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Novelo Rectangle

&nbsp;Mona	He’s all I have left. He made it that way. And I just couldn’t decide if that meant I should forget about him and be alone, or if I should forgive him so I still had something keeping me in Kettlewood.	This all felt so reminiscent of freshman year. I could remember explicitly how hurt and upset I was to know Sam had betrayed me and completely put me on blast all those years ago. I can remember every comment, calling me names and insisting I was the problem. He was able to convince hordes of strangers that I was a villain.	He convinced my own friends that I was a villain.	And I knew, finally, with certainty, that it wasn’t me.	And it still didn’t make it any fucking better.	I still had the rest of junior year and all of senior year before I would be free of this place, and that meant getting comfortable at least, didn’t it?	I slipped into Mr. Howard’s room to grab my things. He sat at his desk shuffling through the day’s worth of poetry he’d be grading. I chose not to say anything as I moved to retrieve my bag.	Sam’s bag still sat in the chair at his desk. I knew he didn’t follow me. I wondered what his game plan was, but I didn’t care.	“Hey,” Mr. Howard called from his desk, “I’m really proud of you for sharing your work today. I know it was hard.”	I looked over at him and nodded with a forced smile, at least it felt forced. I could feel my lips unnaturally tight over my teeth. I was still tense, and I thought he could tell as well.	“You know,” he began again, putting down his little green grading pen (because red pens “looked scarier”), “You don’t have to stay in a situation just because you think it’s more comfortable. Sometimes change is a good thing.” His hands folded under his chin as he watched me collect my bag, and my one loose pencil on the desk. “Do you know what I mean?”	“Yes, and thank you,” I said with a slightly looser smile.	I wandered out of the classroom with a half-hearted wave in Mr. Howard’s direction, and he nodded before turning his attention back to his desk.	Sam wasn’t anywhere I could see. If he was waiting for me to leave to come back and grab his things, that was a good move on his part. At least he was self-aware enough to leave me alone right now.	I considered what Mr. Howard said.	Adults always thought the solutions were so easy. Nothing was ever as black and white as they made it seem.	Of course, I began wondering if he had somehow broken into my mind and figured out what was going on between me and Sam, or if he was subtly encouraging me to drop his class because I couldn’t take a little read-aloud.	I sure hoped that wasn’t it.	Strangely, Creative Writing always made me feel a little looser. Nothing ever went away, it seemed, but something felt good about putting a name and words to everything that was happening.	I wrote about how willing I was to be a marionette, and it turns out I already was in some wild reverse-Pinocchio situation.	Was I really willing to continue to be around Sam because he was comfortable? Or was it because there was no one left?	Did I even really trust him to stick around? I might have had all of next year, but he was a senior. He’d be checked out come June, and there I’d be, still stuck sad and alone until I inevitably stayed home on Prom night to avoid getting my house toilet papered by Oscar and his other shitbag friends. Or worse, Carrie’d with pig guts in some sort of cruel prank.	Was I really going to continue to call Sam my friend because it was easy?	It felt easy to just ignore everything and act like his little confession was a nasty joke, but I knew it wasn’t. I knew he meant to hurt me, and he succeeded in hurting me, and now I was just about to… let it slide?	Experience had already dictated that even the closest of friends will slip away from you when they go to college. They’ll meet new friends and get too busy to hang around you ever and start talking to you like an “almighty grown-up” who sees the world as black and white regardless of how much gray they’ve seen.	They’ll tell you to avoid your “proximity friends” and only focus on real ones while they treat you with that same regard as if you were that proximity friend, and probably make new ones. Like Jae and Netta.	But maybe… that was the solution?	Maybe I needed to show up at Jae’s door and then he wouldn’t be able to tell me to buzz off or he’s too busy. Maybe I should just be that proximity friend again. Maybe then I’d get my well-deserved Code Barbie and I’d come back fresh-faced and having a damn clue what to do.	State College was about two hours away, but I could easily make that trip and be back in one day if I had to, Mom would surely lend me the care, and it was just all the better if I could stay the night.	Fuck it. I had to try.	&nbsp;MonaI want to come visit you. Can I crash?&nbsp;	My feet operated on autopilot. I headed down the hall. I was not a skipper, but Racquet and Net Sports had become one of the worst periods of the day as I strategically worked to avoid playing with and playing against Rafael.	Part of me reeled at how much it sucked knowing that he hated me now and there was almost nothing I could do to fix it. Even if Sam explained all this away and Raf apologized to me, did I even want to accept his apology? He had been so nasty to me, it made him so ugly in my eyes. I couldn’t unsee the hate when he looked at me, and it completely engulfed the image of him I used to have. His emerald green eyes were now muddy and slimy, and his teeth sure bothered me a hell of a lot more now. It gave him a supervillain-quality grin-- very Joker-esque.	I’d long since decided that Oscar could absolutely go fuck himself upside down and sideways, but what about Leta? I wasn’t quite ready to let her go. Now when I thought of her, I didn’t think of her being nasty or angry. I saw her hurting and all I cared to do was fix it, even if it wasn’t my fault.	I didn’t know how to do that without Sam’s full confession though, and I knew he wasn’t going to save me here.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Buzz. The message couldn’t have been timed better. It gave me a reason to stop before entering the gym.&nbsp;Jae2nite!?!??! omg id loooooove plz do&nbsp;	I was definitely thinking Saturday night since I had to work the next morning, but it wouldn’t be the first time I called out sick this week. Honestly, if it weren’t for how horrendously short-staffed the coffee shop was, I would have certainly been fired by then. Or perhaps it would have been a better move to just swap with someone. Most of my coworkers around my age would take a morning shift, even a Saturday morning, over any evening because it’s more hours. Evidently, nine to four is much more desirable than four to nine based on earning potential alone, who would have guessed?&nbsp;MonaYeah, fuck it. I’ll leave after school. Mom shouldn’t mind. :)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;JaeYEEEEES BITCH!!! futon is urs 4 wknd!&nbsp;ps. i got a union fundraiser ur gonna help with on sun n imma get u tix for a play netta and i are gonna see sat night!im dedass sooooo fukin excite babe!!!!	&nbsp;Wow. I wasn’t expecting all that, but damn it was fantastic to see Jae get so excited about seeing me. I hadn’t felt so loved and appreciated in a hot minute and it was like having a giant weight lifted off of me. I could tell I was standing a little straighter and smiling a little brighter.	I pushed my way into the gym. The bell must have rung already, but I hadn’t noticed.	“Miss Murphy, you planning on participating today?” my teacher called, recognizing my tardiness.	“Yes sir!” I called, with a light salute on my forehead and a fast walk into the locker room as I tapped out a simple reply to Jae.&nbsp;MonaCannot wait!&nbsp;	As I shuffled into the little alcove that houses the entrances to the locker rooms, I noticed Raf exiting the boy’s room as I was heading in. Eric looked a little too long as me, and Raf appeared to be turning his head away from me.	He looked so stupid with his nose in the air like that, acting all high and mighty.	I rolled my eyes and gave a petty little wave at Eric as I slipped into the room and dropped my bag on the bench to retrieve my gym clothes.	I could have skipped. I considered skipping, but absolutely fuck that. I’d already given Sam way too much power over me, and I’ll be damned if I let Rafael do the same.	Besides, I picked this class for us, so if we’re being petty, I’ll just say it.	I was here first. I had the whole weekend ahead to run away from my problems.	&nbsp;

Never Cried Wolf

BR.Quinn

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Brianna Rae Quinn

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