As Violet headed up the paved driveway to the open garage, she raised her arm to wave at her dad so he would notice she had come home. He smiled and waved back before she disappeared behind the walls of the garage.

Her parents had divorced while she was in middle school, though it never really seemed to bother her. She noticed the signs. Her dad was sleeping in the basement, her mom never called him for dinner, and by the time they sat Violet down to tell her they planned to separate, she only nodded and said “Okay.”

She was never particularly close to her mom. Mrs. Gray often worked late and got easily overwhelmed at home, so after the divorce when she told Violet she would be moving out-of-state to take a new, well-paying job, the conversation was rather brief. Violet loved her mom, of course, but even at thirteen, she was one to approach things rationally and reasonably.

She hopped over a pile of junk on the floor on her way into the house. The garage was “organized chaos”, as her dad called it. She noticed the empty plot of cement flooring from which the lawnmower had been moved and laughed to herself, thinking how silly it was that the small corner was now the cleanest part of the Gray family garage.

She swung open the door from the garage that led straight into the kitchen and felt the breeze as it quickly slammed shut behind her. The straps on her backpack practically jumped off her shoulders onto the floor beside the kitchen table, and Violet went straight for the fridge to grab an apple before settling up on the chair beside her bag and scrolling aimlessly through social media posts on her phone.

Mostly, she wanted to get the thought of what Jess had said about Xander out of her head. She didn’t often think about her virginity (or having sex at all) unless someone brought it up first, which, as she noticed, became a more and more frequent occurrence. By all counts, her friends seemed to care more about her sex life than she did.

But what if Jess was right? What if Xander was in the same boat as she was? Travis was obviously doing the deed with his girlfriend. Maybe he just wanted to lose his virginity to get his friends to leave him alone about it.

Violet continued scrolling through her phone. She had noticed a few pictures of impossibly skinny women in bikinis, straddling their supermodel boyfriends with washboard abs on the beach. She scrolled past them with an exasperated sigh; she couldn’t do anything without being reminded of sex.

If Xander was planning on making a move, would that be such a bad idea? Violet knew that this was all Jess’s speculation, the chance that she was right about the reason Xander invited her over seemed rather slim. The two of them had spent plenty of time alone together in the past year, though to be fair, it was usually in the form of walking to a fast food place after school or carpooling to football games. She suddenly realized she’d never spent any time with him completely alone and in private since they dated. Maybe he did want to make a move, and if he did, maybe it was kind of genius?

Violet stopped scrolling on a photo of a Kardashian. She wasn’t sure which sister it was, but she knew it was certainly one of them. The woman sat facing away from the camera with her arms around herself and her feet in what was probably a pool or hot tub. She wore a pair of thong-style bikini bottoms hiked up past her hips and no top so her slightly wet hair fell over her bare shoulders. The photo reminded her a lot of the stack of magazines she’d found in the chaos of the garage when she was looking for a screwdriver. Once again, everything led her mind back to sex.

Violet sighed and tapped her way out of the app, taking a final bite of her apple before tossing away the core and moving into the den. She sat herself down on the sofa in the center of the room, snatching the remote from the floor where it had likely fallen as she went.

She pressed the power button and waited as the red light turned blue and the screen loaded up. If Xander wanted to shed himself of his virgin status, as he didn’t have a girlfriend, it really made a lot of sense to want to take that step with a close friend. There was no risk of it ruining their romantic relationship because they didn’t have one; they were both new to the act so it might be easier to get past the awkward parts. Not to mention, they had maintained a good friendship even after the breakup. If she was going to lose her virginity, why not do it with Xander?

Jess said she might regret it, but she suddenly wasn’t so sure. She wouldn’t have to worry about being “Virgin Violet”, especially if Yvonne actually went through with seeing Steven that weekend. The overthinking had begun. Her head felt as though it was being pumped up like a deflated basketball, asking herself over and over if she was actually considering having sex just to appease some mild insecurity.

She attempted to distract herself. The TV shone into Violet’s eyes as the screen revealed an advertisement for a reality show that would be airing this weekend. Various clips highlighted the more exciting parts of the episode, focusing in on a woman and a man aggressively shoving their tongues into each other’s mouths before that same woman started handing out roses to a whole group of men, handsomely dressed in blazers and ties. Another reminder.

Violet clicked the guide button and once again began scrolling for something else while her head pounded. She trusted Xander. If there was anyone who would be right to deflower her any time soon, it would have to be him. Better him than some frat guy in college that she’d definitely regret. Maybe this was a good idea.

Finally, she came across a channel playing cartoons—that seemed innocent and comforting, plus a little nostalgia never hurt anyone. She watched as a yellow sea-sponge ran across the screen with his pink starfish friend following close behind. He seemed to be dressed as a girl in this episode. All the other sea creatures made googly eyes at the starfish as he walked by in his wig and a little crop top. It seemed so weird the creators would demonstrate such arousal in an animation for children. The fish held the door open for him, gave him jobs, and asked him out to dinner. By the end it was revealed who the smoking hot starfish babe truly was as he ripped off his wig and clothes, standing in the nude before a crowd of overly excited sea creatures. Sex.

Violet laid herself down on the couch as she watched, tired after the long day. Her eyes drooped slightly as she wondered if it would be so terrible if she took a brief nap to stop rationalizing this wild idea she was having.

Her eyes fully closed as repetitive laughter rang in her ears from the sponge on the TV. She felt herself sinking into a dream when a buzz sounded loudly from the table.

She popped her head up and looked over the back of the couch to the kitchen table where she’d left her phone. It only buzzed once, that meant she had a text message.

It could be from Emmy complaining about something her parents did or said when she got home, or it might be Xander trying to create some more concrete plans for the weekend. She wondered if either of those options was worth having to get up and walk over to the kitchen again. It took a little longer to decide than she would have liked to admit, but she propped herself up and made her way over to the table.

It was Emmy.

 

EMMY

Moms making me weed the garden with her lol Happy Friday!!

 

Violet smiled, trying to imagine what Emmy’s mother may have said to justify this punishment.

 

VIOLET

That’s what happens when you can’t be trusted with the computer, Esmerelda. Some sunlight will do you good.

EMMY

Wow, it’s like you were there.

 

Before Violet had time to respond, her phone buzzed in her hands again, this time with a text from Xander.

 

XANDER

Hey :)

VIOLET

Hey!

 

She wanted to add something a little more clever.

 

VIOLET

Finished helping Travis shave?

XANDER

LOL yup. What you up to?

 

Violet looked back at the couch longingly, considering the nap that could have been before returning her attention to the phone.

Then she thought, maybe with the right set of messages, she could get a better read on the situation. Again, there was no guarantee that Jess was right.

She thought back to the article she read in Cosmo about dirty texts. Maybe she didn’t need to go all out, but she could probably spare something subtle and suggestive. With a few modifications, she sent one.

 

VIOLET

I just took a little nap. Had a dream about you :)

 

He didn’t respond immediately. Violet suddenly felt her stomach drop. This obviously was not the right move.

She set her phone down on the table again and ran her fingers through her hair.

“Why would I do that?” She asked herself under the breath, tensing and untensing her fingers to hopefully ease some of the anxiety slowly filling her body up from her toes.

Her phone vibrated the table. She could have sworn she felt it move the floor, and that slow feeling of liquid anxiety suddenly felt like a whole bucket flipped over, topping the anxiety off at a new high, even past where her head stopped.

She reached for her phone and flipped it over quickly, not unlocking, but reading the preview message on her home screen.

 

XANDER

Really? :) what happened?

 

Violet thought about waiting a little bit to not seem too eager but decided against it. She usually responded rather quickly, and the last thing she wanted to do right now was seem suspicious or out of character.

 

VIOLET

Just you and me, hanging out alone at your place.

 

She felt good about adding that “alone” in there. She smirked, silently dubbing herself the master of subtlety.

 

XANDER

Right ;) when do you think you want to come over?

 

The winky face. That had to mean something. She was sure of it. The odds of Jess being right increased exponentially by the second, and the sudden realization that maybe she would come out of this weekend a changed person hit her like a ton of bricks.

She turned her attention to the clock on the oven. Not that night, that’d be too soon. She needed time to prepare, mentally and physically. Suddenly she was wondering if she should grab a new razor from the package in the upstairs bathroom—obviously shaving was an important step for preparation.

At that moment, the garage door swung open and Violet jumped a little at the thought of her dad walking into the room while she was even thinking about meeting a boy at his house alone. She quickly typed out another message before shoving her phone in her back pocket—hiding the evidence.

 

VIOLET

Tomorrow afternoon?

 

“Hey, sweetie! How was school today?” Mr. Gray announced, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead as he went to the fridge for a bottle of water.

Violet shrugged. “Fine, nothing crazy.” She felt a stinging on her tongue, holding back the thoughts in her head. She thought it would be best to talk about something other than herself right now, plus then maybe her dad wouldn’t press her for details about the day. “Jess is trying to start a club, but the secretary gave her a hard time because she thinks it’s too controversial.”

“What’s the club?” Mr. Gray looked at her after taking a huge gulp of water.

“It’s like a support group for students with different sexual orientations. I guess the bullying has gotten pretty bad this year.”

“Oh. Yeah, I can imagine.” Mr. Gray was a generally progressive man, though his only regular interaction with any member of the LGBTQ+ community was a gay coworker, Dan. Even with his limited experience, he had seen first hand the difficulties Dan dealt with on a daily basis, and that was coming from grown men.

A vibration came from Violet’s pocket.

 

XANDER

Cool. Come over any time after 12

 

“Planning anything fun this weekend?” Violet’s dad asked, reclaiming his daughter’s attention from her phone.

“Um, yeah. I think I’m going to meet some friends for lunch tomorrow,” she replied quickly, circumventing the truth. While her dad attempted to continue their conversation, her mind lay elsewhere.

It wasn’t long before she’d skirted around the corner and hustled upstairs for her razor.