The frozen Lake cracked beneath his feet, I stood back in horror knowing that every crackling sound a sound so pearcing and loud as I become hyper alert, hyper aware, hyper sensitive to every little thing around me like a swirling tornado im centred in, in that moment my body felt covered in tiny yet forcful brissels targeting my every sensory part. Time comes to a stand still... "PLEASE DON'T LET THIS BE IT, PLEASE" His voice shakened and quivering in fear the very sound of desperation filling the misty cold dark still air.

I close my eyes as I concentrate on my breathing, breath in 123456, breath out 123456. My chaotic panicked jumbled messy brain started to calm.

This is it this is were my nightmare ends, I can live free, in the distance I hear what sounded like a muffled chime not a chime you want to hear, everything fades everything becomes distant... Silence.


The alarm wasn't supposed to go off yet I never make it to the end of my dreams,

I reached over to my barely functioning iphone 5 debating if i should hit the snooze after all what harm can there be having an extra 10 minutes.

My inner voice decided the snooze was needed so i swiped the screen.

A moment passed before i let out a screech, i forgot the screen was smashed with tiny little sparkly shards of glass. Well that was decided i had no choice but to face the challenges of the day but firstly tending to my long spingly index finger as i could feel the slight trickle of blood with a stinging sensation.

I dont sleep very well, in fact when i do my mind takes me to the darkest of places almost like the devil taunting and dragging me into the unknown a place no one wants to be, just like when i am awake i feel trapped and locked inside whilst a robot controls my every being.

Why did the alarm have to go off, i sit at the edge of my run down beaten bed and avoid the broken spring that pearced my mattress. I place my feet onto the multi coloured paint stained floor boards and as i force myself to stand the tears immediately start staining my face, the warm sensation and salty taste of the inner hurt breaking its way through.

I walk slouching to the on suite bathroom and take myself and stand in front of the mirror, the reflection does not show the locked in me, the saddened abused helpless me, the me were im locked in chains and tortured by the sniggering and taunting of the souls in the darkness that await to pull me in and keep me hostage.

The image i see before me is of a middle aged woman with beautiful dark brown eyes and plump lips, long black hair rosey cheeks, a smile that could light a room and the robot that controls her has everyone laughing.

In the distance, the downstairs living room i could here what seemed was a ruffling noise and a whisper so vindictive, is it my mind or is there really vindictive whispers after all i have been known to be over dramatic, over sensitive even been told i live in the dream world. The question is is it real or is it not? Am i gifted or am i crazy? Do i deserve it or dont i?

I give myself a little pep talk, I WILL HAVE A GOOD DAY!!! I WILL AND CAN MAKE IT TO THE END OF THE DAY, IM NOT ALONE, I AM WORTHY. but a little voice echos through my brain saying

YOU WILL FAIL, YOU ARE CRAZY YES YOU WILL MAKE IT TO THE END OF THE DAY BUT EVERY MINUTE THAT PASSES WILL BE TORTURE. YOU ARE UNWANTED YOU ARE A FAILURE... GIFTED AS IF, YOU ARE SYCHOTIC.

I let out a sigh and hold onto the fact its halloween its the absolute best day of the year a day to experiment as surely thousands of others who are the same as me can't make me wrong can it?

After all its the one day i can be me, but in order for this to be successful everything and everyone needs to be in order as we need no blips. 

I feel the mood in me lighten i speak with my inner voices and we big are self's up we can have a good day it will be a good time.

Whilst im deep in thought I hear my children, there laughter and innocence could make your heart melt, a love so strong and pure it dragged me back into the present moment, I smile as for that brief moment that moment were everything stops, worries don't exist just feeling pure bliss.

"KIDS GET READY TODAY IS GOING TO BE FUN"

I mean what can go wrong?

Ding... My phone recieves a message, it could only be one person as iv shut every living soul out of my life just to scramble by, to save me from the brutal blows that the outside world can bring.

My heart starts to race as the previous message I sent was not hateful it was loving and calming, a little seed i planted that even the worst of people are not that bad.

After all we had a connection now, it was only two days ago i was put under to remove our unborn child, something no matter how early in a pregnancy no parent should have to experience. My mind is taken over and i relive that day "im sorry there is no heart beat"

The message come on just read it...

Dont you tell me what i wont do im on my way

The walls close in, my imagination stops creating a bright happy moment i just wanted, my brain starts racing were the hell has my door keys gone but whats the use i had been looking for days.

Its too late

I instantly jumped onto my bed and thru the duvet over me and put my arms over my head to protect me, the fear drowned my body, the adrenaline kicked in,

"please dont, please im sorry" i sob begging for mercy. 

My eyes hyper focus on his dark enraged frosty eyes, i struggle with eye contact but this time was different my eyes locked into his eyes... He reached into his cream well warn cargo pants pocket and in a instant flipped the small multi functioning tool that revealed a silver shiny blade...

This is it this is going to be the end of me, my stomach twisting and turning my brain at a stand still. He stood there like a monster a heartless cold soul. Before i could even think he pounced onto the bed hovering over me,

"please don't please what about the kids"

He started waving his arms