A Rough Guide to a Melancholy World

The Paradox of Choice

Jax was broken hearted. What had he done? He felt like such an idiot. Three years into a relationship, all blown apart in one weekend. Zoya had just left him. The love of his life, his first serious relationship as an adult. Jax had become too comfortable, too complacent, and too trusting in someone whom he’d considered a friend. 

It was Kwan’s thirtieth birthday, and the group of school friends went to Budapest to celebrate for a weekend, a lavish event but they thought it could be their last chance of a blow-out. The men had known each other for around twenty years and there was five of them left. Dae, Lee, Eddie, Kwan and Jax were the only ones still living in the same city, Chichester. The other guys had drifted off and had started families. 

Jax had met Zoya when they were on holiday in Malta. He was enjoying a break with Lee and one night in a local club their eyes met, and they fell in love. Just a month after returning from Malta, the beautiful, brown eyed Zoya had moved into Jax’s one bedroom apartment in the city. It was an excellent location for a bachelor; the pubs and restaurants were all in walking distance. Zoya was from a traditional family, and she was fairly sheltered, it was like jumping headfirst into the deep end.

Jax had been on a number of dates and even had some short relationships, but he’d never fallen in love before. It was a completely new experience for him, proper grown-up stuff. He’d certainly not invited anyone to live with him before. His friends were amazed at his ability to fall in love, they never thought it was possible. They always called him Cass, short for Casanova, a dig on his lack of commitment to many promises made to many hearts broken.

Zoya was a writer and was able to relocate without any issues. As most relationships do, it started off brilliantly. They spent every spare minute together, they would eat out, go to the theatre, drink with friends and even took up cycling together. They were able to cycle along the south coast, exploring every nook and cranny, taking photos, trying independent coffee shops and small restaurants. They both hated the large chains that were taking over and the droogs were addicted to. They would unfriend anyone who deliberately posted a picture of themselves holding a Costa cup of Starbucks mug, they found it embarrassing and cliched. 

It wasn’t long before Jax upgraded his bike to an electric assisted bike. He was just pure lazy but enjoyed the lifestyle. Zoya would laugh at him and wind him up about being nothing more than a sloth. Jax didn’t care, he enjoyed the fresh air and a few beers on the road under the pretence that he was exercising, even if there was a slight buzzing noise coming from the bike like an annoying mosquito.

The south coast was beautiful, with the coastal birds and chalky cliffs, it was like the Mediterranean. Zoya had grown up in Ukraine and had never visited the coast until her family emigrated to the UK. It took a while for her to learn the language and to the understanding the English customs. Scones, crumpets, cheese and pickle and salad cream were things she loved straight away but marmite and Pot Noodles were a challenge too far.

Zoya and Jax were getting on well and they were making plans for their future, but then the birthday trip happened. Kwan had invited his friends for a weekend in Budapest. It was meant to be a jolly, lots of sightseeing, drinking and partying. One night they ended up in a strip club, called Club Mynt, in Gozsdu Court. They had been drinking all day, and the beautiful women enticed them in like sirens on the rocks.

The sirens allure was too much for the men and their beauty was the dangerous temptation which became irresistible for their weak alcohol affected minds. They partied all night with the sexy young women and Jax had a few private lap dances. It was like Love Island and captured on camera by his longtime friend, Eddie. Eddie liked to cause trouble and posted some of the pictures on Instagram. He knew what he was doing and of course his skullduggery worked, poor Zoya saw them on her phone in the morning whilst relaxing on a Sunday morning. Eddie was single and loved the life of a bachelor, when he saw his friends settling down, he only saw another mate biting the dust, missing in action. He carried a bitterness for Jax, ever since Jax stole his girlfriend in school. Her name was Nikki, Eddie had only been on a few dates with her, but she made it clear she preferred Jax.

Zoya was incredibly upset and tried to call Jax for an explanation, but his phone had run out of battery. She wanted to hear his voice and needed to hear a reason which would make it all fine, but she didn’t. Instead, she spoke to a few girlfriends who inevitably made it worse and polluted her mind with suspicion and envy, they were like wicked witches. Unfortunately, Zoya had called the two friends who were single, and they wanted her back in their grasp. Sometimes people don’t want the best for you, they want the best for them and will use reasons to destroy relationships to get you back, like greedy piglets.

Before lunchtime Zoya had made up her vulnerable mind and had packed her belongings and drove to stay in her friend’s spare room. Jo was most welcoming, and they shared a few bottles of vino whilst talking and crying about how horrible men are. Zoya had left Jax a number of messages, which he had the misfortune to read on his flight home. Jo retold stories of how her ex had cheated on her and how men will never stop their disgusting behaviour. She was like a tyre fire, polluting the air.

A hungover Jax couldn’t believe what he was reading and what had happened, he could hardly remember the night in the strip club. He looked over to Eddie on the plane who was laughing his head off. He thought the whole thing was hilarious and didn’t believe Jax when he informed him that Zoya had left. Eddie was his usual self and wouldn’t except responsibility, he told Jax,

“Don’t blame me Cass, if you weren’t knee deep with strippers, Zoya wouldn’t be so upset. She’ll be fine when you get home. Buy her some flowers, tell her you love her, and she’ll be back to normal.”

Jax replied, “I hope you’re right; she sounds well pissed off. I wish you hadn’t posted the pictures though. I bet you only did it because the one you fancied would only dance for me.”

“Shut up Cass, she’s a stripper, she gets paid to take her clothes off, I can hardly be jealous of that.”

When Jax returned to his apartment and realised that Zoya had left, he couldn’t believe it. All of her clothes, bags and toiletries were gone, it felt so empty, so weird. He tried calling her and left voicemail and text messages, but she didn’t reply. He was heartbroken, completely destroyed, all over a stupid night out. Of course he took it too far, but he didn’t think it was cheating. He had forgotten that Zoya had a sheltered upbringing and wasn’t used the the British lad mentality.

He eventually spoke to Zoya, and she told him that her culture sees that type of behaviour as being unfaithful. She explained how it made her feel and that she could never trust him again. She was crying and said it would take a long time to get over it. Zoya wanted to remain friends and Jax reluctantly agreed but he knew deep down that he would never be able to move on if he continued to see her. He knew full well that he would never be able to watch her in the arms of another man. He wanted the best for her but didn’t want it rubbed in his face. He couldn’t believe it was over, but after looking at the pictures, they were pretty damming, one woman was topless, sat on his lap, kissing him on the cheek. He thought if he was given a picture with Zoya in a provocative pose with another man, he would probably react in the same way.

Time continued slowly for Jax, and his social life took a huge dive. He was unable to muster any energy or enthusiasm to go out and he especially didn’t want to bump into Zoya on a night out. He’d stopped speaking to Eddie which splintered their friendship group. Jax still wouldn’t except full responsibility and blamed Eddie for his part. He knew Eddie was a good laugh but also knew he could be vindictive.

Jax became depressed and began to gamble, he started with scratch cards, then horses and when he had lost more than he was able to afford, he struggled to stop. If filled a void for him and gave him some feeble excitement. Unfortunately, it ended up adding to his stress as he kept losing.

Then on his birthday he was given £100 from his parents as a gift. He spent every last penny on lottery tickets. He’d never done anything like that before but thought, what the heck. It took him ages checking the tickets and on a few he had won a small amount back, but there was one ticket that looked like he had won the jackpot. He had to check it several times; he thought he was seeing things, it was like winning the lottery (yes, I know!).

He had won £3.76 million. It was amazing, he didn’t know what to do or what to spend it on. Other than his parents he didn’t know whether he should tell anyone. What do you do when you suddenly become a millionaire? It was incredible, like an out of body experience. What do people do when they become millionaires? There were so many choices.

One of the first things he did was to quit his boring mundane job in the accountancy firm. He was pleased to see the back of that job and the incompetent colleagues he had to work with. Jax wondered whether he should tell Zoya about his windfall, but he didn’t want it to be the reason she would take him back. If they were to get back together, he wanted her to do it because she forgave and loved him.

After Jax got the money and was a millionaire, he had to think about his next move. He couldn’t believe it, he always wanted to have money, who wouldn’t?

He now had freedom to do anything he wanted, his choices were endless, but he didn’t know what he wanted to do with it all. Obviously, he wanted his own home and wanted to give some to his family. He discussed his options for a new house with his parents, and they talked him out of the eight-bedroom super sized mansion and instead told him that four-to-five-bedroom houses are big enough. Anything else would be like living in a hotel and there would be a lot of empty bedrooms that would never be used. He paid off his parents and sibling's mortgages and gave some to charity.

He was only 31, he thought that he had time to settle down and have a family, so a five-bedroom house would be perfect. He found one with a double garage, so bought two new cars to go in them. One was a 4x4 and the other was a two-seater sports car.

Of course he attracted attention, people aren’t blind, they could see how Jax was living. Beautiful house, fancy cars and expensive clothing, he was living the life of a playboy. He still had around £2 million in the bank and had almost everything he needed.

The one thing missing in his life was a partner, someone to share his life with. He had beautiful women throwing themselves at him, but he wasn’t interested in a long-term relationship with a gold digger. The male ego loves to be stroked so he lapped up the attention he received. He went out with a model, but she was boring and didn’t have much to say. She was also one of the plus sized models, so she wasn’t much to look at either. His new relationships were shallow and empty, and he craved for someone to love him and not his bank balance.

His friends were jealous and began to use him. They would leave him with the bar bills and invite people back to his for an after party. Even Eddie was back on the scene and taking advantage, Eddie of all people. He even tried to convince Jax that all his success was down to him, his actions made him depressed, which after a downward spiral he eventually won the lottery and became seriously rich.

Jax would argue against his theory,

“What the heck are you talking about? You’re an idiot. I was happy with Zoya, we got on so well, and you blew it for me because you thought you were being funny.”

Eddie replied,

“You’re a millionaire, stop moaning. I’ve apologised for the Insta post, but you were getting lap dances. So, was I wrong, or were you?”

Jax got angry and said,

“I was on a lad's weekend; it should’ve stayed between us and no one else. I loved Zoya and I miss her. You broke the code, Eddie; you crossed the god damn line.”

“Jax, chill out mate, you’re drunk and overreacting. If you’re still interested in Zoya, she’s still in town, why don’t you accidentally run into her. You can see if there’s still a flame.”

Jax replied, “We’ll see, I’ll see how I feel.”

With that new piece of information in hand, Jax put a plan together. It had been over a year, but he thought now would be a suitable time to reconnect. At least to see her and see how she was doing. She was a journalist, so it would be easy to have a conversation, there’s always something going on in the world. Jax was unsure whether he should bring up his windfall.

A few weeks later Jax had arranged a night out with his brother, Cliff. Cliff was in town to visit and see the new house and cars that Jax had bought. He was jealous, but in a polite way. He was fairly content with his life and wasn’t there to plunder his bank account.

He was just interested in listening to his brothers plans and to have a night out at a few bars. He didn’t know Jax had ulterior motives to run into Zoya.

Jax had picked that weekend because it was Zoya’s birthday. He knew she loved to go to The Hole in the Wall pub because it had live music on at the weekend. The boys were going to start off at The Park Tavern, have a few drinks and some food and then head to The Hole around ten. Jax thought that by then the pub would be heaving with people dancing and drinking, it would look more like a coincidence.

After several drinks his confidence was sky high, Jax bumped into Nikki, his controversial girlfriend from school. The girl he had allegedly stolen from Eddie. They only went out until they went to separate sixth form colleges, they then met new groups of friends and grew apart. There was nothing malicious, no cheating and no massive breakup, just a mutual understanding that they had moved on with their lives. Nikki was divorced; she’d married a guy she’d met at work and things just didn’t work out. He was two years younger than her and wasn’t ready for children and Nikki was feeling ready to move forward and create a family. She decided to cut her losses and move on before she found herself in her forties and it was too late for her.

Jax and Nikki spent ages catching up and he decided not to tell Nikki of his lucky break. Being a millionaire was something that can change the mind set of someone. They swapped numbers and he promised to call Nikki, as they were saying goodbye, Zoya walked past with Jo. Jo saw Jax first and tried to dodge out of his path so Zoya wouldn’t see him, however, she did.

Zoya stopped in her tracks, she turned to Jax and said,

“Jax, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, hi Zoya. My brothers in town and wanted a night out. I wondered if I might see you, I know you like this place. Happy birthday, are you having a good night?”

“Yes, erm, yes, I’m having a great time. I’m just really surprised to see you; it’s been ages since I saw you.

I heard about your lottery win. Lucky you.

Can we meet up soon? I’d like to see you again.”

Jax was a bit stunned and said, “Well ok then, you seemed like you didn’t want anything to do with me, and suddenly you want to see me again.”

“Jax, I’ve had a bit to drink, let’s not get into anything heavy tonight, let’s meet up on Tuesday, we can go for a drink at The Old Cross. It will be nice.”

“Okay Zoya, I’ll see you at eight.”

With that Zoya and Jo went to the toilet and Jax and his brother went home. Jax had a lot to think about.

Nikki seemed lovely, she looked so pretty and completely blew Jax’s mind. It bought back some happy memories of their time together at school, but a lot has happened in the fifteen years since they saw each other. Jax found her easy to talk to and they really got on; he wanted to see her again in a different environment. However, he still had the date with Zoya on Tuesday. He didn’t know what to do, whether to call Nikki or wait until after Tuesday.

Jax called Nikki, on Sunday morning. He needs to see if there was anything between them, he wanted to see if she was still the same person he loved whilst he was at school. He wasn’t as attracted to Nikki as he was to Zoya, but she was still very pretty, plus Nikki wanted children and he wasn’t 100% sure if that was something he wanted.

Jax had a short call with Nikki, and they went out on Monday evening for a drink. Jax made sure he didn’t wear his fancy Rolex, or turn up in his bright red Porsche 911, instead he got a taxi. They had a lovely time, and Nikki was interested in what Jax had been up to. She was great company and down to earth. After college she went to the University of Brighton and had become a primary school teacher. She loved her job and loved looking after and teaching children. She was full of passion and enthusiasm about her career choice; she had bought her own flat after her divorce and was back on her feet. She said that she had been on a few dates since her divorce but never felt any connection. Jax told her about his accountancy job and spoke about some of the school friends they had in common. They had a wonderful time reliving their old school days and they had a great laugh catching up.

As the night came to an end, they shared a kiss and agreed to meet up on Friday night for a meal at the Piccolino in Chichester. It was an Italian restaurant which was Nikki’s favourite cuisine. Jax still kept his powder dry and decided that he would tell Nikki about his money after their next date. He wanted to see her reaction and whether her attitude would change.

Jax still had the date set up with Zoya on Tuesday. He contemplated whether to cancel it but thought that he’d meet with her and tell her that he didn’t want to rekindle their relationship.

Tuesday night came and Jax adorned his fancy clothes, his Rolex and drove up in his fancy Porsche. A small crowd of smokers gathered around the car, asking Jax questions about it and taking a few pictures. He entered the pub and Zoya was already there. She had witnessed the attention he had got and loved it, she was also dressed in a short red dress, her hair had just been styled, and her nails were long and floral. Jax was blown away, she looked incredible, she was beautiful and so sexy. He was close to just asking her back to his, but for once in his life he was strong. They sat by the window and caught up with their lives in the last year. They had an enjoyable time and the once demure Zoya looked like a catwalk model. In one of his toughest decisions in his life, he told Zoya that he thought she had overreacted and that she never gave him a chance to make it up. She was brainwashed by her jealous friends and that he didn’t want to be hurt again, he just wanted to stay friends. Zoya was surprised by his response, and looked disappointed, but what was she disappointed about? Not having a future with Jax or not having a relationship with the newly mega rich Jax? Only Zoya knew that answer, and if it wasn’t for his chance meeting with Nikki, he would have probably fallen for it.

For the first time in his life, Jax used his head to make a decision on his relationships and believed he had made the right choice, even though it was very early days with Nikki.

Unfortunately for Jax, Nikki was driving past the pub on that Tuesday night and saw Jax with another woman through the window. On the Friday night Nikki and Jax met for their date, Nikki looked wonderful, but there was clearly something on her mind.

They kissed each other on the cheek and sat at their table. Nikki was being quiet and Jax asked her what the problem was, Nikki replied,

“Jax, I saw you on Tuesday night, you were with another woman. That’s ok, we’re not married but still, it was a little difficult to take just two days after you had agreed to go on a date with me.

Are you a player? Are you just going to use me?”

“Nikki, oh no, it wasn’t like that. I know how that might look but she was my ex. We saw each other on a night out and agreed to catch up. I promise you nothing happened, I was home alone by 10.30pm. I am single and I’m not playing you.”

“Okay Jax, I want to believe you, but she was dressed up and she looked amazing. I’ve already had my heart broken once; I don’t want to go through that again, but it’s your choice.”

Jax was gutted that he had met with Zoya and promised Nikki they were just friends.

“Nikki, I’m not going to break your heart. I really like you. As soon as we met the other night, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. Please give me a chance?”

After that initial difficult tense conversation, they had a lovely night. Nikki spoke about he dreams of being a headteacher and being in change of her own school, she loved that idea. They spoke about holidays they’ve been on and places they would love to visit. The night went well and for the next date, Jax invited Nikki over to his house for a homemade meal, Nikki agreed.

The following weekend Nikki arrived at his gated home and couldn’t believe her eyes. She pulled up to his house in her Vauxhall Corsa and got out. She began laughing, she thought Jax was pulling a prank. She wondered if he had given her the wrong address or whether he was house sitting for a rich relative. She rang the doorbell.

Jax answered the door with a smirk on his face,

“Good evening M’lady, welcome to my humble abode. Can I ask, why are you laughing?”

“Jax, who’s house is this? This is massive. Where’s the butler?

A giggling Jax said, “The butler has the night off, please come in and I guess I’ll need to explain.”

Nikki walked in, she was handed a gin and tonic and she sat down in the huge living room, with views to the beautiful, landscaped garden.

“Nikki, there is no easy way to say this but here we go.

I’m a multimillionaire. I am mega rich because I won the god damn National Lottery.

I gave up work and now help run a few charities. I know this may sound crazy, but I’m telling you the truth.”

A shocked Nikki replied,

“What the hell is going on? I don’t believe you. Is this real? Are you filming this? Are you having a laugh at the teacher?”

It took Jax a while to settle Nikki down and she eventually believed him; it was quite a night. He gave her a tour of the whole house and grounds; she was incredibly impressed. Jax explained about his delay in telling her and she reluctantly accepted it. She felt he could’ve trusted her, but understood he wanted to make sure of her intentions.

Within six months they were married, Jax made sure his stag-do was a quiet affair without the need for strippers. A year later, Nikki had given birth to their first child. Five years later they had three children, and the house went from peaceful to absolute mayhem, but they absolutely loved it. Jax had never been happier.

Jax started his own landscaping company, who primarily employed homeless people, he had a passion for helping the needy, and Nikki thrived at school in her career. Life was as good as it could’ve been.

Jax looked back at his life with a beer one night with Kwan. He couldn’t believe his luck over the last few years. All because he went out to rekindle his previous relationship to actually rekindling his first ever relationship. He found himself in the paradox of choice. Sometimes in life there are just too many choices complicating life. It can cause stress about whether the choices made are the right decisions. However, decisions in life need to be made.

A drunken Kwan asked Jax,

“Listen mate, is it a privilege or can too many choices lead us to bad decisions and even regret?”

Jax replied, “It’s nice to have a choice, without choices we have no hope. I’m just so glad I made the right one.”

The End.