NO LOOKING BACK

She couldn´t remember how she got here, in a blink of an eye her life had challenged her predestined destiny, changing her fate into something in which she could believe in. Everything started the day of her wedding, Meg was only 25 but was about to sign a contract with God to wed Marcus, an honest farm worker whom his soul had been absorbed by her mesmerizing pale blue eyes.

He was a regular guy who was doing what it was supposed to do, what his parents did before him, and never came into his mind that he had to question which it felt to him as an undeniable truth. Same thing with her, she was raised to be a perfect housewife, getting married and bring some healthy kids to this world it seemed what it was expected from her. That´s how life was in Aurora, a small city in Dearborn County, Indiana. Meg barely set a foot outside her hometown and was desirous of discovering the world. But her family have always took those ideas away from her mind, alleging that those were only childish foolish dreams. There came a time in which she resigned herself to trying to believe it too, but even though she simply had silenced them in front of others, her dreams were still yelling out loud in depths of her heart.

She had met Marcus some years ago, in the birthday party of a common friend, and in some way, she had accustomed to being around him. She found him attractive, but never thought it was something special. He had been his one and only serious boyfriend, her first real kiss, her first sex experience, according to everyone, the love of her life. However, despite the love he always showed her, she had begun to hate him. He had put on weight, and his baldness was beginning to show, making him look ten years older than his 27 years.

She was beginning to hesitate about the wedding, nevertheless, she moved forward with it because didn´t want to disappoint everyone, but the feeling of being digging a deep grave where burying her dreaming pills was haunting her.

It was Gina, a red-haired free spirit chick from Iowa that she had met one year ago through Facebook, the only one who was trying to convince her to calling off the wedding.

“Don´t allow others to decide your path in life, you´re not made to be a housewife. You´re an unlovable bitch just like me! You´re young, you´re beautiful, leave this shithole town before is too late! Those pale blue eyes of yours could conquer the world.”

Gina didn´t have a fixed residence, she was travelling across the country making a living out the gambling skills that she inherited from her late father, who was murdered after a poker game where he beat the wrong people.

Meg was fascinated by Gina´s lifestyle and the stories she told her. They had the chance to meet once, in a trip they made together to Atlantic City. There Meg could witness with her own eyes how skillful Gina was in a poker´s game table.

“I´d wish I could be like you.” -Meg confessed her, while they were sharing a naked bath in a bubbling jacuzzi in the hotel room that Gina had paid with the money she had earned through gambling

“Elope with me.” -Gina suggested, getting on her feet displaying her wet nude wet pale body covered by freckles.

“Don´t be stupid!” -Meg chuckled lessening importance to Gina´s words.

Gina sat again covering her body under the water murmuring:

“I´ll be waiting for you to decide.”

Wearing her expensive white wedding dress, seated in the backseat of her father´s car, on their way to the church, Meg remembered those words.

She got off the car carrying a bouquet on her hands, and felt that she was walking towards a funeral, instead of a wedding.

Marcus was waiting on the chapel, with a big smile on his face, with a hairstyle that sought to conceal his receding hairline, and a tuxedo that could not conceal his growing belly. The vision made her feel miserable. She thought to herself that this couldn´t be her final destination.

She looked around for a possible way out, and found Meg, at the other side of street, parked in her red Chevrolet convertible observing that facade from afar.

Then she understood that her dreams weren´t in the direction where she was walking. She stopped, while her father was holding her arm to take her into the church, and with tears in her eyes she said:

“Sorry, I can´t do this!”

Her father thought she was just having a nervous breakdown, but it was something more serious than that, she was choosing her path in life. After stopping the march, she dropped the and ran away from them to the bewilderment of the wedding guests, his family and the groom. She jumped into Gina´s convertible, ready to head into a new life away from social conventions and unwanted expectations.

“That´s my girl!” -Gina exclaimed kissing Meg in the cheek before stepping her foot on the pedal and drive away from Aurora t full speed destination anywhere.

Somewhere in the desert, Meg burned her wedding dress cursing her past and wishing for a new brand start with her partner in crime.

They traveled to Las Vegas where Gina put on display her skills in Blackjack tables and poker games.

“You have to teach me how to do that.” -Meg told her amazed by her ability to beat everybody on the gambling tables.

“With those pale blue eyes, you would be unstoppable in the gambling world.”

She started teaching her in their motel rooms before going to seep after a long day of emotions.

They tended to share beds in the motel room they stayed, and though nothing happened between them, Gina could not fall sleep if weren´t embraced to Meg as she was a teddy bear.

Before falling sleep, they used to have nocturnal confessions, where they told to each other what they expected from life.

“Maybe someday I´ll find something to settle down.” -Gina often told her while holding her from behind in the bed.

“I thought you were a carefree spirit.” -Meg chuckled.

“Free spirits sometimes also need a shelter.”

“I´d go to go to Hollywood to try my luck on the movies.” -Meg confessed.

“With those pale blue eyes, on the sky is the limit.”

“I´m just a hometown girl.” -Meg replied with her natural modesty.

“Not anymore.”

Meg was convinced to be a straight woman, all her relationships had been with male partners, but Meg´s pale blue eyes were started to question herself in many ways, however, she knew that the attraction that she was experimenting on Meg had little to do with preferences, it was something more heavenly than human. It was impossible not to fall in the charm of her beauty. At that moment, her only creed was to see reflection on Meg´s eyes and was willing to sacrifice everything so that reflection never faded away.

Gina was surprised of how a fast-learner Meg was, maybe those eyes were more special of what she thought, and besides absorbing souls, were able to absorb knowledge. Those eyes were a perfect tool to lure gamblers and deceive them in which they would consider sweet defeats.

After some small loses due her inexperience, Meg started to win big in gambling tables through town. Gina was pleased of seeing the improvements of her pupil, and soon Meg begun to make more money than her. Meg was more determined than ever to make her move to Hollywood and didn´t take long for them to finally move to the city of dreams.

Gina didn´t hide her discontent with that mundane dream of Hollywood stardom, but just for affection didn´t oppose on her wished of moving to LA.

Despite being making good money in gambling joints, they decided to have a saving attitude and still were sharing beds in cheap motels in East Hollywood. Sharing pillows where to dream every night was the source of happiness for Gina in those days, however, Meg was still not satisfied, she was still itching to be part of that selected club of lucky stars that could have their face printed in billboards around the world as stars of films and television.

Following her dreams, Meg have tried luck in castings and talent agencies that barely listened to her, somewhere in a casting someone told her that the best way to climb the ladder in that town was attending Hollywood parties. Meg and Gina found their way to sneak into those parties, where they only found fake promises of Hollywood suits trying to get in their pants. Fortunately for Meg, Gina was always around to scare those creeps away, she was not going to allow that her bestie would be ruined by that town immorality. Meg got a bit discouraged by those experiences and get her focus on gambling. Her pale blue eyes were lethal in the gambling table, they had some sort of magic, they could absorb men´s souls and empty their pockets with ease. Under the tutelage of Gina, Meg became unbeatable, even Gina, who had been doing it for all her life, was no match for her.

It didn´t take long until she earned the nickname in the gambling circuit of “The Gambling Queen”

Meg loved the nickname, and Gina was proud of her creation. Soon they made enough money to be able to rent a good apartment in East Hollywood. There was no need of keep sharing a bed, and they had their own room, however, and though she expressed it, Ginas wasn´t pleased of sleeping alone.

Surprisingly, and despite the big amounts of men that tried to lure them into the depths of love, they remined unlovable, paving the Hollywood walks with broken hearts sighing for them.

Gina was very overprotective with Meg, but she never complained, she enjoyed the feeling of always having someone by her side. Gina found out the gambling joints in town they needed to avoid for their safety, and there were never serious incidents in their gambling adventures. In special, she always avoided a Gambling Joint in downtown LA ruled by thugs, from which there was scary stories of mysterious disappearances of talented gamblers.

Their bond was strong and remained strong until Hollywood finally knocked at Meg´s door, provoking a slight fissure between them.

, however, their unbroken bond had a slight fissure when Hollywood finally knocked at Meg´s door.

It happened in a party, after a poker game in which Meg had fleeced a Hollywood producer.

His name was Vic Angelo, an Italian film mogul who made it big in Hollywood with a series of films about the owners of a pizza turf in New York city recycled into bank robbers to save their business from bankruptcy.

That first film was so successful that spawned four sequels. He was hot in town at that moment, everyone in the business wanted to be at his side.

Since he entered the gambling joint, he found something special in that young lady of intense pale blue that was beaten everyone in the Poker´s table.

Vic knew that success comes after risk, and he wanted to take the risk of being bewitched by those eyes. He wasn´t a good player, and losing near 2000 grand against her conformed it, but in that lost there was opportunity and he didn´t lose the chance.

“Have you ever considered to get into the movies?” –Vic asked her while handing her the check with the sum that he had lost in the gambling table.

Meg´s face expression changed, she didn´t hide her delight on that idea and was ready to jump over the opportunity. However, her overprotective friend was around to try scare away the possible suitors, and that elegant Italian producer was no exception.

“Sorry, but we won´t get in anyone´s pants falling for fake promises.”

“Why she can´t answer by herself?” -Vic intervened, annoyed by for her considered an insolence.

Accustomed to leave Gina to fight her battles for her, Meg found herself with the ability for the very first time in a long time, to stand by herself.

 “I´ve always dream with the movie business, but I got discouraged after seeing how this town is full of want to be actresses begging for some tips in honky tonk joints.”

“They don´t have your eyes.” -The man said, staring at her.

“We don´t sell for anyone, so don´t waste your time.” -Gina intervened again, being ignored by Vic, who was already centered in dragging Meg´s attention.

“You girls know the saga “Pizza Express Robbery?” I´m the producer.”

“You´re Vic Angelo?” -Meg exclaimed with enthusiasm.

“Yeah, that´s me! I´m glad you heard about me.”

“Who?” -Asked Gina still distrustful of their interlocutor.

“Vic Angelo, the producer of those crazy films of those Pizza chef bank robbers?”

“I haven´t watched any of them.” -Gina replied.

“What are you saying? We watched it together!”

“It shouldn´t impressed me, because I can´t remember.” -She continued demeaning the producer who was staring in front of them with a frivolous smile in the face.

Discouraged and aware that Gina would be an insurmountable wall to reach Meg´s true essence, Vic handed his personal business card to Meg, inviting her to do a screen test for a possible acting job.

Meg´s face was shining with hope and joy while looking at the card, her heart started pumping fast considering the idea that the restricted gates of the movie world could finally be opened to her, however, Gina didn´t share her enthusiasm and from the very first second was trying to talk away from the idea to Meg.

Back in their apartment, Meg couldn´t hold herself, daydreaming with that screening test that was supposed to happen in two days.

She rehearsed in front of the mirror reciting the lines of her favorite films. In her mind, making it into the film industry would redeemed herself for the harm she´s done to her family and ex-boyfriend by running away from them, but Gina wasn´t supportive of the idea, and was trying to push her away from that direction, which led to the first strong serious discussion they ever had.

“Don´t blind yourself with all those Hollywood lights, is all bullshit!!” -She told her after catching Meg rehearsing in front of a mirror.

“Why are you so negative? I was counting on your support.”

“Have you forgot how many times so many self- called movie moguls have tried to get into your pants promising you that they were going to make you a star?! Who was there to protect you from them?!”

“This is different! Vic is a real producer!”

“He´s a man, he just wants to get you laid and then drop you!”

 “Stop with this, stop all your negative thoughts!! I left everything behind, my family, my boyfriend, my life!! Becoming an actress would make all this journey meaningful!”

“Is all fake! The movies, the stars, the producers! That sign on the hills is rotten! I won´t allow that you ruin yourself!!

Meg couldn´t believe what she was hearing, and recriminated Gina her attitude.

“You won´t allow me?! You don´t own me, bitch!”

“I don´t own you?! I created you, dumb bitch! I passed my skills on you! You wouldn´t be anything without me!!”

“You´re so wrong! Is you who doesn´t want me to be anyone!”

“Look around you! How did you get this house?! How did you get this life?! I taught you my skills, I made you who you are!!”

“I´m going to start thinking that you´re jealous of me!”

“Jealous? Who do you think you are!”

“You´re not afraid of who I am, you fear who I will be!”

“And who you want to be, another brainless screen bitch?”

Out of impulse Meg slapped Gina.

“Shut the fuck up!! Is my fucking life, I decide what I do!!” -Meg recriminated her.

Gina felt helpless, she was afraid that Meg was going to dump her if the Hollywood thing was successful, and rage blinded her judgment. Infuriated she slapped her back pushing her to the floor getting on top of Meg strangling her.

Gina was stronger than her, and Meg couldn´t defend.

“You´re so special to me!! Can you understand?! I don´t want to lose you!!” -Gina screamed out of rage while hurting her bestie.

“Get out of me, you psycho!!”-Meg exclaimed trying to push her away from her.

Out of desperation, Gina bit Meg lip making her bleed, with an instinctive survival mode, Meg punched Gina making her fall to the ground away from her.

Meg sat on the floor trying to catch her breath, while Gina, still suffering her rage outburst, got on her feet storming out the house.

“You´re an ungrateful bitch!” -She yelled before leaving the place.