"I don't know if I'm capable of loving you, or anyone," Marie said, "I had a very bad marriage and it may have ruined me for relationships."
"Was he abusive?" Herrick asked.
"Not physically. Not until the end," Marie said, "But the violence really wasn't the worst of it. It was the constant lying."
"Lying is pretty normal," Herrick said.
"But most people understand that if you lie too much, you prevent others from knowing you."
"True."
"But what do you get out of a relationship if your partner is a stranger?"
"You get to be somebody else when you're with them."
She thought about it.
"I guess he must have hated being himself. I never looked at it that way. I always felt like he was laughing at me, because I was so gullible, such a sucker."
"Let me ask you, who was he pretending to be?"
"Well....he said he was a Christian..."
"Because you're a Christian."
"And he pretended to have gotten a degree from USC..."
"Because you have a degree. He wanted to be your ideal man. He just didn't have the balls to actually become your ideal man. I feel kind of sorry for him."
"You should feel sorry for me. Because I can't trust anybody."
"He isn't everybody. Most people aren't like him."
"I don't know how to quiet the voice in my head that questions every word anyone says to me."
"Let me into your life. I’ll earn your trust. No matter how long it takes."
She felt like saying, You had my trust once, and you proved yourself untrustworthy.
But instead she said, "You never told me why you got divorced. You told me that you two were incompatible, and that it was a “lesser love”, but I didn’t hear about the events that led to your divorce.”
“It was my fault entirely.”
She waited for him to explain.
“I cheated on her,” he blurted out. His face flushed red.
“I don’t want to get involved with a cheater. You know that. I left you once already because of your cheating. If you’re still the same person, why did you even bother driving up here?”
“I don’t want to be the same person anymore. I aspire to being someone better.”
“But what makes you think you can change?”
“I’m in therapy. And I’m sober. And I’m not touring much anymore. I find that loose women don’t throw themselves at me at Starbucks or the supermarket. Plus, honestly? My sex drive is way lower than it used to be."
Marie laughed and said, "That's not a really good advertisement for what you're trying to sell."
"
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