The frozen lake cracked beneath his feet. Suddenly this beautiful paradise he thought he was finding began melting. Suddenly a stark but deep realisation, a wave of morose sobriety came over him. It was a feeling that he thought wasn’t true. That ironically, he could blame society for. Often, we are told never to give up on your dreams, but what if your dreams aren’t so? What if they are fictitious…

And that was the realisation he was having. The cracking continued as he tried to remain tall, steady and firm. Onwards he continued, arguing back and forth with himself of needs and wants. “of course you should continue” “don’t give up!” “that’s what they want” “YOU’RE DIFFERENT”.

Of course, he debated, everyone was different, but Jimi was always going to be Jimi Hendrix, right? There wasn’t some sort of parallel universe where James Hendrix’s claim to fame was working in one of the first McDonalds to grace the United States.

 

“COWARD, EASY ROAD” these sort of words and phrases were coming to him, as he considered that this stark fact might hold some truth. Quickly, he got out his phone. Looking at his Instagram, he listened to himself. Henry Tennessee… he thought, now that’s a rockstars name. And as he thought that, his brain began buzzing in the way brains do when you take copious amounts of psychedelics. That’s what made him hang on. THAT’S what told him. It was his higher self! Suddenly the crack began to reverse, suddenly towers began to grow from rubble. He sat in this feeling, this release from himself. That it all was still possible. And then like a yoyo, plummeted back down to the ground. The buildings were still rubble. The crack was still growing. All of it was a glorious illusion. And he was stuck in a loop.

He started to wander but didn’t get far. The more he tried to move, the quicker the crack grew. Cracks began to appear. The night sky was brisk. Highly defined in its emptiness. Peace. Especially as the wind blew the clouds that had objected the stars from view.

He looked up, he looked left, he looked right, he looked down at the crack between his feet. The implosion in his mind caused him to scream internally and yell externally. “What do you want me for?!”

He didn’t know. He thought he did. He tried. So hard. He had a feeling of something beyond him since he was small. But at some point, it had all got so confusing, maybe around his mid-twenties. At some point he had noticed his parents were completely content in their routine, and didn’t care how boring it seemed. At some point, he was aware he was living at home. Suddenly these things were beginning to matter, and suddenly he felt very. Very alone.

Why was it that when he tried for something, sooner or later, something, a blockade would appear that seemed to indicate the universe was saying to turn around and reverse? In this age of social media hippy gurus, where it all means to just be, and you can do it all? If that was the case why wasn’t he on a stage, why was he… dreaming?

Suddenly the cracks began to multiply even quicker than before. What’s a dream? What’s going on? He was looking at himself as the lake began to make its appearance. And out of nowhere, a deep yet calm voice said, “what you want, not what I require” His heart began racing. Another sign to trust. “And what do you require?” he asked to the sky.

 

“Love”