A whisper away

 

 

“The alarm wasn’t supposed to go off yet…” She thought as she opened her eyes. In fact it wasn’t supposed to go off at all. She hadn’t slept a wink, her mind was too awake, the thoughts too fast, and the time not enough for them to slow down and let her drift off. She turned her head looking at the alarm clock on the cardboard box next to mattress she was sleeping on, her expression blank, as if she was zoned out, her mind a million miles away.

She looked at the time.

“6:30”

Her expression remained blank as she stared at the time. Her eyes remained on the digital screen of the clock until the minute turned and then went back to focus on the ceiling.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been staring at the ceiling, motionless, at this point it could have been a few minutes, hours… or even days… she wouldn’t know… time didn’t feel the same…

The sun slowly poked through the blinds, falling onto her wall in geometric patterns. Her eyes fell on the light on the wall as it slowly got lower and lower until it fell on her face. She stared right at the sun as it illuminated her eyes making her pupils retract. She wanted to feel something, anything...

She kept her eyes on the sun until she physically couldn’t keep them open anymore, and finally she sat up on her bed rubbing her eyes. It took a while for her vision to clear, the dark spots from staring at the sun a little too stubborn for her liking, but the annoyance from her unclear vision quickly faded, shifting back to the dreadful numbness she was trying to escape.

She looked around her bedroom. Other than the mattress she was laying on, the cardboard box she was using as a nightstand next to her and the other sealed up boxes in the corner, it was empty, soulless, cold, and lonely. She looked at the clock once again checking the time

“7:43”

She took a deep breath and dragged herself out of bed, her bare feet coming in contact with the cold wooden floor. She took a moment to curl and uncurl her toes. Her eyes focusing on the movement. She sighs as she looks at them.

Taking a deep breath she shakes her head and pushes herself up and starts taking slow, tired steps towards the door. Her movements so slow, so unmotivated she was almost certain she was leaving lines on the ground with the way she was dragging her feet.

She opens her bedroom door being met with the living room. It’s empty, just like the bedroom, only a couple of boxes sitting where the furniture should be. She turns her head looking at the bathroom door, thinking for a moment, then she shakes her head again, and turns away moving to the kitchen.

”Better not look” she thinks to herself as she reached the kitchen, she rummaged through her cupboards.

Empty.

The fridge didn’t even have any power, there were only some cans of ready-made pasta in the cupboard. She thinks for a moment, and then she takes the can in her hand. Her eyes fall on the stove.

“There’s probably no power” she thinks, and even if there was she didn’t have anything to cook with. She searches through the drawers finding a single plastic fork, she would try to wash it, but there probably wasn’t any water either. She bangs the can against the counter, the sound echoing through the empty space, miraculously getting it open as she begins to eat the cold pasta in silence.

She’d expect it to taste bad, but it doesn’t. The food tastes like nothing, it’s simply cold. She looks at the food on her fork thinking for a moment.

“It’s not even worth it” she thinks, then she moves towards the trashcan throwing it away. She checks the clock on the wall.

“8:22”

She sighs

“Time is going so fast…” She thinks as she stares at the time.

“Why does it feel so slow?” she asks herself, but she already knows the answer. She makes her way to the door putting on her shoes and heading out into the street.

As she walks down the street she lets the sun hit her face. She pauses, closing her eyes to feel it. But she doesn’t, not even the sun is on her side. She sighs opening her eyes and keeps walking. Her feet are moving on their own, guiding her down the street, people walk past her, barely missing her as they walk by. It bothers her, but she doesn’t react.

“There’s no point” she thinks. Her eyes fall back down and she huffs annoyed before shoving her hands in her pockets to keep walking.

She’s not sure how long it takes, her mind was not on the road, but she reaches her destination anyway, her feet guiding her as if pulled by a magnet. She pauses for a moment looking up at the metal gate. She takes a breath and steps inside. She looks around for a while before her eyes land on the right name.

Her legs move towards the tombstone, she stares at it for a moment, then she takes a seat in front of it, crossing her legs. Silently she stares at the stone for a while, reading the name over and over again until she can’t bear to look at it anymore. She starts picking at the grass in front of the grave, she does so for a while. When she can’t take it anymore she sighs and looks back at the grave.

“My day hasn’t been going well.” She speaks out loud for the first time, almost surprised by the sound of her own voice. She scoffs again rolling her eyes.

“Of course, you already knew that…” She glances at the tombstone. She looks down again and continues picking at the grass.

“But hey, the apartment is finally clean…”

She chuckles glancing at the tombstone for a moment before her gaze falls back on the grass.

“You used to complain about that a lot…” Her voice comes out as a soft mumble. There’s a long pause as she ponders what to say, or if she should say anything at all. She sighs breaking the silence.

“They miss you…” She lets out, her voice softer than before.

“They visit you everyday…” Her eyes fall on the flowers in front of the grave as she chuckles to herself. She reaches a hand out taking one of the flowers between her fingers.

“I know they’ll stop at some point… they’ll move on someday… but for now… it’s nice” She smiles at the flower in her hand, then her eyes fall back onto the ground as she chuckles to herself. She puts the flower back and turns her head away.

“They call you a hero…” The breeze gently sways her hair, guiding it off her face as she looks out, seeing other people talking to the graves. Another long sigh leaves her lips.

“I don’t think you are that much of a hero…” She shrugs to herself.

“But I won’t try to correct them… it makes them feel better…” She finally looks back at the tombstone, a small smile forming on her lips followed by a chuckle.

“I’ll probably be here a while though… Who knows? Maybe I’ll change my mind…” The small smile spreads a little wider on her face. She suddenly hears voices in the distance and turns her head to find the source. She smiles a little wider before turning back to the grave.

“They’re here” She says softly as she stands up and steps to the side of the grave. A little girl rushes towards her, no more than 10 years old, a big bouquet of flowers in one arm, the other in a cast. The girl sits on the same spot she was just moments ago, but doesn’t acknowledge her.

“Hi Ellie! I brought you new flowers!” The little girl says excitedly as she places them down on the grave taking away the old bouquet.

“These are prettier, they look more like you” The little girl smiles, and so does she as she watches her. She chuckles and opens her mouth to speak to the little girl but is cut off by a woman’s voice.

“Anna! Don’t run so fast!” An older woman, around her forties approaches Anna, followed by a man of similar age. They both sit next to Anna smiling at her as she nods.

“Sorry mommy” Anna apologizes, then turns back to Ellie’s grave.

“Ellie! I got A’s in all my classes! I was going to bring my report card to show you, but dad left it at home.” Anna’s parents laugh softly, her dad gently ruffles her hair. She also chuckles at the interaction, watching them fondly despite their lack of acknowledgement of her.

“Go on tell her about the field trip you went on” Anna’s father encourages her. Anna’s eyes sparkle as she starts to speak. She focuses on Anna, listening intently as she speaks, her expression falls on the girls’ parents.

The mother looks like she’s tearing up, the father holding her close, reassuring her. They don’t want to cry, not in front of Anna. Time passes slowly, but it passes nonetheless and after a while Anna is coaxed by her parents to get up. The three glance at the grave one last time before they walk away, leaving her all alone to watch them as they disappear from her view.

She would try to follow them, but she knows it’s better if she doesn’t. Once she can no longer see them she moves to stand in front of the grave once again looking down at it. Her eyes fall on the picture frame of Ellie in front of the grave… her picture…

She sighs, though there’s a small smile on her lips as she stares at her face in the picture, the picture almost staring back. She turns her head back to the sun, bringing her hand up to shield her eyes, but the light passes right through it. She chuckles and looks back at the grave one last time with a smile.

“We’ll be okay…” She smiles at her grave.

“I’ll be back tomorrow…” She speaks softly and closes her eyes taking a deep breath. Then she hears it again, the alarm, only it sounds more like a car horn now.

She remembers the lights, Anna’s voice in the back seat as Ellie turned the wheel to take the blow. Right before everything went dark.

And she’s back in her room, empty, grey, and cold but not as much as before. She turns to look at the clock but it’s not there anymore, neither that, nor the boxes around the room, not even the matters she was laying on. It’s empty.

She gets up from the floor and slowly makes her way to the bedroom door with a frown on her face. Ellie reaches out for the doorknob but she hesitates. There’s a strange feeling in the air, something absolute behind the door, something’s she’s not sure if she’s ready to face.

“Is this it?” She thinks to herself, then shakes her head. The unease is still there, but there’s also a comfort in the unknown. She takes a deep breath and turns the doorknob, a gasp leaving her lips as a bright light engulfs her when she opens the door.

In an instant she disappears and the bedroom door closes on its own, like a silent whisper. The apartment finally empty, finally peaceful.