A good man

It started with a laugh . I heard him across the bar room . I know cleache for a story to start out like this but its how life has happened for me . I fell in love with a laugh , then a smile and I didnt realize what was happening or why I had felt this way about a man I had never met when I had never felt this way about my husband of 11 years .

The summers of 2022-2025 have been a real journey leading to my divorce. There are many many reasons for my divorce .1 being I tend to burn everything down for the ones I love. What started with falling in love with myself again has led me here . I met and fell in love with so many people over the summer of 24 here is a story about the one who saved me and my kids without really realizing it he helped by sharing his time and space and some life events with me. I will forever be greatful.

Someone told a joke , I heard him laugh and instantly was drawn . When I saw him something in me felt alive again. At this point in the summer I had forced my soon to be ex husband into an open marriage . It was june 2024. I was drawn to him I am normally not shyish and always willing to speak to anyone but to a point . The moment I wanted to ask him something but hesitated and almost didnt say anything I knew I was screwed.

It was a night for me and my friend , girls night out ,we went to a bar to see male dancers .. befor the show even started i was instantly attracted to him . When the show was over I kept finding my way back to him . I asked him if he wanted to go to another bar and he said yes . While at that bar I told him how I was married but in an open marriage. ( I was honest about allot and not honest about allot )( which was not fair to anyone )I was happy feeling things I havnt felt in a long while.

When leaving the bar early in the morning I walked out ahead of him then went back and asked for his number . Something I felt so nervous about doing but I just felt so drawn to him I didnt care if he said no because I was gonna go for it either way.

It wasnt long befor I told my husband about him . I knew when I started talking about him more it would irritate my husband but I was so happy it was hard not to talk about him. I wanted Michael to know about him I had to share it didn't feel right to not share about him. My husband and my friend and her special friend were the only people who knew about him and I didnt like that . I didnt like how I couldnt share about how happy I was.

It came out though in so many ways . I found my love for baking that summer. I fell in love with alot of things but justin had the biggest influence on my life. Meeting him led me down the path of finding myself and saving my kids.

That summer was a hard one in January of 2024 I found arm pit hair on my 6 yr old . That led to the finding of pre- pubescent puberty . Back story to my summer of love of 24 . I was raped when I was 6 years old by my best friend( at the time and for few years after ) older brother . I was also molested/ by my brother that passed away in 2013 from cf sometime during the ages of 7-9 .

These were things I had never shared with my husband. Who i had been with since 2013. Someone I had known since high school.

I was going through alot when I found out my 6 yr old was going through that we didnt know it wasnt real puberty. So I acted out I was already going through alot from loosing my best friend who was like a sister to me in 2022. (her journey with life has had a huge impact on mine as well ) I to having gastric bypass in 2023 because my health had gotten so bad I had gotten osa and the CPAP wasnt helping and the weight wasn't coming off, also having liver issuse the gastric helped that. Then being diagnosed with posterior tachycardia syndrome in November of 2024.

My health and the health of all 4 of my kids have been a roller coaster for well as long as I can remember. In August of 23 my oldest had hurt his hip in a bike accident was a small one but it led to having surgery in another state in april of 24. My 2nd kids birthday .

I consider alot of things my fault . I listened to him In the months from Sept to November he had mentioned it a few times about his hip hurting but he was the kid who didnt speak up much unless it was bad . I kept thinking a brused hip can last a while . Well it got bad I remember the day I took him in and I was waiting to also run my mom somewhere because she didnt drive herself much and had problems going in places alone . I told her I wasnt going to be able to do what was planned because I needed to take my kid to the er for a cat scan . The doctor used the words slipped capital femoral artery.

So my mom was mad but if the doctor is saying take your kid now you take your kid so I rushed my mom home and she was able to make her doctor appointment and I rushed back into town to the er for my kid. He got a cat scan then they wanted to do other scans that led to him having to be on crutches for months of I believe Jan 24 - april when we left for him to have surgery ( saddly on my 2nd kids birthday again ) .The year before thomis had to have surgery on his tonsiles and adnoiuds because they were huge and causing sleep apnea . that same day was when Talia had tube surgery for the I don't even know how many times .

This was really hard for him for many reasons but I was homeschooling him his brother and my bio daughter . My youngest is my neice I foster .we got all 5 of my neices in August 2019. My youngest neice is the only one still with me . ,That is a whole journey. My neice was going to daycare, had been the whole time we had her .

Well homeschooling kid who didnt like being around people who couldnt walk without crutches led to a sad kid. Thankfully my kids had been in therapy for a while so I had help navigating things , as did they . We have had a great support system with that place. they have helped my family in so many ways . we first started with them in 2019 when getting all my neices because kids going into foster care no matter where usually get signed up for therapy . so first it was my oldest 3 nieces to start with them the 4th was able to attend when she turned 5 and the 5th well she was 7 1/2 months old so it would be a while . well all my kids including all nieces have gone to therapy there for years .

Well his surgery time came in april of 24 and we flew out of state for a whole week . It was such a needed gift from the universe. Needed for my baby boy and me . He came out of his shell so much on that trip . He asked if we could go back i said yes.

I had been talking with my husband about travel homeschooling but told him he can stay here and ill go with the kids. At this point in life I had been slowly pushing people away because I realized I did'nt like who my kids were becoming and that was an issue for me because I love my kids.

I told Justin a story one night about how after I had my gastric bypass I was laying I. Bed crying in pain from my period and my 6 year old came in and told me to stop being such a little bitch . He said that's fucked up i said no it's not she is.

I started pushing even more family and friends away even more then and started spending more time with Justin.

we told each other stories over that summer and usually I'd give him a massage . I had never wanted to touch someone or be near someone more in my life besides my own kids .it was hard feeling that way for him when I didn't even feel that way for my own husband. that summer was about me for 1x purely me . I unapologetically was selfish and put myself first in so many ways .

that summer I had learned a lot about who I was and wasn't and what I was ok with and not ok with .

alot of that summer was honestly spent at the bar or at Justin's . I don't drink except very rare occasions . I like driving and savvy liked drinking so it worked out and I got time away to feel free again. I had started to feel like myself again but the more time I spent with Justin the more I realized I didn't like who my kids were turning out to be. I didn't like how I would call my daughter a bitch . I didn't like allot of things.

so I started to change I stopped helping my mom as much. I would go to Frontline for her and my sister and pick up and drop off when needed . I started asking michael for help more around the house . I started speaking up more about how things were not ok . I stopped letting certain behaviors happen and started trying to figure out where these feelings and behaviors I was having were coming from .

That summer made me realize what kind of man I married . I married someone who when he got home would sit down and as soon as I asked for help almost every single time the answer I would get was "ughh I just sat down" . It got to the point I did feel bad I would forget to fill my water bottle almost every night . I would forget allot of stuff. I was going through a lot of mental and emotional turmoil . I married someone who only ever really got me gifts that he picked out on his own maybe a handful of times while together . I married someone who for our last Christmas living together got me a pink Sherpa blanket . I highly dispise that fabric . I will wear it if I like the item but I wont sleep with it .Also pink is one of my least favorite colors I do own pink things and wear them but its not in my top 5 favorites.

That summer was allot for me . It was spent having affairs with a few people of my choice. It was nights spent laughing , playing darts , playing pool getting to know people . It was spent living for me as much as I was allowed .

When Justin went away on a business trip I cheated 3x and I didn't understand why I felt so bad about it but not bad about cheating on my husband . So that kinda threw me for a loop . I didn't feel bad about cheating on the man that had done so much for me and my kids practically their whole entire lives , but I felt bad about cheating on Justin .

Allot of that summer was also spent having many conversations with savvy about how I needed to not be out here doing what I was doing what I had a good man at home that paid the bills and loved me and loved my kids and did this and that for everyone .

It was really hard to keep hearing when she didn't know what I felt . SHe didn't know what we lived with.She kinda did because she was staying over alot but not really . she kept telling me I needed to tell Justin to pay for my gas to see him since I was going so much and he lived so far away and I hated hearing that as well . I remember thinking you don't do that you don't take and take from the ones you love. I'm not going to him for just sex alot of times I ended up going we just ended up watching a movie and I'd give him a massage and we would sleep .

I wouldn't talk to Michael about him or savvy . it was really hard being so happy again and not being able to share why I was so happy with my kids. for mothers day that year michael got me a cup with all the kids handprints on it and mine and our names. I loved it I felt so happy he got me somthing that thoughtful . he had never done that before. He had never just gotten me something and said it was because he knew I liked it or knew I was out of this . I married someone who when he went to the store he would usually only ever bring back the following items, milk, cereal, chips , salsa . sometimes a few other random things but never a full meal . Never items that the house was out of . never things that the animals needed unless I was asking or reminding him. It was always put on me because I was stay at home mom so it was always easier . that summer I realized I married someone who wanted a mom not a wife.

it was hitting me harder and harder what kind of man I married when I kept thinking a good man doesn't talk that way to his kids . A good man doesn't make his wife feel bad for forgetting to fill her water bottle. A good man would help clean his kids rooms without his wife having to ask for the help . A good man would have fixed the roof for my boys so mushrooms didn't keep growing for years. A good man would have helped with the laundry when he saw the 3 or 4 baskets in the living room and instead of shoving it off on the kids or me he would sit down and start doing it . Why? Simple because even tho he just worked a whole day and is tired he would come home see that his wife is overwhelmed and do somthing to help lighten the load . He would do the dishes while the wife was making dinner . Or he would see there is no dinner made and start doing something or ask about it . He would do the things that needed to get done at the times that were most helpful for everyone in the home not just him.

He wouldn't throw it in his wife's face how she would choose the kids over him all the time. He wouldn't yell at his step son and tell him he is sweeping the floor wrong. A good man would see his kids need winter gear and take them to get it not waite around and do nothing about it . A good man would have taking my boys shopping for winter gear any of the many many times I asked him to during the winter of 24-25 . A good man wouldn't tell his kid to his face that a he was never told or asked to take his kid shopping when I was standing right there when the conversation happened. A good man wouldn't constantly poke at the way someone does things he would understand everyone has their own way of doing something and it doesn't mean its the wrong way all the time. He would understand that when his wife asked him for help cleaning the kids rooms when he got home he would say yes , not ( and this is what I heard a lot of the times , well can you have the kids do what they can do and I'll help when I get back or Kayla help ) yes . Although it usually ended up with him sitting down talking the kids through it ( Theo would get talked down to ) ( Talia would get babied through it ) .

The more I was on the outside the more I starteed to hear my kids the way they would say things and hear that they were scared to tell me things . that made me really mad because I know how it felt to be scared to tell your parents anything and I knew that had to change.

it started with pushing my mom away while going through my health issues I couldn't keep hearing the same sad stories . I couldn't keep hearing how this happened and that's why she couldn't do this or cant do that. it made me feel like a victim which wasn't ok because I had survived allot I am not a victim of life . life has happened for me not to me .

then continuted into me pushing Justin away . then me pushing savvy and Makayla and Christina away . me pushing the rest of my family away. till I got to the root of the problem , the real reason why I didn't feel like I liked my kids anymore and realized I married someone who wanted a mom not a wife . I lost a lot of things while living with that man I refused to continue to loose my kids. My mom let the toxic cycle continue way longer then it should have . my sister is continuing to live in it daily , which is hard because luxxy doesn't understand why she cant see her .

Pushing Justin away was hard but necessary . I realized I fell in love with someone who just wanted me for sex. I fell in love with someone who wouldn't let me warm my litterly ice cold feet and Hands ( blood flow issues) on him . I fell in love with someone who thought I was using him for his money. I fell in love with someone who couldn't love me back . Not the way I needed and wanted for years. I was so happy I was singing happy songs again I was so happy but so sad at the same time. All while this was happening my 12 yr old was having heart issues. that sent me down a bit of a spiral .