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I really hoped I could stay the same after I left it all behind. But giving it all up later changed me to the point I let everything go. After the doctors had told me it was permanent, I went insane.Today was a warm spring day. I sat outside on the terrace, with a cup of my favorite tea in my shaky hands, looking at the growing almonds and cherry trees we planted with my mom and sister when I was little. They both loved gardening. Just like I used to love volleyball.Soon, my sister came over. She put a blanket on my shoulders and talked to me so gently that it felt weird. We would always fight, and now she suddenly felt empathy. I looked at her after she asked how I was doing. But was unable to speak. Just blinked. I was too exhausted to ask questions or talk. I laid back. Life was too peaceful when I had the warmth of tea in my hands and the sight of almonds and cherry trees I will never forget. It’s like you don’t want anything else. Not even your biggest wildest dreams.My sister usually yells at me about finding jobs or even beginning to follow my passions again somehow, but I just look away and stare at something beautiful, like the cherry tree. Because it reminds me that even beautiful things don’t last. I gave up. I failed.That one night after my sister picked me up from the hospital and drove me home, I sat at the backseat, looking out the window without emotion. She drove the car looking so worried, like someone had just died. Even though it was just me with my burdening accident. There was not a single feeling in my face, but I saw it. I saw her face. She was miserable.“Our mom would’ve been so proud if you worked as a doctor. Saving lives. Protecting people… but you decided to fly out to that damn volleyball tournament. Look at you now!”How ironic did her words sound. I couldn’t even protect my own self. Yet how could I have been a doctor. Not even she wanted that. But my mom sounded so convincing with her worries about me, that it made my sister turn against her own support for me wanting to be an athlete instead.She still took care of me, even after I left her and the whole family to chase my silly dream. It was so stupid of me to leave. Maybe my mom was right. I shouldn’t have done it. But even if I wanted to, I still couldn’t be a doctor. I have no chance at paying for that education, neither do I know anything about medicine. In simpler words, I didn’t want to study my whole life for something I wasn’t passionate about.After a few months passed from the accident, I learned to be more independent in my wheel chair. And my sister would begin nagging me about jobs. Maybe I’d be able to make enough to pay for my studies in medicine, she said. I would tell her to piss off, but I wouldn’t mean it that way. I just wanted her to stop asking me so that I could finally enjoy my life of a free bird, by doing nothing at all. Just relaxing in the terrace of the home I was brought back to by this tragic fate. Drinking tea made from the tree’s cherries and the hint of almonds. Waiting for death. Getting old in my wheelchair. And still waiting for death.What’s the point anyway. Setting for something invaluable and feeling double the misery from the accident and from a job? I didn’t care about jobs anymore. I cared about nothing when I left. So, what’s the point of caring now. I was back at the same place I betrayed. For being so self-centered and so focused on volleyball that I didn’t see anything else around me. I was mad. I was upset. But I didn’t want to end it just because of a failed dream. I still had a couple things to live for – the trees in the backyard, Almond Cherry tea, my sister mostly. Even though I knew she wouldn’t forgive me so easily.Looking back at it now, I’ve accepted it all - my anger. My stupidity for what I did and where it got me. My sibling being upset with me. Just… my fate. The fate of a selfish little brat who just wanted to reach something in life. Yet failed. Failed like I didn’t even care about this dream of mine. I’ve accepted it. I no longer had to worry about it. I no longer had to dream of it.But this little part in me. That tiny part, yearning for my silly volleyball dream. For the freedom I once hoped for in this life. I was a free bird now… but that little part… that little part of hope. It was still hoping. That this was all temporary. That life would give me a second chance to begin again with my passion. To live it with all the strength I’ve got. To finally be able to walk again. And to be the athlete I’ve always dreamed of being. To finally feel like a true free bird. If just only… I was given a second chance. That something in my life would eventually change. I looked at my sister as she gently caressed my blanket covered back. She said my name so sadly at first:‘’Oh, Emma…”, but changed up really quickly. Into this nagging voice again:“Emma-”“Emma.”“Emma!” almost like a background voice.“Earth to Emma, hello!”, her hand waved in front of my face.“Huh, sorry. I was just… thinking about something.”“It’s soon your turn to go off the bench. Are your legs okay? Did you rest them enough? Remember, the doctor told you to take it slow-““I know, I know.”I slowly stood up from the bench and hugged her tightly.“Thank you, sis.”“Alright now, you got this!”, she patted my back one last time before I stepped onto the field. Feeling more refreshed than ever. Brave like never before. Reuniting with my team, with what that little beating part of me believed in.I didn’t fail. I just had to get back on my feet with the help of my sister - the most important person in my life. And now, I got that chance.“Come on, Almond Cherries, let’s win this!”

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Almond Cherry

Lukasagna

Lukas

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Almond Cherry

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