The Jagged Edge of Sanity

Special Delivery 

Dez was at home, taking it easy, he was sleeping in because he was suspended from work due to a couple of social media posts. Dez at thirty-eight, happened to believe that females deserved their own personal spaces and that rape gangs need investigating, but common sense had left the UK a long time ago. Some unnamed charlatan (Kay) had chosen to be offended by a few retweet’s Dez had made, which meant, no work, no pay. He was a temp in an office, it wasn’t a job he particularly wanted, but it paid his rent and was fairly close to his house. He had been a squaddie for fifteen years and had struggled to make his way in civvy street. Life as a “norm” was hard when he’d spent years training to kill people. He’d been posted in Germany, Kenya, Falkland Islands, Belize, Brunei and Cyprus and had enjoyed the lifestyle. Booze, girls and fighting, it’s what they all did in that macho world, all trying to out alpha each other.

Dez was watching the Glastonbury Festival on TV, an expensive, champagne socialist event with three-metre-high walls surrounding the English countryside. He ate a takeaway pizza and threw the box tent across the room in annoyance. The mainly white crowd, safe from outsiders and extremists, screaming about equality and freedom for Palestine, failed to notice how ironic the situation was, especially at a music festival. 

Whilst he watched forty-year-old Lily Allen in her underwear, prancing around on-stage dancing to jungle music, his doorbell rang. Dez climbed out of his double bed, half expecting it to be the police due to his retweet about a convicted child rapist couple, but it wasn’t. He had been staying in bed longer and longer and was suffering from dysania, a condition which people have when they struggle to get up.

It was the postman, smiling, he held out a letter that Dez had to sign for. Dez closed the door and looked at the crisp white envelope and instantly became confused. The writing on the letter looked familiar, it was scruffy and rushed, it was his writing. 

Dez was bewildered and thought, how was that possible? He liked a drink, and he wasn’t a stranger to a black out, but didn’t think even he could write a letter, get to the post office and ask for proof of delivery. That would be a step too far. However, he did buy a caravan once on eBay after a session in the sun with his mates. He returned home after a day of drinking, went online and bid for a four-person caravan, he put on a really low bid and never thought anything of it. Dez woke up with a heavy head, made a coffee and suddenly remembered his bid. His heart sank, he logged on and then discovered he had “won” a caravan. Not a good start to the day. He was now single, his girlfriend wanted to move the relationship on, but Dez failed to make the grade.

Dez stared at the letter and held it up to the light to see if he could see what was inside. He briefly thought that one of his mates had sent it but couldn’t think who or why. He went into the kitchen and carefully opened the envelope. He pulled out the single piece of paper and read the typed letter. 

“Dear Dez, 

You have 24 hours to answer this question or face the consequences.

If someone gave you a box that contained everything you have lost in your life, what's the first thing you'd search for?

Post the reply to P.O Box 105.

Regards.”

Dez sat down at the kitchen table and read it again and again. What on earth was this? He couldn’t understand it; it was like something from the movie “Saw”. He puffed his cheeks out and put the letter down. He jumped in the shower to wake up properly and hoped that on his return it would make more sense, but it didn’t. He’d seen a lot in the army but nothing as peculiar as this.

Dez thought that he’d lost a lot of things in his lifetime, he thought about his past, his childhood and adolescence. He made a tea and sat there thinking. He remembered losing £20 once, and a few coats, he loved a hat he was given which he had when he went out but not when he returned home. He’d lost friends, girlfriends, family members who had died and the will to live on more than one occasion. All the thinking gave him a headache (beep, beep, beep), so he lay down to rest some more.

He then wanted some fresh air, so went for a walk and sat in the park and took a picture of the letter; he then sent it to three of his ex-squaddie best mates to see if they could make any sense about it. It had been raining and the smell of petrichor filled the air, an odd but not unpleasant smell. To his incredible surprise he received three replies within one minute. Each friend had received the same letter but in their own writing. They were all as flabbergasted as he was. He called Darren first, who told him he was going to ignore it, he then called Rob and Gav, they were taking it seriously.

That night the four old friends met up at a pub, they grabbed their pints of beers and sat in the pub garden. They all got their letters out and compared them, they were all identical. They all came up with an array of ideas and reasons for their letters, but none seemed likely. Gav thought that they could have received them due to a fall out with their Sergeant Major, however they were under the impression that he had died. The Sergeant Major caught them going out one night and made an example of them, he put them through hell. In retaliation they jammed some potatoes into his car’s exhaust system which damaged the engine, the sergeant major was furious, and wanted revenge, but couldn’t prove it was them.

After a few more beers and catching up on the old days, they began to discuss the thing they would look for the most, out of everything they had lost. Some of the suggestions caused them much laughter but they all came up with similar answers, and that was ex-girlfriends. They relived their relationships and wondered where they were now, whether they had children, whether they were married or even if they were lesbians.

They then began to talk about physical belongings, Darren lost a ring he was once given by his grandfather, losing that during a holiday to Costa Brava hurt him a lot, especially as his grandfather died a few years later. Rob lost his favourite leather coat. He went to a night club with his friends, had too much to drink and left without getting his coat from the cloakroom. It was a black leather coat given to him on his twenty-first birthday from his parents. He went back in the morning, but they claimed they didn’t have it. He always thought the manager had nicked it. Gav lost a laptop; he left it on a train. It was his own fault, but it had hundreds of photos stored on it from fantastic nights out, army training and family, it was days before the cloud.

Dez was the last to speak up but after giving it some thought he said, “I would look for my action man. I loved it and had all of his uniform, a Jeep, and some guns. It kept me amused for hours and hours. It went missing when we moved, it was packed up with everything else, but it never appeared, I was so upset.”

“How old were you Dez?” Asked Rob.

“I think I was around nine, possibly ten. It was a present from Father Christmas; I was still a believer at that age.”

Rob shot back, “You still are, you’re a man child.”

They continued to drink into the night; they moved on from the letters to new relationships and work. All four men were single and walking on the tightrope of alcohol dependency. Dez told them of his disappointment with the civvy world and how pathetically woke it all is. The other three men had their own sob stories and after a great catch-up they called it a night and went back to their homes.

The following morning Dez woke up with a throbbing head (beep, beep, beep) and a dehydrated body. He got himself a pint of water and downed it. He then had a shower, and the letter situation pinged back into his consciousness like an elastic band snapping on his wrist. He made a decision, he was going to reply to the mysterious letter.

He got dressed and grabbed a biro and a piece of A4, and wrote,

“If I had a box of everything I had ever lost, the first thing I would look for is my Action Man figure and Jeep. Regards, Dez.”

He then placed it into an envelope and went down to the post office to send it to PO Box 105. He got home, made himself a strong cup of tea and messaged his friends. He then sat back on the comfy sofa like he’d just saved the world from evil, he breathed a sigh of relief and fell asleep.

A few days later, he’d been reinstated at work and had almost forgotten about the letter and just got on with his normal life and routine. He was enjoying life at home and wasn’t looking forward to being surrounded by people he didn’t trust and some he didn’t like. There were plenty of jobs for him to do, and his garden was a full-time job in itself.

One morning, Dez was lying in bed watching TV and his doorbell rang. He put on his dressing gown and mooched over to the front door, and it was the smiling postman. He had another letter that Dez needed to sign for, it was another special delivery. Once again, the envelope was written in his own handwriting, he thanked the postman and took the letter to the kitchen. He couldn’t believe it, what on earth was going on, he began to sweat. He carefully opened it, and it said,

“Dear Dez, 

You have 24 hours to answer this question or face the consequences.

If you could see just one person that you have met in your whole life, it could be someone you met just once, or one thousand times but not a family member, who would it be?

Post the reply to P.O Box 105.

Regards”

Dez sat down and didn’t know which way to turn. He contacted his friends again, but Darren didn’t reply, Gav and Rob did, and they agreed to meet up at the same pub. Before they met up Dez drove to Darren’s flat but there was no answer. He knocked on the door of the flat opposite and a woman with a baby answered. She said she’s only seen a few times in a couple of years and hasn’t seen him for ages. Dez went to the pub, they all bought a pint and sat in the beer garden. They discussed the letters and how Darren had disappeared, they were beginning to get worried. They didn’t know any of his family, so thought about calling the police, but thought they give him another knock the next day. Darren was in and out of short relationships, so his vanishing act wasn’t totally out of character.

A few beers were sunk and the discussion about the person they would like to see again obviously started with family members who had died. It then went to ex-girlfriends and old school and work mates. The debate could have gone on all night, but they called it a day around 11pm.

In the morning, Dez woke with a headache (beep, beep, beep), he then replied to the letter after much thought and wrote,

“If I could just see one person that I’ve met, it would be my best friend Tim, who died at fifteen in a car crash. Regards, Dez.”

He put the letter in an envelope and posted it, just like before to PO Box 105. Dev then picked up Gav and they went to Darren’s flat to see if he was home as his mobile phone was still turned off. Gav was running late as usual, he was a great guy, just a little unreliable.

Gav was hungover but had written his letter, he told Dez that he had wrote that at the age of seventeen he fell in love with a girl he’d met on a family holiday to Italy. He was head over heels but after several months of letter writing, they drifted apart. However, he still thought about her regularly, she was a beautiful girl.

The two men got to Darren’s home and knocked on the door, no answer. The flat was on the second floor so they couldn’t look through the windows. Gav opened up the letterbox and could smell something terrible, like gallons of gone off milk. He could also see something splattered on a wall at the end of the corridor. They panicked and forced the door. Inside was a sight that would haunt them for the rest of their lives, it was something that would cause nightmares.

Darren was spread eagled across the living room; he was still vertical and held up with ropes. His head had flopped downward towards the blood-stained floor. Darren had been stabbed hundreds of times in his back and had bled out. They were both shaking and in disbelief at the scene that they had faced. They were numb and Gav called the police. The police arrived within minutes and shepherded the two men away. The flat was cordoned off and the police conducted their investigation.

The police took Gav and Dez to the police station and took their statements, the two men attempted to explain about the letters they all had received but the police didn’t believe that was relevant and sent the men on their way. Dez went back to Gav’s house, and they sat and discussed what had happened, what a crazy day and poor Darren was dead, they called Rob and broke the terrible news, he was devastated. Just as they were saying goodbye at 11pm, Gav suddenly realised something and said, “Oh my god, I forgot to send the reply to the last letter. I’m going to be killed; I’m going to be bloody killed.”

Dez looked at Gav and tried to reassure him, “Gav, we don’t know that’s why Darren died, it might not relate, I hope it doesn’t. You can always stay with me.”

Gav said, “Well, you’re probably right, we don’t know what Darren’s been involved in, he’s always loved to cause trouble.

Thanks for the offer but I’m sure I’ll be alright here. I’ll call you in the morning.”

Dez went home and called Rob again, he woke him, but he was glad he did. Rob confirmed that he had sent the reply and then Dez told him about Gav. Rob couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he wanted to go round but Dev talked him out of it. Before he hung up, he asked Rob who he had wanted to see again. Rob told him it was his old football coach, Curley. Curley was a great coach and believed in Rob, he helped him out with his ability and his confidence. He was like the father Rob never had.

Unfortunately, that night was the last time Dez ever spoke to Gav. Dez woke with a headache (beep, beep, beep) and called Gav’s mobile phone, but he didn’t answer, a police officer answered,

“Hello, who’s this? Is Gav there?

“Who am I speaking to? I’m a police officer; can you identify yourself please?

“Yes of course, my names Dez. What’s going on? Is Gav there? Is he ok?”

The police officer explained,

“Dez, I can’t say too much over the phone, but can you come to the police station around lunchtime?”

Dez feared the worst and attended the station. He was so nervous his hands were shaking as he entered the front door. He was taken to a quiet room and a DC sat opposite him. Dez felt like a suspect as he the DC kept asking him questions, he eventually let on that Gav had been killed but didn’t want to let on how he was murdered. Dez had to give a statement and any witnesses who could collaborate his story, he was eventually let go. The police didn’t give much away and again; they were not interested in the Special Deliveries story Dev told them.

Dev called Rob and updated him on the terrible news. Their friendship group was dwindling by the day. Rob was now panicking, how have two of their friends died just a week after they received the first letters. He didn’t know what was going to happen next and they couldn’t think of a reason why it was happening.

A few weeks later one more letter was delivered to the two remaining men. It said,

“Dear Dez, 

You have 24 hours to answer this question or face the consequences.

If you could relive just one day of your whole life, what day would it be and why?

Post the reply to P.O Box 105.

Regards”

Without hesitation the two men met up at the same pub and ordered the same pint and sat in the same beer garden.

“Not again! I don’t believe this. How many more times will our lives be dangling by a thread?” Said Rob.

Rob and Dez drank and spoke about their fallen friends and discussed what they were going to reply in the letter. Rob wanted revenge and to find whoever was doing this to them and kill them. Rob was a hot head, but Dez agreed with his point. Dez was able to calm him down and Rob said he would want to relive his wedding day, even though he was divorced it was such an amazing day and was still the best of his life. Dez wanted to relive his last Christmas Day when he still believed in Santa. The lads managed to laugh and, on their way, out they came across a fight just outside the pub over a Taxi. They intervened to stop the fight, but Rob was caught by the police taking a swing at the main aggressor. He was arrested and taken to into police custody. Dez tried to reason with the officers, but they wouldn’t listen.

It was a Friday night, so the police were going to hold him in custody until court reopened on Monday. Dev couldn’t do anything, other than go home and attend the post office with his letter on Saturday morning. He contacted custody and tried to reason with them, but they didn’t listen and ended up hanging up on him. He had such a bad headache (beep, beep, beep) that it was stressing him out so much. He just wanted Rob released and safe.

.

However, on Sunday morning, Dev woke up and put the radio on, the news was being read by some posh lady who said,

“We have some terrible news from the local police. There was a death in custody last night and the local custody centre has been closed pending an investigation. The unfortunate person who died was ex-serviceman, Robert Ball, condolences to his family and friends. Now for the sport update….”

Dev just collapsed back into his bed. He curled up like a child and cried. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His three best friends had all died and he was all on his own. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t understand how they had got to Rob when he was at a police station, that should have been impossible.

A fourth letter was delivered just a few days later, from the same smiling postman. This time it read,

“Dear Dez, 

You have 24 hours to answer these questions or face the consequences.

1.    What is always in front of you but can't be seen?

2.    What has cities, but no houses, forests, but no trees, and water, but no fish? 

3.    What is full of holes but still holds water? 

4.    What question can you never answer yes to? 

Answer these correctly and you get to choose the following:

Riches beyond your imagination or your friends back alive and well.

Do not use any person or source of information that will assist you.

Post the reply to P.O Box 105.

Regards”

Dez read and reread the riddles, he didn’t have a clue. His head was all over the place, and he couldn’t concentrate. His head was killing him (beep, beep, beep). He needed to wake up properly, so went to the bathroom and had a shower and then drank a strong coffee. He never considered himself very bright, but he had to do this otherwise he was going to die. He really wanted to bring his friends back, but the idea of being wealthy was attractive. However, none of that mattered unless he got the riddles correct.

He looked at riddle number one, he wondered what it could be, but then it barged into his brain, the FUTURE. “It has to be the future; it’s always in front of you and can’t be seen.” Number two was a pickle, it took him ages and then it hit him, MAPS. It had to be maps, he thought. The third riddle was fairly easy and as Dez used one every morning, he wrote down the answer, SPONGE, they hold water and are full of holes.

The last one gave him a terrible headache (beep, beep, beep). He racked his brain, “What question can you never say yes to?” He kept saying out loud. He was tired and his body felt exhausted; he just wanted to go away. Then the beeps stopped, but it didn’t fall silent, there was a long continuous tone. Dez had gone away, the nurse and doctors ran around trying to bring him back, but they couldn’t.

Dez had succumbed to his serious injuries following a car crash with his three mates and he was no longer in a coma. It was all over, Dez had died after the engine in the car he was driving blew up. They were coming home from a reunion and a potato was blocking the exhaust.

The question you can never say yes to, is…..

Are you dead?

The End.