“What are your plans for dinner?” I ask while I finish buckling my belt. “I’m thinking Chinese. Would that feed you?”

She finishes putting her hair into a ponytail and bites back her smile. “I think you just fed me enough. And besides. An old friend is in town for a few days. I promised him I’d meet him at Michaels’s for dinner. We want to catch up on how things have been.”

I raise an eyebrow while trying to still be calm. “Him? As in an ex-boyfriend, not an old friend?”

She scoffs playfully and rolls her eyes. “Yes, Sir. Ex-boyfriend. But that’s all. He wants nothing else from me, and I want nothing else from him. And besides. It wouldn’t matter. You and I just fucked, but that doesn’t mean we are back together. I came here to give you five minutes to talk. You took twenty extra minutes, and instead of explaining yourself, you decided to punish me.”

“Don’t play that game,” I say with a serious tone. “You wanted this just as bad as I did. And you submitted it to me without any issue. You never should have done that if you weren’t going to be mine.”

She turns back toward me, quickly leaning in and stealing a kiss. She presses her finger against my chest, and her eyes widen with a serious look. “I’m nobody’s. Do you understand that, sir?”

Fuck! Every damn time she says sir it makes me aroused all over again.

I nod. “I do, but then what was that?”

She inhales a deep breath through her nose with a look of pleasure and relief filling her face. “That was me telling you how I feel. But I have never been anyone’s, and even if I get married in life, I will still be my person. No one will ever own me. Do you understand that? I will submit during sex. But I think the belt is going to go both ways. I cannot do that every time. It rocked my fucking world. But it was also terrifying.”

“You had plenty of options to stop it,” I interject.

“And I almost did.” She argues while placing her hands on my wrists. “But I didn’t. I let you finish. What I did while in that helpless submissive position was also a sign of dominance.”

My eyes narrow, and I slide my wrists down, slipping my fingers into hers, intertwining them. “How?”

Her lips curl to a quick smile, but just as fast, she removes that smile and gives a serious look. “I controlled my destiny. I allowed you to tie me up. Then I felt the belt and could have said no, but I allowed that. Then when I could no longer take it, I closed my eyes and told myself it was not that bad and to push through the fear. I did, and it gave me the strongest orgasm in my life. And not to mention. I could tell you were on the verge of coming, and I forced myself to hold off from coming so you didn’t come. Then I pushed the slightest bit to come and felt you blow off inside of me.”

My eyes wave with shocked excitement. “Has anyone ever told you you’re not only intelligent but a dominant person yourself?”

“You need to know one thing, Noah Adams. Whether this is goodbye between us or just a beginning. I will always be in control. I don’t like being submissive. You’re the first man I let be dominant over me. And I will allow it. But in my mind, I am taking control of how you dominate me. Don’t think you can ever tell me no. Even if I fell in love with you, I’d walk away from any man who tries to fully control me.” 

Well, that sucks. Ivy made me do the opposite. She wanted me to control her.

“I’ll never try to control you,” I say, feeling like I’m about to do anything to keep her.

I’m in fucking love with her! God damn it! I promised myself to never fall in love again!

My breath hitches, and my heart skips a beat due to what I know my mind is about to say. She looks at me confused. “What is it?”

I exhale a defeated breath. “Hypothetically speaking, what would be your response if I told you I was in love with you?”

Her eyes widen, and her breath hitches. “Don’t do this, Noah. I don’t know if I know what true love feels like. But I don’t think it’s this. Don’t tell me you’re in love with me. I don’t even know if I want a relationship with you.”

“You do,” I argue, my eyes pleading for her to stay with me. “You want this just as much as I do. That’s why you let me tie you up, and that's why you trusted me to wrap a belt around your neck. Think of how fucked up that sounds and you allowed it. I’m not saying you’re in love with me, but you want to be with me.”

“Today was just sex.” She argues, releasing her hands from mine. “I care about you. And I know I can have sex with you without feeling like I am tied down…” She pauses as she realizes what she said. “And you know what the fuck I mean. Not physically, or mentally. And could there be something between us, maybe? But right now, I just want sex.”

“I’ll take it,” I say, feeling some form of relief. “It’s exclusive, right?”

She nods. “Yes. But not an actual relationship. It’s just sex between two consenting adults who need each other for that sole purpose. But Noah. You have to be fucking honest with me. If you’re falling in love with me, you need to tell me. I don’t want to break your heart if this doesn’t turn into anything more. Because I don’t feel love. I feel lust.”

I nod in agreement, wanting to scream at the top of my lungs. But for now, we will start slow…kind of…with just sex. And I will find a way for her to fall in love with me. I almost don’t believe she isn’t already in love with me, and she’s just scared.

I swallow, nervous to even ask my next question. “Do you want to come over after dinner? Maybe watch a movie or something?”

“No.” She says sternly and shakes her head. “But if you want a drink, I will be at Michael’s bar and grill with Chris. You can introduce yourself as a very close friend. I don’t even care if Chris knows we are fucking. But it’s none of his business at the same time. You’re allowed to say things about me. But don’t make it sound like we are a couple.”

She’s so fucking confusing.

I force a fake smile. “Fair enough. I’ll let him know your beautiful ass is mine for sex only. Your heart is not mine…yet.”

           “Stop, Noah. I’ll see you tonight. And again, you don’t have to come. I’m just letting you know I’m not doing a movie with you yet.”

“You did say sex,” I argue with a smile.

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, and I get what you’re getting at. A movie is never a movie. It’s always sex. Goodbye, Noah.”

My heart sinks. “Why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye for good?”

She gives a half-smile and bites her bottom lip like she’s holding back from saying something. She raises her head, looking toward the ceiling. “No goodbye is ever goodbye for good unless you die. And besides…I would never have let you shove your finger in my ass if this was goodbye. Like you said, this is only the beginning.”

A few hours later, I couldn’t seem to grasp her thoughts, her words, her body. She’s so confusing. And that is why I am going to talk to my therapist.

“Doctor Roberts!” I acknowledge as I step into his office. “Do you have any time for me?”

His face lights up like a Christmas tree. “Do I have time for the very man who made this entire practice possible? Absolutely. Let me cancel my one o’clock meeting. I always have time for Noah Adams. Take a seat.”

“Thanks,” I say and slide onto the small couch.

He looks at me like he’s already reading me. “I’m sorry to hear about you and Ivy.”

“Oh, that’s old.” I’m quick to say. “It sucked. But I’ve moved on, and that is why I am here. I’m hoping you can help untangle these emotional wires in my mind and body.”

He looks confused. “Sure. What do you mean?”

I glance around his office like I’m nervous to say anything, and I don’t know why. “There’s this girl. I met her the night of my breakup. Nothing came of it. Then somehow, we became friends. Nothing came of that. Then, randomly, we slept together. That was it. Or so I thought it was. Then we stopped talking for a moment. Then it turned into me feeling like I had feelings for her. Then we slept together again, and I felt something even stronger. We argued she left, I couldn’t handle it, and now she’s back. I think I’m in love with her, but she’s claiming not to be in love with me…although I feel like she could be lying.”

He exhales an amused breath through his smile. “Okay, Noah. I’m going to talk to you as your psychologist and your good friend. We both know I am both.”

I nonchalantly nod. “I’m aware, Bryan. Tell me your honest opinion.”

“You’re a freak in your bed. And I’m guessing she knows that.”

I nod.

He scoffs with amusement. “Okay. She’s probably in love with you and scared. Or she’s in love with the sex but not you. It’s a tough call. I’d have to have her here and try digging into her brain to find out more. How much can you tell me about her, and how accurately can you place facial expressions from her in your mind and explain it all to me? I can do the best I can without meeting her. But you know that’s a hard one.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Good. Let’s get to work and see what we can find out. I might get it down to a ‘T’ and I might be able to shed some light on what’s going on between you two.”