Life after losing yourself

“I have a dream” thought Arya to herself. She had been trying to figure out the exact moment she went from Arya the strong, brave, intellectual and became this shell of herself that allowed a man to abuse her into submission. During those dark moments alone- when all the thoughts came crashing into her mind like massive waves – it was her dream that kept her alive.

Her late partner, Mark, was dead. She had found him that morning in their basement cold and hard.Mark had taken his own life,in the early hours of the morning. An Overdose... Arya stood there, stunned, her emotions swirling in a chaotic storm. She felt nothing. Just an overwhelming numbness that left her hollow and drained.

For years, Mark had been the source of her nightmares. Their relationship,although once seemingly filled with love and fun, had turned into a prison of abuse and control. He had isolated her from friends and family, made her doubt her own worth, and regularly berated her in the hopes of making her feel her worst. Every day had been a battle for survival, every night a descent into terror as she anticipated the next outburst of rage.

But it was over now. The man who had tormented her was gone, and with him, the fear that had shadowed every moment of her life. Arya had spent the day in a daze, trying to process the news, trying to understand what it meant for her and her young son.

Kai was only four, a bright and curious child who had seen too much for someone his age. He knew that something had been wrong in their home, even if he didn’t fully understand it. He had witnessed the shouting, the slamming doors, the bruises his mother tried to hide. Aryas heart broke every time she saw the fear in his eyes, the way he flinched at loud noises or unexpected movements.

Now, as Kai slept peacefully in his room, Arya sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the small suitcase she had pulled out of the closet. The dream she had clung to for so long, the dream of leaving with Kai and moving to a place where they could start over, seemed more possible than ever. They were free to go and be free and Arya could finally pull herself up and be the women she always knew she was. She had always wanted to see Kai grow up safe and happy.

For years, Arya had fantasized about moving abroad, to a place where the past couldn’t reach them. Somewhere far from the memories that haunted every corner of their home, every street in this town. She had dreamed of Spain—she even went so far as to start looking into jobs there. She was on a mission.

Mark’s death was an unexpected catalyst, forcing her to confront the reality of her situation. She had nothing left to hold her here, she had friends and some family but – even many of them began leaving to fulfill their own dreams. She had been working for years to build clients that only needed her remotely – so she was confident she could start with that anywhere in the event finding local work took time.

Over the next few years, Arya moved through the motions of closing the chapter of her life. She packed up their belongings, sold what she could, and quietly made arrangements to leave. There were few goodbyes, and few tears shed for the life she was leaving behind. She had begun to reconnect with many friends and was doing far better in that aspect – but it was time to leave that place. So even though she was leaving many behind – she felt at peace because this was best for her and Kai.

Finally, the day came. Arya and Kai stood at the airport, the noise and bustle of travelers filling the air around them. Kai clutched her hand, his eyes wide with a mix of excitement and uncertainty.

“Mommy, where are we going?” he asked, his small voice barely audible over the crowd.

“To a new home, sweetheart,” Arya said, kneeling down to meet his gaze. “We’re going on an adventure, just you and me. We’re going to a place where the sun shines almost every day and where we can be happy.”

Kai smiled at that.

The flight to Madrid was long, but Arya spent the hours imagining their new life. She had rented a small flat in Granada, a place she had found in an advertisement while visiting the city earlier that year.

When they finally arrived, stepping out into the warm Spanish sun, Arya felt a wave of emotions crash over her. Relief, joy, fear—all mingled together as she took in the sight of their new home. The air was filled with the scent of flowers and fresh earth, the sounds of birds and distant chatter drifting on the breeze.

Kai ran ahead, his laughter echoing through the courtyard as he explored every nook and cranny. Arya watched him, tears welling up in her eyes. This was it. This was the life she had dreamed of, the life she had fought for. It wasn’t perfect, and there would be challenges ahead, but it was theirs.

Over the next few years, Arya and Kai settled into their new life. She enrolled him in a local school, where he quickly made friends despite the language barrier. Arya already spoke spanish ( although a different dialect ) and chatting with the friendly locals who welcomed her with open arms helped them both immenesely.

Each day brought new discoveries, new joys. The city was small compared to what Arya and Kai were used to, but it was full of life and warmth. Although Arya was a remote worker she began to volunteer with an animal rescue which allowed her to connect with far more people and expand her circle.

Mark’s memory still lingered, a shadow that occasionally crept into her thoughts. But it no longer held power over her. She had escaped, not just physically, but emotionally. She had found a way to heal, to move forward, to build a life that was hers alone.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in shades of pink and gold, Arya and Kai were sitting at one of their favorite restaurants playing cards and indulging in some of their favorite tapas.

“Mommy,” Kai said, his voice soft, “I like it here. Will we live here forever?”

Arya smiled, pulling him close. “Yes, cariño,” she whispered, kissing the top of his head. “We’re home now. We’re free.”

And as she watched the last rays of sunlight disappear behind the hills, Arya knew that her dream had finally come true.

loniese jones

@Isadoralives

loniese jones has not written a story.