When she woke up there were 17 voicemails from a stranger.....she noticed this through the slightest gap in her unopened eyes....message no.1 "beeeeep!! I know you fucking saw me bitch....oooh just you wait!!!"...she sits up quick, fully clothed...but not her clothes, an oversized man's shirt and weirdly...yellow dungarees.


She looks around stunned having no clue how she got in this massive pet store...."eek who's a cheeky bugger?" Says the large parrot with one eye hanging upside down in an ornate cage, startling her as she creeps past in the dark..."oh you cunt!!" she shouts as a reaction and quick as an arrow there's the parrot "oooh you cheeky cunt....cheeky bugger cunt....cunty bugger cheek....watch out for Percy eek watch out for Percy!!" Just then she hears a large thud in the distance and looks over to see at the far end of the room a massive brightly lit glass enclosure with a snake as thick as a tree trunk and as long as 2 busses....the parrot again "eek good morning Percy....eek stay the fuck away from Percy!!"...she presses the button on her phone ...message no.2 "beeeeep!! You know I love you really...(Starts sobbing and singing)....the very first time that I ever saw your face....(Bursts into tears) ...your ugly fucking face!!!"...."to hear this message again press

....." "THUD!!" ....she drops her phone....."eeeek shut the fuck up Percy!!" Message no.3 "beeeep.."hey cunt, you know I think your face is perfect really (starts sobbing again) I just wanna smush it.....til your ugly fucking teeth are coming through your cheekbones".....she hangs up as she's walking away backwards slowly away from the monster at the far end....she stumbles into a cage stacked on top of other cages and as she hits it a cat squeals and quick as lightning reaches around and scratches at her face leaving three pretty nasty but very cool looking scratches at the side of her eye "eeeek don't fucking let Ignacious out!!! Eeeek gimme my eye back cunt eeek!!!.... Ignacious is a pussy eeeek!!"

Her phone beeps and she sees that another message has been sent...and she presses the button message no.4 "beeeep... answer your fucking phone bitch..." She skips it..... message no.5 "beeeeep... oooh you think your slick... well guess what ... me and Sharon fucked.... on your side of the bed....yeah bitch..." She skips again as she hears the throaty noise of what can only be described as an echo from hell...a big fucking frog .... "eeek fuck off Bernie!!! Eeek Bernie's a cock blocker!!" She laughs but then quickly gathers herself as she remembers that she's actually fucking really terrified...she turns around as a skunk sprays straight in her face and she drops to the floor dropping her phone and it bounces deep into the cage of the most terrifying looking mangey pitbull, half it's face torn off" the dog growls...."eeeeek who woke up ugly eeeek!! Ignacious fuck up Davey again!! Eeek!!.... Daveys got no balls" ....our lost and terrified subject sits there sobbing and rubbing her eyes as the phone sounds ... message no.6 "beeeep...hey fatty, you gonna sit on my face while I hum a missy beat? Come on chubs I'll buy you a pizza" ... "to listen to the message again press...." Voicemail no. 7 through to no.14 "beeeeep" then terrible renditions of even worse love songs with a lot of crying, cursing and apologizing in between... I mean a lot .... message no.15.... "beeeep.. you can see how much i love you... I just mashed up Gangnam style with jodeci.." she skips again ... "to listen to the...." "eeeek!! Hey bunty cug you're by the spiders eeeek.... wash your fanny!!" Message no.16 "wait i see you through the window with........ that snake!!! I'm gonna fuck you up!! She hears a door open at the far end of the room and she lies lower, her head to the ground to see a pair of feet...massive feet in big boots at the other end... Lit up by Percys home.... message no.17.... "beeeeep ...you know I can see you right.... I'm gonna put this knife right through your face..." She stretches her arm into Daveys cage and grabs the phone out, scrambling to press anything, shivering, absolutely in a state of pure dread as the footsteps get louder and louder and they're right upon her as a large figure looms over and bends closer she lunges up and whack... stiletto straight through the temple, she sits back watching in horror as this old man's eyes blink rapidly with a single tear of Claret in each... then....... "beeeep.... I'm so sorry... I've been dialing the wrong number all night.... I was at this wild festival where everyone got spiked with acid.... ignore every message please......." To listen to the message again......"


"Eeeek the dumb bitch killed Bob.....eeek!!!!