Eleonora

When the room went dark she heard her name.

“Eleonora!”

It was an extremely stupid game. The room was illuminated by a powerful lamp in the middle, and all the girls could switch it off. They all have a separate switch on their hand, remotely connected with the lamp. The boys would say the name of the girl they thought it was, and if they were right she would guess, from the tone of his voice, if she loved her or not.

It usually led to a lot of funny comments, but now the room was silent.

Eleonora was in a wheelchair. She has been there since she was three years old. Her family adopted her from Romania, when the end of Ceausescu’s regime brought chaos and small children were left abandoned in nurseries and hospitals. She apparently had been vaccinated against polio, but something happened and she took it two years after she was adopted. She lost control of three out of four limbs, but her family was extremely supportive and she managed to get a good education.

Now that she also managed to have a good company of friends, that took her out as much as they could. One of them, Thomas, was a extremely good-looking guy who always took her in her arms when she could not manage to get past something on her wheelchair.

He was the guy who said her name. She was sure of it.

The room was silent.

Very silent.

It was her who switched off the light. She should have said that. But she couldn’t.

Nobody called her “Eleonora”. Her nickname was Eli and everybody was happy with it. Eleonora was a pompous name, and everybody would believe she had royal blood in her, that she was a princess, and this embarrassed her.

But what struck her was the tone of his voice. It was like a call for action. It was like “Eleonora! What are you waiting for?”

It punched directly in her heart, and her body shrinked.

Everybody was waiting for her answer, but instead she switched the light on.

“Sorry, I spoiled the fun. I should not have done it!”, and awkwardly tried to leave the room.

Terry, the girl next to her, who happened to be the host, sensed she was in trouble and took her out of the room.

“Don’t worry. You can play without us. We’re coming back soon.”

The room in which they played the game was her living room, and she took Eli in her own room, and closed the door.

“Now you can relax Eli. If you want you can tell me what happened.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Wrong answer. I’m extremely curious!”

Eli kept silent.

“I think you take things too seriously. You are a student. After school students have fun!”

Still no answer.

“Silence can be more powerful than words. Your silence means only one thing. You love him!”

“No. I don’t!” – cried her – “When I heard his voice something in my mind told me he loves me, but it’s not possible. That’s why I could not answer.”

“Then you could have said no. But you couldn’t because you love him.” – she pressed on.

“No!” – she cried embarrassed – “I never thought of him in three years we know each other!”

“I can’t believe you. And there’s nothing wrong with it. We all love him.”

“He’s in a relationship.” – reproached her.

“I told you: you take things too seriously. Anyway, to love him doesn’t necessarily means to bed him, isn’t it?”

“He has a high opinion of you. If someone says anything against you he always stands for you. To be honest, we all stand for you, but he admires you in a way we don’t.”

She looked at Terry with her large eyes, gray and transfixing.

“You should have tried. You should have told them: “Yes. It was me and Thomas loves me!””

“Everybody would have laughed at me!” cried Eli visibly uncomfortable.

“Of course, and everybody would love you much more now.”

“Do you love people you make fun of?”

“No. We love people that sometimes make fun of themselves. Ok girl. Do we come back? Maybe I find Thomas loves me!” – laughed her.

“You can go. I stay here” said Eli.

“No way! Your mum will kill me if I do. When you go out with us you stay with us! You have all the time in the world to stay on your own at home.” – and she took her in the main room.

She didn’t protest. Her mum was very clear. Eli must be watched closely, especially when she was excited. Eli promised her she wouldn’t hide anywhere, and her friends promised her to take care of Eli.

When Thomas took Eli home he had to pick her up, put her in the front seat, fasten her, and put the foldable wheelchair in the boot. When he did it that time she had completely new sensations, and could not meet his eyes or tell him anything. He didn’t take any notice, apparently, and there were other three people to take home, and Eli would be first to be taken home. No time to discuss the incident.

They had plenty of time in the next days, because she committed herself to help him with his studies to repay him for all the times he took her out in his car. She was a genius, and she was reading quantum mechanics, while Thomas was taking civil engineering. He already had his road paved, because his father had a plumbing company, and he didn’t have any incentive in puttinng much effort on his studies. But still he wanted to pass the exams, and some of them were hard for him.

For her nothing was hard. She read all of her books and his books, and could easily pass both courses, in fact. And until that day she never thought of him as a boyfriend. Her perception of herself was a wooden log with a head and a tentacle. A horrible monster nobody, not even herself, would ever see naked. Sometimes she pictured herself with a boy, and as soon as he takes her clothes off he laughed at her, or vomit, or ran away crying. She was horrified to even think about it.

Thomas was at Eli’s place, studying with her, while her mother was outside. Her father left them both because he couldn’t bear his life with them. However he provided for her as much as he could. She never realised she had something to do with their separation. Her mother sacrificed family life and career for her without any hesitation, and she never made Eli feel guilty for it, not even once.

Eli was studying for one of her exams, and at the same time researching for her dissertation. Thomas was struggling with some physics in one of his exams, and she was patiently explaining him about it, without much result, though.

There was something in her mind, though, that prevented her to fully commit to her studies.

“Why did you call me Eleonora that night?” – she abruptly asked him.

“Because it’s a lovely name and suits you very well. I know you want to be called Eli, but at that moment your real name came out of my mouth.”

His eyes meet hers for a moment, and backed down. She had a glimpse of his face, and it was smiling, but also selfconscious. Eli has this extraordinary ability to stare at people with eyes wide open, without blinking and with a calm, thoughtful expression. She did that when she was investigating something, but she always forgot this makes people uncomfortable.

He met her eyes, still fixated on him, for a second time.

“Is there anything more you want to know from me?”

“Yes. Did you see me switching off the light?”

“Yes. I did.” – pause – “If you keep staring at me, I’ll never be able to study.”

She was undeterred.

There was another question should love to ask him, but now emotions were mounting and paralysing her.

She wanted to ask him: “Have you been looking at me all the time that evening?” and “Do you love me?” but the words simply could not get out of her mouth.

The sound of keys opening the front door broke the enchantment, and they quickly resumed their work as nothing happened. Her mom asked if they wanted a break with coffee and something to eat and both of them agreed enthusiastically.

In the next days they didn’t have much chance to meet. She didn’t need him to go to school because she had an electric wheelchair, and London Transport is very good in handling disabled persons. She had friends at school she could meet, and he had plenty more. She also was assiduous in her studies and she spent most of her time on them. In fact, many conversations she had came from people who passed by and stopped her studies to start a small chat, often by asking how does she felt and if she needed anything. She didn’t like it, but she tolerated it. Everybody was nice with her.

Until one day it came a girl, out of nowhere and glared at her with hatred. She was beautiful, with long red hair (dyed, though), long legs open for view as much as was legally possible, and a black t-shirt with lot of puppies. It left open for view her navel, showing a distinct hip curve, barely any fat and a small piercing.

“Is this Eli? Who are you to look at my boyfriend! Take your bloody lustful eyes out of him, or I will close them forever!” – and she opened her two fingers simulating poking them into her eyes.

Eli was terrified. She didn’t know what she was talking about, and she couldn’t figure it out.

The girl then turned to leave. On one side of her shorts “My angel” was written. Then she turned round again.

“What can you possibly give him? You can’t do anything! You’re a basketball on top of a rubbish bin. Do the world a favour and leave him alone!”

In facts this conversation was peppered with swearing and rude words, that here are spared for convenience.

At this point one of the professors was at the door of his room and looked at her:

“I think you should go out, recompose yourself and come back in when you’re calm. Do it now, because this will greatly affect the tone of the report I’m going to send to the safeguarding team.”

She looked at him and she realised maybe she went too far. She left the corridor.

Eli was shaking.

“Are you fine? I can call for help if you wish.”

“Don’t worry. I know who to call in this situation.”

Eli then found a quiet space and called her mum. Then she went to a quiet room, a room specifically meant to be used by students and staff emotionally overwhelmed to chill out.

Five minutes later Thomas came to her extremely worried. He bent on his knees before her wheelchair.

“Oh my God, Eli. What happened? Your mum told me a girl randomly assaulted you!”

She described the scene and recalled every single word she said.

“I’m sorry. I think it’s Rose. I dumped here last night.”

“Best decision of your life!” – snapped her – “But how can I possibly be involved?”

“I already wanted to dump her, but yesterday she said something about you and I got upset. I think she mixed up the two things. I’m so sorry for her. She won’t get away with it! Promise.”

At that moment she couldn’t care less anymore about her, or about the world itself. She was staring at him like he knew she used to do sometimes. As always, words could not leave her mouth.

He understood the ball was in his field and he just did it.

“I love you Eleonora.” – he said. His voice was trembling.

She closed her eyes.

“Can you do me a favour, Thomas?”

“Everything you want.”

“I need to speak with you, but now I have to ask to leave. Now!”

“Of course. I’m just scared Rose may come back.”

“Don’t worry about her. Just leave.”

Thomas left. His heart never felt so heavy.

Her heart, instead, was about to explode. She had to take a couple of pills.

She called her mum again.

“Hello mum!”

“Hello love. Feeling better?”

“I think I’m dying. Thomas just told me that he dumped his girlfriend and he loves me.”

“O dear. I shouldn’t have asked him to come and check on you. Did you take your pills?”

“Two of them.”

“Two?” – “Please love, no more pills. I think you should now come home. Here you’re safe.”

“No mum. I’m not missing my lessons for any reason in the world. I find them the most soothing thing in the world. I will be fine.”

“Are you sure? Is he with you now?”

“No. I sent him out.”

“Good girl. How do you feel about what he said?”

“I’m good now. I love him too, but I want to speak with him about it.”

Dead silence.

“Mum? Are you there?”

“Yes, love. I think we should speak when you come back. And before you speak with him.”

“Of course mum.”

She then left the room because there was a lesson scheduled in ten minutes.

Thomas was outside, extremely worried.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine now. I need to go to a lesson. Speak you soon, yeah?”

“Yes, Eli…” – and ten his phone rung.

“It’s your mum. Do you want to stay with me?”

“No love…Thomas…I think my mum has something to tell you about me.”

“That would not change my mind, Eleonora.”

She remembered she couldn’t take any more pills, and she left.

He picked up the phone.

“Hello.”

“Thomas, you could have killed her!”

“How? I just spoke my heart out. It’s one year I wanted to tell her that.”

“Oh dear, you just chose the worst possible moment. Do you have time to speak with me in person?”

“I have lesson in ten minutes. Five o’clock at your home?”

“It’s perfect. Eli has a late lesson, and she won’t be here until seven.”

“See you at 5 pm then.”

“See you, Thomas”

As soon as her mother put down the phone she looked in the cupboard and in the fridge.

Then she went down and she came back with a bottle of gin and 6 bottles of tonic water, a bag of ice, and a few lemons.

Looking at all that stuff on her table she thought: “Now I feel safe!”

“I like Gin Tonic”, said Thomas while looking at Eli’s mum sipping one.

“Go and buy one”, she answered.

“Are you going to drink the whole bottle?”, retorted him.

“Of course. Maybe not now.”

He looked at her intensely.

“Ok. Have one.”

While he was making it he asked her: “Do you think we should tell her what happened between us?”

“Nothing happened between us!” – said her – “And it’s none of her business. And it will not happen again. It was a mistake. My mistake, not yours. But please don’t say anything to her.”

“Ok. What if she finds out?”

“How? And again, it’s none of her business. And especially if you go out with my daughter, if you do anything that upsets her I will kill you! Promise.”

“I will never do anything that upsets her.” – he said her while sipping his gin tonic.

“Eli is the apple of my eye. I would love to see her going out with a boyfriend, especially such a good-looking one as you are, but I’m not sure you’re fit for her.”

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you love her?”

“How can I know that?”

“Ok. What do you like of her?”

“She has a wonderful mind, she doesn’t lie, she is serious, she doesn’t think just about parties, and weed, and music. She has plans for the future, and I believe in her.”

“And you’re not going to cheat on her.”

“No. I won’t. Now I understood that all girls take me as on object, as a kind of pastime for when they are bored, or stressed, or anxious, whatever. If I have to be an object, I want to be the object of a woman I admire.”

“Do you think I treated you as an objent?”

“Of course. A single-use dildo.”

She laughed.

“Fair enough. To my defence, I never had chance to actively look for a proper relationship since Eli was ten. I’m not complaining. Eli is way more important than my sexual life.”

“If I go out with her, you may have more free time to see someone.”

“That is the important point. My daughter needs a lot of care. A lot. She does all she can on her own, but it’s not much. My husband left me because of her. And I was here taking care of her all the time while he was working.”

“But I love her, not you.”

“That,s good!” – said her. Both laughed.

“Madame, to be honest, I’m somehow counting on you with Eli. Are you going to leave her to me if we go out together?”

“Of course not. But I expect you to do as much as you can. The problem with you is that you probably went to bed with all the university. I want to be sure that Eli is not just another tick in your list.”

“Eli is the only woman I loved since I started university.”

“Did you love someone before?”

“I was young, and now she’s far away from me.”

“If it were true love, distance would not be a problem. I can tell you. My daughter needs are way more than that.”

“I know her needs, it’s three years we are friends, and I took her everywhere!”

She looked at him. She was sympathetic, but not optimistic.

On the other side, her daughter deserved a boyfriend, like any other woman, in fact more than most of her schoolmates in her opinion. She looked at him with sorrowful eyes.

“Does your family know about her?”

“They know nothing about my relationships.”

“How do you think they’re going to feel about it?”

“I don’t know.”

She felt so heavy now, thinking at the time ahead, and the inevitable problems they were going to face.

“Thomas, I think I can stop questioning you now. There is a lot on the table, and for today it’s enough. I just want to remind you to take this commitment seriously. You break my daughter’s heart, I kill you.”

“I won’t.”

“Another thing. No weed with her.”

“Too late!”

“What? Don’t you dare…”

“Madame, she already tried it when I gave it to her. I swear. She told me that it helps with her pain. I can tell you, she’s not chainsmoking.”

She looked at him with interest now.

“As I said before, I didn’t tell you everything about my daughter, but you may already know something.”

“I do. And I love her even more.”

“Now, Thomas, please go. Eli is coming soon, and I don’t want her to see you here.”

“Ok madame. Let me just tell you that you are very like your daughter.”

“She has been adopted, Thomas. See you.”

And he showed him out.

She made herself another cocktail. Probably some weed would help too, she thought. And sighed.

When her daughter came back she didn’t have the courage to speak with her. She was so excited! Her electric wheelchair raced through the flat like a go-kart.

“First thing in the morning tomorrow we book an appointment with a gynecologist. I want to know if I can have sex, I can have children, and what are the chances they will be like me.”

“Don’t you think you’re going too fast?” – her mum said.

“No mum. I’m not making Thomas waiting for my decision forever!”

“Do you want to go out with him?”

“Desperately. I can’t wait. But I’m not going to lie to him. I know I’m difficult.”

“You’re not difficult, dear. You have special needs.”

“It’s the same thing mum. Do you think he’s going to be patient with me, mum?”

“I hope. He already knows you. A bit.”

“I think we should invite him for dinner, and prepare something you need to feed me with.”

“Goulash?”

“And pudding!”

“Ok love. Cous cous with goulash?”

“That’s perfect.”

“Does Thomas like spicy?”

“I hope. I will ask him.”

Next day the first disappointment came: the gynecologist could not see there before 15 days.

“Mum!” – Eli cried – “It’s a catastrophe! The chain reaction of this will bury us all!”

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting? Sometimes you just want to be patient. Do not rush into a relationship. You never had one. Girls start by holding their hands…sorry Eli…first kisses, sharing icecream, sweet words. It took me years before having sex.”

“How old were you when you had your first boyfriend?”

“Twelve”

“Twelve?” – cried Eli – “If I ask Thomas to wait 15 days he will fuck around for fifteen days!”

“Oh dear, you should try and trust him.”

“He’s lovely and cute, mum, but also a male.”

“Come on girl, don’t feed on stereotypes. Besides, what can you do?”

She pointed at her mouth with her hand.

Oh my God, Eli. What’s wrong with you? Eli, you must promise you’re not going to do anything silly in these fiteen days. You know what? We hold this dinner, and then you and Thomas start going out together, and you speak with him. Eli, you just speak!”

“Kisses?”

“Kisses are fine.”

“When it’s dinner with Thomas?”

“I would do Friday.”

“Friday? Today is Monday!”

“Eli, we are out with my family on Wednesday, and I don’t want big dinners every day.”

“Goulash and pudding is not a big dinner.”

“You make it then.”

“I can’t and you know that.”

“Friday it’s fine, and you will entertain Thomas until then, with no sex.”

“I will need a lot of my pills then.”

“You’re not going to take any pills, Eli. This is just blackmailing. You will stay with him, talk to him, know each other better, and see where this leads you. Now you have to go, otherwise you miss your lessons.”

“I have ten minutes. I need help with mascara, lipsticks, and we need to do something with my hair. They’re awful.”

“You never put lipsticks in your life, Eli…”

Her mother realised that she must seduce her family and Eli’s father for some funding, otherwise Eli would break the bank.

In the next few days all Eli’s friends and teachers noticed something different in her. She was always smiling, more excited, and well-groomed. The beauty of her eyes, especially, came out with a touch of eyeliner, and she received a lot of compliments. Rose sent her a box of expensive chocolate with a “I’m sorry!” card. Many of their common friends spoke with her, and urged her to make amend of her unacceptable behaviour, but he managed to avoid being reported. She never saw Rose again.

Instead, she saw Thomas all the time, and quickly rumours spread all around the school. They were at the library whenever they didn’t have lesson, and sitting very close to each other, speaking softly, with lips at few centimetres from each other. They were also eating together all the times. Someone tried to investigate, but everybody hoped it wasn’t what it clearly was.

Nobody had anything against Eli, but it was fairly obvious that it was getting serious, and Thomas would not be available for easy sex anymore, and many girls didn’t like it. Eli’s friends were clearly worried because they knew her, and they knew she could get emotional, and this could significantly impact her health.

One day, at the library, Eli was explaining Thomas the analogy between electricity and water falling on a inclined plane, and Thomas was listening attentively. She used a website in which there were available thousands of physics lessons, and she used her eyes to move the cursor and her voice to speak the commands. After years of using that system, it was second nature for her.

Thomas was listening to her, ravished. Her electric wheelchair was next to his chair, and they were both looking at her laptop’s screen. There was no apparent clue of anything special between them, unless you were looking closely. When he asked a question, he softly whispered in her ears, and her face opened in a large smile. She would answer the question using the graphic support on the screen, but sometimes she would speak with him, and he would lower his head until his ears were a few centimetres from her lips. A few times they exchanged words rapidly, and laughed with their heads nearly touching. Half an hour through the lesson they noticed four people, three girls and one boy, staring at them. They all knew each other, and as soon as Thomas and Eli turned their gaze on them one of the girls said, loudly:

“Is there anything you’re hiding from us?”

They looked at each other and smiled.

Thomas said, softly: ”This is a library. You should be quiet. We’re studying. Go and study too!”

“We’re not going to leave until you said what’s going on!” – retorted another one loudly, supported by the whole group.

Thomas and Eli looked at each other, then their head came closer and closer, until each one was feeling the breathe of the other. The others were breathless. Thomas was using his arm to help Eli leaning without falling over.

Then they went to their usual position and Eli said: “Sorry guys, we have a lot to do!”

The others took out their phones.

“Can you do that again please?” begged the girls.

Thomas laughed.

They did the same thing, but Thomas put his clipboard between them and the filming phones, and they kissed. A very gentle kiss, lips on lips, but it was long, and it was enough to mess up all the thinking train of Eli, that needed a few seconds to recover.

“You can’t do that!” – cried all the girls at once. They were sure they were kissing.

“This is more than enough.” -said Thomas softly – “Now you can leave us to our studies.”

Eli was becoming increasingly nervous.

“We’d better leave” – said one of the girls who noticed that – “But you’re going to tell us everything. E.vri.thing!”

Then they all kissed Eli and told her how jealous they were, and left.

Eli stared at them until they disappeared from sight, and only then she continued the lesson.

“I think I should go to the pub and leave you alone.” – said Eli’s mother.

“I come back at 11pm, and I trust you that nothing happens in the meanwhile. Is that clear?”

Thomas made thumbs up, and Eli nodded.

Thomas was feeding Cous cous and goulash in Eli’s mouth, but for each spoon he made a report news like it was a space mission:

“The soyuz 2025 is ready to leave Baikonur. 5…4…3…2…1…go!” – and the spoon with a mouthful of food lifted up till it was level with Eli’s mouth – “Now the soyuz is slowly approaching the International Space Station, but the docking station is not ready yet. It has to go round the world to wait for it.”

Eli was actually chewing the last spoonful, but she was attentively following the flying one, that was making circles in the air. When she finished she opened her mouth.

“Now the docking station is ready!” – and he slowly approaches the spoon to her mouth. Then suddenly he pulled away from it and into his own mouth.

“Docking aborted. Soyuz is lost in space. How sad!”

She looked at him wildly and stabbed his leg with her fork.

“Ahi!” – he cried – “You know Russians are not trustworthy.”

“Russians are very good at space operations. You owe me a piece of meat and a courgette.”

“I only have carrots.”

“That’s not a carrot. I want it!”

“But it’s the only courgette I have! And it’s four times the one I ate.”

“Next time complete the docking operations according to schedule.”

Mum closed the door. Love has the power of making two intelligent people complete idiots. But in a way she was happy. They clearly loved each other. He was just scared Thomas would just make fun of her, or satisfy some perverted curiosity, but it really didn’t look like.

When she came back the first thing she saw was the empty electric wheelchair. She got extremely worried. Then she saw them, quietly watching something on television. Both of them greeted her without stopping watching. It was an episode of a Sci-fi series, and they were both interested. She could see Eli’s head resting on Thomas shoulder, and Thomas’ arm around her.

“Eli’s just telling me everything that is wrong in this series.”

“Of course. I don’t want you to grow up and thinking that a spaceship can make a whole turn around a planet, in empty space, like an aircraft turning around a mountain.”

“I don’t watch movies with Eli because I can’t stand her comments.” – told him her mum.

“No mum. It’s me that I can’t watch any series with you because in all of them all characters behave like they haven’t got a brain to guide their actions.”

She went to look at them and she noticed Eli took her jumper off. She was on t-shirt. She liked long ones, easy to put on and take off, but when she left Eli had also her skirt, with covered all her lower limbs. She was extremely embarrassed to show her bony and distorted legs in public. However, it disappeared as well.

“Did I mention you do nothing while I’m out?”

“Yes, mum. And we didn’t.”

“I don’t see any jumper on you, and no skirt.”

“Mum, it was hot. And I didn’t show him anything.”

Usually, Eli wouldn’t lie, but she wasn’t sure at that moment.

Thomas confirmed, but he trusted him way less than her.

“You know what?” – said Thomas – “I go home. I call you tomorrow. I was just waiting for your mum to come back. I don’t want to leave my extremely precious creature on her own.”

She looked at him. She clearly wanted him to stay.

They kissed.

“Bye Thomas. Call me!” – said Eli.

“Thomas, can you do me a favour and put Eli back on her wheelchair?”

“Of course madame.”

She picked her up like it was nothing and deposed her gently on the wheelchair. She clearly liked that. They kissed again.

“Bye love.”

“Bye love!”

“Bye, madame.”

“Bye Thomas.”

When mum and daughter were alone mum asked:

“It’s true you didn’t do anything?”

“We kissed.” – said her.

“That’s fine.”

“A lot.”

“Still fine.”

“Uhm…And where were his hands?”

“All over my body!” – answered Eli and burst out laughing.

“I knew it. I kill him!” – snapped her mum.

“How was at the pub?”

“It was very nice actually. I made a couple of friends. It may result in few more dinners.”

“Ok. I have to learn how to be horrible, make a mess of all my food and falling on the floor screaming and salivating.”

“Eli! I hope you’re joking!”

“Of course I am. I’m happy you find someone. So you take off your eyes from Thomas!”

She looked at her mum and smiled.

“Do you think I may have thoughts about my beloved daughter’s boyfriend?”

“I saw you smoking weed with him two years ago.”

“Impossible. I don’t smoke in front of you.”

“Ok, I saw you and Thomas in the same room that smelled of weed.”

“I’m sorry about that. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“And I can’t imagine a man and a woman both single smoking weed together and not going to bed together.”

“Eli! This is going to far, don’t you think so?”

“Maybe” – she told her – “but I’m happy if you find someone.”

She was dead serious.