The alarm wasn’t supposed to go off yet, Yet, here we are. I sit up in bed groaning. I walk over to the mirror and run my hands through my dark messy hair. The teal dye that I got help putting in is still vivid. I walk over to the closet and grab a dark blue-grey t-shirt, a pair of black ripped jeans, and a black jacket with undertones of green in it. I get dressed, go over to the shoe rack, and pull out the Converse that I decorated, they are black with blue and green designs painted on them with rainbow laces and blue and green beads threaded onto the laces. I put them on and head into the main room.

The apartment is warm, sunlight is pouring in from the window filling the room with warmth. I take a deep breath, and the smell of maple and cinnamon fills my senses, I walk to the kitchen and the smell of the french toast gets more intense. I look up and see Alex. He is wearing a black shorts and a blue T-shirt. His hair is neatly combed out of his face. 

“Hey James,” He says to me looking up. 

I approach him and hug Him “What’s all this?” I say leaning on his shoulder. 

“Breakfast,” He says smiling a goofy smile that makes my heart skip a beat.

I smile as he hands me some, “Excited for Pride today/” I say taking a bite, the french toast melts in my mouth causing my brain to melt at the taste. 

“Yeah, I’m excited.” He says. 

One would think that at 22 years old your boyfriend making you breakfast wouldn’t be such a big deal for my brain, but it is cause I can’t stop smiling throughout the whole meal

After we finish eating I clean up from breakfast. Alex heads to the other room. 

Once I am done cleaning I head into the bathroom where Alex is using the mirror to paint patterns on his face, he has made intricate swirl patterns in blues and greens on his face. I stand in silence and watch him till he is finished. “Your turn?” He asks.

I nod.

He moves closer and puts makeup on me to hide the dark circles from lack of sleep. Once he is done he starts adding simple designs to my face in the same blue and green tones. When he is done he kisses me softly and leaves the room. 

I stand there dazed for a second, little explosions go off in my head, and my heart goes crazy before I follow him. 

We both grab small backpacks and fill them with water and snacks, before heading out. I get in the passenger seat and he gets in the driver seat. I put a CD labelled “Gay Caraoke” on. I chuckle as I pull it out of the protective sleeve, and put it on. The mix is basically a bunch of LGBTQ Music and artists that we enjoy.

We drive downtown singing to the music and having a good time. We arrive downtown and we end up having to park a few minutes away. 

We walk to the main area holding hands. a few people pass us as they join the large assembly gathering in front of us. I take a second to look at the people, each very unique, in the way they dress and act, everyone is in bright colours but they are all the same in that they know who they are. I take a deep breath and glance at Alex.

He is smiling happily and scanning the crowd for our friends.

Alex pulls me through the gathering crowd of people. I accidentally bump into a nervous-looking teen in a red sweater. He glances at me and mutters an apology. 

I apologize properly and keep walking. As I walk away I hear one of his friends talking about how he just apologized for me bumping into him and his small group starts laughing.

I smile and keep walking with Alex. 

We end up finding our friends, Oliver and Kiya

Kiya is standing next to Oliver not saying much, wearing intersex pins and a gender-fluid flag like a cape.

 Oliver looks at us, they went all full out, they are wearing I think 3 no 4, pride flags, including Non-Binary, Demisexual, Pan, and Progress Flag. They are also wearing rainbow shirt, dyed their hair rainbow, and their bag is covered in more pins than I care to count.

They start digging through their bag and pull out two more flags. Both of them are the male Gay flag and hand one to to me and one to Alex. “You two looked a little sad for a pride parade,” They say smiling “I mean come on, yeah you got the face paint and the hair, and the crazy shoes, and the tattoo but they are small things, like come on. This is the time to show off, to show who you are. Besides an Emo, cause you clearly have no problem with showing that one off” they say chuckling.

I try hard not to smile at their jokes but I can’t help it. 

“Come on, put them on,” Oliver says throwing the flags over my shoulder like a cape and tying it around my neck. They then do the same to Alex. 

We both just let it happen, cause it’s Oliver. 

We all hang out and chat for a while though like normal Kiya doesn’t say much. But just kind of holds onto Oliver for most of the conversation 

After a bit the parade starts and we join in, still chatting. It goes on for a few hours before reaching the end destination. 

We all wander the stalls, just hanging out and having a good time. Kiya and Oliver eventually head out as do Alex and I making sure to give Oliver their flags back. we walk back to where we parked. As we walk in comfortable silence my mind wanders to a conversation I had with my parents a few weeks back. That I have a brother out there somewhere. I mean I’ve always known I’m adopted, but to learn about a brother, that’s just a whole different thing. I know my biological parents were young when they had me and that’s why they gave me up, but I never thought I might have a brother living in this world. I wonder what he’s like if he’s anything like me.

I pull a small piece of paper out of my pocket with a small picture of him and the address of a dance studio where he apparently dances.  

“James?” Alex says looking at me.

I look at Him “Hmm?” I say.

“You ok?” He asks

“Yeah, I’m ok. I was wondering if it would be ok if we take a pitstop on the way home” I ask.

“Yeah, absolutely, is everything alright?” he asks again.

I nod “Yeah, I just want to check something out” 

We get back to the car, we both get in, and I give Alex the address. He drives there, the music from before still playing. 

We arrive at the address and get out of the car. Alex takes my hand as we head to the door, I felt my heart thud in my chest, each beat a reminder of the weight of this moment. What if he didn’t see me? What if he didn’t care?

I put my hand on the handle and then pull it back. The music playing in the dance studio can be heard from outside, it’s soft music with a clear steady beat.

I take a few steps back as a bunch of people, probably dance students leave the studio. I move over to a nearby lamp post and just watch.

Alex stands next to me “This is His studio isn’t it?” He says with a knowing look.

I nod, “I just want to meet him. To see him. I don’t care what they say, he is my brother and they can’t keep me from seeing him” I say. My head starts spinning worried about what he might think of me. 

I look at the door and see a young man leave, he looks about 18 years old. He is wearing a pair of basic black tights, a T-shirt, a long-sleeved button-up shirt, and a sweater. He has short messy curly dark brown hair and bright blue eyes.

I take half a step towards him. 

“Excuse me,” I say to him, 

He freezes and looks at my 

“Are you a dancer here?” I ask.

He nods. Looking at me with a look I can only describe as Curiosity, and confusion, with a hint of fear in it.

“Cool, are there a lot of male dancers in this studio?” I ask, just trying to keep the conversation going

“Some, about 8” He answers. I glance at Alex and see out of the corner of my eye that He looks at Alex too. Who has positioned himself in a shadow so it covered most of his face, inconveniently.

“I have to get going,” He says the fear in his voice growing. 

I nod “Yes, of course. Sorry for wasting your time” I say my stomach dropping, I know that my voice sounds laced with disappointment but I don’t care. 

He walks away and I move over to Alex, and we go back to the car, when we get there I sit down and start crying. I had one chance and I blew it. One chance to talk to my brother, and he’s gone, he still doesn’t even know who I am, and for all I know he may never want to know.