Come to me

Elle opened her eyes, and promptly shut them again. No, no, no! I did not do this! She thought frantically. Opening her eyes slowly, she almost screamed…fuck my life I’m not dreaming! She hissed internally. Because Elle had found herself on top of Milo, her face mere inches from his own, so close that she could feel his breathing against her cheek. Carefully, oh so carefully she opened her eyes again, what the fuck to do now? One of her legs was in between his, her chest on top of his, her face on the same pillow, her arms wrapped around his neck. Absolutely mortified, she debated how to extract herself from her precarious position. This isn’t even spooning, at this point I’m literally dominating this poor man! 

Slowly and carefully Elle began to slide backward away from him, but his arms wrapped around her won’t budge, conversely he pulled her closer in his sleep. Her face now pressed forward toward his neck. Elle carefully extracted her arms from his neck, placing the palm of her hands to his chest, pushing back lightly. His arms seemed to loosen just a touch, carefully she pushed back again, now having created enough room to wriggle down his body and hopefully duck out from under his arms. 

Elle began to move down his body, her legs sliding against his, in his sleep he groaned, as if the friction of her movement which admittedly was having an effect on her body, might be doing the same to his. Abruptly she felt his arms tighten around her again, he squeezed her to him, one of his hands traveling up her back to the nape of her neck, he grasped her there, the other traveling down. She barely stifled a moan when his big hand stopped at her ass, he cupped her there, firmly kneading her. Pulling her body closer to his, in one smooth move he had her flat on her back, his body over hers now, his hips between her legs, holding most of his weight on the forearm of the arm still grasping her nape. The root of his erection pressed flush against her clitoris through her clothes, the rest trailing impossibly higher up her body. I am hallucinating, there is no way he’s this big… She thought wildly at the contact.He pressed his face to her neck, inhaling her scent. He rocked his hips, slowly bringing his hardness against her sex. Elle gasped, or...more accurately moaned at the movement as his lips brushed against her throat.

His eyes flashed open at the sound, he blinked and looked down at her, as Elle looked up at him.

“Fuck,” He bit off, “This isn’t a dream is it?” 

“Nope,” She said. He all but lept off her, and across the room, his back pressed to the closet door. Elle followed him with her eyes. Forcing herself not to look down, even to assuage her own curiosity.

“I am so sorry,” he began, looking mortified.”I...I was dreaming, and…”

“It’s fine,” She told him in a decidedly not fine tone.

“Did I...did I hurt you? I must have scared the shit out of you, fuck…” He groaned, running his hands through his hair, “I’ll sleep on the couch from now on,”

“I’m…fine, you didn’t hurt me…I, look this is my fault,” She blurted out, “I was…on top of you, and I ummm while trying to disentangle myself…I might have uh rubbed myself against you, and…well look it’s fine.” 

“What?” He asked, confused.

“Yeah,” She said, face flaming, refusing to look at his face. “I uh, was…rubbing against you, completely unintentionally, and…” 

“Last Night,” He said readily, “But what does that have to do with this?” 

“Last Night? I was…talking about this morning. I was on top of you last night?!” She groaned.

“It’s fine, you were…cold.” He offered lamely, “You climbed on top of me in your sleep, and wrapped your arms around me…”

“Why didn’t you move me?!” She asked, horrified.

“I...did.” He told her, “But you, uh must have been really cold, so…”

“So I fucking climbing back on top of you?!” She half shrieked humiliated, “Oh my god..wait did I…did I rub up against you last night?” He swiftly looked away, and Elle buried her face into the pillow and screamed. “Are you fucking kidding me?! I spent all night dry humping you and you're the one apologizing to me?!” 

“I wouldn’t classify it as dry humping, you just umm moved and rubbed against me, and wrapped your arms around my neck…I am making this worse aren’t I…” He said, seeing her horrified expression. She shoved her face back into the pillow. 

“Can you…can you please leave,” She asked, her voice muffled by the pillow. “I want to kill myself in peace.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal…” he began.

“Leave!” She growled, still refusing to look at him. 

“Okay, I’m going to just…umm I’ll make breakfast,” He said, she could hear his footsteps retreating to the door. He stopped there for a moment, before saying, “Just to be clear Elle, you are welcome to climb on top of me anytime you like.” And then he was out the door, and Elle wondered if it was possible to die from humiliation.

****

Elle avoided Milo for the rest of the day. Unable to go to her usual hiding spot as Maeve, Max and Ute had decided to have what amounted to a pool party. She had instead talked Daire into going to town with her. Elle knew she was absolutely terrible company as she basically nodded, and smiled at everything he said without listening. Alternating between embarrassed beyond belief and aroused out of her head at the remembrance of his body over hers…I’d never fit him…

“And that lass, is the story of how I married a goat,” He told her, gauging her reaction. Elle nodded and smiled, repeating ‘married a goat’ back to him absently. “Okay, that’s it!” He growled, stopping abruptly, placing both hands firmly on her shoulders and jerking her to a stop. “What is going on?”

“Nothing! Nothing is going on…what, why? What did you hear?” She asked him panicky.

“Oooohhh,” He blew out, “You are all sorts of jumpy right now,” 

“I am fine!” She told him firmly, her voice cracking, “Fine!” She tried again.

“You look on the verge of hysteria,” He said, watching her closely, “What is happening here?” 

“I did a super embarrassing thing,” She blurted out, covering her face with her hands, “And I’m not sure how I’m going to ever face Milo again,” 

“What did you do?” He asked carefully. She mumbled incoherently every third word completely inaudible. “Wait...wait lass, did you say you…humped him?!” 

“I was asleep…” She mumbled.

“You…sleep fucked Milo?” He asked genuinely lost now.

“No, no I didn’t have sex with him, I…” She shoved her face into her hands and began mumbling again.

“Lass, I can no’ understand you,” He told her, grasping her hands in his, pulling them away from her face. “How can I help you if you will nae tell me what has happened?” 

“No one can help me! I need to just gather the courage to run in front of a bus,” She told him miserably, Daire barely stifled a laugh.

“Listen I’m sure whatever you did was no’ that bad, if you're saying you made a pass at him, in your sleep no less, I can no’ imagine him being anything but thrilled about it.” He told her.

“Really?! Would you be thrilled if I sleep dry humped you!?” She growled.

“Absolutely I would, in fact feel free to at your leisure, lass.” He told her with a lecherous smile. 

“I hate you!” She groaned, “I’ve made an ass of myself and…”

“Oh Aye I’m sure he is distraught over the woman he thinks is his soulmate rubbing one out on him,” He replied sarcastically, “Right knackered I’m sure.” 

“He isn’t…” She began.

“Attracted to you, blah blah blah, what else is on!” Daire hissed at her, “Lass, if you will nae believe what is right in front of your eyes, on full show, repeatedly I can nae help you!”

“I...I don’t know what to do,” She said finally. “Assuming I want to believe, assuming I want…how do I bridge this then?” 

“Bridge what? Having a relationship with the bawbag?” Daire asked.

“Yes,” She replied. He sighed, grumbling under his breath.

“I can no’ believe I’m giving pointers to you on how to bang that bawbag, pure boggin” He hissed, “Okay, have you tried just telling him you fancy him?” 

“You think dry humping him wasn’t clear enough?” She asked incredulously.

“Listen, if it were me I would have closed the deal, lass,” He told her, “But he apparently needs a god damned red carpet and police escort to your nethers,” Except in his sleep, just a few measly pieces of fabric out of the way and…She thought hotly, before mentally giving herself a shake.

“Oh shut up,” She shot at him, face flushing. “It isn’t like that…I don’t want to just…I…” I don’t even know what I fucking want!

“Och, well have you tried just giving him a clear sign?” He offered.

“Clearer than…” She started,

“Then dry humping him, yes!” He growled cutting her off, “Fuck woman you are so frustrating! Dry humping someone in your sleep says no more about your feelings for them as it would about a body pillow!” 

“So what are you suggesting then?” She asked exasperated.

“Kiss him!” He told her tossing his arms in the air. “Just plant one on him, it’s clear and concise, he either kisses you back or no’” 

“Kiss him? That’s your great advice?!” She yelled at him, “Are you fucking kidding me?! You're suggesting I just throw myself at him…AGAIN!?” As if I could stop at just kissing him…

“Aye, just kiss the fucking sodding arsehole already!” He yelled back at her, “For christ sakes woman! What are you afraid is going to happen? He’ll turn into a toad?”

“He could rightfully reject the shit out of me!” She screamed, “listen this whole thing is stupid, I’ve clearly built this up in my head somehow and…” 

“You have done the exact opposite of building this up! You’ve torn it down, and then taken a piss on it!” Daire hissed at her, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph, why are you like this?! What happened to you as a child? Were you abandoned at an orphanage and then beaten by nuns?!”

“You guys are all saying he’s cold and detached and…” She began, grasping at straws. He seemed real detached and cold when he was grinding against my….stop fucking thinking about it! 

“No’ with you, never with you!” Daire interrupted, “Lass, I may no’ be his biggest fan, but I’ll no’ sit here and act as if he has no’ made it painfully obvious how he feels for you!” 

“What does that mean?” She asked. Just because he was on top of me this morning, in his SLEEP does not mean he wants me! After all, I ground myself on him all night apparently…

“Oh lord, alright,” He began exasperated, “He looks at you like you hung the stars lass, and looks at me like he wants to throttle the life from me and then pummel my carcass!” 

“No, what? He didn’t even care when you took me on that date...” She told him, wincing as she remembered. 

“Are you daft?” He interrupted her, staring at her like she was demented.

“What?” She asked furiously. 

“You poor sweet thing,” He said in a bless-your-heart tone, that sounded suspiciously like Maeve’s.

“You know what, I don’t want to talk about this anymore!” She declared, furiously. “Let’s just go back.”

“Oh aye lets,” He agreed. “On the way there you can deliberately miss read road signs and hopefully kill us both.”

“I am not misreading…” She began angrily.

“No…never,” He interrupted, rolling his eyes, already heading back to her car. Elle glowered as she followed him, muttering angrily under her breath. 

****

Elle and Daire had argued the entire drive back, and were still arguing as they walked in the front door. So engrossed in their fight Elle didn’t notice Milo at the base of the stairs, watching them concerned, but Daire did. Growling furiously under his breath, Daire grabbed Elle, pulling her in front of him, her back to Milo, still holding her shoulders firm he planted an angry kiss hard on her mouth, stunning her into silence. 

“What..the…fuck…” Elle whispered stunned, when he pulled away, a look of utter triumph on his face, he spun her around to face Milo. Elle registered his expression in awe, it was unmistakable. Pure unadulterated jealous rage emanated off him, from his set furious jaw, to his flared nostrils, to the tea cup he had crushed in his fist.

“Now lass, is that the face of man, who does nae give a shit about you?” Daire whispered to her, shit-eating grin in place. “Go on, ignore that.” he told her, goading her. But Elle was not paying attention, everything in the way Milo was looking at them was sending chills down her spine, he was hurt,confused and furious, and Elle wanted to sooth him. She locked eyes on him, her brows furrowing, he couldn’t seem to look away from her. Vaguely she heard Daire beating a hasty retreat out the front door, muttering something about her thanking him later. But Elle was beyond caring, because in this moment, she knew exactly what she wanted, and she knew she could have it.

“I...see, you and Daire…” He began in a clipped tone,clearly trying to find words, striving for calm. “I see you and Daire are…getting along.” 

“Are we?” She asked, arching an eyebrow. 

“Elle, I…I” He tried again, she strode toward him, standing in front of him, tilting her head observing him. Gently she nudged him in front of the stairs. “What are you doing?” He asked, absolutely lost. 

“Can you just stand right here,” She said, directing him to stand directly in front of the steps, as she climbed up a step behind him, he turned to face her, Elle gauged him again, shook her head, “No this won’t work,” She said more to herself than him, as she walked up another step, placing herself at just above his eye level now. “Perfect,” She mumbled.

“What…” He asked, furrowing his brow in consternation. 

“I just...want to see something.” She told him, reaching forward she framed his face in her delicate hands, never having wanted anything more than this,tugging him toward her, Elle tilted her face and lightly brushed her lips against his, once, twice, oh so slowly. She felt his big body shiver at the contact, emboldened Elle slipped her hand into his hair and grasped the back of his head, pulling him forward, as she pushed down. He gasped in surprise and Elle took the opening he had inadvertently given her, dipping the tip of her tongue into his mouth, you taste so good, fuck I want you so much!  She thought desperately, jared at the electric sparks she felt from such a light contact, she lapped at his tongue now, wild with want.

He groaned against her lips, feeling her clever tongue tease him. Her own head spinning with pleasure, she could barely contain herself.She wrapped her other arm around his neck, wanting to pull him even closer to her, need to get him as close as possible..like a flash she felt both of his arms wrap around her, lifting her up and toward him, Elle wrapped her legs around his waist and held on as he turned and put her back to the wall, deepening the kiss. She heard his hand slap against the wall, to balance them, as his other pulled her tight to his body. She gasped out against his lips, his hard body against hers sending shocks of pleasure down to her sex. Her nipples peaked in raw desire, pressing against the fabric of her bra and shirt, pulsing with need.

 Now he took over the pace, no light teasing for him, her head pressed against the wall from the force of his ministrations. He tasted her with wild, desperate abandon, he gave her no quarter, demanding and hot with his lips, and teeth and tongue until she was panting with lust. Her nails digging into his shoulders, holding on for dear life. He broke the contact, his own breathing harsh, his heart pounding against her own. Brushing kisses against her jaw, throat and down to her collar bone, nipping her there. She moaned at the sensation, he speared her with his intense, lust darkened eyes, his eyelids heavy, his lips swollen from their kissing, he ran the tip of his tongue over his full bottom one, closing his eyes as if savoring her taste on him.

“More,” Elle whispered, sliding her hands into his hair tugging him back to her mouth. His eyes widened with surprise as he followed her down. Elle kissed him hard, grasping his head, his own hand slid behind hers, taking the impact when her head jolted back. He wrapped his fingers into her hair, and tugged as she moaned in pleasure.His teeth nipping her bottom lip lightly, before thrusting his tongue into her mouth. He kissed her like he wanted to scald her, brand her. As their tongues twined, she tugged on his neck, arching into him, her sensitive nipples rubbing against his hard chest. He groaned at the contact, his shaft pulsed at the thought of her soft breasts underneath him. How could he want someone this much? He felt as if he would die if he didn’t have her there and now. His hips pinned hers hard against the wall, his straining erection between them pressing against her, causing her to exhale sharply, the sound seeming to draw him from his lust filled daze. He pulled back from her then, shaking with desire, he pressed his forehead against hers, catching his breath. Never want her to regret this, never want to make her feel like anything less than my most precious treasure.

“Elle,” He breathed, looking down at her, his brow furrowed, he tenderly brushed the hair from her face. He ran his thumb against her kiss swollen lips, cupping her face in his hand, he nuzzled her neck, planting soft kisses against her pulse line. Elle kissed his brow, the tip of his nose, the top of his cheeks,his closed eyelids framing his face in her hands. Together their breathing calmed, but he did not release her.

“That…that was…definitely better than kissing Daire.” She said finally, Milo blinked looking at her before he burst into laughter, shaking her body with the force of it.  Carefully he allowed her to slide down his body, until her feet touched the ground,still holding her against him. Elle was glad he was holding her up, because she felt as if her knees might go out on her. He kissed the top of her head, as he held her against him, her head pressed to his chest. Elle could hear his wild heartbeats.

“This thing with Daire,” He said after a long moment, “It’s over.” it was not a question, it was a statement. She smiled against his chest.

“It would have had to be a thing to begin with,” She told him, “It was always you,” 

“Mijn lieve kleine vrouw, wat heb je me net aangedaan?” My precious little woman,what have you just done to me? He whispered in an awed tone, caressing her hair. 

****

 Elle sat between Milo’s legs, with his arms wrapped around her on the couch, her head laying on his shoulder, as his big hand rested on her neck. They had not stopped touching each other since their kiss. It was as if a flood gate had opened between them, and neither of them could seem to part from the other. Eventually he had turned on the T.V saying nothing as he drew her to sit down in the cradle of his arms. Elle felt warm and safe, and absolutely content. His heat, scent and body surrounding her like a blanket. Periodically he would absently brush his fingers against her throat, collar bone, against her jaw, feather light, as if he had to remind himself constantly that this was real, and that she was actually here. 

She would catch him gazing at her, with bewildered longing, as if he couldn’t believe his own luck. Whispering reverently in Dutch, before looking away as if embarrassed. Sometimes he would draw her closer, or brush his lips against her face, or neck and Elle’s heart would begin to pound with desire, but he never pressed further, seeming content to just have the tenderness between them, and who was Elle to deny him, when no one had ever made her feel so…cherished before. 

“Are you hungry, or cold?” He asked her, pressing his cheek to her temple, “Can I get you anything?

“No, I’m good.” She told him, smiling.  

“You will tell me if that changes, yes?” He asked softly. She nodded, stifled a sigh over his concern for her. I could get used to this… She frowned, should she get used to this? 

For the first time since their altering kiss Elle felt…doubt. A spike of apprehension hit her, had she moved this thing too far too fast? She had absolutely wanted to kiss him, and she didn’t necessarily regret what had happened but…we are cuddling together like it's a forgone conclusion of couplehood. Who even am I?!  Feeling overwhelmed she gazed at his profile, tenderness for him suffused her, but she couldn’t rid herself of her disquiet. He looked down at her then, his face filled with warmth and wonder as if the very sight of her was something precious. Elle smiled back at him, and if he noticed it didn’t reach her eyes, he didn’t comment.

****

Elle begged off dinner assuring him she wasn’t hungry and that she was going to head up to bed. He had kissed her softly and breathlessly and sent her on her way…in front of everyone, daring them to say anything with his blatant glare. Wisely everyone just took it in stride and let it be…for now. Elle didn’t think they had gotten off the hook so easily, and was awaiting ribbing from all. But for now as she laid down in his bed, in his comforter, wearing his hoodie, she felt…conflicted.

She had spent the rest of the day with him, talking, touching and kissing, and it had been…incredible. When she allowed herself to let go she had felt connected, and cared for. He was charming and engaging and oh so funny, and there were moments where she felt she had known him all her life. At times she had marveled at how easy it was to be around him. No awkward silences for them, it seemed he knew a little bit about everything, his intelligence truly staggering. He exuded such raw sensuality that when he touched her or kissed her it felt as if at a moment he could easily have her out of her clothes and underneath him…if he wanted to. But he seemed content to take things slow with her, more interested in trading leisurely, slow smoldering kisses that left them both breathless. And they had kissed, multiple times, surprisingly never being caught until dinner when he’d kissed her frankly chastely in front of everyone. 

He was so engaging, truly listening to what she had to say, asking her questions about herself, watching her reactions, seeming to be almost fascinated by her. Elle could understand that seeing as how she was just as fascinated by him. He had delighted in finding out that her birthday (October 23rd) meant they shared the same birthday day, and that as a scorpio they were supposed to be very compatible. He had arched his eyebrows and said nothing when she had told him her favorite color was purple. Because the accent pieces in his bedroom are purple and blue. When she had told him she had 2 older brothers, he had asked a myriad of questions about them, her brother’s wife, the other’s fiance and her little nephew. Listening intently to her anecdotes and funny stories of her childhood and her siblings. The more she told him the more he seemed to want to know. 

I could fall so hopelessly in love with this man… She had found herself thinking more than once, and the idea…terrified her. The truth was that Elle couldn’t rightfully say she had ever been in love, but her experience in relationships had shown her that vulnerability and intimacy just left one open to pain and frankly misery. She sighed. I could become so consumed by him, that I would lose all sense of myself. She thought, alarmed.

****

She dresses quickly, draping her wedding sari with deft adept fingers. Next she pulls her long raven hair back from her face and begins braiding it back, a mix of her culture and his, a 3 line braid down her back, like a shield maiden of old. 

She wears her finest jewelry, draping the heavy gold around her neck, wrists and ears. She picks up the Tika, but decides against it. She is much more than a bride, she is a queen, his queen.She picks up the circlet he had made for her, made of gold and intricately inlaid with celtic designs he had hand picked to match with his family crest. A tear slips down her face, she furiously wipes it away. There would be no tears, none today, she would not dishonor him with her cowardice. 

Standing before the looking glass, she lines her eyes with kohl. She places the circlet atop her head, she wraps his plaid around her shoulders, straightens the gold bangles on her wrists. She looks upon her countenance, running dots of rouge upon her lips and cheeks to warm her honey brown skin, the way he likes… she swallows her tears again. The fine lines around her eyes, and mouth speak of the joy and laughter he has brought her, the gray streaks in her hair, the earnings of a life well lived. 

“I come to you jaanu,” She whispers, to her reflection, as she makes her way to her doors, she picks up her wedding torque, the one he had presented to her on the day they had wed, and slides it on.

She walks from their chambers, marching with purpose to the outer keep. Her eyes bright with unshed tears, and anticipation. “Not long now my love, I come to you…” She whispers, picking her feet up as she rushes to him. She stops before the massive pyre they have created, as befitting one of his status.  Turning to her remaining son, Lady Simrin MacReith, her eyes still watching the flames, hands him the circlet, then begins sliding off her bangles, placing those into the hand of his betrothed, impatient to have this done. 

“Marry her before the next moon;” She commands, “And fill our home with so many children, that he and I may hear them in our next life.” She looks upon her son now, a smile warming her face.

“Mother, please…” He begs, grasping her hands, fear and horror marring his handsome face, so like his father, though his eyes are whiskey gold like her own, and his hair a deep raven.

“I will not live without him; I will never be parted from him,” She tells him “Would that you love this deeply mera beta, I go to my bridegroom.” She says he drops before her, touching her feet, she pulls him up and kisses his forehead and cheeks, and embraces both him and his betrothed.  Releasing them both, she turns now fully to the fire. Pulling a vial from her sari, she drinks from it deeply. She lifts her face to the sky, to the stars, that beckon for her to come home, to come to him. She smiles, allowing the tears she’s held back to spill, and with untold joy she jumps into the fire. 

As the flames begin to consume her, the pain slowly creeping past the anesthetic she had taken, she screams out his name. 

“I come for you my love! I will never be parted from you, not even death can keep me from you!”  Her last thoughts as her throat burns, and her body is consumed….

 mera dil mere shareer ke baahar dhadakata hai, kyonki yah tumhaara hai, is jeevan ke lie aur har doosare ke lie! Aiden, jaanu…

****

Elle woke screaming, the scent of burning clinging to her, her skin scorched. She jumped from the bed, running headlong toward the bathroom, tearing at her clothes, feeling as if they were melting to her skin, clawing at her neck to pull the burning necklace from her. She jumped into the shower, and grasped at the taps to turn on the water. When the warm water hit her, she screamed forcing the tap all the way to the coldest setting. As the freezing water poured down her skin, she sank to the tiled floor, lifting her face to the cold to soothe her burns. She curled into a ball, shaking, the smell of fire, wood, and burning flesh cloying in her nose, she barely stopped herself from vomiting. 

“Elle,” He called to her alarmed, she could hear the shower door open.

“No! No! Don’t turn it off,” She screamed, looking up at him in anguish. “I’m burning…” His hand stilled on the tap, a look of horror on his face, he climbed into the shower, kneeling before her, he reached out cupping her cheek gently. 

“Elle, look at me,” He whispered to her, his hand trembling on her cheek. She cast her eyes up, tears streaking her terror struck face, his own clenched in anguish for her. “What’s happening?”

“I’m burning…I burned myself.” She whispered to him brokenly. 

“Schatje, you are not burnt, it was only a bad dream.” he rasped, throat dry, his voice tight with emotion.

“It hurts, it hurts so badly,” She told him, shivering in shock and reaction. 

“It’s not real liefje,”sweetheart, He whispered, moving toward her, desperate to take the look of panic and fear from her face.

“It was real,” She sobbed, dropping her head into her arms, openly weeping. Milo, maneuvered her into his arms, and pulled her to his chest, the ice cold water of the shower pouring over them both. Her arms snaked around him, pulling him closer, as she shoved her face into his neck, her warm tears spilling against his skin. Holding the back of her head, he rocked her against him slowly, soothingly whispering to her in Dutch and English, until she calmed and stilled. Dazed, he looked up at the ceiling, clenching his chattering teeth, and shaking from cold and reaction, he realized in absolute horror that he had no idea what she had dreamed…

How do I help you, if I don’t even know what you’re seeing?