Get Out Clause 


He thought it was their first date; she knew it was their anniversary. 

They’d been together over 200 years but time has been the adversary.


They had met in the most unusual way, falling for each other whilst he delivered gifts.

Trudging through a town in Scandinavia 

Avoiding the wind and snowdrifts.


His name was Nicholas and known for his acts of kindness, warmth and generosity. 

Delivering fruit baskets to all in need, children, sailors and those living in poverty.


He helped build houses, churches and the steeple, his dedication to love and helping all people.

He chased off wolves from the school one day whilst walking past with a sheaf of hay.


Yes Nicholas was truly a tender man and his actions were old fashioned and quaintly.

In fact his actions were so widely known that one day they became rather saintly. 


A saint, celebrated by all, recognition for his exceptional deeds. 

Putting other people first and supporting all of their needs.


Now Saint Nicholas would always put others first and never make time for himself. 

However one day whilst chopping wood he met a kind young Elf. 


Elves were known as spiritual, magical beings that came from deep inside the wood. 

The fact that Nicolas was now a Saint meant that this small gnome like creature was here for good.


Their friendship grew through the coming years as did Christmas too. 

The townsfolk put out stockings and sacks to collect gifts of oranges and a pear or two.


The Father of Christmas myth traveled far across seas, time and even wars.

Eventually in places far from here he was dubbed Mr Santa Clause. 


Now, the elf called Álfur helped Santa out as many years went by, not only towns and villages visited but countries far and wide.


Álfur introduced a reindeer called Dasher who helped them along the way and Saint Nick met a Girl named Sally Anne one fine winters day. 


Sally was just as kind and loving and admired Nicholas for all that he was. 

She followed him everywhere and fell in love and eventually became Mrs Clause. 


Now we all know the legend of Santa, and what became of Christmas time. 

The Northpole, The Workshop, The Reindeer and Elves and of course Mistletoe and Wine.


But the story you don’t know is this, that Mrs Clause became quite fatigued.

200 year anniversary and not one date they had achieved.


The busiest man on planet earth, delivering presents to every boy and girl. 

Within 24 hours he’d loaded a slay and made his way around the world. 


Mrs Clause the backbone of the operation, finances, meals and taking care of reindeer.

She was the brains behind every Christmas year after year after year. 


200 years they’d been together and had built a Yuletide empire.

Mr and Mrs Clause at the helm but she was desperate for him to retire. 


73000 days and not a single date, she desperately longed to be courted.

But her every attempt to be woo’d by her love was alway seemingly thwarted. 


So finally he found time to take her out, early December this year. 

He lay on quite a spread in the lounge, full of festive cheer.


She knew it was their anniversary but he thought it was just their first date. 

He’d forgotten there anniversary and she was in a state.


“A magic slay and reindeer and a free pass to anywhere yet you make a picnic in the lounge and stay sat in your favourite chair”


So twelve very different days of Christmas then followed after an argument like never before.

Mrs Clause had, had enough and marriage counselling is what she’d asked for. 


So they sat down with an elf councillor 

Dr Sprinkle Toes.

Who then assessed the squabbling Clauses.

And then looked at the problems and causes.


‘You never buy her Flowers’ one of the issues that was suggested.

“I didn’t know she sold flowers”  Santa quickly detested. 


“You never take me anywhere when we can jet off anytime, you buy me those damn snow globes each year and barely say a word at meal time.”


“I cook, wash, clean and sow your socks and all year round I work.

Christmas doesn’t just happen she wailed I make it run like clockwork.”


She went on and on and got off her chest all she had bottled inside. She couldn’t honestly remember the last time he took her on sleigh ride. 


He bit back though, he was a saint, the busiest one of all. 

If he didn’t cross every T and Dot ever I some children would end up with sod all. 


With Christmas fast approaching. Dr Sprinkle Toes had heard both sides.

He said enough was enough and suggested the following to decide.


If their marriage should survive, then listen to my advice, if you really want to make this work then you both should sacrifice. 


Santa you’re a Saintly chap who always puts everyone first, but Mrs Clause deserves the world or maybe the universe. 


Mrs Clause be firm though, it’s easy to ignore. That the cookies and cakes you feed this man is the reason he can’t  get through the door. 


You both met 200 years ago and built this annual festival together, as a team, a unit as one, which can last from now until forever.


“My words for you are thus: You need a work life balance Clause, you need to meet her halfway. 

But he is not a mind reader Sally tell him where you want to stay.”


“Take a day off on the 23rd and enjoy time as husband and wife. 

Wrap up warm and load the sleigh and fly of away from work life”


“Christmas Eve Eve, you must be bloody mad, there is still so much to sort”

“Pack it in Santa, it’s not as though you don’t have enough support” 


Mrs Clause was thrilled and went to pack straight away, loaded up the sleigh and were on their Merry way. 


On the 23rd December, Santas sleigh could be seen, flying over London, Paris and Barcelona. New York, Hong Kong and Arizona. 


Breakfast in Saint Tropez, Brunch in Santa Fe, Lunch in Nice and a cream tea in Greece.

Dinner in Seoul and then drinks back in the North Pole.


A cuppa and in bed by 11 and Mrs Clause was thrilled, the Clauses marriage back on track and from then on they could rebuild.


The 23rd of every month date night for the happy husband and wife. He swore to never forgot an anniversary again agreed talking was key to married life.


Saint Nick even lost some weight of his hips and belly, as Mrs Clause swapped out mince pies and whiskey for healthy wheatgrass and celery. 


(Nick did forget their anniversary the following year and put weight back on that Autumn and settled back into bad habits. Their divorce was finalised in early 2027 with all assets and the estate split between them. Sally Anne moved to the Bahamas with her therapist Dr Sprinkle Toes. And as for Santa, he fell into a deep depression of which he never fully recovered.


Happy Christmas All