“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” 

-Lewis Carroll


I held the Walkman with a smile as I listened to Whitney Houston at full volume ignoring the moans of my sister, Acebeth, with my father behind the wheel. “You’re not going, Ace,” my father said, gripping the steering wheel impatiently. The rain was hammering on the windows furiously as the road zigzagged in the middle of the night “stop shouting, I’m at the wheel!”

“But it’s not fair!” I heard his shouting through the music “Jhonan will be at the disco and I haven’t seen him for months” she pouted insistently patting father’s arm “please daddy ….”

“I told you no, Ace,” he reaffirmed, alternating his gaze between the road and my little sister, “you’re already seventeen, why can’t you be more like your big sister?” he pointed at me for a slight second before turning her attention back to her “you need to focus on your studies, leave the boys aside and…”

“That’s not fair, Jhonan is very important, I’ve been waiting a year for him to ask me out on a date!” she shouted as he shook his father’s seat with force.

“Acebeth, be careful, you might cause an…!” before he could finish the sentence the sound of a wheel screeching against the slippery road caused a loud bang. The steel of the car hit the gorge after a dizzying fall of a few seconds in which I held my breath. 

Seconds. 

That was how long it took to lose everything. 

My first instinct was to throw myself against my sister’s body to withstand the blow, causing the broken glass to smash against my body, sending me flying out of her window onto the grass.

I breathed in feeling my body on fire and crawled in the middle of unconsciousness listening to the distorted ‘I wanna dance with somebody’ in the background. I dug my nails into the bloody mud until they crunched ignoring my body’s outbursts of pain and I shrieked through tears and sweat dragging my defective body to my sister’s hand, her red nails stood out under all those blue pieces of metal, I reached her and held her tightly hoping for some sign of life. 

However, I got nothing. 

But I didn’t move. I stayed conscious, unmoving, holding my little sister’s frozen hand for what seemed like decades until I heard the ambulance. Men tried to hold me but I avoided their touch like sharp blades, staring into their eyes until I heard a murmur. 

A faint murmur, coming from me.

“Her…” my strangled voice cut the air “Sa…save h…er” I spat blood from my mouth staying on that floor until they took her body out of the car, or what was left of it.

As they carried her into the ambulance I allowed myself to feel the pain.

I allowed myself to feel everything.

I allowed myself to embrace Morpheus arms and let myself drift in a lake of dreams.

She would be okay. That was all that mattered.