She Vanished as the year ended.” I thought to myself. The sky was grey, the colour of a lifeless body. The wind was cold and harsh. The sea swayed but to me it looked as though it was cruelly crashing against a shore that didn’t want to be hit. 

I can still remember the walk to this cliff. The walk filled with the same warmth as any walk before this one. Jess and I had been talking. Sharing sweets and giggling over crushes we had on the boys at school. She had told me she liked Luke. “A nice boy with brown hair, piercing blue eyes, and a smile that seemed to be able to hold all the warmth of the sun.” That is the way she had always described him. 

When we had gotten to the edge of the fluff I hit an eerie feeling, but I told myself everything would be alright. I was so wrong. We were sitting at the edge of the cliff, dangling our legs, kicking our feet, giggling as we spilled secrets. I told her my parents are getting a divorce. I had found the papers in a folder at the bottom of the linnin closet when putting sheets away. Not even my older brother knew. Worse, one day when I had gotten home early I heard the reason why. My father had been sleeping with another man. Of course, my mother has to be accepting of my father. It’s wrong to not be accepting of gays. It’s wrong to marry someone and then come out saying you never loved her, but people won’t talk about that. 

I thought I was gonna cry when telling Jess my secret. “Your turn to tell a secret.” I had said flashing a smile. “Ok, but you must promise to never tell a soul.” She deemed. “I promise.” I said solemnly as we interlocked pinkies. 

“My mother has a new boyfriend named Brett. Two months ago Brett took me camping. When I was sleeping he began to unbutton my pyjama shirt. I woke up, screaming stop. I said no and he didn’t listen. There was no one around to do anything. Since then I haven’t had my period. I’m scared I might be pregnant. I’m even more scared to tell my Mum. I fear it’s all my fault.” Jess wept as I took her into a warm embrace. Pushing her hair out of her face. “Darling no, it’s not our fault. You are fk very brave telling me.” Her snot and tears soaking my shirt. I couldn’t care less about the shirt. All I wanted was to be safe dnd feel loved. 

She was my best friend. Forever in my memory. Ev Even though she isn't here she’ll always be my best friend. 

“I know a way to end this problem.” Jess stated suddenly as she stood, taking a step back. “How’s that?” I asked, peering at her. 

She didn’t answer. She outspread her arms as she took a step forward. She was getting ready to take another. I rushed to my feet and took her hand. Our fingers interlocked like they had many times before. Her hands were so soft and delicate. I tried to pull her away from the edge but I wasn’t strong enough. I screamed “No!” Though it didn’t do anything. Maybe the words fell on deaf ears or maybe the words never came out like I thought they had. Everything was so hazy, I can’t ever be certain. 

Now I stand at the edge of the cliff in horror. My body is numb. Tears stain my face. I deliberate over what to do next. I don’t know how I can live without Jess. She was my best friend, but to me she felt like so much more. I loved her like a sister. 

Whether I leave this world today, or keep fighting I know I’ll due with more then just her secret. I never told her she’s the one I’ve always lived for.