Lost Soul&nbsp;&nbsp;It’s 3.07am on a Monday morning. Somewhere, someone is online, visiting a chat room. It’s 6th February 2006.&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;I’ve been living a lie. I’m in too deep now, but it’s slowly killing me.&nbsp;If I say anything, then I lose everything. If I don’t, I have nothing.&nbsp;I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m not looking for attention. I’m not even looking for the answer, I just need to tell someone.&nbsp;&nbsp;My life looks perfect. I’m incredibly lucky. I have love in my life. I have people around me who care for me. Unfortunately, it’s not enough.&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;Hi there.&nbsp;What’s your name?&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;My name is Josh. It’s not my real name. I’m sorry I can’t tell you my real name, but it’s the best I can do at the moment.&nbsp;What’s your name?&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;Hannah.&nbsp;Please tell me more, I don’t think I can help, but maybe I can. I’m a good listener.&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;Hi Hannah. I hope you are well. Where are you in our planet? I’m in London.&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;I’m in Bristol, alone as usual. I’m always alone!&nbsp;&nbsp;It’s nice to talk to you, most people ignore me.&nbsp;&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;Oh Hannah. I’m sure there’s excitement just around the corner.&nbsp;Sounds like you have a story to tell as well. I love meeting new people, without knowing it, most people have an interesting past. Parents, ex-partners, friendships, work life, there’s usually something which happens, something that moulds their character and their beliefs.&nbsp;&nbsp;I’m looking forward to hearing about you, but I’ll go first.&nbsp;Where to begin….&nbsp;I grew up playing a lot of sports in a macho world. My father is incredibly supportive and has been with me on my sporting journey. Which makes my lies harder to deal with.&nbsp;I got married to a girl who was my best friend’s sister. It was perfect (supposedly), I had everything going for me. We went on to have two children and they are gorgeous, I love them more than anything.&nbsp;&nbsp;I’m just incomplete. I can’t help it but I feel empty.&nbsp;I feel claustrophobic. Everything I do is tied up in family business. I can’t fart without everyone knowing.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;&nbsp;It does sound perfect (sort of), keep going Josh.&nbsp;&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;I know I sound melodramatic and ungrateful, but I feel like screaming. It’s getting harder and harder. I’ve become desperate.&nbsp;&nbsp;I’ve even planned my own death.&nbsp;It’s a terrible thing to do and such a strange thing to admit.&nbsp;I’ve bought a bottle of Vodka and 200 painkillers. I looked it up, that should do the job. My only problem is where to do it. I don’t want my family to find me.&nbsp;&nbsp;Unfortunately, it’s not if, it’s when. It’s sounds dramatic and selfish, but I just don’t want to go on.&nbsp;&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;Oh god Josh! Poor you.&nbsp;&nbsp;Don’t do anything rash, think about your family. It would crush them. Don’t put that on them.I’m sure you have a lot to live for. Please don’t hurt yourself.&nbsp;I can tell from our short conversation that you are a good person. You’re thinking about others in your time of crisis. It tells me you’re a man of integrity and strong character.&nbsp;&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;I appreciate your kind words. It means a lot to me. Talking to you has really helped me.&nbsp;I would like to hear more about you.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I’ve got to go, I can hear someone moving around the house.&nbsp;Thanks for listening Hannah. Bye.&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;Don’t go.&nbsp;&nbsp;Josh, don’t go!&nbsp;&nbsp;Please contact me again….&nbsp;&nbsp;2.44am, Wednesday 15th February.&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;Hannah, are you there?&nbsp;&nbsp;My lie is killing me. It crushes me like a vice. I need to speak to you.&nbsp;&nbsp;Wendy0009.&nbsp;Hello.&nbsp;&nbsp;I can be Hannah, if it makes you happy.&nbsp;What’s wrong? You can talk to me.&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;Hello Wendy. Thanks, but I’m waiting for Hannah.&nbsp;Wendy0009.&nbsp;I’m here if you want to let off some steam. Anyway, I’m bored. Your story might be interesting.&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;I do feel that I need to talk to someone, so tonight that’s going to be you.&nbsp;My wife and children are asleep, and I’ve sneaked downstairs to use the computer. A few days ago, it was Valentine’s Day. Something I always dread. I have to act in a certain way to keep everyone happy. I have to buy gifts, and my wife expects an evening out with intimacy in bed.&nbsp;&nbsp;I just don’t see her that way. It’s not that I don’t love her, I do love her, but it’s more like a friendship than two lovers, we’ve never been Romeo and Juliet.&nbsp;Wendy0009.&nbsp;That must be difficult.&nbsp;Why are you still with her?&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;I know it sounds ridiculous.&nbsp;Just divorce her right?&nbsp;&nbsp;It’s really not that easy.&nbsp;&nbsp;I have two wonderful children with my wife, I work for her family business, and we have a fabulous lifestyle. But I’m just not happy.&nbsp;&nbsp;I have a secret, and I will lose everything if it comes out.&nbsp;&nbsp;Wendy0009.&nbsp;A secret? Do tell…..&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;It wouldn’t be much of a secret if I just told everyone who asked.&nbsp;&nbsp;All I can say is that it has me awake at night speaking to strangers in chat rooms. I just can’t sleep.&nbsp;I dream about a different life, the life I could have, but I know I would lose everything.&nbsp;&nbsp;I can only see one way out and it’s not ideal. The lights will go out for me, but the people left will have to deal with the loss.&nbsp;&nbsp;Why does love have to hurt so much?&nbsp;&nbsp;Wendy0009.&nbsp;&nbsp;I wish I had the answers but alas I don’t. All I can say is that as long as your wife is kind and respectful to you, is the grass greener elsewhere?&nbsp;&nbsp;Maybe, maybe not. Relationships are incredibly hard and it’s rare that couples are insanely in love. There’s always a lull. That’s why it’s important to work hard on them.&nbsp;&nbsp;Another person might take your fancy, they might become the forbidden fruit but once you have them, the quirks and the problems soon arise.&nbsp;Everyone wakes up with bad breath.&nbsp;&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;That is a very true statement.&nbsp;Everyone wakes up with bad breath.&nbsp;&nbsp;I like that.&nbsp;&nbsp;However, I love another. The love is crippling and eats away at me. I think about them all of the time.&nbsp;It’s making me snappy at home; I’m losing my shit over nothing. I find fault with everything.&nbsp;Love hurts.&nbsp;&nbsp;Wendy0009.&nbsp;&nbsp;I’m going to be honest; you’re an ungrateful twat.&nbsp;You have married well; you’re employed and have two beautiful children in your giant house.&nbsp;&nbsp;Just do me a favour.&nbsp;Stop being such a prick and get over yourself. There’s no guarantee a new relationship will work. We can’t all just do everything we want, when we want, because it would be mayhem.&nbsp;If I was with you right now, I’d slap you around the face.&nbsp;&nbsp;You’ve made your bed, now deal with it.&nbsp;&nbsp;Goodbye!&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Sunday 19th February at 1.56am.&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;Josh are you there?&nbsp;&nbsp;It’s been a few weeks. I really want to talk to you.&nbsp;Sunday 19th February at 2.22am.&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;Josh or Lostsoul2, are you online?&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;Yes, I’ve just logged on.&nbsp;Wow, it’s great to chat to you again. I’ve been having a tough time.&nbsp;&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;&nbsp;How are you? What’s been happening?&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;Life’s been crazy.I’ve ended my secret life. But there’s a problem. I had to do something to make sure that it never comes back to me.&nbsp;&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;Wow. What changed? I thought you were unhappy with how your life was going.&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;In pain we find truth, and in truth we find salvation.&nbsp;I was made to realise that what I had was more than most men could ever wish for. I had the love of my family, my children and my wife. I was fortunate to marry into money and was given a position of power. I have everything I need in life, well almost everything.&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;But what about your secret?&nbsp;You were willing to end it all. You wanted a new life.&nbsp;How have you done it?&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;Let’s just say. The problem went away. They have left my life. I have mourned and I have moved on. Talking to you helps. You are the only person I feel comfortable conversing with; you are like my own personal online therapist.&nbsp;Maybe we should meet one day? I feel like I owe you a lovely lunch.&nbsp;Would you like that?&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;I’m surprised you have moved on so quickly. I’m pleased I have helped in some way. I don’t feel I have done anything though.&nbsp;I think I would like to meet. I am quite nervous about meeting new people. But you intrigue me. Maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle, how about Bath. Does that sound ok?&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;I’ve been to Bath. It’s a lovely place, amazing history and architecture. Yes, I can get to Bath, we can meet for lunch next week?How do you know I’m not a serial killer; I might be the devil. lol.&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;&nbsp;Haha. I’m a good judge of character, and I think I have your number. You come across very genuine and seem a caring man.&nbsp;&nbsp;I can meet on Wednesday. How about 1pm at the train station. We can then go somewhere nice for lunch and have a proper chat.&nbsp;&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;Wednesday at 1pm at the train station is perfect.&nbsp;I’m looking forward to putting a face to the name.&nbsp;If you’re lucky, I’ll tell you, my secret.&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;Your secret! How exciting.&nbsp;As long as it’s not a weird one.&nbsp;&nbsp;It’s funny that you joked about being a serial killer. Did you hear about the young woman who has recently disappeared in Brighton?Did you see it on the news?&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;No, what happened? It wasn’t me! lol.&nbsp;&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;&nbsp;A woman from Brighton who appeared completely normal, just disappeared into thin air. The police released a statement asking for witnesses. They reckon she was having an affair with a married man. Terrible, isn’t it?&nbsp;&nbsp;The police are tracking down the man, according to the papers. It’s tragic but I do enjoy a murder mystery. They’re so interesting.&nbsp;&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;Oh dear. That sounds awful. I’ll have to have a read of that on the Daily Mail website. That poor girl. Do they think it’s foul play?&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;&nbsp;Yes, they do. So be careful, the police are coming for you! lol.&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;&nbsp;I enjoy talking to you, you have a great sense of humour. I think we’ll get on like a house on fire.&nbsp;How will I recognise you at the train station? Shall we wear carnations?&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;Yes, let’s wear carnations, or funny hats.&nbsp;&nbsp;Lostsoul2.&nbsp;Let’s just stick with the flowers.&nbsp;I’ll see you next week. I’m looking forward to meeting you and learning more about you Hannah. This time it can be about you, I want to know everything.&nbsp;Do me a favour though and keep our meeting to yourself, I really don’t want everyone to know about it, it gets complicated.&nbsp;&nbsp;Rednose88.&nbsp;&nbsp;Yes, no problem. I won’t tell another living soul.&nbsp;&nbsp;I’ll see you on Wednesday. I’m really excited.&nbsp;Safe journey. X&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Its 3.30 am. Someone, somewhere is on line visiting a chat room. It’s 2nd April 2007.&nbsp;Lostsoul3.&nbsp;I’ve been living a lie. I’m in too deep now, but it’s slowly killing me.&nbsp;If I say anything, then I lose everything. If I don’t, I have nothing.&nbsp;I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m not looking for the attention. I’m not even looking for the answer, I just need to tell someone.&nbsp;&nbsp;My life looks perfect. I’m incredibly lucky. I have love in my life. I have people around me who care for me. Unfortunately, it’s not enough.&nbsp;&nbsp;The end.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;

Lost Soul 

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Lost Soul

Gargini10.

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Lost Soul

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Kevin GARGINI

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