Flame and Bident

“Thank you for walking the dog. My servant will be picking you and your parents up at seven tonight.” said Haden as he picked up Cerberus.

“What? Oh yes. Um, what sort of car will we be looking for?” said Ange.

“Car?” said Haden.

“Yes, a car. To take us to the Palms Centre?” said Ange. What did he think was going to be used, a carriage? 

For some reason an image came to mind of a gondola, it was all in black with a lantern at the front and a dark robed boatman with a pole at the rear. Ange shook her head to get rid of the silly notion.

“A car. Yes, of course. My man will pick you up in a car.” said Haden slowly.

“What sort of car?” prompted Ange.

Haden paused, as if trying to remember the make and model of the car he was driving or more likely being driven about in. “A black one?” he ventured.

“A black car.”

“At seven.”

“Okay then.”

“Yes. They will be there. I shall see you at the Ball.” said Haden. He then turned and departed through the door.

This time Ange was alert. She paid close attention. Haden walked through the door without bothering to open it. It wasn’t like some special effect out of a movie. One moment he was inside, the next outside and turning left and walking down the street.

What was going on?

Hades walked into the Halls of the Dead. 

“Hello boss, all ready for the big night?” said Mort.

“Yes.” replied Hades.

“And will sir be wearing the purple?”

“I shall.”

“Good, good. I’ll just get it laid out then,” said Mort as he made to move off.

“Wait. Do we have a car?”

“Car, boss?”

“A mechanical carriage that moves via power from an ingenious device.”

“Not horses?”

“Apparently not. Horses are no longer involved.” 

“Well, I’ll just go check,” Mort walked off, taking a side corridor. He was gone for what seemed a brief eternity but in reality was barely a minute.

“We seem to have an entire separate hall filled with these, cars. People get buried with them.”

“Are any of them black?”

“Most of them boss.”

Very well, pick one.”

Mort waited for a beat, “Any sort of car?”

“How would I know? A big one?”

“Very well boss.”

Ange had hurried to her parents and spent a nervous hour being fussed over by her mother and getting dressed. She examined herself in a mirror afterwards. The glittering dress shimmered and corruscaded, the light traveling across it in waves. She whirled about to see it from all angles. It looked very fine.

“You ready Ange?” called out her mother, “It’s nearly seven.”

Ange checked the time on her phone. It read 6:57. It was seven! She ran down the stairs to the living room. Her mother was looking amazing in her dress and her father, “Where did you find that Tux?” she asked him.

“Well, I couldn’t let you ladies down. So I had a chat with George. He said I could borrow this, for old time’s sake. What do you think?” he said.

“I think it’s very attractive,” said her mother with a smile, “Don’t you agree Ange?”

“Um, yeah.” struggled Ange, the concept of dad and hot being in the same descriptor was giving her trouble.

At that moment, there was a knock on the door. Her father opened it revealing a thin, pale man in a suit. He bowed.

“Hello, Arthur James Smith, I am, Mortimer, Haden, Lord of The Unterwold’s, man. Are you and your family ready? Excellent. This way please.” said Mortimer waving down the driveway.

Parked on the road outside was a large black Bentley. Mortimer directed them to the car and opened the door. He ushered them into the rear double compartment and then got into the front passenger seat. Then with a cheery, “Okay Charles. Let’s go,” the car started and the car took off.

In another space entirely not found on any earthly map three men, or at least male shaped beings sat about a table. 

The first one, a large man quite used to his assumed form looked over at the others. To avoid confusion, let’s introduce him. His face adorns pictures on mantle pieces across the world, often in a place of prominence. His image is everywhere. We shall name him The Lord of Lords, The Prince of Peace, colloquially known as Jesus. “He’s late,” he said.

The man opposite him cocked his head, he did not like how mortals often depicted him. He prefers, when off duty and able to adopt the guise of a tall bronzed man. We shall call him The Great Adversary, The Questioner of Heaven, also known as Satan. “He’s never late.”

The third being is also widely known, he is the most popular hero across all of Asia. Shorter than the others with a wiry frame he still wore a gold circlet upon his head. This is The Great Sage, Equal of Heaven, The Monkey King, Sun Wukong. He smiled, “Our friend Hades, Lord of the Underworld is on a date,” he said with a nod.

The other two opened their mouths in surprise, “Hades,” began Jesus.

“On a date?” completed Satan.

“The Hades we know,” said Jesus.

“No, the other bloody Hades, God of Sunshine and Rainbows. Of course our Hades, how many are there?” said Sun.

“And he’s on a date?” said Jesus.

“Well, he doesn’t know it, not exactly,” said Sun.

“How can he not know? Surely, the evidence would be obvious,” said Satan.

“Ah, he’s a bit out of practice. What with, you know,” said Sun.

The other two nodded. Hades had not taken bereavement well.

“Perhaps we should investigate,” suggested Satan.

“Yeah, make sure he doesn’t put a foot wrong,” said Sun.

Jesus nodded, “We are his friends, yes.”

“Okay, let’s go. I’ll get the cloud,” said Sun.

The Palms Event Centre was attached to the golf course and doubled as the clubroom. The Bently pulled up and Mortimer leapt out, raced about the car and opened the rear door. “Here we are, all safely delivered, Now I will just go and find his Lordship” he said.

There was a hiss from the front of the car and the driver’s window rolled down. Mortimer ran over to it as another hiss issued from within.

“We explained this a dozen times.” hissed Mortimer to the driver. There was a hiss, “You're being unreasonable,” another hiss answered him, “You’ll ruin everything!” said a frantic Mortimer. Still another hiss.

Mortimer ran back to Ange and her parents, clearly agitated, he hopped from one foot to the other.

“Um, this is so embarrassing, but you need to tip Charles. Just a couple of coins, any two will do really. Don’t know why he insists, very old fashioned.”

“This is very strange,” said her father.

“Oh, I think it’s a bit of fun,” said her mother, searching through her purse. “Bit like paying the ferryman, Isn’t that right Ange?”

Ange’s hand went to her purse, inside of which were the odd coins she had intended to give back to Haden. “Yes, just like, paying,” she looked over at the driver, “The ferryman,” she completed. She then withdrew six of the coins, walked over and placed them in a suddenly outstretched hand. In reply there was a hiss.

“Thanks Ange, don’t fear the reaper, eh?” chirped her mother.

Ange walked back and noticed Haden descending the steps as he walked towards them. He was dressed in a black, no purple, but so dark as to be almost black suit. “Yes, don't fear, the reaper,” she replied as Haden stopped in front of them and gave a little bow. Again, Ange noticed and breathed in the peculiar scent that he habitually wore.

“Angela Betina Smith, Margaret Angelic Smith, Arthur James Smith. Welcome, allow me to accompany you,” said Haden as he held out his arm to Ange.

For her part Ange regarded it as if it were a fizzing stick of dynamite. After a quick elbow to the ribs from her mother she smiled and took it.

Haden then walked with her into the Center, followed by her parents. As they entered the hall proper, heads turned to view the couple. Ange was suddenly aware that hundreds of eyes were upon her. She looked up at Haden, he seemed unaffected by all the attention. Well, maybe he was used to such things.

“You look good tonight,” she ventured.

Haden looked down at her, “Yes, thank you. You also, are, very…” said Haden, uncharacteristically trailing off.

“Yes?” said Ange.

“Well.” completed Haden, “I, I, I…” he continued stammering then trailing off. He looked about nervously, “I think I see an old friend, please excuse me Angela Betina Smith.” 

With that Haden strode off leaving Ange all alone.

In a corner Hades' friends observed the faux pas. Jesus had a hand over his eyes.

“Why are you doing that? You’re supposed to be omniscient,” said Satan.

“I am choosing not to exercise that power. How’s it going?” asked Jesus, not moving his hand.

“Our Lord of the Underworld is crashing and burning. If we don’t act now there will be no survivors. So, Jesus, you intercept gloomy pants, Satan you have the mortal. Keep her here by any means possible.” said Sun.

“What are you going to do?” asked Satan.

Sun smiled, “What I do best. Improvise.”

Ange just stood there watching Haden’s departure and tried to process what had happened. Had she said something? What was going on? 

“Hello Angela, name’s Stan. I’m with Celestia Constructions, Legal.  I noticed that you came in with Haden.” he said.

“Oh, do you know him,”

“Yes, yes, a good friend of mine, a very good friend, Can I ask how you two met?” said Stan.

Ange studied Stan. He appeared very much like every shady lawyer in every television series to feature such. Still, that couldn’t be his fault for looking like that, even if he had decided to pursue a legal career.

“I am walking his dog. I work for the pet store. Janine’s Petz and Friendz? Though I don’t know for how long. Haden must only be visiting.”

Stan visibly brightened and a smile that screamed ‘trust me’ spread across his face, “You’ve met Cerberus. How is he doing?”

“He’s very well. Well trained too. Do you know what breed he is? I can’t place him.” said Ange.

“Cerberus is best thought of as his own dog. You haven't noticed anything unusual about him?” said Stan.

Ange thought about that. Cerberus was very much his own dog, there was no doubt about that. He also appeared to have an effect on other dogs. Almost as if he could cast some strange spell over them.

"No, nothing that strange," said Ange. Aside from his name, Cerberus was the most normal thing in what had become a very strange week. "I think he likes me," she added.

"Cerberus has always been a good judge of character. Like all dogs really. And his master, come to think of it."

"Haden?"

"He did pick you to walk the dog."

"Look, it's been nice, but I think .."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, distinguished guests. Since this is a charity event I propose a challenge." came a booming voice.

Up on the stage at the podium was a wiry Asian man in a suit. Besides him was a bucket with a large stick standing up in it.

"Here I have a bucket full of quick drying cement and a cane that I found somewhere. Donate at least fifty dollars and try to pull the cane out. If you succeed I will also donate ten times what you bid and you keep the cane! Who's first? Be warned, the cement is drying rapidly." continued the man.

"That doesn't sound too hard," observed Ange.

"Then how about you start, I'll spot you.' said Stan. He withdrew a note from his jacket, "One hundred for this beautiful lady to try."

Before Ange could protest Stan had led her up to the stage and placed the note on a table.

"Go on," he said.

Ange was aware everyone was looking at her. She gave a wan smile and placed her hands on the cane, then pulled. Nothing happened. She gave it a few more heaves, but it remained immobile.

"She's just a girl! Give me a go." said a man.

"And me."

"Me too!"

"Oliver, show them how it's done."

There was no shortage of volunteers. The concrete hadn't quite set. Try as they might though, the cane would not budge 

"Are you enjoying yourself Angela Betina Smith?" said Haden from behind her.

Ange smiled as Lance turned bright purple as he heaved against the stubborn cane.

"It is fun, not what I expected." said Ange as a trio of men with bulging muscles asked if they could attempt it together. They positioned themselves around the cane in a triangle, but still, it did not budge. "There's some kind of trick?"

"Oh yes," said Haden with a chortle.

Ange watched another attempt and failure, "Care to tell me?" she said.

"Oh, no. That would be telling," said Haden.

They watched some more failures.

"Are you going to have a go?" said Ange.

"No. I have fallen for this trick before,"

"But you know it now.  Tell you what I'll sponsor you," said Ange as she felt for the remaining coins in her purse. "These six coins for Haden,"

"Lord of the Unterwold,"

"Yes, that. For him to have a go!" she said and then pulled Haden to the stage and scattered the coins on the table amongst the pile of money.

For his part the challenger picked up one of the coins and eyed it, "Hmm, Greek obol, circa third century BC. Very valuable miss, six is quite a small fortune. You sure?" he said.

They were valuable? Oh well, she had planned on giving them back anyway. Ange nodded.

"Alright, it feels like I'm robbing you, but all for a good cause. Lead on, big guy."

Haden walked up to the cane, placed both hands upon it and heaved. Against all expectations, the cane came free to the surprise of everyone, including Haden. Man and cane flew back, Haden stumbled as he backpedaled and then fell on to his butt.

It was too much seeing the normally stoic and proper Haden perform a pratfall. Ange burst out laughing, a huge convulsing belly laugh that was picked up by the rest of the crowd. Haden glowered as he attempted to get up, but was betrayed by a grin spreading across his face. Then, he was laughing too.

"Alas, alas. For I am ruined!" wailed the challenger's voice above the laughter.

The rest of the evening proved to be pleasant and enjoyable.  The food was excellent and Haden selected some rather exotic wines for the table.

“You seem to know your wines Mr Haden,” said her mother.

“Lord of The Unterwold,” completed Haden. “Yes, although all my experience comes from, an old friend,” he shook his head, “She is no longer with us though,” 

Her father nodded, “I’m sorry. To departed friends,” he said, raising his glass. 

Haden raised his own glass, “Yes, to departed friends,”

Haden suddenly no longer sounded stern and stoic, rather lost and alone. Was he adrift in the world, moving about randomly, rudderless and without a purpose?

“Who was she? Were you close?” said Ange.

“Amber,” at least it sounded like Amber, “A niece of mine. Taken before her time, they all were.” Haden said before drinking, “But, enough dwelling on the past. Tell me about yourself Angela Betina Smith. Your life must be a happy one.”

“It’s okay, but it could be better,” said Ange.

“Ange, Haden,” began her mother.

“Lord of The Unterwold,”

“Yes, that. Ange, he doesn’t want to hear about your causes,”

“No, I do. So, Angela Betina Smith. You have a quest? A geas?”

Again he had such a strange way of putting things. “Our rights and freedoms are under attack. We have to do something before we get sent back to the Dark Ages,”

“Ange,” said her mother.

“This is important mom, the Mayor would prefer all women stay at home, barefoot and pregnant.”

“So, this Mayor. He is your enemy then?” said Haden.

“Yes! Him and the rest of his establishment cronies. They talk like they want to help, but then just keep on being a pack of neanderthals,”

“A liar and a deceiver then. The blackest pits of Tartarus are not too deep for them in my opinion,” said Haden.

“Exactly! He’s proposing junior offenders join his Work for the Future Program. It’s forced conscription!” said Ange.

“I don’t understand,” said Hades, “Will not that make them better people? Service does make citizens.”

Her father perked up, “Now you’re talking. Also, Matt has some good ideas,” he said.

Ange rolled her eyes, “Dad!”

Her dad looked back, “What? Heinlein had some good points,”

“He was a total fascist! How you can like that movie unironically is beyond me,” said Ange raising her hands about her head. Did her father pick reactionary ideas just to annoy her?

“I think we have lost our host here.” said her father waving at Haden, he grinned and added, “Would you like to know more?”

“Dad!” said Ange. And her parents wondered why she hadn’t introduced them to most of her other boyfriends!

Haden rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “Yes, I am unfamiliar and would indeed like to know more. Also, Angela Betina Smith I can see that you feel this cause is just. How may I assist?”

“We will be picketing the City Hall on Wednesday. Let the Mayor know we don’t approve of his little Hitler Youth project.” said Ange.

“A siege. Very well. I will be there. What time is it?” said Haden.

“It begins at twelve. We’re meeting at The Ridgewood half an hour early.” said Ange.

“I shall attend there then,” said Haden

The rest of the dinner went without any further embarrassing incident. Afterwards, Haden escorted Ange and her parents back to the waiting Bentley. Mortimer helped everyone inside, including Haden. Quickly they were whisked back home and were soon being let out. Outside her parent’s house Ange faced Haden.

“I trust the evening was to your satisfaction, Angela Betina Smith?”

“Um, yeah, it was. I liked it, a lot.” said Ange.

“That is good to hear. Well. Now I must be…” said Haden, but he was interrupted. 

“Mr Haden!” called out her father. Ange looked over her shoulder. Oh, no.

“Lord of The Unterwold,” completed Haden as he always did.

“I found it,” said her father as he ran up and passed a slim volume to Haden. “Here, give it a read,”

“Dad!”

Haden looked at the cover of the book, “Starship Troopers? Very well, I shall read this. Thank you Arthur James Smith,” he said and then turned and entered the car. Soon it was driving off.

“Dad! You ruined everything!’ yelled Ange.

“What?”

Ange got changed and pointedly refused to talk to her parents. She then stormed out and caught a bus back to her apartment. She was still angry as she entered her room and slammed the door behind her.

“Bad date?” said Kat, stirring.

“The worst. Oh, it started well enough, but then my parents just ruined everything!” said Ange. She then gave her friend a synopsis of the evening. “I swear, my dad takes delight in embarrassing me,” 

“Ange, they are parents. It’s in the job description.”

“But he was about to kiss me and then dad ran up with that stupid book!”

“You didn’t try to kiss him then? If you wanted to, that is,” said Kat.

“Um, it’s hard. Haden is so incredibly formal. It’s like, like…” Ange trailed off as she considered the man. He said so little, but those snippets seemed to reveal immense pain, “Like a suit of armour,” she concluded.

“So, no kiss then?” said Kat.

“No, no kiss.” said Ange as she collapsed into her bed,

“No kiss goodbye boss?” said Mort as they returned to the Halls of the Dead.

“That would have been imprudent,” said Hades.

“Imprudent? Courtship has come along a bit in the centuries. You can indulge your wildest carnal desires on the first official meeting or even an informal one.” said Mort.

“Are you sure of that?” said Hades.

“Reasonably sure boss. Reasonably sure,” said Mort who had had an illuminating chat with Thalia on the matter.

“In any event. This is no courtship. The duty has been discharged,” said Hades, already walking to his waiting desk.

“Of course not. So, another meeting set up for Wednesday?”

“Yes, but that is official. The punishment of liars and deceivers. A casting down of fools,” said Hades.

“Okay, if you say so. Say, what’s that you have there,” said Mort, indicating the book in Hades's hand.

“A book. Do we have a Robert Anson Heinlein?”

“I’ll go check,”

“Yes, do that please.”

Monday eventually came, as Monday’s always do. Ange attended her classes, went to the bank, watched the shop and then organised the day’s dog walking. Eighteen! Ange wondered what it must look like with eighteen dogs leading her about. Last, as always, was Haden. He placed down the note like it was burning him and also, her father’s book.

“Please return this to your father, Arthur James Smith,” he said.

Ange looked at the offending book, “You have already read it?” she said.

“Yes. It was not long, although quite fanciful. I am not sure I understood all of it. Would you be able to assist me with that?” said Haden.

“Of course,” said Ange. Anything to set someone straight. It then occurred to her that she had not read the book, only watched the movie. “Now?”

“In a few days is fine. It was a most difficult text. I would rather that it was fresh in your mind. Also, you need to walk the dogs now.” said Haden.

“Yes, of course. How about Wednesday, after the protest?”

“I would appreciate that, Angela Betina Smith. I will retrieve the dog at five thirty,”

That Monday the walk was disrupted. Cerberus barked, pulled the leash free of her hand, scattering the other leashes as well before diving into the pond. The other dogs didn’t run amok, but patiently waited. As Ange gathered up the leashes, Cerberus returned. He was dripping wet and he held a shimmering, translucent human form in his mouth. His left mouth. He trotted up to Ange and dropped what could only be a soul at her feet. The middle head barked and all three looked at her expectantly.

“Um, thank you,” said Ange.

The right head barked.

“Yes, well, bring that with you. You can give it to your master,” she said as clarity hit like a sledge.

As would she!