5/11/2024

 

Cracked

 

 

The frozen lake cracked beneath his feet…

 

He had been bevvying all day ,he had needed out of his flat and to speak to another human being.He was sick of staring at the four walls .He had so much pride in his wee flat when he had first got it ,he had painted the living room grey and mint green wallpaper ,he had a grey couch and grey carpet ,and he had felt it looked great and people had admired it when they came in .He was always hoovering and cleaning and his pals used to slag him calling him “ a good wummin wasted “ and “ the best housewife in Paisley”.Now he felt as if he was trapped in here and the grey was depressing .He had went out on his own ,there was a pub called the Victoria round the corner .The people in it were usually OK .He sat on his own most of the day ,listening and people watching ,no one had been rude to him ,lots of people said hello but no one actually invited him into company or struck up a conversation with him .He drank steadily for hours but didn't feel particularly drunk ,and the oblivion he wanted or the confidence to join in just wasn't coming .

 

He left the pub ,the air hit him and he felt a bit wobbly ,swayed a bit on his feet ,I'm fine he thought,and moved forward .” I don't want to go home ,I'll go a walk ,do me good” he muttered to himself.He started walking not sure where his feet were taking him .Used to have loads of mates ,he thought ,miserably .He had grew up in the english countryside a small place called bakewell ,his Dad had been from Paisley and when his mum died his Dad had wanted to “come home”.It didn't feel like home to him ,he didn't have a lot of family still living and he felt a bit of an undercurrent because he was english ,no one was horrible to him but still .He met a girl in college and they hit it off ,they had moved quite quickly and he had got his flat .Anna had moved in quickly ,just a one bedroom but it suited them both ,he had painted it and loved doing it for her ,and she tied everything together with her wee ornaments and her good eye and he loved cleaning it and making it nice ,for her .He was earning a not bad wage ,he was an apprentice panel beater and the guys he worked with were good company ,often watched the football together and went drinking together ,they called him a “sassenach “ and often joked about his accent and the way he pronounced his words ,was all in good fun or so he thought .He had always struggled a bit with crowds and could be shy ,but he felt the guys were nice and he had his Anna.They both loved gangster films and both were into eighties music ,and he worshipped the ground she walked upon.

 

 

Then that horrible day ,he came home from work with a pounding headache ,he could barely concentrate ,he rarely missed work but took a day off he thought i'll go home take a painkiller and lie down .He walked into the living room and caught Anna and his pal from work ,together .Her legs were wrapped around his waist ,the image still i intruded on his mind ,unwanted ,constantly .They jumped apart both looking stunned “Joe you are meant to be at work!”she shouted trying to cover herself up .He just stood there ,stupidly ,couldnt speak ,probably with his mouth hanging open .Although he was stupified ,his heart was breaking ,he thought heart break being agony was for the romance novels but no this was terrible ,he felt like he was dying .He finally reacted ,shouted “Get out my fucking house!” .They both scrambled to get their clothes on his “pal” could barely look at him .Anna kept saying “ let me explain ,you don't understand ,Im sorry “.He completely ignored her .When they both left he sat in his couch and cried and cried .He couldn't believe this could hurt this much .Anna tried to phone but he ignored her ,he tried to talk to his Dad and he just patted his shoulder and said “First cut is the deepest pal,she's no worth it …..” .Joe did believe she was worth it and couldn't understand how she could do this to him .He quickly discovered his pals were really Anna and HIS (he couldn't even bring himself to say

his name )pals.hadnt heard from any of them and they seemed to be taking their part .He felt so alone .

 

He looked around, he wasn't sure where he was ,he was in a wooded area anyway .The lake was frozen and how lovely ,he thought.A second thought ,how inviting….

 

He stood on it tentatively ,took several steps ,then it cracked ,he struggled to get his footing then fell into the water .The coldness took his breath away ,he gasped for air inhaling more water he sputtered .Then he thought maybe I should just let the water take me ?Who would care anyway ?He felt an enormous sense of tranquillity wash over him and closed his eyes…..

 

 

She had stormed out of the house earlier ,her mum was driving her crazy ,if she wasn't o n her case about her room it was her clothes ,her makeup ,her dress.She had bought a red mini skirt on Saturday she had saved up for it. Her mum had said it was too short and she wasn't allowed to wear it .This had caused another massive argument ,she had put on her long black coat and grabbed (Tilly)the dog saying she was out a walk before SHE could stop her ,hopefully she would bump into someone worth seeing before she went home and faced the music.She wasn't allowed in the balgonie woods but at least she had Tilly with her and her docs on shed be fine,yet another thing she wasn't allowed to do …

 

 

Suddenly Tilly started barking and going off her head ,she pulled on the lead “come on behave “she said.”Christ “ she thought is there someone dodgy out here a shiver ran down her back and her heart started to pound wildly she looked around ,no one .Tilly kept barking and pulling the lead .Is that a person ?She thought could see a flash of green and what looked like black hair amongst the ice.”Hello, are you ok?” She shouted no response. She saw a ripple and thought oh my god is he drowning?.She pulled her phone out and dialled 999 whilst her and Tilly ran down to the lakeShe stammered out there was an emergency and she needed help she thought someone was in the water .As she got nearer she thought the movement had stopped she leaned over ,it was a guy and he looked like he was unconscious without thinking she dove into the water ,the water was freezing ,she tried to hold her breath she remembered being taught something about gasping in water at school .She roughly grabbed the guys hood and pulled him to the edge ,she couldn't remember what she was supposed to do ,she was violently shivering she had never been so cold in her life .She battered the guy on the back and tried to sit him up .He eventually started coughing and spluttering .He turned round to look at her and She said “Can you speak are you Ok?” “ No ,but I will be “ he said and gave a sad little smile ,she smiled back as the sirens went off in the distance …….