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The alarm wasn't supposed to go off yet. To this day, I don't know why it did. But I couldn't care less. Not after what happened when it did. I used to love sleeping The bliss I used to feel as I drifted off into slumber after a long stressful day. More than anything, I loved to drift off to sleep with the most special person. My other half. My only reason for getting out of bed every day. I had always enjoyed a peaceful nights rest before my alarm would sound at 7:00 am each morning. This was my routine. Sleep. Awaken. Go about my day. Rinse. Repeat. I was content with this life. I would give anything to have such a mundane life like this back. But that's not possible anymore. My deepest fears are now where my peace used to reside. I can't sleep. I detest sleep. I am terrified by the prospect of slumber. I have been since that night. I have seen that night over and over again every time I close my eyes. I awaken in the same way every night. The same sound piercing my ears and jolting me awake every night. The sound I always hated being my lifeline for that night. The night my routine broke. The night my peaceful life ended. The night my throat burned and my wish, yet fear, for death would take over my existence. Every time I drift off to sleep, I awaken in a familiar place. All I can see is the darkness of my bedroom with the moonlight shining through the curtains. This did not bring me any solace, however, as I can never find any movement in my body. Call it what you will. An out of body experience? Sleep paralysis? Whatever it is, my eyes shoot open and I can only see to the door by my bed, unable to move a muscle of my body. I'm not supposed to be awake. Yet here I am, still as a log with my eyes focused on my door. The room is hot, sweat beading my face and staining my shirt. And at this point...I see her. Appearing from the bedroom door is a figure casted in shadows, not even illuminated by the moonlight. I cannot see any features on her. She's unrecognisable, and yet...she is the most beautiful figure I will ever see in my life. This beauty...this love I feel for her...is the nightmare that will haunt me until my grave. She approaches me, her fists clenched around a thick rope. I want to run. I want to scream. Hell, I even want to wrap my arms around her and hold her in a tight embrace in hopes that it changes her mind in what she is about to do. But I cannot move. I cannot speak. Any attempts I could make are halted when she climbs atop me and wraps the thick rope around my throat. Pulling its ends tightly. Gazing at me with her faceless expression as she only pulls it tighter and harder. It burns. I can't breathe. I can't pry it off of me. I can't even cry. I can't do anything. I can only feel the rope around my neck squeezing all the blood into my head and my body getting hotter and hotter. My neck feels as if it is bound to snap at any moment. All I want to do is fall into unconsciousness so that I do not have to feel such agony any longer. That is, until, I hear that familiar sound. My alarm. Its piercing sound shoots through my ears. Why it went off so early, I cannot recall. Was I so tired that I accidentally set it for the middle of the night rather than the break of dawn? I do not know, and quite frankly, I do not care. As soon as my alarm rings, a jolt of electricity shoots through my entire body and my movement is restored to me. Before I know it, I am fighting. I am screaming. The rope vanishes from around my throat and the figure atop me fades away. I cannot stop screaming. I cannot stop crying. The pain in my throat is still present and only intensifies the more I scream my lungs out. The room swallows me in its darkness until the light returns to me. I shoot up in my bed, gasping for air and clenching my aching throat. The fluorescent lights above me flicker as I look over to my bedside clock, erupting in an ear-piercing alarm and displaying the time. 4:00 am. The time I wake up every night following then. A nurse swings the door to my room open and gazes at me with concern, yet no surprise. This is a common occurrence every night. One I subject myself to every night, but is the only way I can possibly get a wink of sleep. I don't care what they advise me to do. I don't care if this is only traumatising myself over and over again. It's the only way I will ever feel safe sleeping again. This alarm by my bedside. This exact time. I have to repeat that night every single time I slumber. This is my routine. This is my lifeline. I can't ever feel safe in my sleep again, and that's how it as to be from now until the end. I refuse to allow myself to succumb to deep sleep. I refuse to be as vulnerable as I was that night. I refuse to trust anyone while I slumber. All I can do is awaken at the same time every night, even if it brings me back to that time. The time I accidentally set my alarm for that night when the woman I loved tried to kill me. Despite my slow recovery within this hospital, I still feel as close as ever to her. I have no idea where she is now. I have no idea why she tried to do what she did. All I know is the pain in my throat that will never subside, even after I am released. I still do not know why my alarm went off so early, but I can only be thankful that it did. If it hadn't... ...I never would have awoken ever again.

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Restless

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Restless 

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Restless

Elise_Gracie25

Elise_Gracie25

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Restless

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