I woke up drenched from head to toe. I forgot to turn on the air conditioning after my nightly escapades, and the temperature in my room must have reached the hellish fifty degrees Celsius. On a positive note, I had probably sweated out all the alcohol I had consumed, as I felt surprisingly good despite the heavy drinking. Unfortunately, my feet were blistered in several places from my sandals and I had a burn mark on my left leg. I must have brushed against the exhaust of the “taxi scooter” without noticing it, which now hurt a little.

My stomach was aching from hunger, so I set out in search of a place to eat. This time, I decided to head in the opposite direction, believing it to be towards the sea. Google assured me that there were plenty of food and drink outlets along the beach. I took my phone with me, just in case I got lost. After a few minutes of walking, my flip-flops doing me no favors, I stopped in front of a guarded entrance to a hotel.

The guard in the booth was hiding from the sun.

‘Follow this path around the hotel’, he indicated, gesturing to a small gap in the bushes.

‘And this is the way to the beach?’ I asked, a smile on my face. Maybe he would be kind enough to let me pass through the hotel grounds.

‘Yes, it’s quite close,’ he replied with a slight smile, ‘just about five hundred meters.’

I had no choice but to head into the bushes, and before long I spotted a hole in the fence mesh. Careful to stay out of the security guard's sight, I quickly made my way to the hotel grounds. “Kiss my ass”, I muttered to the guard, even though he couldn't hear me.

The darkness was settling in fast. Without being disturbed by anyone, I passed several swimming pools and paddling pools, a playground for children and well-kept lawns with hundreds of empty sunbeds. It was clear that this was an expensive place. I eventually reached the beach, which stretched wide and long up to the horizon.

The ocean was at low tide. The stunning white sand glimmered in the deepening darkness. The sea murmured softly and calmly.

I stepped into the water, but only a few steps, because you never know what “bastard” lurks in the shadows. The water was surprisingly warm – about thirty degrees Celsius, the same as the air. Andaman Sea! Only now did I realize just how far from home I was. Fourteen hours by plane, thousands of kilometers.

I stood there, feeling the hot air on my skin and breathing it in deeply. I closed my eyes and savored the moment. The loud rumbling in my stomach reminded me why I was here, so I rolled up my pants and kept walking down the beach.

The shore of the beach was dotted with tall trees, with tarpaulins stretched between them, covering tables made of planks. It was clear that some kind of trade had been going on here during the day. Behind the line of trees, I discovered an alley with a dozen or so little shops, all of which were closed now. I took out my phone to establish where I was. In the distance, I could see flashing colored lights and hear music muffled by the sound of the sea. Most likely, this was coming from a beach disco, although I didn't feel like dancing in a beach club tonight. I used my phone to check a map and found that I was close to the Reggae bar, which had positive reviews, including for their kitchen. To get there, I had to move away from the sea and venture into a maze of narrow alleys, lined with trees and shrouded in darkness. It was quite a claustrophobic experience.

When I arrived at the Reggae bar, I found that it was open, but I was the only customer. The bartender stood behind the long counter, seemingly lost in thought. He looked like he was meditating, but it was more likely that he had induced this tranquil state with the help of a joint, the scent of which hung in the air.

Unfortunately there was nothing to eat, but you could treat yourself to a drink, which there was a huge selection to go with. The wall behind the bar was lined with bottles of wines and spirits from all over the world. I opted for a beer to stifle my hunger and attempted to make conversation with the stoned bartender, who swayed to the beat of Bob Marley's music that came from the speakers. He was dressed only in crumpled shorts and had slippers on his feet. He had long, unkempt hair. It was evident that he had only recently been lying asleep behind the counter.

Conversation was difficult, as the Thai spoke little English and the effects of the marijuana had left him somewhat inhibited. Nonetheless, I managed to coax out of him that he was the owner of the bar, and that this year, for some unknown reason, there were fewer tourists than usual. I had heard this somewhere before. I didn't want to disturb his meditation, which was no doubt filled with vivid colors, so after finishing my beer I made my exit discreetly.

It looked like I'd be dining at the “Burger King” again, as all the businesses along the beach, save for a few nightclubs, operated during the day only.

I went back the same way, through the hotel lawns. This time I didn't hide in the bushes but went straight to the gated entrance. Another guard was on duty, he couldn't know that I wasn't a hotel guest who had gone out in search of a night's fun. We bowed politely to each other and exchanged nice smiles, as is customary here.

After a short walk, I came to the conclusion that I must have lost my way, because I was approaching some buildings from which loud music could be heard. I didn't remember passing them on my way to the sea. There were a lot of people hanging around, dressed quite smartly, as far as one could tell in the poor street lighting. The darkness was occasionally illuminated by bright flashes of colored lights, flashing to the rhythm of the music.

I walked through the wide gate and saw that everyone around was dressed in evening clothes, but in a characteristic, loose Asian way. My stomach began to twist, so I hoped my long pants and polo shirt were elegant enough to get me in. There were heavenly food smells coming from there. I was afraid it might be a bit pricey, but I was already so hungry and desperate that, without much thought, I blended into the crowd of people, mostly men, and slowly pushed my way towards the entrance.

The waiter guarding the wide door smiled amiably and moved away slightly, so I could enter more freely – the good news was that they did not charge for entering. It was already quite late, so it was possible that admission was free late at night.

It was pretty stuffy inside and there was a strong scent of heavy perfume. A few lights and flashes from the DJ's console illuminated the darkness. The music was loud and “techno-like” but with some Hindu blasts. Huge buffet tables, straining under the weight of food, were arranged in a semicircle in the center of the room, each loaded with large bowls of rice, a wide choice of sauces, meats, vegetables, and fruit plates. I almost ran over...

There wasn't a crowd at the tables, only a few women in small groups. I didn't see any service, so I took one of the large piled-up plates and scooped myself a hefty batch of rice. I poured sauce over it, probably curry, and added some poultry meat and lots of cooked vegetables.

I ate slowly as I walked along this buffet and wondered how they charged for it – by the plate or per person. A few waiters were nearby but seemed to ignore me. I couldn't see any cash register, but it was quite dark, so I focused on eating. We'd see what was next.

The sauce was delicious, although quite spicy, and I sweated a little. I ate my fill and took a bottle of beer from the ice basket. Waiters ran around, but still no one paid attention to me. The hunger had been satisfied, so I started to look around and decide with whom to establish closer “relationships”. Oddly enough, except for a few waiters and me, there were only women inside. I looked more closely and saw that they were all Hindu women, dressed in elegant saris, shimmering with tones of gold and silver ornaments.

Indian dance roared over the speakers, and I started to feel a slight tremor in my knees because I realized I'd accidentally butted in to some Indian or Pakistani wedding or something like it. The worst thing was that I was not the only one who noticed that my presence in this place created a discord. Two exceptionally elegant, well-groomed, middle-aged Indian ladies studied me with polite but cool smiles. I returned these smiles, much broader, and thought about how to disappear discreetly. If God forbid the ladies made a fuss, the guys smoking cigarettes outside would show me such a Kama Sutra that I would not recover for a long time. Luckily, a young waiter was passing by, so I followed him and asked for the time. From this distance nobody could tell what we were talking about and this somehow dissipated the ladies' curiosity. The waiter looked at his watch and told me the current time. I patted him on the shoulder in a friendly manner and made it to the door. With a determined step while looking at the ground, I went in the opposite direction of the gate and disappeared into the darkness of the garden. I circled the building, jumped over the low fence, and was already on the street. What a relief!

I pulled out my phone and strode determinedly to my hotel. I had definitely had enough of “sightseeing” for the night.