It was just a dream but it will hunt me for ever! i cant stay focused ever since..i cant..


It was April when we first traveled to an other country different a lot than of what country we are from me and my man back then.. Back then i was drinking alcohol with lexotanel and hypnostedon as a sick bastard i am. And so the problem started..


I started to lose it dreaming of a secret admire rich guy that wanted to meet me and be my boyfriend but i was in a crisis because of you cant drink alcohol with lexotanel and hypnostedon for ever without loosing your mind and having a crisis.i dont want to say a lot as i dont want to remember or meet any guy at all anymore.. That secret admire found my facebook page perhaps he even knew my phone but that didnt scared me at all. What scared me is that he started talking all alone At fbmessenger without me speaking to him after a certain point and he also send me dick pics and i reserved them after i said goodnight because of he didnt reply at all to my msges. Thr maximun we talked and i figured out it was that he has been hacked so i cleared him that there is no way i would ask for his adress or phone number but after he stopped talking for long at messager and i got tired of waiting him and wanted to sleep, he sended him dickpics and blocked me without to letting me acting natural and blocking him too lol


It was 3 December 2023 when we traveled again to this specific country at one of the countre's main city that i was full of madness as i was dreaming awake different stories just because i havent had a proper sleep more than 8 hours as i want it because i love to sleep so for the 7 nights we had there at this specific city i was sleeping less than 8 hours driking alcohol 7 beers at least for 7 nights with my man. Ill never forget what i did to my self that day.. now there is a porn film at this country in my name and i havent get over it ever.. i was stoned drunk horny and i was saying everything they wanted to hear as i always do with people or at least until we got back.


At 10 of December i dreamed i invite rich people to a fake party in my facking place.. if this wasnt a dream i would like to apologise and be sure you wont see me again..


We broke up with my man because of inside my crisis and dreams while we were talking at phone and telling him about that dreams he made me feel special for having them and not crazy as i was so i asked him " can you control my feelings?" He replied " your feelings your thoughts your friends everying in order not to lose you cause i love you" and i didnt facking liked that at all! So we broke up and we continue talking on internet like we were having a relationship or at least this is how ive seen it and i was always feel so much pushed after our brake up because of i was talking to him! It was like i didnt had dignity.. i knew that he would take my computer as it was his present but i didnt care , i wanted my freedom!


It was February when we was back together again but it wasnt the same and i wasnt feel right about it so we went to this country again in this specific city again and i had noodles for eating at the plane.Problem started when i started throwing up badly and i was ready to die.I survived somehow and everyone was clapped at me haha but while i was throwing up i saw reaper three times as an illusion and i knew i was ready to go and be dead inside facking plane's toilet but i said no to reaper. I have plenty of things to live and so much more to see .. vomit stopped and i felt better And a guy there with a baby face start to talking at me just a bit and i said " i would kiss you but l thrown up so maybe an other time " and of course my boyfriend back then got jealous for one more time ,didnt letting me talking to nobody there or anyone especially man as he was always do and it was the first time i said fuck you and meant it to him. First time felt real goood and i knew then that i dont love him anymore .!


So we broke up, kept all those dreams inside me and now i dream awake different stories,saying my thoughts out loud because im a crazy but good person deep inside and an introvent for so much long i cant even remember and the fact that now i dream awake after i quit alcohol and those pills and also that i am single too fix my mood and i dream about positive things!


One of the lessons in life i got from this story is to never ever mix alcohol and those pills again. . . Perhaps ill never drink alcohol again or perhaps i would if i find friends that can handle my madness i would drink just one beer for them and with them 😉😁


Take care ❤️