Amor Fati: A Pinocchio Retelling

He sauntered through the lush flora and took in the raw nature that engulfed him and drowned him in a state of tranquility. No need for self-loathing or arduous perplexity. Even though such things revealed itself in the symmetry of every plant and the radiance of every flower, there was nothing else in his life he had to worry about. The greenery devoured any worries he had of the future while simultaneously offering him nothing; nothing but growth and change. Drowned in the sequences of change, he had no time or chance to appreciate them, losing himself in the transition of every phase. There was a spark of beauty in the abyss of it all, a spark that obliterated the serenity he felt as it invited the dread of death. 

“It’s so easy to drown one's perspective in negativity when exposed to something bad. It makes one blind to the beauty that presents itself all around them. Please, don’t forget about the beauty that unfolds itself all around you Pinocchio.” 

“But what if it gets dark?” 

“Well, then you let it.” 

Pinocchio’s groan echoed throughout the large greenhouse, leaving an awful scraping noise to simmer in the air before fading. But the frustration remained as a stain in him, sinking its acidic claws into his psyche. One rattling breath out, and the fire in his spirit calmed down. He stopped wandering, perplexed by the unfiltered joy of Celso who was practically dancing in his ghost. 

“Why are you so excited?” 

His sharp giggle echoed throughout the greenhouse as his limbs flowed like fire in the cozy room in his psyche. 

“I’m simply reflecting your excitement; you have simply forgotten about it and let other things cloud it.” 

“Since when do you know how I feel more than myself?” 

“Ever since we met, I believe.” 

Sulky, the clockwork doll wandered through a path with arches embraced by vines with fiery red leaves. But Celso’s glee was far too great to be ignored, even by Pinocchio’s lips as it pulled the corners of his mouth for a smile. His smile grew as he grew closer to the truth the cricket spoke of, falling deeper into the dark spark to find an ember of something sublime. The aching cracks and gaps in his spirit became mended, even if it was for a moment, showing him for that sweet moment the end of loneliness, true fulfilment. And even when it faded as quickly as it came, it also stained his psyche, showing him a life after death, a graceful hand pulling him with hope into a gilded horizon. 

“That is why it is such a blessing to have people around you; without them, you can lose yourself so easily. And since I’m taking up residence here, I might as well exercise my duty as a he- human.” 

Before Pinocchio was able to digest his confusion properly, he turned around when he heard the familiar call of that same white blackbird. Its curious head tilted and turned with every step the wooden boy took walking towards it. The crisp and sharp call of the white blackbird beckoned him closer and closer, as if he heard the familiar voice of an old friend trapped in memory’s fog. The snappy call transformed into a primordial song that moved him in ways he hasn’t been moved before.

 Ancient magi gained the wisdom from music’s potency after listening to the songs that the birds would sing. It is said that the god of the world was actually a heavenly avian whose eternal birdsong created the sun, earth, stars and all life. The doctrine highlighted the importance of the birds and believed that they were heavenly messengers and the children of that ancient avian. When the white blackbird began to utter words instead of notes, the old doctrine seemed more like a reality than a mere myth. 

“Pinocchio! I’m so happy that you’re here again! I was afraid that you would never wake up!”

It was Adone’s voice intoxicated with worry that echoed out of the orange beak of the white blackbird. Rays of light appeared in Pinocchio’s heart as the dark clouds of confusion faded in the blue. 

“Don’t be alarmed by this appearance; the kind magi Merula let me borrow this form to find you more easily. My real body is actually somewhere else. Just wait here and we’ll get you. I say we because there are two… special individuals that demand your presence. They say that they know you and that you know them, or at least the one called Kon Ikuhara.”

As Adone’s voice trailed off into untapped thoughts he didn’t wish to divulge, something powerful struck Pinocchio deep in the chest upon hearing that familiar name. The harlequin recentered his attention to the main topic at hand and ordered him to stay put and wait until they all arrive. 

An invisible aura escaped the bird, making it lose the peculiar quality of connection people share and returned it to an ordinary animal. It fluttered away from the edge and joined the other avians’ songs to reconnect with its animalistic virtues. He thought that it was beautiful; how animals naturally follow their instinct. It seemed like a form of art for the animal kingdom. 

Admiration met the thorns of envy, turning a positive feeling bitter and acidic. Especially after bearing witness to that side of him in the form of the hideous painting, Pinocchio became conscious of parts that were once unknown to him, but now painfully transparent. The gateway to unlocking deeper emotions like compassion and empathy invited darkness with it, the exact thing the wooden boy was strongly against. To remain pure is to be ignorant from then on. 

Walking through the garden and its colorful flowers and lush greenery, he found it astonishing how such beauty can be in the same realm as the bloodstained arena run by a monster like Mangiafuoco. He reassured himself again that he just had to lean towards the goodness within him and accept the darkness for what it was, learning from it instead of becoming one with it. When the chaos in his mind sharpened from boredom and fatigue, he nestled himself in a patch of soft dirt devoid of greenery to recreate the serenity of waking up from the dream of dreams. Visions of the painting where death and decay ravaged his wooden body bit into his mind as he drifted into sleep. 

The beating of feathers ensued when Adone’s voice roared through the glass-enclosed domain. Contrary to the fright of the birds, Pinocchio was filled with overflowingjoy which made him burst out of his dirt bed. Hastily cleaning the dirt from the grooves of his body and fabric of his fancy but tarnished clothes, he ran towards the sound of his voice that reverberated through the place like a gentle warm wind. At the doorway of a long corridor, he saw the hollering Adone being begrudgingly accompanied by Kon and a woman with a traditional dress fused with foreign accents that wore a blindfold. Pinocchio gently walked towards him with feet light with relief. 

Adone scrambled towards him and fell on one knee to embrace him tightly and rattle his insides from the untamable energy of his relief. Unrhythmic clicking echoed from his wooden chest’s music box heart as he felt the galloping heart of Adone pressed on his body. After what felt like eternity, he let go and held him by the shoulders.

“You have no idea how worried I was!” his voice was soft from the tiredness of released worry. With deep breaths, he regained his strength to speak. 

“You’ve slept for 3 days now! Thankfully, these two guided me to Merula’s botanical garden.” he nudged his head to the back of him to point in their direction. 

The blind woman aimed her body towards them, not facing them directly, and let out a mocking cough into her pale fist. 

“We demand an apology, you ungrateful swine.” the woman bitterly said.

“Right,” Adone got up and patted the dust off of his knees before turning towards her. Right before he was about to apologize for having caused them excessive harm, Pinocchio pointed to the man with the fox mask hanging from his sword’s handle. 

"Weren't you the one who made us faint? I can recall your voice from that one dream, and also just before we both fell asleep on that road.” 

Unable to restrain his heart, Kon’s eyes grew wide from a spark of shock and fury, a spark so bright that even Adone noticed. 

“Wait,” he said, getting up as he digested the fact that such a reaction can only be the unveiling of truth. 

“So you messed with us only to act as if you rescued us? You two haven’t been honest since we met. Tell us everything now.” 

As Adone backed up to Pinocchio’s side, they were able to see how Kon’s usual calm countenance twisted into something monstrous. The blind woman immediately picked up on his change in attitude and tried to calm him down. 

“That must have been a hallucination on the doll’s part.” She tried her best to keep her voice steady, not wanting to explode like her partner. 

“No no no, all of this is planned too well. I… How can I trust you? How can we trust you?” 

“Fuck!” 

Kon’s silent but sharp curse made a puff of fire blow from his lips. Its turquoise color set Adone’s mind ablaze with the memory of his final show in the great theater, giving him enough missing pieces to feed him with a ruthless hatred. 

“It was you?!” 

Aware of how Adone can be, Pinocchio was tense with worry, wishing he had known of the truth of that incident under better circumstances. He placed his little wooden hand on Adone’s waist as a way to restrain him, but his fury made him blind to any resistance. 

“You too, Sachi?” Adone asked with a hint of despair in his voice. The only form of a response she gave was a deep sigh of what he could only read as one of disappointment. But when looking back at Kon, all he read was a sea of dark intentions from his smirk and shaking head. 

“You should be grateful that I saved you on that road. You would’ve died of exhaustion if we weren’t there.” 

Both Pinocchio and Sachi cringed internally, knowing where this was going based on their partners’ temperaments. 

“Grateful? You ruined my life!” 

“Your life wasn’t your own anyway; I saved you!” Kon snapped back. 

“You saved me? I lost an arm!”

“You took my leg!” 

“Everything would’ve been fine if you didn’t show up.” 

“You are nothing without me.” Kon blurted out, causing Sachi to grab his shoulder. 

“That’s enough, Kon. Calm down.” But his eyes were firmly latched onto Adone, both ready to tear each other’s limbs from their bodies. 

“Now where is our apology?” 

“You want an apology?” Adone started, making Pinocchio grab the leg of his pants tighter. But it wasn’t enough to stop him from lunging forward with his prosthetic fist, striking Kon directly on the cheek. Sachi dashed away as Kon reeled back, cradling his head as he groaned. Before Adone was able to add verbal salt to the wound, Kon spun around - and struck him with the heel of his prosthesis before hopping forward and delivering a brutal kick directly to his stomach. Both Sachi and Pinocchio moved away as Adone’s body flew to the other side of the open space, hitting the body of a tree. From that distance, Pinocchio noticed the harrowing fire in Adone’s eyes, the same fire that burned within him during the gladiatorial combat. 

“Let’s finish this once and for all.” 

Powerless to change the strength of their fire, Pinocchio and Sachi moved towards the entrance as she desperately tried to sooth Kon through her musical manipulation. By listening to the rhythm of his rage and following it, she had the chance to ease its relentless nature and tame him. But the moment she tried, she felt a sharp pain pierce her skull. Unable to tame the fox, Sachi nervously analyzed the situation as Pinocchio stood beside her, trusting her by the sound of her heart alone. It had the calmness he was able to find in Adone, but in abundance, unobstructed by other shades of the soul. Even when her fingers found him and slowly moved across his shoulder with serpentine grace, he felt safer than ever before. From where he stood, he could smell the breath of spring from her hand.

“I’m so sorry for the trouble we have caused you. It was Kon’s foolish idea to burn the theater and risk the lives of everyone, including you. Thankfully, his guardian spirit foretold that it would bring him to you, and his faith was immovable. Still, we will do our best to ensure your safety from hereon. You have my word.” 

Although her voice had the soothing nature of a balmy breeze, it wasn’t enough to eliminate his tension as he saw Adone circle the man the way he circled Martino. As they both balanced the melody of their spirits to channel it for combat, he was able to notice the fire of the abyss dance in Adone’s eyes, the same fire that tormented Pinocchio in the painting he saw. A terrible pain assaulted his mind as he tried to tame his body’s shiver, unable to cleanse himself from the tension around his stomach. When he saw how confident Kon was, how robust his soul’s song sounded to Pinocchio and how he even had the audacity to beckon Adone to strike first, he knew that Adone couldn’t stand a chance. But just like in that gladiatorial combat, he always had hope, even if it pained him deeply. 

“Why am I so important to you people?” Pinocchio asked just as Kon landed the first blow, a punch directly to the cheek. 

He saw how Sachi’s lips twitched in disgust with the sounds of the fight paired with the sounds of their heart. All she could hear was a duet of snarling beasts that devoured the last remains of their intellect to engage in the raw thrill of violence. Both were confused by the sparks of joy that would occasionally appear amidst the blazing inferno of hatred. She quickly directed her attention to the question, wishing to unburden herself with what unfolded before her. 

“To be honest, even we don’t truly know. The world is a very complicated place, and for some reason, it is oriented to you. We’re sent here as diplomats from a foreign land to settle some things, which includes you. Your life is vital to ensure the lives of many others. Sorry, but I can’t tell you much.” 

Pinocchio slowly nodded, profoundly confused as to why he mattered to such a degree to strangers. When he questioned what truly mattered to him, what meant something to him, all he could think of were the simplest things imaginable. The blue of the sky, how the clouds bled pink at twilight, the rustling of leaves. Smiles that twinkled like stars and shone like suns flashed before his eyes until his mind landed on the people he encountered. After all that, it was black. No lights, no smiles, no pleasant sounds to appreciate. Each and every thing his mind embraced with open arms slipped through them as he got close, grasping nothing but the emptiness between and within. The viridescent beauty of the garden around him and the tragic violence in front of him faded to gray, dissolving into an abyss he recognized more clearly than anything else. 

“I just want to live a normal life. I want to know what it’s like to feel. I just want to be real. But reality is so scary sometimes. People like Adone show me how that’s not always the case. I still don’t know what you want from me, but please don’t do anything to him. He doesn’t deserve it.” 

Touched, Sachi also began to slowly nod with a smile carved deeply into her lips. She couldn’t get over how sensitive he was for a doll of such a young age. The more she digested the facts, the more she became convinced that he was the right person. The smile lost its embers, yet burned deeper as it exposed the path directly to her own deepest dilemmas. But she was not in the mood to let her guard down, even to someone she can trust, patting the doll on the back as she continued to listen to the two melodies crashing into each other. Due to how well she knew Kon, all she could see was a man trying to  win a fight against himself, with himself, rather than simply fighting someone else.  

With a heart open to receive another, she tasted the shadow of Kon’s heart as it howled with the rage of a starved beast. While Adone was profoundly confused and angered by his playfulness and jovial colors blending into his frustration, she saw how Kon wrestled with a deeper frustration within himself. Just like him, she saw his puppet strings pulling every corner of his body and mind, twisting and spinning him to do and feel things beyond his control. Unable to control the sheer volume of his emotions, he channeled it through a myriad of ways. But there was one part of it, the core of it, that he couldn’t touch which devoured him whole. Sachi witnessed that incandescent core burn him often, hearing its soulcrushing song hum in the marrow of his being. 

“You call that a punch? Come on, fight like I fucked your lover.” Kon said, spitting blood on his knuckles as he faked a jab, launching the other hand to one side of Adone’s face and delivering the bloody knuckles to the other. 

Stamped with red, Adone’s entire face slowly became dyed in that color when he remembered the way Cecilia made him feel and the ways she tore open every wound he had. Although it was a foolish fantasy, it was enough to stoke the flames of an indomitable ire. Kon’s eyes lit up with a dark pleasure, seeing a kindred spirit in the animal side of Adone, a mirror to his own animal side which haunted him daily. Before he was able to fully enjoy the depths of that side of Adone and ensconce himself in a twisted form of validation, Adone closed the distance in the blink of an eye and delivered a punch with such force that it tossed Kon like a pebble to the other side of the enclosed garden. Without a second thought, Kon recovered and utilized his own inner music to enhance his combat skills, jumping back into the fight with a swift kick to Adone’s arm. 

Nearly breaking his arm, his body did its best to grasp for life as it screamed death’s name. Based purely off of nature’s voice, Adone reinforced his body and mind with the sole purpose of destroying his target. Spending so much time with Pinocchio made him forget that he had been a killer longer than he had been a cultivator. The part of him he had to protect from Pinocchio tasted reality as the light receded into him once again. He, too, found a strange pleasure in the heat of death as he found himself lost in a place blooming with the purest life. Face to face with a deeply entrenched part of him, he wished to uproot the acidic fulfillment he derived from it all as another form of twisted fulfillment. Within the storm of strikes, he discovered a fulfillment in emptiness. 

Despite his strength, Kon broke through his guard with a wheel kick from his prosthetic leg, spinning again to deliver a vicious kick to his head. Having read it, Adone went with the flow of the strike and followed the motion it sent him, giving him the opportunity to perform a spinning heel kick. Too sudden to read, Kon received the full brunt of it to his jaw, making him reel back from the impact. In his dazed state, Adone found a myriad of openings which he greedily seized. When he struck his head, his ribs were exposed to which he replied with a punch there. Peppered with punches, Adone tasted the intense sweetness of victory as he saw how Kon’s guard dissolved with every blow. The same rush of life when he bested Martino rushed through him, delivering him directly to the top of euphoria before he plummeted down upon Kon catching his punch in his palm, freezing every nerve in Adone’s body. 

“Well done,” Kon said with blood dripping from his mouth and face. But in that same second, all the wounds slowly faded until it appeared as if nothing happened at all. “And I’m sorry for everything.” 

An overwhelming serenity melted his nerves as he felt parts of his body recover in that moment. But just as he was fully healed, Kon drove his palm into Adone’s chest, throwing him on the other side of the garden. 

“I’m just getting warmed up here. You two can leave and do something else.” 

Knowing that this was his strange form of showing his affection to certain individuals, Sachi sighed as she tried to guide Pinocchio to the owner of the castle. But just before that was able to happen, a loud yet muffled thud echoed throughout the entire greenhouse, forcing Sachi and Pinocchio to look behind them. While Sachi was unable to see what occurred, she was able to receive the fragrance of lavender and the scent of time. Pinocchio couldn’t believe his eyes, seeing what he could only describe as another creature like him, woven with nature’s blessings. 

A tall wooden man stood between Adone and Kon, having their strikes land on the creature. Turning his head, the clicking of their inner mechanisms echoed gently with a soft rattle. The rustling of his locks of lavender and the creaking of his arborescent flesh and metal bones made the two fighters step back, trying to gauge the situation with the foreign encounter. Before they were given the chance to utter a word, the large figure clapped his hands and the two disappeared in a flash. He turned around to see the two disappear, performing the gesture of dusting his hands clean as he noticed the two standing by an entrance. 

“Ah, hello! Don’t mind me, I was just cleaning up the mess here. They’re playing safely in another location, one that doesn’t disturb my precious plants. All that noise gave me so much stress, I swear.” 

The arborescent man slowly walked up to them, allowing Pinocchio to notice an eyepatch over one eye and an eyeball from resin on the other side. Their long locks of lavender filled Pinocchio with an uncanny feeling, something between the lines of home and hell. When the man dressed in gardening attire knelt before them, he was still a head taller than Sachi. When he looked down at Pinocchio, the wooden boy noticed how tiny butterfly-like creatures were encased in the resin, twinkling like stars in the night. When Sachi noticed how those were ancient fairies, she slowly saw other details of the man through the rusty music box in his chest and soul. While she didn’t know him before, he knew that she was in the area for a while now. He turned to the little wooden boy, unable to bury his harrowed heart behind his soft gaze and greeted with him a warm smile. 

“Welcome to Merula’s castle, my kin.”