Cody could feel the snow underfoot and hear the crunching noise he made as he walked towards the front door of the grand looking house in front of him.

As he approached the door, he could hear a lively party was going on inside the house involving lots of teenagers, based on the conversations and occasional shouts emanating from the people inside.

“Sounds like the party’s kind of wild,” Cody said to himself as he stood a few meters from the front porch in the snow, although as the thought went through his mind, he felt it was odd that he was not clear whose house or party this was, nor could he recall who had invited him to it. He knew for sure however this was not his house because his parents would never allow a 16-year-old like him throw a party like the one obviously going on right now.

Cody was undecided as to what he should do next when he suddenly heard a voice behind him say, “Hey Cody, my man, there you are.”

Cody turned and saw the voice was from another teenager like himself, but this kid appeared to be a hippie of some sort, complete with long shaggy hair, strands of colorful beads and an awesome matching head band and outfit made from a material that looked like sack cloth which had previously contained coffee or pinto beans.

The kid talking to Cody seemed to know all about him, but try as hard as he could, Cody could not place where he had seen this boy before. Sure, Cody knew for sure he had met this boy before but as to what the boy’s name was, how Cody knew him, and what the two of them were doing standing in the snow outside this house, Cody could not say because the mental shortfall he was presently experiencing.

“Cody…Cody dude it’s me Scooby,” the boy pleaded with Cody, “get your mind in the game man…it’s time to party! Are you ready for the party of the year?”

“Scooby? Yes hi…Scooby,” Cody responded to his enthusiastic friend as best he could through his foggy mental state, “hey look Scooby I think I better go home because I’m feeling sort of groggy…like I’m recovering from some sort of acid trip or something…I mean I’m not going to pass out or anything like that, but I can’t remember how I got here or where we’re at, or whose party this is…or anything.”

Scooby didn’t look or sound surprised at Cody’s pronouncement, instead he just said, “don’t worry Cody, everything is cool. The groggy feeling you have is from the drugs I gave you, and it will all wear out in about an hour, but in the meantime, you have no choice, in order to go home you have to go through the party house, so let’s go.”

“Wait, wait, Scooby you gave me drugs? Why?”

“I’ll explain later,” shouted Scooby over the din of the party as he dragged Cody by the hand over the threshold of the house into the party, “later bro but right now you’ve got things to do.”

Cody had to narrow his eyes because the light inside the house was intense. He found himself standing next to Scooby in the reception area of the house where exceptionally there were no other people except Scooby and himself. In the other rooms of the house, such as the dining room to their left, and also the sitting room to their right, Cody could see there were lots of people milling round, talking, drinking, and generally engaged in some sort of teenaged illegality.

Cody turned to Scooby but before he could say anything the other boy took him by the arm once more and dragged him into the sitting room. There on the floor, Cody saw a group of kids his age sitting, kneeling or laying around in a circle taking turns smoking from some sort of communal hookah in the center of the circle. Cody noticed right away that the smoke they were exhaling was purple instead of white, but the smell emanating from the hookah was perfumed and strangely pleasant.

“What’s that you guys are smoking?” Cody asked a girl closest to him.

“We don’t know but it’s awesome”, the girl replied, “do you want to try some it will totally relax you and make you forget everything that’s bothering you. It’s better than sex.”

Cody was intrigued and sorely tempted. He took the mouthpiece from the girl which still had purple vapour seeping from it and was about to put it into his mouth when he hesitated. Just at that moment, a thought came to Cody’s mind about the long hours he spent in the swimming pool training for his district championship and how they were on the verge of winning the state championships for the water polo cup they had been working towards. Cody stopped and wondered what was in the pipe he was about to inhale from and whether it would have health implications to himself, and right now at this point in his life, to his performance at the championship matches that he and his team would be engaged in next month.

“What’s the baby man?” Cody heard Scooby ask to his side, “take a whiff. What harm could it do to a jock like you?”

Cody put the mouthpiece down and shook his head. He thought about his parents and his coach, and he saw in his mind’s eye the faces of his teammates, and he walked away from the group in the middle of the room.

Cody was expecting Scooby to say something, but the other boy remained silent. Instead, Scooby took Cody’s arm once again and half lead him into the dining room where another group were engaged in some sort of game, gambling what sounded like vast sums of money on the outcome of every round.

On getting closer to what game the group were engaged in Cody could see it was a simple game of guessing where the queen card was after the dealer finished mixing five cards and then placing them face down on a glass table.

The dealer kept on shuffling the cards and then laying them face down in front of him on the table. Then one by one the others in the room would place money on the table and then point to where they said they thought the queen of clubs was.

As Cody watched what was going on a blonde girl stood next to him and whispered into his ear.

“The queen card is the third from the left”.

In the next moment, the dealer turned over the exact card the blonde had identified to Cody and it was indeed the queen of clubs.

“What…how did you know it was that card?” Cody asked the girl quietly.

“Not just me but everyone in the room knows except Wally who’s dealing and who’s money we’re all taking,” replied the blonde gleefully, “but don’t worry about that the idiot comes from a rich family and he’s always got more money than he knows what to do with.”

“Oh”, Cody replied, “but how are all of you able to tell which of the cards is the queen of clubs since they’re face down?”

The blonde suppressed a giggle at his question and involuntarily covered her mouth, “because Wally is the only one in the room to not realise that the table is topped with double paned glass which enables you to see a reflection of the faced down card if you stand at a certain angle over the table. Since Wally is seated because he’s dealing, he can’t see the reflection. But if you stand over him and the cards on the table when you place your bet, you can look down directly over the cards and see what they are from the reflection on the second pane of glass.”

“Wow” Cody remarked, “shouldn’t someone tell Wally? After all he seems to be losing a lot of money and this all seems sort of unfair.”

“Nah” the blonde replied, “Wally’s an asshole and a rich one to boot. He’s always showing off how much money he’s got at school and throwing his daddy’s money around into everyone’s faces, so, we all think this is karma at work here, so anyone’s not getting onto this gravy train is missing out unnecessarily. Talking of which you ought to pickup a few bucks since you’re here. Why don’t you get in line to place a bet with Wally?”

Cody was tempted, really tempted. He had been admiring the newest models of cell phones from Korea for some time, and the thought of getting enough to buy one of those with the winnings from just one game was very compelling.

He took one step forward to join the line of kids ready to take Wally to the cleaners, but he stopped suddenly in his tracks. Cody felt a sense that something’s wrong with all this; wrong in the sense of it being not right to take money using trickery instead of earning it; wrong because easy money gained this way was of questionable morality; and wrong in the sense of Cody’s sense that this was a trap of some sort.

‘No’, thought Cody, ‘something was not right with this so he should get out of this line’.

“So, are you going to bet or not?”

Cody looked down at Wally kneeling by the table. From his standing position over the table and looking down to where Wally was, he could see the blonde was right. Wally hand was flat on the glass top of the table, but Cody could see the lines on Wally’s hand well enough to give the kid a palmistry lesson. The face side of any cards laid down in front of Wally could be clearly seen by anyone standing where Cody was. For a moment, Cody was tempted, he even reached into his pocket to feel for any cash he was carrying, however his mind was made up and he said, “no I changed my mind”, and with that he shuffled away from the line of kids that had already built up behind him.

Cody moved to one side of the room and instantly Scooby was next to him.

“Hey man are you sure about this? It’s easy money.”

“Yeah Scooby, something’s not right with this so I’m not in.”

Scooby nodded without comment signalling his instant acceptance of Cody’s decision, and without any further delay Scooby took his friend’s arm and led Cody into the kitchen next door.

In the kitchen, Cody saw there was only one person in the room. A teenager slightly older than Cody and Scooby, with long messy hair that partially obscured his face, bent over a laptop on the kitchen counter.

“Hi Zack, how’s it going?” asked Scooby as the two entered the room, “you know my man Cody here?”

“Yep, I’ve seen his profile online before”, Zack replied laconically without bothering to look up from the computer screen of his laptop.

“Ok Cody this here is Zack. He’s known as “Zack the hack” because he’s a wiz with getting anything anyone wants off the internet,” Scooby said motioning in Zack’s direction, “for a fee Zack here can get you any thing off the web…like for example next weeks math test or the question paper for the acceptance exam for Harvard that you’re going to sit next month.”

“What!” said Cody who was both surprised and outraged, “how did you know I was sitting my test next month? Noone was supposed to know until the results were published. The whole thing was meant to be confidential.”

But before Scooby could answer Cody’s outburst, Zack said out loud whilst still not looking up from his computer, “everyone knows you’re down for the acceptance exams next month, its on the web and if its on the web it can be hacked. So, we all know you’re sitting that exam and by now it’s ancient history to those of us who are hackers.”

This left Cody nonplussed, and the teenager stood frozen in shock for a few seconds. Then Scooby spoke up and said, “you know Zack’s the man who knows everything on the web…including what questions you’ll be asked to get into Harvard, for a small fee of course.”

Zack the hack, whilst still not looking up from his computer, nodded in agreement with what Scooby had said but added laconically, “yes but use the word “affordable” instead of “small” Scoobs”.

“Okay, so how about it Cody? Do you want to pay Zack a few bucks for a sure ride to Harvard?”

Cody was really tempted by Zack’s offer, the essay he had to write for submission to the university along with his application had been one of the hardest things he’d had to write. So, the chance of knowing in advance what would be on the question paper ahead of time seemed such a relief from the anxiety he had been feeling with regards the whole college acceptance process for the last year. However, Cody felt the need for caution, as he knew that if he was caught doing this it would end badly for him.

Nevertheless, Cody was fed up with his year long effort to get into Harvard. So, he reached into his pocket and found to his surprise a wad of cash in it. Cody pulled out the wad and asked, “so how much do you want for a copy of the Harvard acceptance exams?”

Zack, still not looking up from his computer screen, reached out his hand and said, “what you’ve got there will do.”

Cody surprised at Zack’s response, because he had yet to count the money in his hand, put the wad of cash into Zack’s palm, and that was when Cody blacked out.

When Cody came to, he was on a medical gurney. He was in a medical gown, and he was lying down in a room full of a mix of computers and medical equipment. He reached up to touch his head and he discovered he had on his head a head piece from which there were a whole lot of electrical cables connecting his head piece to a bank of computers and monitors.

Cody felt a mixture of dizziness, confusion and panic.

“What’s happening? Where am I? what am I doing here?” Cody cried out to no one in particular.

“Hey, Cody, you’re back with us,” said someone behind him.

At first, Cody could not see who said that to him but as the figure approached Cody bedside his eyes adjusted to the light in the room and he could see to his astonishment he was being spoken to by Scooby, only the person standing before him was not sixteen but aged in his fifties and dressed in a white lab coat.

“Okay Cody, I know its kind of confusing right now but as soon as the drugs suppressing your short-term memories wear out, you’ll be back to normal.”

“Where am I? And who are you?”

“I’m Scott Bondy, the technician responsible for monitoring your progress whist you were in the simulator.”

“Simulator?”

“Sure, a simulator like the ones pilots used to train on in the old days when people still had to fly aeroplanes. Only to use this one we have to inject you with a mixture of drugs to suppress your memory, so you don’t know you’re in a simulator whist you are going through the program.”

“Why? Why am I going through this?”

“Its part of the process to get your T.P.C.”

“What the hell is a T.P.C.?”

“Your Teenage Passage Certificate of course. Noone gets to try for their adult qualification unless they first get T.P.C. first.”

Cody gave the technician a quizzical look and so the grown-up version of Scooby went on. “Years ago, it was discovered that nobody could remember or explain how to bring up teenagers anymore. The whole process of how you get teenagers through the critical years before they became adults had been lost, and no one had the time, energy or the patience to do it any more, so they wrote a program and built a simulator to get teenagers like you through your teenage years without any losses due to things like mental breakdowns, overdoses, or injuries brought on by road traffic accidents and so on. So, that’s why you are here, going through the simulator and trying to qualify for your T.P.C.”

As the drugs were beginning to wear out, Cody was slowly gaining back an understanding what had been going on. So, he asked, “how have I been doing?”

Adult Scooby looked down on his chart and pursed his lips, “Not good I’m afraid; you died three times smoking the purple hookah; you lost all the college funds that your grandma left you twice by falling for the glass table con, and five times now you’ve paid for a cheat sheet from Zack the hack for which you later got caught and was sent to prison. So, not good as I said.”

At this point, Scooby flipped over another page of the file he was carrying and gently shook his head.

“What tell me what you see,” pleaded Cody.

“Thing is you’ve still got a lot of rooms to clear in the house…like for example you’ve still got to get past the room with the gang of skinheads without being beaten to death, and then there the blonde with the big bosoms.”

“Gang of skinheads?! What? How do I get past that?”

“You get pass that one using a combination of quick situational awareness, as well as your skills in avoidance and negotiation…the solution was in chapter 7 of the textbook that you obviously did not read closely enough before you came here today.”

Cody looked down subdued as the drugs wore off and he recalled the contents of the cram session late last night. Then he asked, “wait what about the blonde? What is the lesson with her?”

“Oh her…,” replied Scooby, “she seduces you and from the encounter you catch Mark 19 syphilis which eventually leads to your long and agonising death in hospital.”

“What the heck is Mark 19 syphilis?”

“Don’t ask me man, I just work here,” Scooby shrugged, “that part of the scenario and segment of the simulator program came directly from the office of the archbishop. So, nobody here knows anything about that. We just run what we’re given.”

Cody on hearing all this was despondent and asked, “so, what happens now?”

“Well, now we have lunch and then after the required three-hour gap between sessions for administration of the required drugs before we go again,” Scooby said in an offhanded manner, “it’s a long day but you know the old quote, ‘you cannot learn men from books’ so cheer up because this all beats having to study for your qualifications like in the old days.”

Scooby looked over at Cody and could tell at a glance that the young man was not impressed.

Cody himself was not feeling too good. He felt a mixture of frustration, disappointment, and anger at his lack of progress. He also felt like quitting, going home, and retreating into the sanctuary of his bed.

Then, slowly and with great reluctance he disconnected himself from the wires, pipes and other paraphernalia of the simulator, to go to the lunchroom.

As Cody got off the gurney and shuffled slowly out of the simulator room, the thought going his brain was an echo of a thought that had gone the line of his ancestors reaching back to the beginning of time.

‘Being a teenager sucks.’

Teddy Kwan

@tklkwan

Windsor ON

Teddy Kwan has not written a story.