I can’t take my mind off the way Noah slid into me with control. I can’t take my mind off the way his belt was snug around my neck, and I fucking allowed it. I can’t take my mind off how the twistedness of it pleasured me in ways I’ve never been pleasured. I’m just as twisted as he is.

“Harper!” Chris says excitedly as he reaches the table. “I’m so glad we were able to meet for dinner. I couldn’t fathom going home without having at least one meal with someone who used to be a part of my life and not knowing if I’d ever see you again.”

I smile and wave down a server. “Well, I’m glad you made it. What are you drinking?”

“I’ll just take a tap beer. Whatever you prefer. I don’t know what’s popular around here, but L.A. has some amazing tap beers and plenty of breweries that make them.”

The server reaches us, and I don’t even get the chance to say anything because he takes over. “I’ll have whatever your most expensive tap beer is from one of the breweries in town.”

“Our triple brewed dark ale.” She smiles and pens it on her pad. “I’ll be right back.”

“Thank you.” I say while noticing Chris had no intention of saying anything to her.

He smiles. “Thanks for saying thank you to her. My mind wandered off for a moment there. So, back to you. How have things been? You said you are single now?”

Something about him is throwing me off. He’s not the same Chris I remember. He seems more serious and the way he pushes himself into the conversation doesn’t feel right. It’s like he’s trying to reach for something he can’t reach but even my mind cannot explain what the fuck that means.

“I am single.” I acknowledge and pick up my drink. “Mostly single. We still…” I pause not sure how to tell him that I’m still fucking the man that I never even officially started dating.

He raises an eyebrow. “You still?”

I bring the glass to my lips, quickly taking a drink. My smile is warm as I set the glass back down. “He and I still have feelings for each other so we…hang out occasionally.”

“I see, " he says, and I watch as his confusion turns to realization and surprise. “Oh! You mean you two are still…yeah! I got it.”

I fight back my smile, but a small chuckle still slips out. “Yeah. We were friends before we started being exclusive and…”

“Why not just say ‘dating’.” He interjects.

“Because we never officially were dating. Although most people would call it that. And I guess it was like dating. But ours was more like we were sleeping together and then we left each other alone for a few days. Then it would go back to that and then leave each other alone. It was never official before we went our separate ways…”

“Please forgive me for being intrusive.” He says, interrupting me. “If I can ask, when was the last time you saw him? And if you aren’t dating that means you’re currently single, but when was the last time you slept with him?”

“You’re right,” I say, feeling slightly uncomfortable. “That is a bit intrusive. You and I dated, and we are good friends. But my sex life isn’t your concern. I will tell you I saw him today, but whether or not he and I had sex is none of your business.”

“Fair enough.” He says and smiles as the server reaches the table with his drink. “I’m sorry, Harper. I didn’t mean to ask such a deep question. I guess my mind is still stuck in high school and the teenage years of us being open and truthful with each other.”

He is right. We used to tell each other everything. Even after we broke up, we still hung out.

“How have you been, Chris?” I ask, changing the subject. We can’t get on the subject of sex. It’s a red zone for us.

He nods and finishes taking a drink from his glass. “I’ve been good. Really good. As you know I was able to open my company in L.A. and it’s doing wonders. I’ve acted in three different TV shows. They were small roles, but I still did it! The dream I’ve always had. And aside from Molly being a dumb bitch, my overall life is good. No women currently and I’m okay with that.”

I’m starting to wonder if he asked for this dinner so he could sleep with me.

It’s his demeanor. The way he’s acting. The way he looks at me with his eyes. He wants me and he’s not trying hard to hide it. And in another world, maybe I would have slept with the guy. But even if I had no one I was interested in and even if I was that desperate, something about him was scaring me. And Chris never scared me when we were teens. He shouldn’t be scaring me now.

“Well, congrats!” I say excitedly. Even though a part of me is starting to wish I never came to this dinner.

“Yeah.” He adds. “We both knew I’d be the one who might make something of himself. It’s not a huge feat but it’s something.”

“You should be proud,” I say, nodding and reaching for my glass. “Even if you don’t see it as being huge, you’re on TV shows. To someone like me, that’s a huge win.”

“So, tell me about this guy you’re seeing.” He’s quick to interject. “What’s his name? Where is he from? What does he do for work? Why do I feel like he’s a mystery man that you don’t want to talk about?”

My lips curl into a smile. “He’s a good guy. He’s just not someone I’d ever imagine hooking up with. He’s got…different tastes. He’s…different. Especially coming from this town. He’s not someone I ever expected myself to date. But besides that, he’s amazing. He’s caring. He’d give me the shirt off his back even if that meant he’d never be able to wear one again.”

“Different tastes?” He asks. “Different as in food or sex? And I’m not trying to dig for personal stuff. You’ve just confused me with that one.”

I nod in agreeance. “You’re right. I can’t sit here and tell you different tastes and not expect you to understand. Yes, sex. It’s something out of this world with him. It’s things I never imagined doing. He’s very…unique.”

“Okay.” He says, still trying to dig deep. “This man sounds like he’s into the kinky stuff. It’s not like he’s that author…what’s his name? Noah Adams? That guy is from this town. And he makes men wish they were him and even in L.A. women want to fly here just to meet him. I bring up that I’ve met him. But he’s the exact opposite of a man you’d ever date.”

“Harper.” Noah’s voice calls out from behind me.

I close my eyes and lower my head. “Talk about coincidence,” I say, feeling uncertain. “Chris. Meet the guy I’m somewhat exclusive with. Noah Adams.”

Chris’s eyes widen as he exhales a nervous breath. “Shut the fuck up.”

Forty-five minutes later, “How’s the writing business?” Chris asks Noah.

The intimidation in Chris’s tone and expression has been obvious this entire dinner. But Noah is a giant compared to Chris. I don’t know Noah’s height, but I’m comfortable with saying he’s around six-foot-one, possibly taller. Chris is built but stands at five-seven. I only know his height because he is almost my exact height.

I can’t believe I am telling myself this, but, in another world, if Noah wasn’t trained in everything he’s been trained in, Chris might have been able to take him in a fight. I only say that because, regardless of what others seem to think, the size of a man doesn’t tell the story of his capabilities. That’s why David versus Goliath exists. Chris can fight. He’s quick. He’s strong as hell. And when we were teens, I watched him take down three guys, and two of those guys were towering over six feet. But Noah isn’t just tall and built like a brick wall. I’ve seen his awards for ju-jitsu, karate, and self-defense classes. The man could be a movie star if he wanted. It blows my mind as to why he’s a writer instead…oh yeah! Because if Noah was a movie star it’d be fucking porn. And he’d be even richer than he is now.

“The writing is good,” Noah says, bringing my attention back to reality. “I wrote the one book, and that was all it took for me to make the money I wanted to make. Now I have a few businesses, and my book is still bringing in lots of money.”

Chris nervously clears his throat, and the nervousness is clear on his face. “Rightfully so. It seems like it’s still growing in popularity, and it’s been out for over a year now. Women seem to love it.”

“Have you read it?” I ask, feeling like that’s one question that should have been left out, but I’m curious.

Chris glances at Noah and back to me. “Started to. I got to around page ninety-nine and then heard the rumor about it being based on his sex life. And then the rumor turned to truth. I gotta say, man. That wife of yours sounds like one hell of a teacher.”

Noah smiles and removes his smile just as fast. “Was. As you may have heard, she left me for someone else.”

Chris reaches for his glass. “What happened? Did she figure she taught you enough, so it was on to the next student?”

Holy fuck! He did not just say that!

There’s silence, and my heart wants to sink into my stomach. What is Noah about to do? How did Chris even courage to say that? He’s been nervous this entire time. Chris was always a jokester, though. But is Noah about to go to jail for beating the pulp out of Chris?

Noah bursts into laughter. “Okay, Chris. I will admit that was hilarious. And oddly enough, that would make sense. The guy she left me for was a pile of shit and she even admitted he sucked in bed, but she felt something for him. Not to mention he was only nineteen and she’s thirty. You might be onto something. I’ve sat down and tried figuring out where exactly I went wrong. And I can’t find it. She admitted before she left me, she knew she was making a big mistake, but it had to be done. And now that you say that hilarious comment, it almost makes perfect sense. She left me because she taught all she could, and it was on to the next victim.”

“Victim?” I question.

Noah looks into my eyes with sincerity and nods. “She’s going to be with him for so long, then leave him. She’s going to make him fall in love with her, then she’s going to disappear. It’s now part of who she is. She left the one person she had the world with. She’ll never remain comfortable.”

“And you?” Chris interjects.

Noah raises an eyebrow. “What about me?”

Chris looks at me and then back to Noah. “Are you ever going to get comfortable in a relationship? Is there anyone you’d settle down with? Or does your heart say you can fall in love again?”

Noah looks at me like he doesn’t know how to answer that question.

“I do.” He says nervously. “I’m not going to sit here and say it’s Harper because she and I have a mutual agreement. I will not admit that I am in love with Harper or anything of that sort. But she’s a good person. Hypothetically speaking, with what she and I have done and gone through, I haven’t met anyone else I’d marry but her. And she’s even grabbed my attention on certain things that my ex couldn’t get me to wrap my head around. Harper has a rope on me. It’s up to her if she tightens it or not.”

“Wait,” Chris says, confused. “I’m slightly thrown off. Are you saying you can see yourself marrying Harper someday even though you two aren’t together? And you wish right now she’d give you a chance at a relationship?”

Noah nods. “Absolutely to both of those. But we can’t always have what we want. Harper is a grown woman, free to make her own choices. I just hope she realizes this exclusivity can’t be forever if she’s never going to allow it to turn into a relationship.”

           I want to tell him I would let it. But the smallest part of me is refusing, and I don’t know why. There is something about calling Noah Adams my boyfriend that just doesn’t sit with me. And I don’t know what it is. I wish I did, and I wish I could fix it. But that’s just not happening.

           “What about you?” Chris turns his attention to me. “How do you feel about all of this, Harper? It sounds like you two like each other. I had no idea it was this serious with him. I’ve known you forever, and I figured it wasn’t, but I can see something in you that tells me I am wrong. So, Harper. Why aren’t you two dating?”