The alarm wasn’t supposed to go off yet. The rain outside was pouring and I didn’t have my cup of coffee. You see, the alarm for me was a graphic, just a sign. Normally I would have woken up at least an hour before and would enjoy the absolute nothing of the day. How miraculous that was! No questions, no shouting, no fear. Just as easy and clean. For a new day, for new people, for a reason to conquer the world.

I was absolutely maniac with the send button in my computer. As more requests I can afford, as many favors I d wish, as many applications I was eligible for.

Nothing was easy. Probably nothing will be. I guess I am not so shiny and blue when it comes for the send button. Just cruelly fast and promiscuous. It is like a battlefield. Be aware, be fast, be ready, be cautious.

This day was somehow different. I didn’ t have to struggle nomore. Some moments of peace and greatness.

This is the reason why I was so suprised by the alarm.

You are normal, even if you didn’t enjoy your cup of coffee or your clothes don’ t match.

I decided to explore what is in it that makes the winter breeze so powerful, so desirable. I meant that I should feel that more often. Liberation. I just need to provoke it. By any means, any method, any reasoning.

I try my best each day to be aware of the fact that I do not owe my body, my intellectual, my tongue any more. With such limited possibilities I reach the sky for as long as He decides.

I am not an angel, but I like to be surrounded by them. To know that they will reach me when I am about to fall. God knows how many times I was deceived. And to be honest sometimes I feel someone steals my time. Thn I pray, I beg, I break.

We now wear clothes of organic fabrik. No one cares about the real organism you «bear», as long it is organic the material you just bought. I on the other hand love plastic.

It is enduring and more close to my origins. I like plastic boots, plastic hair, plastic personalities.

In order to be discreet, not to spit on me.I have heard so many versions of truth, that I barely understand what is real and what is not. I am hanging out there though. For my bare feet, my summer sweat, my sense of liberty. Could you just please hold a glass of cold water please? This intermediate stage of the fight I love. When you gave everything and now you are supposed to give more. And I know I am not made for more. And I am leaving halfway, unsatisfied, full of guilt.

I really am hopeless. Weak. «Limited».

And I exist. Not with full rights, but I am out there. It took me longtime to compromise with the social and anthropological premises. It is alright. After all if everything was perfect or even if we tried to, we wouldn’t hope for something superior. This element which our souls so vividly desire. Sometimes we have nothing but our clocks and alarms to keep us alive. To sychronize with our heart beat. Smart watches, smart houses, smart people.

I am dummie. Do I fit? Or was I born to be a toy?

I want to conclude by writing that beauty won’ t save us as they have tought us. But kindness could so.

You can be whoever you dreamt of being. You just be kind.

Kind as the flower needs the water drops to grow. Be kind as your child first day at school. Be kind as you won’t always have the power to have your back by someone.

I give you this in return. Some peace of mind. Do you think I am cheating? Yet we lie our hands to the infinite just for this. Some kind of peace. And if I may add some justice.

To be frank I don’t think we have room for either of these virtues.

As I am getting wrinkled, old and less beautiful, I am frightened and my hands cannot reach you out. It would be hopeless. I can only try to remain silent and idiot. Both for my days to come.

To mirror myself and see a new Hope, a new harbor. I think I am desperate to find more me.

To experience finally the miracle. But I do daily. And it is not how you imagine it.

 

I give you my hand to be my partner in crime, my sibling in virtue, my other half to hold on to. Please do not fail me.

 

By Elpida D. Tsavdari