Edgar’s Homecoming

by

Ken Alvarez


The man she buried is back and knocking. How could this be? She saw his corpse in the coffin at the wake, he was totally dead. Or was he? There he is, as large as life on her Ring Camera. Barbara shakes her head in disbelief, who should she call? Who can she call? This is all Heather’s fault, it was Heather who convinced her to go see the Voudan Priestess to get rid of her husband.

Minimizing the Ring App she dials Heather’s number, the call goes to voicemail, of course it does, it is just after midnight and Heather is either at a bar, a party, or already bedding her conquest for the night. Barbara hits redial six times before Heather finally answers.

“This better be good bitch, this man has a tongue you would not believe.” Barbara whispers into the phone, “Edgar is back, he’s on the porch right now. I don’t know what to do.”

“Have you tried calling Maman Decuir Barb? She should be able to tell you what to do.” Shaking her head Barb responds, “I don’t have her number, this was your idea, and now Edgar is back.”

“I’ll text you her number, good night Barb.” Before Barbara has a chance to reply Heather hangs up. Cursing softly under her breath Barb checks the Ring Camera to see Edgar is still outside checking his empty pocket, looking for his keys.

A chirp comes from her phone alerting Barbara to a text message. The nervous woman wastes no time in dialing the number that her best friend sent her. Her call is answered by a sleepy sounding male voice with a heavy Louisiana accent, "Decuir residence, Victor speaking."

“Victor, I absolutely must speak with Maman Decuir, it’s about Edgar, he’s on my porch, trying to get into my house right now.” “May I have your name for Maman?”

“My name is Barbara Livmore, Maman sold me a powder to feed to Edgar, but it absolutely did not work, he is on my porch, trying to get into my house.” She hears Victor speaking Cajun patois to a woman, who Barb can only assume is Maman Decuir.

Maman Decuir takes the phone from Victor, “Oh child, you have troubles. You need to get Edgar out of sight before someone calls the police on him. Give to me your address and I will have Victor drive me out there.”

When she hears Barb’s address in Holmby Hills Maman lets out a low whistle, “Honey child you live in the bougie part of town. Get your Edgar inside and we will be there in about twenty minutes.”

Before Barb has a chance to respond Maman ends the call. Opening the door she reluctantly allows Edgar to enter the house, where she leads him into the bathroom.

The nervous woman spends the next twenty minutes pacing and checking her Cartier watch every couple of minutes. until the doorbell rings, startling her. Barb rushes to the front door to let in Maman.

Maman gets straight to the point, “Where is he Barb?” “I put him in the bathroom Maman Decuir.” she nervously leads Maman and Victor to the bathroom and steps aside.

Maman opens the door letting Edgar out. Victor, standing at a very well muscled, six foot seven inches easily catches the shambling Edgar Maman replies, “You are a foolish woman honey child, we will remove much more than just poor Edgar.”

Victor cruelly grabs Barb’s arm with his huge hand, making her squeal in pain. “Where is your safe woman?” Stammering in disbelief Barb responds, “Wha what does my my safe have to do with Edgar being here?”

Maman laughs, “This has nothing to do with Edgar and everything to do with your safe you fool. Victor, convince her to show us the safe and open it.” With a cruel smile on his face Victor squeezes Barb’s arm harder.

Crying with pain Barb agrees to show the safe to the thieves. In the bedroom she pulls on a painting, which is held to the wall with hinges. Rubbing her hands together Maman orders Barb to open the safe.

After fumbling with the dial a few times Barb gets the safe open, exposing multiple bundles of cash, expensive jewelry, gold coins, and a large revolver. Maman takes a bag from her handbag and empties the safe into it.

Victor pushes Barb to the ground before he expertly checks the revolver to see if it’s loaded. Pointing the gun at her, Victor demands to be taken to the gun vault, Barb stammers, “How did you know about that?”

Sneering Victor says, “We read about Edgar buying one of Roosevelt's rifles at an auction, we want his collection.” Barb shakes her head, “You can’t take them, several are very historical and important.”

Pulling the hammer back Victor shrugs, “Suit yourself, I will just shoot you and find it on my own.” Barb smiles slightly as the doorbell rings again, “My friends will hear the gun shot and call the police.”

Maman let’s out a laugh, “Those are actually our friends, here to help us take what we want.” Turning white with fear Barb leads Victor to a hidden staircase that leads down, “The vault is through here.”

Maman lets in four more men who look like they could be Victor’s brothers. The men waste no time packing up the gun collection before hauling them to their van. After loading the gun collection the men start with the artwork decorating the house.

Victor shoves Edgar and Barb into the vault. As she is trying to get to her feet Maman waves from the doorway, “Thank you for the gifts stupid woman, farewell and goodbye.” before she closes, and latches the vault door.

In the garage Victor is lowering the top on the 1969 and a half Firebird Trans Am convertible. Maman takes the passenger seat, and the group caravans out of Barb’s driveway.