angry I decided I didn’t want to pretend to be a kid anymore, and left.” He sighed, looking lost.

“Is that how your childhood felt to you? Like you were pretending to be a kid?” She asked softly, framing his face with her hands. He nodded, still not looking at her.

“It was pretend, I had these lifetimes of memories floating in my head, I was never actually a child…” He began.

“But you were a kid,” She interrupted him, “You just were a kid with a little…spice.”  He laughed at that. 

“I was always expected to be the mature one, the put together one, the one who held things together, it came naturally.” He explained. 

“No that’s being forced to grow up too fast,” She retorted, surprised he looked up at her, “These memories are just…memories they aren’t actual experiences, they weren’t maturing you, they were just there. You never had a chance to be a kid, and everyone just lets you take on more and more responsibility, it's not fair. It makes me very angry for you,”

“You…are angry for me?” He asked surprised.

“Yes,” She said simply, “I’m angry that your mother didn’t protect you better, I’m angry that you always seem to have to step up and no one else takes any responsibility, I’m angry that you seem to think all of that is okay, and most of all…most of all I’m angry that all of that hurts you, and you have to pretend that it doesn’t.”

 He stared at her speechless for long moments, taking in her delicate face, with its fierce expression, his heart pounding at her words. She…sees me. Wrapping his arms around her waist he picked her up, pulling her against his body, as her arms wrapped around his neck. Holding her in a fierce hard hug, his arms trembling with feeling, and when she bent down to press her lips against his, he let her show him how much he meant to her, with her aching breathless tenderness. As they broke apart, he gazed at her frowning, cupping her cheek with his hand. Carefully he tugged her back to his lips for more. 

“Is er niet ergens in dit huis dat veilig is voor je seksshow?” Isn’t there somewhere in this house that’s safe from your sex show? Naomi hissed leaning against the railing, in her two piece sage green bikini. Elle groaned under her breath, as Milo carefully deposited her back on the edge of the pool on her feet, before pulling himself out of the water. His face set in lines of rage, Elle pleaded with him with her eyes, and he clenched his jaw as he turned to Naomi. 

“It seems there’s no place in this house that’s safe from your bitch attitude,” He replied back sharply. “Fuck off Naomi,” She flinched at his words, before turning and all but running away, looking devastated.

“Do I want to know what she said to prompt that aggressive as hell response?” Elle asked, sighing.

“No, you probably do not,” He told her, wrapping a warmed towel around her.

****

He stared at the picture in front of him, filled with melancholic nostalgia, looking through the various reminders that he was not in fact going through a psychotic episode. It was his own fault really that he was having these thoughts again, that he was questioning himself…What did I think would happen if I spoke to Hannah?! This was one of the first pieces of proof he’d gathered early on that he was not crazy. This had been the start of his search for her, this picture. He gingerly runs his fingers against her face, her soft smile, the elegant sweep of her lush hair, that lifetime he’d met her first. He remembered the exact moment the camera had clicked, he remembered looking down at his bride, in her white dress, the promise of the life they were going to have together. She had been so young, vibrant, fresh, filled with that indescribable brightness, he’d loved her…he had…And then she’d ruined it all…

“What the fuck is this Laura?” He screams at her throwing the papers in her face. She blanches looking around them, as if she expects someone to save her. He clenches his teeth infuriated. “You’re leaving me?!” 

“Hank…please…” She whispers, her voice catching. “Not at my work…”

“Where else are we supposed to do this? You won’t take my calls, you fucking moved out of our place in the middle of the night, you TOOK MY FUCKING KIDS!” He yells, slamming his hand down on the counter so hard several items fall from the receptionist’s desk. 

“I didn’t take the kids away from you, we can discuss custody, you can see them whenever you want…” She begins. “I…just…look you’re not happy, I’m not happy, our marriage isn’t working…you…you…have a mistress…”

“Are you serious?!” He rages, “Are you fucking serious right now? It was a mistake, Laura, I told you she meant nothing to me, it was one time, FUCKING ONE TIME! So that’s what this is? You’re punishing me?! Taking my kids away from me because I made ONE mistake?” 

“You can see the girls anytime you like! We can figure out custody…this isn’t about punishing anyone! I just…I don’t want to be married anymore.” She sputters out, sucking in panicked breaths, he grits his teeth wanting to slap her. 

“So because of one little mistake, you want to throw away 10 years of marriage?” He demands. “You want to have our girls grow up in a broken home? Because I made ONE mistake?” 

“Hank…she’s pregnant…” She breathes, her voice breaks over the words. “And we both know…it was more than once, and it was more than one woman. But…even if…you hadn’t cheated…Our marriage…Hank I don’t want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t love and respect me, I don’t want to be with a man who hurts me anymore. Please…just…sign the papers.” 

“Hurts you?! I HURT YOU?! WHAT ABOUT ALL THE SHIT YOU’VE DONE TO ME?!” He roars, “You think you're some sort of god damned prize?! You barely put out for me, you’ve let yourself go, all you do is nag and bitch and fucking moan, and still I’m willing to make this work! Don’t you fucking care about our children? What kind of an example are you providing for them? That you just quit on your family?! Do you have any idea the fucking sacrifices I’ve made for this relationship? For our children?! You want to give me shit for going out to find what you won’t give me? It’s my fault you're a frigid, cold, emotionless bitch?!” 

“Hank…if this is what you think of me, why won’t you just sign the papers?” She asks, her voice wavering, her eyes filled with tears. This selfish bitch is about to cry?! Really? “Why won’t you let us both find some measure of happiness? Obviously we are both deeply unhappy…”

“Oh is that right?” He hisses, “So what’s his name? Who have you been fucking? Are you shacking up with him right now? IS THAT WHERE MY FUCKING KIDS ARE?! If you think I’m signing these papers so you can keep sucking me dry of my money while fucking someone else…!”

“There isn’t anyone else, I just don’t want to be married to you anymore!” She cries out, “Be reasonable! You’ve spent our marriage tearing me down, cheating on me…abusing me, surely…”

“ABUSING YOU?!” He bellows, grabbing her arm, dragging her forward to his enraged face, so close spittle hits her as he yells. “You perpetuate that fucking LIE, and I’ll take the girls away from you forever! Do you understand me? You can forget a divorce, I’ll take them so far away from you Laura you will NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN! Don’t you ever! EVER say I fucking abused you! If anyone in this relationship is abusive, its fucking you!” 

“Okay,” She whispers, looking at him with wide-eyed panic. “Okay…I won’t…just…uh…let…go.” He looks down at his hand clenched tight around her arm, and snarls, tightening his grip for a second before casting her away from himself. She stumbles, but rights herself, wobbling, looking so helpless and afraid for a moment it further enrages him.

“You are such an ungrateful bitch, Laura!” He growls, “Look at you? You’re pathetic, fat, stupid, good for nothing, I’m glad my girls don’t look like you! You are fucking repulsive! Fine, you want a divorce this badly?! I’ll sign the papers, but don’t you ever, ever try coming back to me! It’s over, I don’t give a fuck what happens to you, but you are going to die alone! You are 35 years old for god sakes, a worn out, used, fat loser, with nothing going for you! Who's going to even want you, after this? You are so unloveable, it’s a joke that I even wasted 10 years of my life with you! Fuck off, take your papers, leave!”

She sucks in a broken breath at that, looking…relieved…

He swept the picture away, along with the marriage certificate, finalized divorce papers, and the obituary of their deaths…It wasn’t enough that he took her from him that lifetime, he also took their children, and then…then they all died together, leaving him with nothing!! He smashed his fist down on the desk furious, he’d loved her so much that lifetime! Tried to give her a good marriage, and family, everything…and she’d turned into a cold heartless harpy, who didn’t even care enough to stay.  She always chose him, even when he found her first, even when she married him, even when he gave her children…He always takes what's mine…and she always gives it to him so willingly…

He reaches his hand out to her face, brushing back her mahogany hair, she smiles at him with her entire face, and it is as if the sun glows from within her…Just like she used to smile at me…He is tall, young, very good looking…too good looking to be looking at his ex-wife like that. Hank ducks back behind the wall so he can eavesdrop.

“You cut your hair,” He comments, it’s not a question, Hank looks closely at her frowning, he hadn’t noticed until just now. She used to keep it long for him, it is his favorite feature of hers. Now it sits above her shoulders, framing her high cheekbones, in a stylish shag cut, wavy and thick. She blushes…FUCKING blushes!

“You…uh…noticed.” She whispers, he arches an eyebrow giving her a heated look.

“It looks great, you…look great.” He tells her. She smiles shyly and looks away, disbelief clear on her face. But he’s not having it, catching her chin in his hand he turns her back to him. “Hey, I mean it, you look beautiful, dove.” He caresses her cheek with his thumb, looking at her for all the world as if she is the most incredible thing he’s ever seen. Hank seethes…what the fuck is this?! She’s seeing someone? 

“Gabe…” She warns, looking up at him with softness and affection, like the trashy little whore she is! How can she look at another man this way?! Out in public no less! 

“I know what you're going to say,” He sighs, releasing her face. “Friends can complement each other can’t they?” She smiles sadly at him, and he takes one last long lingering look at her. “The girls are at Hanks?” 

“Yes,” She says softly, “Come over tonight, you can tell me how beautiful you think I am…as not your friend.” He sucks in a breath and gives her a look so hot and fraught with his incredibly obvious lust for her…FOR MY FUCKING WIFE!  

“I’ll make dinner…” he offers.

“I’ll make dinner,” She cuts him off, “You’ve made dinner the last three times, it’s my turn.” THREE TIMES?! THREE FUCKING TIMES THEY’VE DONE THIS ALREADY?!

“Are you sure you want me to come over? Why not come to my place?” He asks her, and she grins.

“You want me to spend the night don’t you?” She asks with a laugh.

“Yeah, I want you to spend the fucking night!” He hisses, “I love waking up next to you, you  adorable asshole.” She snorts at that. Hank feels cold, repulsed disgusted at the words. This guy, this fucking pretty prick is so casually discussing fucking his wife!

“Listen I’ve had to do the walk of shame out of your place way too many times in a row, it’s your turn.” She tells him teasingly, he wrinkles his nose at her. 

“Oh Dove, there’s no shame on my end, feel free to walk out of my place and proclaim to one and all, you’re Gabe Anders’ woman, I’ll have a shirt made for you!” He taunts, dipping close to her and pressing a kiss to her cheek. He whispers something to her and her entire face turns red. She playfully slaps him in the chest, giggling like a schoolgirl for god sakes! Pet names…the casualness of their banter and play…This tramp! To bring another man to his bed?!

“Gabriel!” She hisses, and he laughs. Hank digs his nails into palms, fury near blinding him. For one second he considers confronting them, but…he is not a small man, and from the look of him, he’s…young, maybe in his 30s? A fucking decade younger than Hank, atleast 5 years younger than Laura! Seriously?! This shameless bitch! He grits his teeth, forcing himself to calm, there is no point losing his cool, who knows how this could turn out? No he’d discuss this with Laura, alone…before he brought his kids back. How could she just…move on like this? It has only been a couple of years since the divorce was finalized! He backs away from them, just as she glances up, he knows she saw him, sees her face blanche, he gives her a harsh furious look before turning from them and leaving…

She was meant to be his, he’d known that since he was a boy. When he was young he had been hopeful that he could have her, like Hank had Laura. But overtime, as he began to understand what he was seeing, as he began to understand the implication of his memories, he’d finally understood…He could never really have her, not as long as he kept coming back for her, not as long as he kept taking her from him. He’d grown bitter, cold, reticent over it, the understanding that no matter what he did, who he was, she would always pick him. She’d never even give him a chance, of that he’d had no doubt. When he’d seen her standing in her store, a warm smile on her pretty face part of him had hoped that this time things might be different, that maybe this time…But lifetimes’ worth of betrayal and fury had overtaken him and he’d become enraged, so filled with anger and violence. He’d watched her all day, seen her bright charismatic energy…and all he wanted to do was destroy it, tear it apart, how can you have joy that I didn’t give you?! He’d known that the moment he found her, she’d give herself to him without reservation as she always had. He’d become infuriated, wild, filled with such untenable rage, the need to possess her before he did. Nearly crazed with the idea of them together AGAIN! 

He wasn’t in his right mind, hadn’t been for sometime, possibly since the moment he’d seen her in the store…possibly even before that. His own memories were so confusing, so difficult to put together, what had happened in this lifetime, what had happened in previous ones…Now as he looks on what has happened, what he’s done…He can not pinpoint the exact moments anymore, can not understand his own reasoning…erratic, out of control, things that made sense don’t anymore…He’d left the country? He’d chased down…Rune…He’d…stalked her family and friends…he’d destroyed her things, every single thing he’d done had been impulsive poorly throughout…no plan, no real thought, just a frenzied need to have her. 

He’d just wanted what he was due, what he deserved, what was his…Even that has been taken from me…he’s had her, truly and fucking completely…so now what? Did he still want her?Yes…but what do I really want you for…? What was he willing to do…?

****

“So I’ve been thinking about it,” Elle began, Milo glanced up at her over the edge of his laptop, his glasses sliding down his nose.His hair was finely tousled,and the way the light from the screen hit his angled face, his firm lips…Elle lost her breath for a moment. 

“And?” He asked when she didn’t say anything for several moments, she blinked coming out of her reverie smiling embarrassedly at him.

“And I think I’d like to go to my apartment to do the clean up tomorrow, if that’s convenient for you,” She finished. He frowned as if considering what she said.

“That’s what you're thinking?” he asked, arching a knowing eyebrow, “You’re quite sure?” He asked a slow smile spreading over his face as he leaned back on the couch, his big hands moving to the bottom of his t-shirt, finger tips tucking under, as if to start pulling his shirt up. Her eyes followed his movements, her face going hard with lust. He chuckled warmly, and Elle shot her eyes up to his face knowing she’d been busted. 

“Not the only thing I was thinking about,” She conceded, blushing prettily. 

“I love when you blush,” he told her, his eyes following the pattern along her exposed skin. “Makes me want to follow your blush…all the way down.” She shivered at the timbre of his voice. Locking eyes with him, she grabbed the edge of her tank top, and pulled it up over her head, throwing it behind her. His eyes widened as his jaw fell. She leaned back into the couch cushions, letting him get the full view of her pert breasts in his favorite hot pink bra. He made a sound in his throat, before shutting the laptop, and setting it down. 

“I feel like I came to a gunfight with a spoon,” he mumbled, easing toward her. She smiled languidly at him, enjoying his reaction to her. 

She placed her hands on her flat stomach and then slowly carefully dragged them down to the front of her jeans, toying with the button as she watched his fascination with her movements. She flicked open the button to her jeans, still watching him, and then slid her fly down. Before she could move them down, he grabbed the waist of her jeans and ripped them down her body. Elle lifted her hips to help him, not that he needed her assistance, her pants flew across the room, exposing her matching boyshort panties. And then he was upon her. His forearm beside her head as he pinned her underneath him with his big body. She stared up into his bright blue eyes, and couldn’t help but sigh.

“God you are so gorgeous,” She mumbled, “And not just on the outside, although this outside…” She let her sentence trails, as she placed her hands on his chest, he smiled at her, taking in her face, with her strong yet delicate features, he ran his forefinger against her cheekbones, the bridge of her nose, her exquisite full lips, her stubborn chin, sharp jawline, and finally down the column of her throat.

“It’s peculiar, I never envisioned how much I would like you,” He told her, “I just…enjoy you so much, for all the things you are.” She smiled broadly.

“I’m not even going to ruin that sweet sentiment by saying something mean about myself,” She told him, “Now come here,” She threaded her hands into his hair, and tugged him down to her, “And kiss me!” She demanded. Milo complied instantly, cupping the side of her face in his hand, to hold her where he wanted. His kiss was fierce and hot, but oh so sweet, blisteringly passionate, and affectionate. 

She ran her hands down his torso, grasping the hem of his shirt, she tugged up. Lifting his body up on a straight arm, he pulled his shirt off for her. He stayed above her letting her look at him, watching her eyes trail down his exposed skin.

“You built this house for me,” She whispered, he nodded, though it wasn’t a question, “Did you…build this body for me too?” She asked, running her fingers down his neck against his bare chest, and flat stomach, she felt his muscles spasm under her touch.

“Yes,” He said simply. “I didn’t want you to have the ugly twin,” He teased, but she saw through it immediately.

“I am so attracted to you,” She informed him, “Am I…am I what you wanted?” His eyes blazed as he looked at her laying underneath him, her beautiful honey brown skin contrasted with her hot pink underwear, he tilted her face to his with a hand under her chin. 

“You are exactly what I wanted,” he informed her, brushing his lips against hers. “You madden me,” He whispered against her lips. “You taste so sweet, you smell like something out of my wildest dreams, and…your body,” He groaned, “Your body was made for mine.”

“Take your pants off,” She whispered, nipping her lower lip. “Get naked for me, I want to see you, show me what’s mine.” His jaw clenched with desire, as he leaned back on his haunches, his hands flying to his pants to comply with her request. He didn’t tease her as she had thought he might, instead he all but ripped his pants and boxers off his body, as if he couldn’t wait to be bare before her. Elle gasped out as she beheld his incredible body, pulling herself up on her elbows to get a better look. “I swear I genuinely forget how magnificent you are, I almost convinced myself I’ve made this up, and then…” She let her sentence trail.

Locking eyes with her, he trailed his hand down his body, his jaw set as he grasped his shaft. Watching her eyes widen in surprise and lust, he arched an eyebrow as he ran his hand languidly up and down his length. 

“I feel like I’ve dreamed you almost entirely up,” He hissed through his clenched teeth, “Like I’m going to wake up, alone in my apartment, in my shitty life, and…” His lips parted, as he tilted his head back, “I can’t go back to living without you,” He told her fiercely, “I can’t live without you Elle,”  He flashed his eyes back to her, his expression tortured. “I won’t live without you!”

She pulled herself up, and kneeled in front of him, taking his face into her shaking hands, tugging him down she kissed him hard. His big arms surrounded her, pulling her to him, crushing her body against his. She trailed her hands down his body, wrapping her fingers around his shaft. He broke their kiss, gasping, shooting his head back, his chest heaving.

“I don’t….think I can go back either…” She whispered, looking down at her hand, unable to look at his breathtaking face. “I don’t want to go back,” She growled under her breath, sliding her hand up and down his length, her own chest heaving with feeling. He framed her face in his trembling hands forcing her to look at him.

“You are not going back,” He told her, “Fuck…” He hissed as she moved faster on him.

“That’s it, look at me,” She demanded, her eyes sharp on his face, “Watch me pleasure you,” Panting, and heavy lidded with lust, he flashed his eyes to her sparkling brown eyes.  He moved his legs wider apart to give her better access to his body. While her hand worked him, he slid his arms around her, unclipping her bra, and sliding the straps down. She helped him, switching hands, as he moved it off her body. He groaned as she grasped him in both hands, her soft palms on either side of his shaft. 

“Fuck, your hands are so soft,” he growled, he wrapped one of his big hands over hers guiding her to the pace he wanted, hard and fast. “That’s it schatje, grip me harder,” He demanded.

“When I’m doing this…are you imagining my pussy wrapped around you like this?” She asked, her voice low and raspy. She twisted her wrists as she moved her hands up and down, he cried out, all the muscles in his stomach clenching.

“Ahh…fuck Elle….yes, do that again,” He ordered, his eyes closed on a wave of pleasure. She stilled her hands, his eyes flashed open, his expression sharp. “What?!Why?!”

“You didn’t answer my question,” She told him softly, tilting her head to look at him, her own jaw set. He groaned, clenching his teeth.

“Oh I deserve this…” He grimaced, “Yes…lekker ding, I am imagining your beautiful lush little pussy wrapped around my cock, just like this. Please…keep going,” She smiled softly as she resumed her movements. 

“Look at me,” She whispered, “I want to watch you,” He opened his eyes, covering his mouth with his trembling hand, clearly trying to compose himself. “Don’t, I want to see everything you're thinking and feeling,” He dropped his hand from his mouth, his lips parted on a moan. 

He cupped her breasts in his hands, kneading her firmly, she growled at the fierce contact, arching her back to give him better access. His face dropped to her neck to kiss her and she abruptly stopped stroking him. His head jerked up to make eye contact with her again. He ground his teeth together caught between frustration and amusement.

“Not even to kiss you?” He demanded, she arched an eyebrow smirking as she shook her head no. He dropped his face into his hands, making a strangled sound in his chest. “Fine, you're driving.” He sighed locking eyes with her again.

“Would you…let me drive?” She asked, moving her hands again faster more aggressively, his breaths came gasping out, his whole body shuttered.

“Like…my car?” He asked, trying to force his brain to work.

“Yes,” She said, leaning forward to sweep kisses against his bobbing throat, he cupped the back of her head holding her to him. 

“Stupid question,” He growled, “What’s mine is yours, you don’t have to ask permission, the keys are in the nightstand,” She smiled flattered at his immediate acquiescence.

“There is the slight problem that I don’t actually know how to drive standard,” She informed him, nipping him between his neck and shoulder.

“I’ll…fuck…fuck I’ll teach you!” He told her as his body spasmed at her bites. “Assuming this doesn’t kill me…” He groaned.

“You…will?” She asked surprised, stilling her hands and tipping her head back to look at him.

“Of course, I’ll teach you anything you want to learn,” he said furrowing his brows, he framed her face in his hands. “But…if you keep stopping I might kill myself long before we get there,” He hissed. She laughed as she got up from the couch, he threw his hands in the air frustrated. “That wasn’t…” Before he could finish his point she had kneeled down in front of him on the floor, grasping his knee she pulled him to turn and place his legs on either side of her. Rising up, using his thighs for balance, she looked up at him with a sweet mischievous smile on her face.

“So, this is what I like to call, ‘Elle literally blowing Milo’s mind.’” She said as she dropped her head down between his legs, taking the crown of his cock into her mouth. He screamed, arching to her. Both of his hands cupped her head, as she dropped her mouth lower onto him, taking him down her throat.

“Fuck…” He gasped out, “Holy shit…Elle you…fuck you have to warn me…” He managed brokenly, as she began to move her hand and mouth in tandem on him, swallowing him so that he could feel her throat close on his shaft. He swore he could see stars at the sensation. “Oh my god…!” He gasped. She stilled pulling up, popping her mouth off his cock. 

“So, while this is happening,” She told him pleasantly with a big sweet smile on her pretty face, “You're going to have to start talking baby, otherwise,” She shrugged, he made a furious sound in his chest, and blew out a breath, his whole body shaking. 

“Right, right…okay,” He mumbled, looking like she’d aged him. He covered part of his face with his hand, rubbing his temple furiously with his shaking fingers. “Okay, just…fuck.” She laughed as he tried to pull himself together. 

“That good huh?” She asked, smirking.

“Life altering…” He managed, “When you…swallowed me I swear I could see God himself,”  She laughed at that dropping her head down again. “Ahhh,” He managed, as her lips surrounded his shaft. “Right…okay, fuck you feel so good, I can actively feel my brain cells dying here,” She laughed around his shaft, and he groaned feeling the vibration.

“Elle,” he breathed, “You are spectacular, you take my cock so well down your tight throat,” He rasped. “It’s all I can do not to grab your head, and wrench you down on me, uh take me deeper lekker ding,” He hissed, barely restraining himself from thrusting to her soft mouth, she complied instantly taking him deeper, he felt the head of his cock hit the back of her throat, and every muscle in his lower abdomen clenched. 

“It’s so fucking good,” He growled, “I love you,” Elle jerked up, glaring at him.

“Is this…really the moment for that?” She hissed, caught between laughing and surprise. He framed her face in his trembling hands.

“It’s always the moment for that,” He told her fiercely, “I fucking love you so godverdomme much, now if you can please…stop torturing me!” He hissed, guiding her gently back down. Laughing, she took him back into her mouth. He muttered something in Dutch, groaned, and cried out as she found the pace and tempo. “Don’t stop!” He demanded, “Give me a second to make my brain work,”

“Tick tock,” She intoned around his shaft, though muffled he definitely understood.

“You are so fucking sexy,” He groaned, “Did you know you wore that pink bra the first morning you were here? I fantasized about you in that bra and these fucking panties so many times…” She took him as deep as she could, he made a sound so deep and raw, she felt her sex clench. “Jesus…Lekker ding, just like that…” He moaned, tossing his head back, his legs were shaking beside her. She looked up at him, spearing him with her intense gaze, he groaned. “Oh christ, look at you, you are the single most beautiful woman in the world,” He cupped her cheek looking at her with adoration, “I had no idea how much I would like seeing my cock in your mouth, I never realize how good this would feel, ahhh, you are everything, every sordid fantasy, every goddamned thing I ever thought I would want, you are….ahhhh fuck, you are the…love of all my lifetimes,” 

She stopped, her eyes widening, she pulled away from him, standing up between his legs, she placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back onto the couch. He looked up at her confused.

“What…?” He whispered, still shaking. She stripped out of her panties, and then climbed on top of him, straddling him. His jaw dropped in startled surprise. “Elle…”

“I am the love of all your lifetimes…even this one?” She asked, staring into his eyes. He nodded his head slowly, she framed his face in her hands and pulled him up to her to kiss him tenderly. He wrapped both arms around her, pulling her forward into his body, his shaft jerked against her thigh. She broke the kiss looking at him half wild. “Say it,” She demanded.

“You are the love of my life,” He told her, cupping the back of her head, his eyes blazing. “The only woman I’ve ever wanted, the only woman I’ll ever want.”  He felt her hand wrap around his shaft, guiding him to her, his whole body tensed as he looked at her. “Elle…”

“Just for a minute, then when we move to the bed you can grab a condom, but you can not seriously tell me I’m the love of your life and think we aren’t going to make love,” She hissed at him. 

“I’ve never…” He told her his eyes closed as he felt the crown of his cock brush against her entrance, her lush heat so inviting he lost his train of thought for a second. 

“I know,” She said softly, “But I’m the one on top, I’ll stop before it gets too far, no oopsy babies,”  

“You…have to stop if you start to slip away,” He whispered, “I can’t…do that again,” his expression pained.

“I promise,” She agreed, rolling her hips down, taking him inside of her. His hands shot to her waist, shaking as she slowly lowered herself on to him. She gasped, as his thick length breached her inch by inch, with nothing between them. Staring into his eyes as she felt him fill her, and stretch her to her limit.

“Oh fuck,” He growled his face contorted in pleasure. “You feel so…so fucking good. You're so wet for me,” He kept himself still, even as his body began violently shaking, his hands on her waist grasping her hard, white knuckled. “So tight.”

“Baby,” She whispered, shaking, “You feel incredible…” She shot her head back, as she took all of him to the hilt. Both of them groaned, he released her waist as he cupped the back of her head, pulling her forward to look at him, his face tortured. 

“Schatje, you are…” He said quietly, she smiled at him softly.

“This was not my brightest moment,” She told him laughingly, “How am I supposed to stop…you feel…uhhh this feels like coming home,” She moved her hips, sliding him inside her. “Milo, you make me feel like…ohhh, like I’m the most precious thing to you,”

“You are,” He growled against her skin, pressing his face to her chest. “Ahh you are everything to me,” Her hands shot to the back of his head, and she threaded her shaking fingers into his hair, holding him against her, as she rode him. He wrapped his arms around her, dragging her even closer to him. Letting her take control, to take what she needed from him. 

“I want…you closer,” She managed in between heaving breaths, “Ahh…hold me tighter,” She demanded. His arms contracted around her,  he looked up at her, locking eyes with her, his face a mask of adoration and love. She felt him pulse inside of her, and gasped, she was gloved around him so tightly she could feel every minute movement he made, she swore she could almost feel his heartbeat inside her. 

“My beautiful woman,” He groaned through clenched teeth, “I didn’t know…ahhh how fucking good this would feel.” he caught her face in his hand, caressing her cheek. “I love you, I’ll always love you.” His voice broke on a rough moan, as she moved against him harder and faster. Her eyes closed as she became desperate for him.  “Elle…schatje, you have to slow down…” He grasped her hips forcing her to calm down, “I want you so much, I love you so much, slow down for me darling. There’s no rush, we have all the time in the world.” 

“Kiss me,” She whispered, and he readily complied pulling her face down to his, he softly and gently kissed her with raw adoration. She moaned against his lips, as she moved against him again, slower this time. Forcing herself to take her time with him, to let herself feel close to him, that feeling of connection blooming in her chest. 

“That’s it lekker ding, that’s so good,” He whispered encouragingly. His arm around her waist pulled her closer, as he caressed her face with the other. “Does that feel good for you, schatje?”

“So good,” She groaned, moving against him slowly and deeply, “It’s never…never been like this with anyone else, I didn’t know it could feel like this…” She opened her eyes, staring into his at point blank range, tears had formed in the corners of hers,sliding down her cheeks. His hands shook, as he gently wiped them away. “I…I want to tell you what you want to hear,” She whispered brokenly, “I want to tell you I love you…but…” Her chest heaved as she looked away. Hating herself for not being able to give him anything that he wanted, anything that he was giving her. She felt adored, loved, cherished, connected…and she couldn’t even say the words to him. 

“Shhh,” He whispered soothingly, bringing her face to his neck, “It’s okay, you aren’t there yet, you never have to lie to me to make me happy my sweet beautiful woman, you make me so happy just being with me. Don’t force it, I’ll wait for you, always.”

“I’m sorry…” She whispered against his neck, he cradled her head there. 

“Don’t be,” He told her, “I love you, I’ll love you enough for both of us,” He promised. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she held him fiercely, her body shaking. “We are going to have to…stop,” He whispered, “You’re…so….I won’t be able to pull out in a second, lekker ding,” 

She looked at him then, tears running down her cheeks, a soft smile on her face, she tilted his head up with her hand under his chin, kissing him deeply. He stood up, her in his arms and with him still inside of her, and carefully carried her to the bed. Pulling her carefully up and off his body, he groaned. Gently as if she was the most precious, priceless, wonderful thing he’d ever beheld, he laid her down on the bed. He cupped her cheek in his hand, gazing down at her and carefully ran his finger tips against her tears. He bent to her face and kissed her tears away, brushing his lips against hers he pulled away and opened the drawer of his nightstand, grabbing a condom. She held her hand out for it, and he handed it to her, she opened it with her teeth, slid down his body and then used her mouth to put it on him, his back arched at the contact and he had to grab the headboard to balance himself. 

“How could I possibly want you more?!” He groaned, looking at her, grasping her waist he pulled her up so their hips lined up. He nudged her legs apart with his knee, sliding his hand down her leg. He grasped her ankle and pushed her leg up so that it was bent at the knee. Looking into her eyes, he guided himself back to her, and penetrated her with one shallow thrust of his hips. They both moaned at the contact, he caught his weight on his forearms surrounding her head. Carefully he cupped her cheek again, tilting her face to his, he kissed her as he began to thrust, long deep strokes inside of her. 

“I love you Elle,” He whispered against her lips, “You are everything I’ve ever wanted, you are the woman of my dreams, you are the person I think about when I’m sad, or lonely, you are my best friend, my soulmate, the love of my life…I never want to do this with anyone but you,” He told her as he moved against her. “I want to grow old with you, I want to spend every moment I can in your presence, and when you’re ready I want to give you children.” 

She stared up at him, speechless. A wash in his adoration and love, her heart pounded in her chest as he cherished her with his words, and hands and body. 

“I realize how soon this is,” He told her gently, “But I’ll be so patient with you, so good to you, you take all the time in the world to come to me, I’ll wait.” He wrapped his hand around her thigh and pulled her leg around his waist. The position driving him deeper within her, he moaned. “Are you still with me?” She closed her eyes on a wave of pleasure, as he hit the end of her sheath.

“Yes,” She whispered, flashing her eyes open at him awestruck. 

“Am I…frightening you right now?” He asked her laughingly, “I’m sure I”m saying everything your not supposed to say during sex, every fucking cliche in the book…but…ahh I mean it.” He didn’t have to tell her, she knew he was being sincere, if not from the tone of his voice than the soft soulful look in his eyes. No one had ever, ever looked at her the way he did, and even he had never looked at her like he was right now. 

“It's not freaking me out,” She whimpered, arching into him, “Tell me…tell me you love me again.” She said, staring into his eyes, tethering herself to them, her face soft and vulnerable. 

“I love you,” he told her fiercely, grasping her nape. “So much,”

“Do…do you really mean it?” She whispered, eyes heavy lidded with pleasure, but he could see her fear there, caressing her cheek, he smiled at her crookedly.

“You know I do,” he told her, brushing his lips against hers as he moved faster and harder against her, she moaned against his lips. “I have…ahhh….fuck…. always loved you, and I will always, always love you…” He ground his hips into her, stirring himself inside of her. She cried out in pleasure.

“I…want…to love you…” She whispered brokenly, tears streaming down her face. He wiped away her tears with his thumb.

“And you will, when it’s right,” He whispered to her, “I will wait, forever if that’s how long it takes,”  He moved against her, deepening his strokes, she met each of his with one of her own, but she was moving against him faster and harder now. Her nails digging into his back, he grabbed her hip in one of his big hands and held her down, she growled in frustration. “Not yet schatje, hold on for me, just…a little bit longer,” To sooth her he kissed her all over her face, brushing featherlight kisses against her cheekbones, the bridge of her nose, her closed eyelids, he tasted her tears and pulled up to look at her gently. “Are you alright, lekker ding, do you want to stop?”

“No…no don’t stop,” She whispered, flashing her eyes open, “I don’t…really know why I’m crying right now, but it's not painful, I’m not sliding away, I’m…here, I’m so here.”

“Maybe…that’s why?” He asked softly, brushing kisses against her face again, “I have nothing else to compare this to…but I don’t feel like this is what it feels like normally.”

“No…it’s never, ever felt like this before.” She told him truthfully, “I…it’s really intense.” 

“I feel…uhh like intense isn’t the right word,” he laughed, cradling her head with one of his arms. He began to thrust hard now, she wrapped her calves around the back of his thighs, and drove herself to him matching his pace. “Look at me,” He whispered, her eyes flashed open staring into his, “Stay with me,” 

“I…don’t want to leave you, ever…” She whimpered, she framed his face in her hands, “Milo, you’re…my guy, my man, I don’t want anyone else either.”

“It’s always…always going to be you for me,” He told her, brushing his fingertips against her cheek. He raised himself up on his hands, for more leverage as he pulled all the way out of her and slowly steadily plunged back into her, she screamed out in pleasure. “That’s it schatje, take me,” He demanded, doing it again and again, her body vibrating as he drove her to the edge, staring up at him, she opened her mouth to say something…but his face shifted…no no no….

“Milo…” She looked at him helplessly, tears streaming down her face in frustration, she had promised him…and his eyes, his fucking eyes weren’t blue anymore. He stopped moving, taking in her face. 

“Are you still with me?” He whispered, she shook her head no, frustration marring her pretty face.

“...Rome…” She sobbed. He nodded immediately, pulling away from her, rolling onto his back, he brought her against him, resting her head against his chest. He began soothing her, as she bawled. “I’m…I’m so sorry…” 

“Shhh, don’t apologize, it’s okay, it’s beyond okay. Are you alright?” He whispered, cradling her against him. 

“You're going to end up hating me…” She sobbed into his chest. “I hate me!” He tilted her face up to his, gently wiping away her tears.

“Look at me,” He demanded. She did reluctantly, “Do I look angry? Do I look like I hate you?” She examined his adoring, affectionate expression, he was still breathing hard, and she could feel his erection against her thigh, but he couldn’t possibly have looked at her with less frustration or dislike. She shook her head no. “That’s because I’m not, and I don’t, I love you, I fucking adore you. You are everything to me, this is nothing, do you understand me? We jumped the gun here, we will get back to this, I missed this, I want this, but I want you more.” He brushed a kiss against her forehead, “So I need you to stop beating yourself up, alright? None of this is your fault, and I’m so glad that you kept your promise to me, yeah?” 

“Okay,” She whispered, “I’m so…frustrated.” 

“I know, me too, but it’s alright, we have nothing but time to figure this out.” He brushed kisses against the top of her head, pulling her tighter against his body. His hands ran up and down her back soothingly, calming her. “I’m going to be right back, and then we are going to cuddle for a while, then we’ll go down and get something to eat, and I’ll try not to fight my sister, does that sound like a plan?” He asked her gently, she smiled up at him sadly nodding her head. “That’s my precious woman,” He said, tweaking her chin with his thumb and forefinger. Brushing another kiss to her forehead, he moved her off him gently, and then went to the ensuite. Elle closed her eyes inhaling his scent. No one has ever loved me like this…and I…might just be in love with you too…

****

She pulls her long thick mahogany hair up into a ponytail, cracking her neck and stretching her quads behind her, she stares ahead looking at the track, trying not to smile too widely as she takes it all in. She still can’t believe she is here, a year ago this would not have been possible at all, and yet now…here she is, one of only a handful of women allowed to participate in the Marathon!

He would never have allowed her to participate, would have expressly forbidden her, it would have turned into an ugly fight, that would have resulted in…No she was not going to think about that, she is not going to allow him to take up one more second of her thoughts. She is free, finally and truly free. Grinning like an idiot now, she has to restrain herself from bouncing on her tiptoes as she warms up. No one had control of her anymore, and no one ever would again!

“Hello!” A man calls out to her, up ahead, she looks up to see a tall lean man waving at her, his dark blond hair swept off his face. She looks behind her confused, surely he isn’t speaking to her, but as he sauntered over to her, she can not deny it, he is clearly speaking to her.

“Um…hello?” She responds, uncomfortably.

“You are one of the women competing!” He says brightly, it’s not a question.

“Yes,” She says anyway.

“I just…am really impressed!” He blurts a massive smile on his handsome face. “My name is Aaron, this is the second year I’ve done the marathon.” He offers, his deep green eyes sparkling.

“Hello Aaron, it’s very nice to…meet you,” She says stuntedly, not accustomed to speaking with men in general, but men like this…never. Aaron is spectacularly good looking, the kind of easy handsome features that women would swoon over, he has a bright open smile, bracketed on either side by dimples. The corner of his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and she guesses that while he is younger than her, he can not be much younger than 30.  “Lauda, my name is Lauda,” She says, realizing she hasn’t actually introduced herself.

“Lauda?” He says, tilting his head to take in her features, she smiles most people anglicize her name, she used to, but since the divorce…She would never be “Laura” again.

“It’s Italian,” She tells him sweetly. 

“For Laura,” He agrees, “Lauda suits you better,” He tells her. She smiles at that.

“Well Aaron…ummm good luck,” She mumbles awkwardly.

“Listen…Lauda,” He says quickly as she starts walking away, “I…my brother and wife are watching, umm do you have a fan club too?” She arches an eyebrow confused by the direction of their conversation.

“No, just me,” She tells him truthfully. 

“A lot of the women are here… alone,” He says awkwardly, sending a spike of alarm through her, “Would it be okay…if my family cheered you on as well?” He asks, rubbing the back of his neck. She blinks in surprise, frowning.

“I guess…” She retorts, not sure how to feel about this. 

“Let me introduce you to your fan club!” He blurts excitedly, pointing toward another tall man at the far end of the field and a lovely looking blonde woman. Shrugging, she follows him as he begins walking toward them. “Ana!!” He calls out for his wife. She comes swishing up to him, throwing her arms around his neck, he picks her up and kisses her soundly. 

“I’m sorry they are pretty much always like that,” A deep voice says, she tilts her head to look at the owner of the most beautiful voice she’s ever heard, and her breath catches in her throat. The man is as tall as Aaron, with the same shade of hair, though his has streaks of highlights that look almost white, his beautiful deep brown eyes have little flecks of gold in them she notices, surrounded by thick dark lashes, his light dusting of stubble adding to the image of rugged handsomeness.

“Lauda, this is my brother Gabe, and my wife Ana,” Aaron tells her, Ana waves her fingers at her. 

“Lauda,” the man called Gabe says, “Italian?” 

“Yes,” She retorts. When he speaks she can see the hint of his own dimples, but he does not smile as readily or easily as his brother.

“I think it’s so neat that they are letting women run now!” Ana exclaims, her voice saccharine sweet and almost childlike in pitch.

“Yes,” Lauda replies, her own contralto voice sounding almost unnaturally deep comparatively.

“It’s quite impressive for anyone to run a marathon,” Gabe comments, tilting his head to take her in. Lauda internally cringes, at 36 she is in great physical shape, but she is not reed thin like the other women running, even after losing all the weight she has lost in the last year, she is still very unfashionably curvy.

“Have you run 42 kilometers before?” Ana askes owl eyed.

“Obviously,” Gabe and Lauda respond in unison, she turns to glance at him surprised, he shrugs. And she thinks she’s never once realized how attractive a shrug could look.

“It is obvious,” he tells her, “I’m sure you will make great time,” 

“As long as I’m not too much over 5 hours I’ll be pleased,” She admits, feeling oddly flustered around him, trying not to look at him over much.

“I’m aiming for sub 5 myself,” Aaron tells her, “We could keep pace together,” He offers.

“Oh I’m sure I’d just slow you down,” She retorts.

“I’m sure that’s not possible, he sucks,” Gabe assures her, the corner of his mouth tweeking up, exposing one of his dimples. She looks away, delicately coughing into her hand.

“Ha, ha and you're going to cling to your injured knee for how long?” Aaron retorts sharply to his brother. Gabe’s eyes dance in amusement. 

“For as long as you need me to, little brother,” He teases, “Go complete this marathon, so I can come back next year and wipe the floor with your ass, already.” 

“You also run?” Lauda asks, carefully looking at his body. He is not as lean as his brother, but just as long limbed. She refuses to think further about his broad shoulders, or powerful quads, clearly visible in his fitted pants.

“Not usually distance,” he tells her, “Speed, I used to compete.”

“Until he tore his ACL,” Ana added helpfully. Gabe grimaced. “You probably heard of him actually! He’s quite famous in running circles! Gabriel Anders!” 

“You’re Gabriel Anders?” Lauda whirls on him, jaw dropped. He glances away awkwardly. 

“Yes,” He mutters under his breath. 

“The Gabriel Anders who refused to run because they banned your black teammate?” She hisses, staring at his face now. Yes…she had seen him in the newspaper, but the photo had done him no favors.

“Yes, that Gabriel Anders,” He says sharply. “I suppose you disagree?”

“No, I don’t.” She tells him easily, “I…admire you for standing up for him. I am…half black, half Italian, what you did for Jerome was not unnoticed.” He tilts his head as he considers her, his intense gaze sending shivers down her spine she chooses to ignore. 

“You're half black?!” Ana all but shrieks, the tone of her voice so high Gabriel winces. It draws Lauda back to the here and now, she has no business drooling over a man 4 years her junior, and disproportionately better looking she reminds herself sharply.

“I am,” Lauda tells her, turning to face the lovely blond.

“Which parent?!” Ana demands, in the same tone.

“Which parent…?” Lauda asks, sure she will regret asking the follow up question.

“Which one is the black one silly!” Ana asks, stifling a laugh.

“I do feel like that might be none of your business, Ana-maria!” Gabe intones, glaring at his sister in law.

“Oh…is that a rude question?” Ana asks, chewing on her lip.

“I'm sure Lauda didn’t take offense, right?” Aaron asks, wide eyed, turning desperately to Lauda, pleading with her with his eyes.

“I’m sure it’s not Lauda’s job to make your wife feel better Aaron,” Gabe hisses at his brother, his jaw set in irritation.

“I…you're right, I’m sorry, we are both sorry.” Aaron says quickly to Lauda, face flaming.

“It's fine,” Lauda says, barely paying attention to Aaron and Ana, instead watching Gabe, confused by him entirely. He turns his attention to her, locking her with his deep soulful eyes…there is a certain familiarity to him that she can not place, something more than simply knowing who he is. 

“Good luck Lauda,” Gabe says, inclining his head to her, never once breaking eye contact with her, “Not that you will need it,” 

Covered in sweat grinning furiously, whooping to the air, punching her chest like a gorilla, she screams out her victory! Sub five hours!! The only woman to do so!

Gabe cheers for her loudly from the sideline, she turns to him, face bright with joy and her breath hitches in her chest. The dimples in his face are widely pronounced as he scream-cheers, clearly overjoyed for her, his eyes crinkle just like his brothers, but somehow, unfathomably he is much more handsome. She doesn’t know what possess her to do so as she runs toward him with the last of her strength, but…it seems whatever crazy impulse has hit her has also hit him, as he charges toward her too, they meet in the middle in a wild hug, his arms wrap around her waist as hers loop around his neck. The force of their impact, lifting her off her feet for a moment as he easily catches her weight against himself, and for one wild second he spins her in a circle before putting her back down on her feet. Both of them laughing, exhilarated. 

“Ah you have to let me take you out!” He says finally, his face shining, “We need to celebrate!” All the color leaves her face as she returns to her senses, taking a step back she gapes at him.

“Is…this some sort of joke?” she demands, looking at his unreasonably handsome face in horror. “A bet you’ve lost? To ask out the most unattractive woman you could find?It’s not funny!” She hisses, pushing her hair from her face, he blinks like she’s struck him. “It’s not funny at all! You think I don’t know that men that look like you aren’t interested in women like me?!Do you know how hard I worked for this? To compete? And you are making a joke of me, now?! Fuck you!” She growls, turning from him and running.

“Wait!!” He calls, coming after her, but her anger and adrenaline have given her a massive boost of energy, and his knee is still too weak. She is gone in a flash, leaving him staring after her confused.

“Hey, you okay?” Aaron asks from behind her, she turns sharply to face him, tears still streaming down her face. He would find her here, hiding, licking her wounds.

“Go away,” She growls, “Fuck you and your stupid brother for trying to humiliate me!”

“No, you got it all wrong!” Aaron tells her, catching her arm in a light grip when she tries to run from him too. “Stop, wait, just listen!”

“What? What more do you want?! It’s not enough that you’ve ruined this moment for me?” She demands furiously.

“Lauda, we aren’t playing some sort of joke on you!” Aaron half yells, “Oh my goodness, my brother likes you! He thinks you're pretty, he thinks you are phenomenal, he really just wants to take you out, I swear! Listen we aren’t some highschool hooligans, we are grown men! My brother…he’s not good with women, not since his wife left him, he…umm didn’t mean to offend you, he just…thinks you're cute.” 

“Right,” She scoffs.

“No really! Look I get you just met us, and I’m a lot, and my brother is…a lot more, but really he just thinks you're a pretty woman, and that’s a big deal for my brother, he doesn’t ask women out, kind of ever! Look he’s a good guy, and…if you think it’s too soon to let him take you on a date, you could just maybe…um come have a coffee with us, my wife and me and my brother,” He said earnestly.

“I…you're not messing with me?” She demands, placing both her hands on her hips. 

“No! Never!” He tells her, “I’m sorry if that’s how it came across, like I said my brother is not a great flirt, but he’s a great guy. I promise!”  She frowns, undecided on what to do. “It’s just coffee, and you could always just leave if you aren’t enjoying yourself! No pressure!” He encourages.

“Okay…I’ll go,” She mutters, looking away, not sure when she decided to go, surprised that the words even came out of her mouth. Aaron fixes her with his brightest possible smile, and helplessly she smiles back. “But if you and your brother are playing some sort of elaborate prank…”

“You can throw hot coffee in both our faces!” He tells her, holding up both hands. “Just not at my wife please,” 

****

Elle woke up from her fitful sleep, to find Milo already out of bed, frowning, she glanced around the room for him. As she stretched herself languidly, she felt her hand slide against a piece of paper on his pillow. Rubbing her eyes she glanced at it and recognized his neat scrawl.

Good morning my Watershed moment, 

I’ve got to make a run into town; stay in bed and wait for me, I’ll be back with breakfast. 

Xoxo Your man…

Milo (Just in case you forgot)

Ps. I miss you already. 

She barely contained her grin, reading the note over again, running her fingers against his signature. I miss you already too…  Sighing she rolled over in bed, and grabbed Felix, force cuddling him, he grumbled indignantly before giving in. 

Last night they hadn’t made it downstairs for dinner, instead getting caught up in an interesting conversation about history somehow. Talking into the wee hours about watershed moments, the idea that there were unique moments in time that were massive turning points, that irrevocably changed the very course of history. He had stared right into her eyes, and told her she was a watershed moment for him, that he had been absolutely altered completely simply by her existence, then he had brushed a kiss on her lips and ventured downstairs. 

Bringing back various snacks, laughing hysterically about the disaster of a dinner they’d made without Milo and Elle’s supervision, and then they had both groaned to realize that the joke was on them as they would have to clean up. To get their mind off that sad news he had found them an interesting documentary to watch about their earlier conversation, and they had stayed up until the sun came up. Elle didn’t recall the end of the documentary certain she had passed out in his arms, even remembering him vaguely kissing her face, before tucking her into their comforter, and snuggling her close. She sighed, content.

“Milo!” Naomi yelled slamming open the bedroom door, and launching halfway in before stopping dead at the sight of Elle in the bed. She shrieked furiously, “Where the fuck is my brother?!” She demanded.

“In…town,” Elle retorted staring at her startled, “You know people do this nifty thing these days where they knock before they come barging into someone’s bedroom,” 

“I don’t need to knock to see my fucking brother,” She hissed at Elle.

“Hey if you want to walk in on your brother naked…” Elle let her sentence trail. Naomi picked up a decorative vase from the side board and launched it at the wall, shattering it, screaming. “Oh…that was a bad idea,” Elle sighed, placing her face in her hands.

“Where.The.Fuck.Is.My.Brother!?” She demanded furiously, menacing toward the bed.

“Listen kid, if you come one more inch toward me I will rock your shit,” Elle hissed at her, “I don’t care whose fucking sister you are!” 

“What the fuck is happening here?” Max demanded, furiously striding into the room.

“She threatened me!” Naomi shrieked whirling on Max.

“No the fuck she didn’t,” Max hissed at her, “I heard you screaming at her Naomi, and I see the shattered glass, are you out of your mind? Leave alone the fact that Elle could absolutely destroy you in a fight, what do you suppose Milo is going to do when he finds out you came storming into his bedroom and screamed at his girlfriend?”

“None of you are ever on my side!” Naomi screamed, “I just…I want my brother!” She demanded, tears streaming down her face, “He…he isn’t answering his phone, and…” 

“Okay, well he isn’t here,” Elle began calmly throwing Max a bewildered look he shrugged confused as well. “But, he said he’d be back soon, so when he gets back, I’ll let him know you stopped by. In the meantime, can you both…leave?” 

“He won’t even talk to me because of you!” Naomi told her furiously.

“Yeah definitely I’m the problem,” Elle agreed sarcastically, “You are the picture of calm, and rationale.” 

“Fuck you!” Naomi yelled, lurching toward the bed, Max grabbed her and dragged her back. Howling something at her in Dutch as he pulled her from the room, hurriedly apologizing to Elle as he forced Naomi through the door. Elle stared after them bemused. Well that…was something….

****

Blissfully unaware of the earlier altercation, Milo came back an hour or so later. Elle glanced up at his smiling face, and decided then and there not to tell him what happened. Why ruin his day, look how happy he is?

“Hey baby,” She greeted, holding her arms out for him to hug her. He deposited breakfast onto the sideboard, frowning as he noted the missing vase, before taking her into his arms. He picked her up, squeezing her firmly against his body, kissing her face as he spun her in a circle, she laughed delightedly as he gently placed her back on her feet. “I guess you really did miss me,” She teased.

“Of course I did,” He told her, framing her face and dropping another kiss to her lips. “What happened to the vase?” He asked. She shrugged.

“Accident,” She said simply, and he didn’t inquire further. “What did you get us for breakfast?” 

“Stroopwafel,” He told her, handing over a brown paper bag. “Granted it's not as good as what you get back home, but it’s…fine,” She laughed at that, taking a seat on the couch, He joined her, turning to watch her, as she removed the stroopwafel out of the bag, she turned it over in her hand to look at it. She pressed it to her mouth and took a bite. Closing her eyes as she savored it for a moment.

“Oh my goodness,” She groaned, “this is so good, and you think this is just fine?!” She demanded, he smiled widely at her.

“Remember you said this, once we go to Amsterdam,” He told her, handing her a paper cup full of black coffee. “Dip it,” He offered. She did as he suggested, almost rolling her eyes back into her head at the flavor. She reached forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, he caught the back of her head holding her there for a moment, inhaling her scent.  “So…good.” He intoned smiling.

“What did you have to do in town?” She asked as they came apart. He smiled secretively at her.

“Besides find this mediocre stroopwafel?” He asked her. She rolled her eyes at that, “I got you this,” He told her reaching into his pocket he pulled out a set of car keys.

“You didn’t buy me a car!” She growled furiously, he laughed.

“Not yet,” He assured her, “No this is a second set of keys for my car,” 

“And why do I need a set of keys for your car?” She asked him, arching an eyebrow.

“Well because after I teach you how to drive standard, I thought it could be our car,” He told her.

“You…were serious about teaching me?” She asked surprised. 

“Of course!” He told her, “I’ll take any excuse to spend more time with you,” She laughed delightedly at that. 

“That’s…ugh cute aggression.” She growled, scrunching her nose at him. 

“Are you going to bite me,because I have to say I’m very okay with that,” He told her, wagging his eyebrows. She made a snapping sound with her teeth and he laughed.

“You can teach me how to drive on the way back to the city, when we go to my apartment” She told him, smirking. He frowned, tilting his head.

“You are…sure you want to do this?” He asked her gently. She nodded her head, and he looked away nodding his head. “Alright, well why don’t you finish your breakfast, and get ready.” 

“Will do,” She told him, leaning in to press a quick peck to his lips. Wanting to wipe that disconcerted look from his face she nipped his bottom lip, and he burst out laughing, framing her face in his hands he pulled her back for a deeper, longer kiss, and she smiled contentedly. Nothing is ruining this day!

****

They had managed to leave the house without seeing anyone, much to Elle’s relief. She realized she was on borrowed time until Milo found out about what had happened this morning. But she held out hope that no one would spill the beans. As she sat in the driverseat of his car, and he walked her through how to adjust everything, she was caught between excitement and fear. 

“Maybe…maybe this isn’t a great idea,” She mumbled, as she adjusted the seat, chewing on her fingertip. “What if I break it…?” He shrugged nonchalantly.

“Then I get a new car,” He told her as if it were nothing, which she supposed given how wealthy he was, it probably was nothing. “Just make sure you have your seatbelt on, and don’t speed, cars are replaceable, you are not.” 

“You could get like 5 of me for the price of this car…” She mumbled under her breath. 

“I absolutely could not!” He growled at her, “I’d personally throw this car off a cliff for you.”  She rolled her eyes at that. “I’m being serious Elle, I don’t give a fuck about this car, it’s just a car. You are my woman, the only thing that matters here is you. Don’t be nervous, I’ve got you, I won’t let you crash,” 

“See when you say things like that…” She sighed, he smiled at her, cupping her cheek in his hand.

“First thing we’re going to learn is how to brake,” He told her, calmly all business now. “Clutch, then brake.” He explained, she furrowed her brow as she looked down at the pedals repeating ‘clutch then brake.’ several times,chewing her lip nervously.  He stifled a laugh, and she shot her gaze up to him, glaring.

“Don’t laugh,” She groaned.

“I’m not laughing at you,” He promised, “I…just…you are adorable.” He told her, covering his mouth with a hand, as he tried to compose himself. “You are going to focus on the clutch, gas and brake, I’ll switch gears for you,” He said, “Put your hand on the gear shift, and I’ll direct you,” She nodded her head. He tilted her face up to his, “It’s going to be fine, I can’t stress this enough, I do not care about this car, ride the shit out of my clutch, fuck up the gears, hit a pole…on my side please, it doesn’t matter okay? Just breathe, and relax.”

He smiled reassuringly at her, as he turned the key in the ignition, immediately death metal at top volume flooded the car.  He quickly turned down the sound. Elle turned to face him with a smirk on her face, surprised but amused.

“So you like Death metal?” She asked. He shrugged. “Who was that?”

“It’s a Dutch band,” He told her, looking vaguely embarrassed, “...Prostitute Disfigurement…sorry I thought I had turned that off.” 

“I mean objectively that is a fantastic name for a band,” She told him smiling. “I…also like Death Metal,” She informed him. He glanced at her surprised before he smiled with his entire face.

“Of course you do,” He sighed, pulling her in for a kiss, “Because you’re fucking perfect for me,” 

****

Milo was infinitely patient as they drove back to the city, didn’t even comment when she stalled the car twice. Praising her whenever she did the slightest thing correctly, and directing her gently when she didn’t. She got the hang of it eventually, and it was easier once they had hit the highway, and stayed in gear. That’s when Elle took a moment to enjoy actually driving the thing, it was incredibly responsive, oh so fast, and as she took a corner, a wide jubilant smile flashed across her face.

“You are doing so well,” He told her, she looked at him out of the corner of her eye and smiled. He was looking at her like she’d accomplished some fantastic feat and he was dying of pride for her. The entire ride, he had kept his big hand over hers on the gear shift, and when they had to upshift or downshift he had patiently explained what gear they were in, and what he was doing. 

“I might have actually passed my drivers test on the first go round if you had been the one teaching me,” She commented, “My dad panicked the entire time he taught me, and then decided it was best to let a professional do it.” 

“Calm is my default,” he told her shrugging. “You can’t teach anyone anything if you're panicking.”

“To be fair, dad was trying to teach me in his Mercedes, bad, bad call.” She laughed. “I swear at one point I saw him genuinely considering why he had bothered to have a third child.”

“I’m glad he did, without a doubt you are the best one.” He told her. She rolled her eyes at that.

“You haven’t met my brothers, so you can’t possibly know that.” She retorted.

“You haven’t met James, Julian, or Nadia, and you were so sure I’m the best one.” He reminded her. 

“I’ve seen you naked, there’s just simply no fucking way.” She told him shrugging, he laughed at that.

“Remember you said that when you meet James,” he told her.

“What does that mean?” She asked, arching an eyebrow.

“He’s the best looking one out of us,” he told her with exactly zero emotion, as if he were simply stating a fact. 

“Not possible,” She told him firmly, “You are…the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, like eye bleedingly good looking.”

“Max would be so flattered,” He told her laughing.

“Max looks like a swamp donkey,” She hissed. “No you're beautiful for more than the way you look, it's…your soul, you are radiant.” She mumbled, face flushing.

“You think I’m radiant?” He asked softly, touched.

“You…glow.” She told him truthfully. “Have you ever been around someone who just sucks all the air out of a room? Like they just make it darker and gloomy just by their presence? You are the opposite of that, you are like…” She shrugged trying to find the words, “Sunshine, warmth, coming home after a really shitty day. So it’s simply impossible for anyone to be better looking than you.” 

“That's…how you see me?” He whispered, she turned to look at him quickly, brows furrowed. 

“The painting I made, you know the sky…that’s your aura.” She told him. He blinked surprised. “I had Maeve show me. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, and when I was painting that sky, I just thought…how can one body hold all of this beauty. But it makes complete sense that the body that could hold it would be yours, because it seeps out of you, and around you, to everyone and you just…make everything better just by being in the same room.” She muttered looking back out at the road, vaguely embarrassed. He exhaled sharply.

“I want to kiss you,” He told her, “But I feel like killing us both might not be the appropriate response to the most amazing thing anyone has ever said about me,” 

“Stop hanging out with assholes,” She teased, “I’m just rambling nonsense…” The hand holding hers over the gearshift clenched, as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her temple.

“Shut up Elle, don’t ruin this for me.” He rejoined laughing. 

“You are…my watershed moment too,” She told him, chewing on her lip as she avoided looking at him. But she could almost feel him beaming beside her. Head over fucking heels for this guy…

****

As they got to the apartment building, he downshifted for her, and walked her through parking. She mumbled ‘clutch then brake’ and he smiled at that. All the humor left him once the car was off, he turned to her framing her face in his hands, searching her face.

“It will be fine,” She reassured him, though she was beginning to doubt her own decision. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, leaning his to hers inhaling her scent.

“Okay,” He muttered, more to himself than to her. He got out of the car and then opened the drivers door for her, she smiled as he caught her hand in his, and tugged her close to his side. 

As they walked to the building she had the strangest feeling of being watched, and turned to look behind her, but of course no one was there, still she moved closer to Milo seeking his warmth. He moved her in front of him, his arm wrapped around her shoulder still holding her hand. As they walked she glanced up at him, and was surprised to see his disquieted expression, but he didn’t comment, looking sterner and sterner as they walked into the building and up the stairs to her apartment, a muscle twitching in his jaw.

Elle released his hand as she went to go unlock her door, he held on for just a second longer than needed. She could feel his worry radiating from him, and when she put the key into the lock she paused, leaning back into him. Taking a bracing breath she  swung the door open and froze, staring in horrified disbelief. Whatever Elle had been expecting this was so much worse, so much more brutal, so much…more. She gasped in shallow breaths, her body starting to violently shake as she took it all in, a strangled sound from deep in her chest rasping out of her. She had forgotten or perhaps downplayed in her head how bad things looked. She felt like her chest had gotten uncomfortably tight, unable to take a step in, this…was…utterly wrong…

Everything about it was wrong, even the way it smelt. The floor was still covered in the remnants of her most prized possessions. Possessions she had saved for, scrimped for, gone without for. Things that were sentimental, special, earned, gifted, items that were completely irreplaceable discarded like so much trash. Remnants of favorite books, photographs, her clothes, pieces of a life she’d painstakingly crafted together…gone…all gone! She could see the pages of her yearbooks that he had ripped out and thrown on the ground, her paints that he smashed against the walls and carpet, chunks of her grad dress, the canvas of her paintings that were once adorned her home, hours of her life’s work. She could remember painting every single one of her pieces of art, picking out the canvas, the paints, sketching the work, each unique and special to her, each one a precious, priceless memory…irreplaceable and now lost forever...He’d left her nothing, even her furniture was destroyed, it was as if he’d gone on a campaign of destruction. Taking his time ruining, shattering, breaking and tearing every single item in her apartment, apart. Fragments of her laptop littered the floor…Everything is ruined, every single fucking thing…He destroyed my whole life, he destroyed every thing I worked so hard for… She choked out a sob, her hands shaking, she didn’t want to look, didn’t want to see it anymore. Her vision tunneled, as she turned to Milo, he was already reaching for her, pulling her into his arms. Cradling the back of her head, as he turned her away from the mindless destruction.

“Milo…” She gasped, her voice breaking on a sob, burying her face into his chest, weeping uncontrollably now, feeling like she couldn’t breathe for the tight grief she felt in her chest. It's all gone, my entire early adulthood, all my memories, all the things I was proud of…gone!! He whispered soothing things to her, holding her tightly. She fisted her hands in his shirt, unable to put into words the hurt. She felt like she was going to throw up, like her heart was shattering in her chest. Everything I have is gone…

“We…are going to leave now,” He whispered to her, as he reached forward and closed the door. “I’ll take care of this for you, whatever can be salvaged will be salvaged, I promise. You never have to see this again,”

“Everything…everything is gone.” She sobbed brokenly, looking up at him with so much hurt and pain on her face, he winced. Every one of her tears a knife in his chest, he felt powerless, useless, like the worst sort of failure that he couldn’t make this better for her, that he couldn’t take this away from her. 

“Not everything,” He told her gently, wiping away her tears, “You and Felix are still here, you two are the only things that aren't replaceable.” Christ what would he have done if he’d gotten his hands on you…The thought chilled him, and he quickly, fiercely put it away, he simply could NOT think about that. 

“I knew it was…bad, but…” She shook her head, unable to find the words. 

“Let’s go, let me take you home.” He said softly, framing her face in his hands, desperate to take her away from this nightmare. She nodded weakly, as he led her back down the stairs, standing behind her so she didn’t have to look at the door of her apartment ever again. She realized with a start, that she would never see it again, that this part of her life was officially over. Composing herself, she walked down the stairs, and out of her apartment building forever, feeling sick and heartbroken.