The Diary of Fluffy
by
Sally Connors
Illustrations by Jose L Cruz.
Copyright © 2020 by Sally Connors
All Rights Reserved.
Table of Contents
The Diary of Fluffy
Waiting for Two Legs to come home. Food bowl is empty. This shall not be tolerated. Perhaps if I stare at the door.
When the furless one comes in she will be reminded of the empty food bowl in the kitchen. She will be overcome with remorse and rush to fill it. That is the plan. I am patient. I can stare at nothing for long periods of time. It is one of my favorite things. But it is not my favorite thing now. I wish to eat. And the more time that passes between what I wish to do and what I do, the crankier I become. A cranky cat is not a happy thing.
Ah, the key in the door. Two Legs enters and a look of utter joy comes upon her face when she sees me. I do not blame her. I wish I could come through the door and see me. First things first. The food bowl Oh Neglectful One. Is there a lovelier sound than food rushing into the beloved bowl? Almost it persuades me to overlook her tardiness in pouring it. Almost.
Must fill tummy. Then a long drink of water from water bowl. Then some petting. It gives her pleasure to run her furless paw slowly along the length of my body. Also generous amounts of ear rubbing and chin scratching. I will allow this. It is not unpleasant.
Two legs has brought home a thing. A child. A whippersnapper barely wet behind the ears. What we need him for I cannot imagine. I will make short work of him. Whippersnapper seeks to ingratiate himself with me by butting his tiny head into my chest. Nice try Whippersnapper. Two Legs is totally besotted with him. I do not understand. What does she see in the little furball? He is irritating.
Whippersnapper is trying to win my favor. Dream on little Whippersnapper. I am a full grown and magnificent cat. You are a tiny lump of fur. You may have hypnotized Two Legs but not me. Two Legs are hard to understand. Small equals cute. The smaller you are, the cuter they perceive you. Does that make any sense to you? Me either.
I make it clear to Whippersnapper that I am the alpha cat and I regard him with disdain. Much disdain. His smallness does not enchant me.
Whippersnapper you may eat after I have finished. If there is any left. Whippersnapper you are sleeping where I wish to be. You must move. You must always move for me. I am far above you. Whippersnapper does not seem to understand this. He does not appreciate my seniority. My highly developed intelligence that he can never hope to attain. I have explained this dozens of times. Whippersnapper is stubborn.
Prolonged wrestling match with Whippersnapper. You would think it would be no contest. I am much bigger than Whippersnapper. But he fights dirty. Where did he learn these devious techniques? Must investigate further.
Whippersnapper’s coat is a disgrace. I have told him that a self respecting cat keeps his coat immaculate. It is what separates us from the riff raff. But Whippersnapper is heedless. He is a child. My tongue gets quite a workout putting Whippersnapper’s coat to rights.
This morning Whippersnapper stared at a cockroach. Whippersnapper does not know how to stare at a cockroach. You will never intimidate anyone that way. You must keep your superior strength firmly in your mind. You are a bug. I am a cat. End of discussion. I will catch you and let you go. Catch you and let you go. Aha! Caught you. Now I will let you go. Will I catch you again? Run along little buggie. I am the GREAT AND TERRIBLE KITTEN. Tremble before me. That is the way to strike fear into the heart of your enemy, Whippersnapper.
Whippersnapper has much to learn. The young are reckless. The young are ignorant. No Whippersnapper we do not look down on Two Legs. We pity her. Her furless skin. Her round ears. Walking about on her hind legs. Must be tiring. What must we do? We must peacefully coexist. For lo she maketh the light to come and banish the darkness. She maketh the food to appear in the beloved bowl and clean water to replace the cloudy stuff after we drink and little bits of food fall in it. And she cleaneth the Big Sandy Box so necessary for proper hygiene.
For all these reasons and more we must not only tolerate Two Legs, we must show affection now and then. She cannot help it that she does not know the catly ways. Not like you and I. I know all the catly ways Whippersnapper. It is fortunate that you live in my domain. A fountain of wisdom for you to drink from. Come Whippersnapper. It is time for your bath. And afterward a long nap. I will curl around you and protect you. You are fortunate to have a majestic cat to look after you. Me, Whippersnapper. I am talking about me. The young are foolish. I have my work cut out for me.
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