The alarm wasn’t supposed to go off yet.

However she was used to seeing this time of the morning. She hadn’t slept.

Alcohol and Cocaine had become an apparent problem in her life as she was just trying to keep those demons at bay that had tortured her for years.

At first, it was fun and she used them to have a good time. Now she uses it as an escapism. A coping mechanism.

The truth is, the alarm was supposed to go off, like it does every morning. She quietly anticipates it. Breathing in the silence, the darkness permeated with her racing, suicidal thoughts. And she just lays there, hoping and praying that the children stay in bed that little bit longer.

The minutes tick by and it is now, when she is alone and has nobody else around her, that her minds starts to deconstruct all the thoughts, trauma and unwanted behaviour that she has endured throughout her life.

she mentally picks away, a silent tear rolls down her cheek. Her nose is blocked due to the copious amounts of cocaine she has used and then she breaks down uncontrollably. She weeps, big, ugly tears. Like a tsunami, they fill every crevice around her nose and the corner of her eyes. She wonders if she will ever truly break free from the grips of addiction, from the chains that shackle her to her trauma, from the people who hurt her and made her miserable.

She wonders if she will ever just be her again. Free and fun loving and a craving to take on the world.

And as she slowly drifts off into the darkness of her dreams, she prays that the alarm doesn’t go off, that she will never wake up.

Genna Dewhurst

@Genna89

England

Genna Dewhurst has not written a story.